Karna knelt by the bank of the stream and carefully arranged the stones and flowers.
Karna didn't actually want to be down by the river. He wanted to be beside Shirou, holding his hand and stroking his sweaty hair. Shirou was in a bad way and no mistake. Waver had explained it and Karna thought he grasped most of it. Shirou's body didn't understand that what he'd gone through was spiritual, not physical, and was reacting like it was an infection. The fact that the over-stressed mage circuits generated heat only made it worse. So Shirou's body was burning up and they had to keep that fever down, or it could kill him. Karna understood that all too well.
There was more though. The mage circuits also had to recover, or Shirou's ability to use magic could be crippled. Waver was sure he'd be fine, largely due to his age. Little children were very resilient and he said there might be some spiritual scarring, but it shouldn't be too bad. Karna hoped Waver wasn't lying to make him feel better. He thought Waver wasn't but sometimes, Karna was wrong.
Karna felt the adult approaching but didn't look up. He felt the brush of air, the rustle of clothing as Archer knelt beside him.
"Karna, you don't have to stay at the river all the time," Archer said gently but Karna shook his head.
"I do. I'm not getting anything from Shirou at all now. I have to drink from the ley line," he said and that was the ugly truth. Shirou was still his anchor in the world, so Karna could exist, but the ley line was keeping Gaia from erasing him. Even the little trickle of mana he'd gotten at the start was shut off, along with that one lonely mage circuit.
"You still don't have to stay here all the time. Food can help to support you," Archer said and offered him something. Karna blinked as he realized it was a fish pastry?
"I don't want a fish," Karna said, feeling like it would remind him too much of Shirou. Archer chuckled, softly and sadly.
"It doesn't taste like fish, it has sweet bean curd inside." …Sweet bean curd? That was something Karna had never tried. Tentatively reaching a hand out, Karna took the fish and bit into it. The pastry was very good, nice and flakey. The inside, when he reached it, was… odd. A rather strange texture but sweet. It would do and Archer was right, Karna should be raising mana with food too. He'd just been feeling bad and that made him lose his appetite. "Forgive me, what is this?" Archer asked and Karna looked up from his food, seeing he was looking at the rocks and the flowers.
"It's for the dead," Karna said after swallowing a bite of the fish cake. "This one is for Lancer," Karna said before gently touching the stones. He'd put them into a pattern that looked like a spear. "This one is for Assassin." His hand touched the other stones. Karna had done his best to make them look like a skull. He knew Assassin was dead, Archer had finished him off.
"I… why would you do this?" Archer asked and Karna thought he was unsettled by it. Karna hesitated before trying to explain himself.
"It's not because I miss them, because I don't really. I didn't know them at all although they seemed nice," Karna said, looking at the skull stones. Assassin had seemed nice. Karna knew better than to think he'd been a good person, but that was different from being a decent one. "It's just, we don't leave any bodies when we die. It seems wrong to not have anything at all," Karna said, struggling to articulate it. He would have felt so much better if there had been bodies to cremate or bury. Probably cremate, it was how his people did things and it would have been easy for Karna. "So I just wanted to make something for them. If they're watching, they'll know I'm thinking of them." Karna wasn't sure if the dead paid any attention but if they did, Assassin and Lancer could know they were being remembered.
"Ah, child," Archer was suddenly hugging him and Karna blinked, holding out the pastry so it didn't get any paste on Archer's shirt. Hmm, he needed to keep eating that. Karna stole a bite even as Archer ruffled his hair. "You must have lost so many."
"It's okay when people are old. It's only sad for the people who care about them, not for them," Karna murmured, remembering. The old beggar who'd taught him to fish and just gone to sleep and not woke up one day. It had been very peaceful. "When young people die, it's sad for everyone." That made him think of Lancer. He'd already been long dead but he'd still looked like a young man and Karna thought he'd figured out what he meant about his wish. He'd just wanted to live, and they'd taken that away.
"Mmm, that's true," Archer said before letting him go. He seemed quietly sad but Karna ignored it in favor of the pastry. It was helping already, he should have been eating all the time. Instead he'd been glumming around the river. Well, what was happening with Shirou would make anyone feel glum. "Karna, I… have something to tell you."
"Huh? What?" Karna mumbled as he stuffed the last of the fish in his mouth. It crunched nicely and he wondered if he could get another –
"My name is Arjuna." Karna froze as that name seemed to resound through his mind like an ancient bell. Arjuna. Suddenly, Karna felt sick. "I am your brother." …!
"I… we have the same father?" Karna asked, feeling leaden with dread. Archer – no, Arjuna shook his head with a small smile and Karna wanted to scream at him. Didn't he see?! "Mama…" Karna whispered, emotions long suppressed rising up in a painful wave. "…UWAH!" Karna shoved Arjuna away and then ran, ignoring his… his brother's call behind him. Tears blinded him as Karna ran wildly, unheeding of where he was going.
He just needed to get away.
hr
"KARNA!" Arjuna called, desperately following the child. He couldn't sense Karna at all but he was an able hunter and Karna was making no effort to hide his tracks. He was also showing no rhyme or reason in the direction he was running and Arjuna tried to figure it out as he chased after.
Of all the possible reactions he'd envisioned when telling Karna the truth, Arjuna had never imagined the child bursting into tears and running away. It seemed so unlike him, both child and adult. But when he finally found Karna, curled up in the roots of a tree and sobbing, the mystery was explained.
"Mama why… why…" Karna was rocking and Arjuna came to a stop, speechless. His brother's face was in his hands, his thin shoulders shaking and Arjuna knew he was still crying. "Why'd you keep him and not me? Was I bad?" …Oh dear gods. Arjuna swallowed hard, realizing he should have anticipated this. "Was it because I look funny? Mama I'm sorry… mama…" Arjuna couldn't take it anymore and reached into the roots, grasping one thin arm and dragging the boy out. Karna yelped and tried to fight him but Arjuna didn't allow it, pulling his brother tight to his chest. Perhaps sensing the emotion of the moment, in a fit of cosmic perspicacity, it began to rain.
"It wasn't you. It was never you. Don't think that Karna, please," Arjuna murmured, stroking that white hair as Karna shuddered, his shoulders heaving with quiet sobs. "Karna, you were the oldest. Mother had you when she was unwed and didn't know what to do. She made the easy choice and made you disappear." Arjuna was not willing to judge his mother for that. She had been faced with a very hard choice. But the fact remained that she'd chosen the easy path and it had cost her eldest son dearly. "Please don't blame yourself. It was never you." This was a huge difference between child Karna and adult Karna. Arjuna could see that. Child Karna imagined that he'd perhaps done something to earn his fate, make his mother not love him, while the adult Karna knew that was utter nonsense. Arjuna had no way to force him to realize that, though, so all he could do was give the child comfort.
The rain fell over them, a gentle drizzle that dampened hair and clothes. Arjuna closed his eyes, cuddling Karna as his shudders slowly eased. Then Karna pulled back a bit and Arjuna looked into his solemn face, the aquamarine eyes that were so young yet so old, at the same time.
"So we're brothers," Karna confirmed and Arjuna nodded. "I feel like that isn't a good thing," Karna said, staring into his face and Arjuna's breath caught.
"It… did not go well," Arjuna admitted. Although. "Largely because our mother did not tell us until it was too late." And not just her. Several people had known and not breathed a word of it. Although by the time Karna had died, Arjuna thought it had already been too late. "Fate…" A fated rivalry, a fated end. Karna's eyes suddenly flashed.
"Fate can go sit on a stick and die." What?! Arjuna let out an involuntary snort before catching himself. Karna smiled just a bit before his tone became stern. "I don't believe that fate is real. I don't want it to be real." Ah, child, those were two different things. To Arjuna, Karna suddenly seemed very young.
"I think perhaps we have broken our fate," Arjuna said, feeling a lightness in his heart at the thought. Karna shrugged, his vest moving. The rain had stopped, Arjuna noticed. How poetic.
"Maybe. I… remember something weird now though. I don't like it." Karna dropped his gaze before shaking his head. "It's not important." Arjuna frowned and gently touched his shoulder.
"Perhaps it is. Please, tell me," he invited and Karna hesitated a moment, before glancing up into his face. Then the child began to hesitantly speak.
"I remember… my chariot was stuck in the mud. Papa warned us about that, showed us all the ways not to let it happen, but sometimes it happened anyway." Arjuna swallowed. He knew where this was going. "I was trying to get it out. I had my hands on the wheel… it wouldn't shift, the mud was so sticky. It was like the earth was trying to grab me. Something hurt but I had to get the wheel out for my prince," Karna said and Arjuna thought the child was imagining a prince in his chariot. Ah, even now he didn't fully understand. "Then it was so weird… I moved but I didn't? I could see myself but I didn't look right and then I was falling?" …Oh dear gods was this what it was like to be beheaded? Arjuna felt frozen. He'd imagined death was instantaneous. "But I couldn't feel anything? All I could do was stare at the sky. And the sun seemed to get brighter and brighter and I felt like I was home." Karna looked up at him through damp white hair, his aquamarine eyes very solemn. "That's how I died, isn't it?"
"Yes," Arjuna said, swallowing. His mouth felt very dry. "You went to be with your father," he said, knowing it was true. After he'd died, Karna had joined with Surya, becoming one with the heavens. "I was the one to kill you. I am sorry," Arjuna said, meaning the words. Although he wasn't sorry for the man he'd killed, the brother he'd hated. He was sorry for the child in front of him who'd been given a life he didn't deserve, that had led to a cruel end. Arjuna blinked as a warm little hand slid into his.
"It's alright. It was all a long time ago," Karna said quietly and Arjuna gazed into his face, wondering if the could so easily put it behind them. "Arjuna… could we go home? You can stuff me with chocolates and tell me about my real family." …HAH!
"Alas, we have no chocolates. But I believe there are more fish cakes," Arjuna said easily and Karna made a small face – fish cakes were inferior to chocolate, period – but nodded his acceptance. Arjuna stood and Karna moved with him. "Let me carry you." It would be easier and Karna wouldn't have to use up any mana. Karna nodded, allowing Arjuna to pick him up. The boy clung to him again but this time the grip was firm and Arjuna evaluated Karna's mana reserves. Low, but he was in no danger of disappearing. More taiyaki would help with that. And perhaps tomorrow he'd stop at a shop and get Karna some chocolate.
His brother needed it.
Karna lay on the bed beside Shirou, just watching his Master sleep and thinking.
Shirou was getting better. The fever had gone down a bit and Shirou was shivering now. That was good, he'd just lay there like the dead before and Waver had needed to use enchantments to get him to eat. It had been creepy watching that, when Shirou opened his eyes and sat up in a weirdly lifeless way, eating his food like a doll.
Now though, it was really getting better. Shivering was good, it meant the fever was going down and Shirou could move a bit. Karna hoped that his Master would wake up soon. He missed Shirou terribly and wanted to talk to him about Arjuna.
Arjuna. That name still resonated through Karna's mind like a dark bell. Karna didn't want to believe that fate was a real thing but he was afraid it was, when he thought that name. Sniffling quietly, Karna tucked himself up beside Shirou. He was so small and fragile. Could they really do this? Or were they fated to die… like…
"Karna?" Karna went utterly still as he heard that soft voice. Lifting his head he stared at Shirou and saw his eyes were open. "So… cold…"
"It's okay," Karna said, knowing Shirou wasn't really cold, he was hot. Still, he tucked himself around Shirou's body, warming him the best way he knew how. Shirou coughed and blinked.
"Am I sick?" he mumbled and Karna shook his head. Shirou wasn't really sick, which was good at least. Waver had worried he might catch something on top of the mana strain.
"It was my chariot, I'm sorry Shirou, it took too much out of you…" Karna really felt terrible about that although he knew the chariot had probably saved Shirou's life. He was angry at Saber for clipping it but not too angry. She probably hadn't been able to see it behind Aruna and losing track of it in the battle, well, that was the sort of thing that happened. "You'll be better soon," Karna said and hoped he wasn't lying. Waver had said Shirou would get better quickly though.
"Okay…" Shirou mumbled before drifting back to sleep. As he did, though, Karna registered something. There was a thin trickle of mana going to him again. Very carefully checking the connection Karna realized that one, single mage circuit was active again. That was the one that was always 'on', which was pretty common for any magus, according to Waver. As he noticed that Karna felt a great relief. He'd tell Waver and see what he said, but Karna thought that one mage circuit being active really meant that Shirou was going to get better.
An hour or so later, Waver came to see them again.
"Karna? It's time to change Shirou," Waver said and Karna nodded. They had to change Shirou's clothes and the beddings, because of all the sweat. It wasn't good for him to lie in it. Then, though, Karna gave Waver a brilliant smile.
"Shirou woke up and I can feel mana from him again!" Karna whispered, gently letting go of Shirou. He didn't want to wake his little Master. Waver looked surprised, then smiled warmly, lowering his own voice.
"That's wonderful! Let's see if he'll wake up for this." To Karna's disappointment, though, Shirou didn't wake up when they gently peeled away the sweaty nightgown, dried him and dressed him in a new one. Well, that was alright, Karna could still tell he was getting better.
"Waver, could you help me with something?" Karna asked as they changed the blankets and made the bed. It was way easier with two people. Waver made an affirmative sound as the stretched the blankets out. "Archer…" No, that was the easy way out. "Arjuna told me the truth and we had a talk about my family." Knowing he had five brothers, all with different fathers, still didn't seem real to Karna. And he didn't want to hear about his mother at all. Karna had confessed to Arjuna that it hurt too much. "But um… I want to know him better." Arjuna wasn't that easy to know. He was kind of a bossy adult and had trouble getting past that, even though he was getting better. "Do you have any ideas?" Karna looked at Waver anxiously. The magus smoothed down the blankets, his brows drawn down in concentration as he thought.
"Well, Karna, big brothers love to show little brothers things," Waver said slowly and Karna nodded. That was true, he loved showing Shirou all kinds of things. "What could Arjuna show you?" Karna chewed his bottom lip and tried to think of something. "Arjuna knows how to play a flute, how to dance…" Karna didn't want to play a flute, he knew he wasn't good with singing. He wasn't sure about dancing, he'd never done it. "And of course he's an Archer." Karna suddenly froze as he realized.
"Oh!" How stupid of him! Karna had his little bow and he was alright with it, he could use it to catch birds and maybe kill a Master but was he as good as Arjuna? Not even close! "You gave me a great idea! Thank you Waver!" He would ask Arjuna to show him how to use a bow the right way, not just the few lessons his father had given him. Waver gave him a pleased smile.
"It's nothing. I love having the two of you around, you know. It feels so good, teaching little Shirou things," he said and Karna nodded. He'd seen how well they got along.
"You are a great teacher. You will be very important someday," Karna said, feeling it was absolutely true. A good teacher was hard to find. Waver went a bit pink and mumbled something Karna didn't hear. Then they were getting Shirou back into bed and as they pulled the blankets over him, Shirou moved, shifting into them and curling up. Karna heard Waver's relieved sigh at the sight and smiled. Shirou had lain so still before, it was great to see him moving.
Leaving the room, Karna went to find Arjuna. He was sitting on the back porch, in the lotus position, as he mediated. Karna hesitated, not wanting to interrupt but Arjuna opened his eyes and looked at him.
"Karna. Shirou is well?" That question made Karna brighten.
"He's doing wonderfully. He woke up and spoke to me and now I have a little mana from him again," Karna said happily and Arjuna looked surprised before smiling warmly.
"That is wonderful news. Would you like to join me?" he invited but Karna shook his head. He wanted to do something else.
"Can you show me how to use a bow?" Karna asked and Arjuna looked surprised. Holding a hand out, Karna materialized his little bow. It was a simple thing made of wood, small and easy for him to handle. "Father gave me this and taught me a little but I can't be anywhere near as good as you." He was good for a little boy but that was nothing compared to Archer. "Please?" Arjuna smiled, unfolding himself from his position and standing up.
"I would love to," he said warmly and Karna felt light inside. "We'll have to set up a target. Let me show you…" And then Arjuna was showing him how to set up a proper archery target, which meant they had to get some things. Karna was happy to work on it, his older brother showing him how.
It really did feel nice to have a brother.