It was evening at Southeast Manor. Priscilla Southeast was reading a paper. "Preston, I must say," she said. "The guest list for this year's party has so much diversity."
"Yes, a nice mix of millionaires and billionaires," Preston Southeast said.
"Now where the devil is Patterson?" Priscilla asked.
Patterson cleared his throat. "I'm right here," he said. He was already dressed for the party, wearing a black and white tux with a lakefoam green bowtie. "I know I'm not wearing seafoam green, but I figured lakefoam green is close enough."
"Oh, that's good," Priscilla said. "Now run along and make sure the quail bags are alright."
"You sure you don't need help in here?" Patterson asked.
"We're fine, Patterson," Preston said in a stern tone.
Patterson sighed sadly. "If you say so..."
Suddenly, the ground began to shake, while at the table, plates and utensils clattered. The Southeasts and their staff stared and gasped. "Oh no! It's...happening," Preston said.
Furniture and dinnerware flew at the unfortunate individuals present, while everyone either ducked or hid underneath tables. "This is a disaster!" Priscilla said. "The party's in just twenty-four hours!"
"Surely there's someone who can handle this sort of nonsense!" Preston said. He looked at a newspaper, noticing a particular headline.
Local Tomboy Catches Vampire Bat
Below the headline was a picture of Dana punching a giant vampire bat on the town clock tower. "And I think I know just the person..." Preston said, having an idea.
Over at the Surprise Hut, Dana was sitting in the living room watching TV, already wearing her sleepwear.
"You asked for it, you got it! An all-night marathon of Towards the Past on the Used to Be About Scyence Fiction Channel! Featuring all three classic movies and all twenty-six episodes of the not-so-great cartoon!"
"Be strong, bladder," Dana thought as the first Towards the Past movie started. She patted her stomach. "We're not gonna move 'till sunrise." But then...
"We interrupt this program to bring you breaking news."
"Aww, what?" Dana asked.
Marcus walked in. "What's wrong, Stargirl?" he asked.
Dana gestured to the TV, which showed Shandra Jimenez standing outside Southeast Manor.
"Tonight is the Southeast family's annual ball. While the local residence isn't allowed to enter, that doesn't stop them from camping outside as they try to see the ball from outside."
"Can someone please explain why people care about this?" Dana asked. "I'm missing the Towards the Past marathon!"
"Jennifer told me about this," Marcus said. "It's apparently the best party in town. Even she's interested in attending some day."
"In case you've already forgotten, Patterson Southeast is the worst," Dana said. There was a knock at the front door, prompting her to get up and answer it. "And that's not just jealousy talking. I'd say that to his face."
Dana opened the door, seeing Patterson. "I need your help," he said.
"You're the worst," Dana said without hesitation. She slammed the door shut and looked back at Marcus. "See?"
Patterson knocked on the door again, and Dana opened it reluctantly. "There's something haunting Southeast Manor," Patterson explained. "If you don't help me, the party could be ruined."
"And why should I trust you?" Dana asked. "All you've ever done is try to humiliate me and Marcus."
"Just name your price," Patterson said. "I'll give you anything!"
Marcus walked up to the door. "Hi, Patterson!" he said. "Excuse us!" He dragged Dana away by the arm.
"Dana, don't you see what this means?" Marcus asked. "If you help Patterson, you could get invited to the greatest party of all time!"
"What?" Dana asked. "Marcus, this is Patterson we're talking about!"
"Imagine, Stargirl," Marcus said. "The party is already going on when this average girl, all decked out like a princess, shows up late. All eyes are on her, even those belonging to the prince, who is so in love that he asks this girl for a dance. You could be living every girl's dream!"
"Still no," Dana said.
"You have to go!" Marcus insisted. "You're CinDanarella, and this is your chance to go to the ball!"
"Marcus, I'm not a princess," Dana said. "I'm sure there are plenty of girls who have that kind of fantasy, but I live in the real world. You know I have no choice."
"Don't you want one night of freedom?" Marcus asked.
Realizing that Marcus was right, Dana approached Patterson. "Fine, I'll bust your ghost," she said.
At Southeast Manor, a limo drove through the crowds as a butler pulled a lever to open the main gates and let it through. Two servants opened the doors to the house, letting in Dana and Patterson. Dana was wearing her plain light blue dress, sneakers, and hat, and she wore her hair down. She also had her bag of ghost-catching equipment.
"Welcome to Southeast Manor," Patterson said.
"Ah, if it isn't the lady of the hour," Preston said, approaching the two kids. "Hopefully you can help us with our little...situation, before the guests arrive in an hour."
"I'll do my best," Dana said.
"Splendid," Preston said. "Patterson, take our guest to the 'problem room', and, uh..." He looked back at Dana. "You're not wearing that, are you?"
"What?" Dana asked. "But this is the only dress I have."
"This is a formal event, Miss Pines," Preston said. "Formal wear only."
"It's okay, dad," Patterson said. "I'm on it."
One Makeover Later...
Dana emerged from a dressing room looking like a princess. She wore a bright blue butterfly gown and crystal high heels that had a golden butterfly on the toe sections. Her hair was curled and styled elegantly, and she had a small amount of makeup on her face. But despite all the fanciness, she didn't look happy at all.
"Geez, these shoes are hurting my feet!" Dana complained. "Who do you guys think you're impressing with this stuff?"
"Everyone," Patterson answered. He sprayed a small amount of perfume on each of Dana's wrists. "You wouldn't understand. High standards are what make the Southeast family great."
"Funny, I thought it was lying about founding the town," Dana said.
When Patterson showed Dana the right room, she opened a creaky door. The room had dead stuffed animal heads on the walls, paintings, a fireplace, and a lot of dark wooden furniture. The whole room was lit by the fireplace and gave it a dark reddish light.
"This is the main room where it's been happening," Patterson said.
"Yep, this looks like the kind of room that would be haunted," Dana said. "I wouldn't worry about it, though." She held up her journal. "Ghosts fall on a ten-category scale. Floating plates sound like a Category 1."
"So what?" Patterson asked. "Are you gonna bore it back into the afterlife by reading from that book?"
Dana held up a small, round bottle of water. "Just gotta splash this sucker with some anointed water, and it should be out of your obviously-fake blonde hair." She smirked.
"Excuse me?!" Patterson asked.
Suddenly, Dana's EMF detector started beeping. "Shh!" she said as she took it out of her backpack. "I'm picking something up."
Dana walked further into the room, stopping in front of a tall painting of a lumberjack over the fireplace. The device lost its signal for a moment. Dana tapped the device, and the signal returned. She looked back at the painting, and the lumberjack inside has disappeared.
"Uh, Patterson?" Dana asked.
Patterson screamed as blood dripped from above. He gasped and looked up. Blood swell from the mouths of the stuffed animal heads on the walls. Dana and Patterson shout as the fire burst out of the fireplace.
"ANCIENT SINS. ANCIENT SINS. ANCIENT SINS."
Books, furniture, and antique weapons flew around Dana and Patterson, and the chandelier above crackled dangerously. "Dana, what is this?!" Patterson asked.
"It's a Category 10," Dana answered, dropping the bottle of anointed water in shock.
"ANCIENT BLOOD AND BLACKENED SKIES. THE FOREST DARK SHALL ONCE MORE RISE."
"What do we do, what do we do?!" Patterson nervously asked.
"Don't worry," Dana said. "It can't get worse than this!"
As if on cue, the fire flamed up again, and Dana and Patterson hid under a table while a giant black skeleton emerged from the fire. A body formed around the skeleton of an enormous lumberjack with a beard made of fire and an ax in his head. "I smell...A SOUTHEAST!" he exclaimed. A larger ax materialized in his hand, and he began dragging it along the floor. "Come out, come out, wherever you are..."
"Hurry!" Patterson said. "Read through your dumb book already!"
"I'm looking!" Dana whispered, flipping through her book. "And it's not dumb, okay? This book is gonna save our lives! Alright, here we go. Advice..." She held her portable black light over the book.
PRAY FOR MERCY!
"Seriously?!" Dana asked.
The table float out from over them, revealing them to the ghost. They screamed. "YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE COME HERE!" the ghost said. He sliced at them with the ax, and they dodged.
"This way!" Patterson said. "Hurry!"
"I'm trying!" Dana said as she and Patterson fled down the hall. "It's hard to run in these shoes!"
Patterson led Dana down a decorated hallway as party guests began to arrive. As they ran past a doorway, a young baron named Marius von Fundshauser saw them. He started to wonder who that mysterious princess dressed in blue was...
"Hurry!" Patterson said. "Through the garden! Watch out for peacocks!"
Dana, still looking through journal, hit a peacock as she and Patterson ran through the garden and back inside the manor. "Come on, come on-" She found the right page. "I got it! Haunted paintings can only be trapped in a silver mirror." She looked ahead of them. "Look! There's a silver mirror right there!"
Dana and Patterson ran towards a pristine white room, where a large, rectangular mirror hung on the rear wall. But then, Dana felt a hand touching her shoulder, stopping her before she could enter. She turned around, only to see the young baron.
"Guten tag," Marius said. "I am Marius von Fundshauser. Who are you, young princess?"
"Are you serious?" Dana asked, not knowing who this foreign boy was. "I'm kind of busy at the moment."
"It does not seem like you are busy," Marius said.
"Come out!" the ghost called out from a distance.
"I don't have time for this!" Dana told Marius, backing up.
Dana stumbled around due to her heels, causing her to fall through a painting of a skeleton in a crown and robe into a dark, dusty, cobwebbed room. Curious, Patterson walked in, with Marius following him.
"What is this place?" Dana asked, getting back on her feet.
"That's weird," Patterson said. "I don't even know where this room is."
"Hopefully the ghost doesn't either," Dana said.
"Ghost?" Marius asked. "What ghost?"
"Maybe we're safe," Patterson said, agreeing with Dana.
Suddenly, a sheet behind Patterson seemed to come alive, reaching out to swallow him. "Patterson, watch out!" Dana exclaimed.
Patterson screamed as the sheet fell over. "YOUR FATE IS SEALED!" the ghost exclaimed. He pursued Patterson, knocking over a box of silver dishes, utensils, and other objects, including...
"A silver mirror!" Dana said.
Patterson ran, but he tripped over a loose floorboard. "PREPARE TO DIE, SOUTHEAST!" The ghost exclaimed. He raised his ax and charged at Patterson. But then Dana dashed in front of Patterson, holding the silver mirror. In a flash of light, the ghost was gone.
"Did you get him?" Patterson asked. He and Marius looked at the mirror, still held by Dana.
"NO!" the ghost exclaimed from inside the mirror. "FREE ME!" He pounded on mirror's interior.
"You did it!" Patterson cheered, giving Dana a hug.
"I do not know what just happened," Marius said. "But I must say, I am impressed with your bravery, Princess..."
"It's Dana," the 12-year-old girl said as Patterson released his grip on her. "Dana Pines."
At the Southeast Manor garden, Preston and Priscilla Southeast met up with Dana, while Patterson and Marius stood nearby. "Well, Patterson, you really found the right lady for the job," Preston said.
"We can't thank you enough," Priscilla said.
"Hey, just doing my job," Dana said. She turned to leave.
"Wait, leaving already?" Patterson asked. "You're at the world's best party, dummy."
"Ya," Marius said. "I wish to get acquainted with you, Princess Dana."
"I'm not exactly a formal party person," Dana said bluntly. "Besides, I've got a Category 10 ghost to dispose of."
At the outer garden, Dana smiled. Maybe Patterson wasn't that bad of a guy...
The ghost laughed from inside the mirror. "What are you laughing about?" Dana asked. "I defeated you."
"You've been had, young girl," the ghost said. "You remind me of the people who built this manor a hundred and fifty years ago."
"What do you mean?" Dana asked.
"One hundred and fifty years ago this day, the Southeasts asked the lumber-folk to build them a mansion atop the hill," the ghost explained. "They were told t'would be a service to the town, that once a year they would throw a grand party, and all would share in the bounty. It took years of backbreaking labor and sacrifice, but when it was time for the grand party they promised the common folk of the town, they refused to let them in. That was when a mysterious woman came, calling herself the Guardian. Seeing the broken promise, she told the Southeasts that in one-fifty years, if the gates are still closed to the down, the entire Southeast family will pay. It was curse passed down until this day."
"So, wait a minute," Dana asked. "The Southeasts knew this haunting was coming, and they tricked me into helping them to avoid ghostly justice?" She paused. "I'll be right back."
In the manor interior, Preston was greeting the 102-year-old town mayor. "Thank you so much for coming, Mayor," Preston said. "As a sign of our respect, please take this chimp servant. Keep him away from bright lights, he gets...grabby."
The mansion main door opened, revealing Dana. "Southeasts!" she exclaimed. "You've got some explaining to do!"
Patterson dashed in from another room. "Dana, you came back!" he said happily.
"You lied to me!" Dana said. "All of you did! All you had to do was let the townsfolk into the party and you could've broken the curse! But you made me do your dirty work instead!"
"Look at who you're talking to," Preston said. "I'm hosting a party for the most powerful people in the world. You think they'd come here if they had to rub elbows with your kind?"
"My kind?" Dana asked. She looked at Patterson. "I was right about you all along. You're just as bad as your parents. Another link in the world's worst chain!"
"I'm sorry, they made me do it!" Patterson said, but Dana didn't believe him.
"Enjoy the party," Miss Pines," Preston said. "It's the last time you and your kind will ever come."
Dipper glared and walked away, still stumbling around thanks to her heels.
Outside the mansion, Dana was about to exorcise the ghost. "Exodus demonus," she said in a bored tone. "Spookus scarus. Aintafraidus noghostus-"
"Dana, Dana!" the ghost said from inside the mirror. "Please let me invoke the Guardian's curse on the Southeasts! You hate them as much as I."
"Hey, I feel you," Dana said. "It's just that you seem a little unstable."
"Very well," the ghost said. "Then...before you banish my soul, may these tired lumber eyes gaze upon the trees?"
"Uh... I guess," Dana said. She held the mirror up to the forest. "Go nuts."
The ghost cackled madly and the mirror became red-hot. Dana dropped it as it burned her hand, and it shatterd on the ground, releasing the ghost back to the mansion. She gasped, realizing she made a terrible mistake.
Inside the manor, Preston was addressing the guests. "Thank you all for coming," he said. "I think we can all say this party was a rousing success. "A toast! To our family name-" Suddenly, his glass shattered. "What?!"
The ghost emerged from the fireplace. "GENERATIONS LOCKED AWAY, HER REVENGE SHALL HAVE ITS DAY!" Glowing beams extended from his arms.
"Ah, the grim reaper!" the mayor said. "I'd been wondering when you would arri-" The beam hit him, turning him into wood. He fell over.
Guests began running and screaming in every direction. The ghost fired more beams at everyone he can see. Dead taxidermy animals came alive and advanced on the guests.
"Preston, what are we going to do?" Priscilla asked.
"Prepare the panic room," Preston answered.
The front doors flew open, revealing Dana. She was shocked at what she saw. One of the guests reached out towards her. "Please, help me!" he begged as he turned into wood.
"JUST ONE WAY TO CHANGE YOUR FATES: A SOUTHEAST MUST OPEN THE PARTY GATES!" the ghost said. That gave Dana an idea.
Sure enough, Dana found Patterson in the secret room. "Patterson, there you are!" she said. "The ghost is turning everyone to wood, and he just started rhyming, for some reason? I need your help!"
The blonde boy didn't respond. "Patterson?" Dana asked.
"You wanna know why this room was locked up?" Patterson asked. "This is what I found in here. A painted record of every horrible thing that my family's ever done. Lying, cheating..." He sighed. "And I thought my parents pretending I don't exist was bad enough." He took off his cufflinks and threw them at a painting of Preston and Priscilla.
Dana was shocked. "Your parents pretend you don't exist?" she asked.
"It's not like you would understand," Patterson said.
"But I do," Dana said.
Patterson snorted a laugh. "Seriously?" he asked. "But you're Dana Pines, the tomboyish supernatural-fighter."
"But back in Piedmont, I'm...someone else," Dana said. "Marcus was always the favorite, receiving gifts on birthdays and Christmases, eating delicious food... But me? I have nothing. My bedroom is completely blank with the exception of a bland bed with a ratty pillow and a holy blanket." She wiped away a forming tear from her eye. "'Dana' isn't even my real name. It's just something Marcus calls me."
"I'm so sorry," Patterson said. "I wish there was something I could do."
"It's okay," Dana said. She sighed. "Look, I'm sorry about what I said earlier. But just because you're a Southeast, it doesn't mean you have to be like your parents. It's not too late."
"IT'S TOO LATE!"
"Oh no!" Dana said.
Dana and Patterson ran into the main hall. "You are all wood!" the ghost exclaimed.
Sure enough, all of the guests had turned into wooden statues. Dana looked determined and started to approach the ghost. "Dana, wait!" Patterson said.
Dana picked up a silver platter. "Alright ghost, prepare to get-" An energy beam knocked the journal out of her hand, and she dropped the platter. "No, wait!" The ghost fired a beam that hit Dana. "No no no!" she exclaimed as she was transformed into wood. "No, someone help! SOMEONE HEEEELLLLP...!"
Patterson gasped. A grandfather clock chimed midnight. "A FOREST OF DEATH, A LESSON LEARNED, AND NOW THE SOUTHEAST MANOR WILL BURN!" the ghost said as the manor was on fire.
Patterson walked over to the lever to the manor gates. "Hey, ugly!" he called out. "Over here! You want me to let in the townsfolk? 'Cause I'll do it! Just change everyone back!"
"YOU WISH TO PROVE YOURSELF?" the ghost asked. "PULL THAT LEVER AND OPEN THE GRAND GATE TO THE TOWN! FULFILL YOUR ANCESTORS' PROMISE!"
Patterson looked at Dana's wooden statue, and he pulled the lever. Outside, the main gate swung open, admitting the citizens of Gravity Falls. "YES, YES, IT'S HAPPENING!" the ghost said. "The Guardian's curse is finally broken!"
The guests and manor itself fade back from the wooden forms. Dana inhaled sharply as she was changed back to normal.
"Patterson Elliot Southeast, you are not like the other Southeasts," the ghost said. "You might be the family's last hope for a bright future." He faded to nothing, the ax in his head falling to the floor and sinking into the ground.
There was a rumbling noise, and the doors of the manor burst open as the people of Gravity Falls entered the party. To Preston and Priscilla's surprised, the guests welcomed the town locals.
Dana walked over to Patterson. "This is great," she said, looking at the happy townsfolk.
"Enjoy it while it lasts," Patterson said. "Next year I'm sure my parents are just gonna lock everyone out again."
"So... What now?" Dana asked.
"There are two options," Patterson said. "We can either enjoy this party, or we can watch all three movies and all twenty-six episodes of the Towards the Past series. I know that sounds a bit nerdy, but it's a really cool franchise."
"Seriously?" Dana happily asked. "You like Towards the Past? It's my favorite franchise of all times!"
"Then what are we waiting for?" Patterson asked. "We have a marathon to watch."
But just as Dana and Patterson were about to head upstairs, hushed voices were heard.
"Is that Dana Pines?"
"It can't be her! She's too beautiful!"
"I never saw her like that before."
Sure enough, all of the town locals were looking at Dana. She blushed, realizing that Marcus was right. She was CinDanarella, and she needed to attend the ball.
"I think we have time for one dance," Dana said.
"If you say so," Patterson said. And with that, he held Dana's hand and led her to the dance floor.
But as Dana danced with Patterson, Old Woman McGucket watched them from a corner of the room. She plucked the now-fixed laptop from her incredibly long hair and opened it. The screen showed what appeared to be a countdown, showing a few days until whatever was coming.
"Just a few more days until he finally comes," Old Woman McGucket said. "I hope the young girl will be ready for his return."
Behind Old Woman McGucket was a tapestry. It depicted a triangle eye which looked similar to Bill Cipher in the sky above a burning landscape and cowering figures. Below the worshippers were skulls and bones lying on the ground.