Good Intentions

Charlie gets the Arrival DLC mission pretty much right after Horizon (which went somewhat worse for her and Kaidan than it was in-game), and she's determined to complete the mission to prove to the galaxy that she's not working for Cerberus.

"Are you sure about this, Commander?" Joker asked, eyeing Charlie from the corner of his eye. "You don't have the best history with batarians."

"No shit."

"And we won't have comms. Without the Normandy in the system—"

"Relax, Joker," she huffed, crossing her arms over her chest. "You're going to be right outside the system, and Garrus assures me the secure messaging channel he set up won't be detected by the batarians. So if shit goes south, all I have to do is send a quick SOS, and you can fly in and save the day."

"And if you can't send a message because you're dead?"

"I don't die so easily… not anymore, at least. Cerberus made sure of that," Charlie said, pursing her lips together. Shifting her weight, she furrowed her brow as she stared out at the stars past the front of the ship. "Besides, if you really think I'm going to let some batarian asshole take me down in some hidden, underground prison, you really don't know me as well as I thought you did."

Joker sighed. "Shepard."

"Joker."

He shot her a look and she rolled her eyes. "Hackett said Dr. Kensen found proof of a reaper invasion. If I can get my hands on that proof, everyone will see that I'm just trying to stop the reapers."

"And by everyone, you mean Kaidan," Joker drawled. "You do remember that you told him you were working for Cerberus, right?"

"No," she protested. "I told him I wasn't working for Cerberus and that I was just using them, but he insisted that I was working for them… so I told him he could go off and tell everyone that, since that's what everyone believes anyway." Charlie huffed and shook her head. "If I can complete this mission, he and everyone else in this fucking galaxy will see that I'm not working for them."

"Okay. But you also said he's better off hating you." Joker raised an eyebrow at her. "This doesn't sound like a plan to make him hate you." Charlie glared at him, and he lifted his hands up in a defensive position. "What? Your words, not mine."

Taking a deep breath, she pulled her gaze away from the pilot and looked back out at the stars. "I don't have to make him hate me, he already does," she said quietly. Her mind flashed back to the look in Kaidan's eyes during their argument on Horizon, and the betrayal she saw there. He'd never looked at her like that until then, not even during the numerous times she treated him like shit before she died. Charlie forced the thoughts of Kaidan and the disaster that was their relationship—not like they'd even had a relationship to begin with—out of her head. She had a mission to complete, and she needed to stay focused. "Look, this isn't just about him. I'm trying to stop the reapers," she added.

"Sure," Joker said sarcastically.

"Okay, some of it is about him. But can you blame me? You heard our conversation on Horizon."

"I wouldn't call it a conversation."

"Exactly," she muttered, bristling. "It was a fucking mess. Everything he said… I'm not a traitor, Joker. I need him to see that I didn't betray him or the Alliance, whether he hates me or not."

Sighing, Joker pressed a few buttons before him. "Yeah, I get it." The ship dropped out of FTL, and Charlie could see Aratoht in the distance.

"Well, we're almost there, so if you don't mind, I'd rather stop talking about my shitty personal life and instead focus on the fun I'm about to have," she droned. "Shooting batarians has always been a favorite pastime of mine."

"Ha. Very funny."

Charlie flashed him a quick grin before turning to leave. "I'll send an encrypted message when I find Dr. Kenson and we're on our way back."

"Aye, aye, Commander."

— .. — — .. — — .. — — .. — — .. —

3 days later…

"What the hell happened out there, Commander?"

Charlie pursed her lips as she stared up at Admiral Hackett, a frown plastered on his face. "What have you heard?" she asked tentatively, unsure of what information already reached him.

"All I know is I sent you out there to break Amanda Kenson out of prison, and now an entire system is destroyed," he replied, his voice firm. "I hope you can fill in the leap of logic between those two events."

Sliding off the bed in the med-bay, she took a deep breath and resisted the strong urge to glare at Hackett. She shoved the datapad with her report on it into his hands.

"Kenson was indoctrinated," Charlie began, watching as Hackett started to look over her report. "She was saying a bunch of bullshit about how the reapers were the galaxy's salvation. Her and her henchmen captured me, sedated me, and then held me against my will for two whole days while they waited for their reaper overlords to show up—through the Alpha relay." Hackett returned his gaze to her, one eyebrow slightly raised. "When I got free, I did what I had to do in order to stop the reapers, since your friend sure as hell wasn't going to do it."

Lowering the datapad, the admiral placed his hands behind his back. "And you believe the reaper invasion really was a threat?"

"Absolutely. If I had waited any longer to destroy that relay, the reapers would be here right now."

"I'm sure all the details are in your report." Hackett sighed. "I won't lie to you, Shepard. The batarians will want blood, and there's just enough evidence for a witch hunt. And we don't want war with the batarians."

"What exactly are you saying?" she asked, narrowing her eyes, her stomach dropping.

"You did what you did for the best of reasons, but… there were more than three hundred thousand batarians in that system. All dead."

"And what I did saved trillions of lives!" she barked back immediately. "Yeah, it was a heavy price, but it was worth it. Any sacrifice is worth stopping the reapers."

"I happen to agree with you," Hackett stated, remaining calm. "I'm sorry those batarians lost their lives, but someone has to make the difficult decisions that get people killed."

Don't I know it, Charlie thought to herself, shifting uncomfortably on her feet.

"Unfortunately, not everyone will see it that way."

"And?"

"Evidence against you is shoddy, at best. But, at some point, you'll have to go to Earth and face the music." Hackett paused, giving her a pointed stare. "I can't stop it… but I can and will make them fight for it."

"Are you fucking kidding me?" Charlie burst out, taking a step closer to him. "I stopped a reaper invasion—again! They should be thanking me, not putting me up on charges!"

"It's not a matter of preference, Shepard. You'll be a convenient scapegoat for avoiding open war."

"Of course I will," she drawled. "I've got the perfect history for it and everyone thinks I'm working for Cerberus… hell, they'll probably think I jumped at the chance to do it for Cerberus." Sighing, she rubbed her eyes before focusing on Hackett again. "The fallout from this is going to be worse than fucking Torfan."

"You can handle it," Hackett stated.

She glared at him. "Thanks, that's so helpful," she said, sarcasm seeping into her voice. Hackett shot her a look before turning to leave the med-bay, and she frowned. "I can't just surrender myself to the Alliance right now. I'm kind of busy trying to stop the Collectors, since, you know, no one else seems to give a shit about all the human colonies going missing. I have a mission to complete."

"Do whatever you have to do out there," Hackett said over his shoulder. "But when Earth calls, you make sure you're there with your dress blues on, ready to take the hit." Turning to face her, he handed her the datapad he was still holding. "In the meantime, you keep this. I don't need to see your report to know you did the right thing."

"Yes, sir," she said with a curt nod, taking the datapad from him.

"You've done a hell of a thing, Commander." Hackett inclined his head to her, and she stood up straight, saluting him. He saluted back, and then made his way out of the med-bay and off the Normandy.

Charlie took a deep breath, leaning against the bed behind her, the events of the last couple days ruminating in the forefront of her mind. She pulled herself together and walked to the cockpit, plopping down in the co-pilot's seat next to Joker.

"You really can't make this shit up. I try to do something good, and instead I end up destroying an entire system. I bet everyone's going to start calling me 'the Butcher of Aratoht' now, too," she muttered.

"The 'Butcher of Bahak' has a better ring to it," Joker tossed back, and she shot him a glare, the grin immediately falling from his face.

"This whole thing is a fucking mess. And don't you dare say, 'I told you so.'"

"I wasn't going to."

"Good, because despite the complete shitstorm I caused, I still stopped the reapers. If I hadn't gone on this mission, they'd be here right now, and those batarians would be dead anyway." All 304,942 of them, she mentally added, swallowing hard past the knot in her throat. Joker went to say something, but she cut him off. "I'll stop distracting you. I'm going to go think… and drink."

Standing up, she released a wary breath and started for the elevator.

"Commander…"

"She whirled around, quirking an eyebrow at Joker. "Yeah?"

He hesitated a moment, and she narrowed her eyes at him, waiting for him to speak. "It's okay to feel bad about those batarians," he said quietly.

"But I don't. I'm a ruthless, coldhearted, bitch who does whatever it takes to get the job done, regardless of how many lives it costs, remember?" she drawled, frowning. "It's what I do best."

"Shepard."

"What? It's the truth! I told Hackett I would make whatever sacrifices were necessary to stop the reapers, and I would. I would do anything to stop them," she started, her voice wavering. "Sacrifices are necessary. I feel like shit every time I have to sacrifice innocent lives for the greater good, but it's always necessary. No one ever seems to get that."

"We have your back," Joker offered. "We know you did what you had to do."

"I know… and I appreciate it." Charlie sighed. "But it's not you I'm worried about," she mumbled. "Its everyone else… and…"

"Kaidan," Joker muttered, his gaze dropping from hers while he struggled for words. "He'll understand."

Rolling her eyes, she crossed her arms over her chest. "Yeah, sure he will. This will just convince him I'm a horrible traitor working for Cerberus—if he even manages to believe that I'm actually me."

Joker shook his head. "He knows you, Shepard."

A small flicker of hope ignited inside her as she considered Joker's comment, and she remembered something Kaidan once said to her.

You've made mistakes, but so has everyone else. They don't make you a bad person.

Kaidan always knew the right thing to say when she was feeling down, and he always believed in her, no matter what she did.

"Maybe he will understand," Charlie grumbled.

"See, problem solved!" Joker chirped, earning himself another glare.

"I said maybe."

"It's not a no."

"And I'm leaving now," she announced. "Have fun sharing the cockpit with EDI," she said as she walked off, smiling to herself when she heard Joker curse under his breath.

When she got to the elevator, her omni-tool beeped, and she brought up the display, a new email in her inbox. Her brows drew together when she saw it was sent to her old Alliance address—an address she hadn't used since before she died. Her heart skipped a beat as she read who the message was from, and she immediately punched the button for the first deck, tapping her foot while she waiting for the elevator doors to open again.

The moment they did, she stalked to her desk and sat down, bringing up her inbox on her private terminal. She stared at the preview of the email, her throat tight as an empty feeling settled in the pit of her stomach. Cursing herself for being unable to open the damn thing, she got up and grabbed a bottle from her stash of booze and took a deep swig of the drink without even looking at which bottle she'd grabbed. She brought it back to her desk and took another drink as she sat down, then placing the bottle on her desk beside her private terminal. Charlie took a deep breath and tried to steady herself before she finally opened the email and began to read.

From: Kaidan Alenko
To: Charlotte Shepard
Subject: About Horizon…