Chapter 10: Principle of Uncertainty (Part 2)
As she walked down the halls in search of her daughter, she wasn't even sure whether or not she wanted to find her. She needed to know where she was, but she didn't want to talk to her right now. Emotions were too high, things were too chaotic, and she had every worse case scenario running through her mind.
The conversation she was about to have was not going to be easy. She was going to tell her the details of what was happening, everything that she wanted to hear: the truth. There was a pretty big chance that after Louise heard everything she'd regret asking, but she couldn't stand the thought of her thinking she was being shoved away from everyone because she didn't know what was really happening. She told her herself that she didn't want anymore false hope.
The second she caught sight of her, sitting outside of her father's room on the floor with her knees pulled up to her chest, she paused. Her world was falling apart around her, and that meant that her entire family's lives were all crumbling around them too. She had to keep in mind that a child would have no idea how to deal with that and that she would have to set aside her own feelings for a little while, no matter how hard it was.
"Hey sweetie," she gently started.
Louise looked up to her, wiping away at the tears to try and hide the fact that she had been crying. "What do you want?" She sniffled.
"Ya mind if I sit down?" She asked, as she went to sit beside her.
Louise didn't even bother to glance at her. All she wanted was to get this over with and move on. She wanted to go home and curl up in bed and try to sleep. At least if she were in her room she could try and pretend that her dad was just down in the restaurant working late and that Gene had just fallen asleep already in his room. She never fully believed herself when she tried to do that, but it was nice to think that the little delusion she was trying to create might be possible.
"The truth is, I don't know," Linda sighed.
"I don't know what I'm gonna do. I don't know what I'm going to do if your father dies or if Gene dies, or if both die. I have no idea how I'm going to support you kids or how I'm even going to get through the nights alone. If Gene does live, he might need special care for the rest of his life, same with Bob. I don't know how I'm going to pay for any of that. And the person that shot your father is still out there, possibly wanting all of us dead. And getting help might involve getting arrested."
That was the first time that she had gotten the chance to voice her concerns. It didn't do anything, but it still helped, making her feel as though a weight had been lifted off her shoulders.
"I'm scared to death and I have no idea what I'm gonna do," she admitted.
Never had she felt so hopeless. All she wanted to do was cry, but the tears didn't even seem to want to come. Linda was too emotionally drained to react to anything properly. Her head went back to lean against the wall, her eyes closing for a moment.
"This is the worst part though, I can tell ya that," Linda added, trying to offer some comfort. "That's how it was with Danny. Every time we came to the hospital I would worry about handling this and that. It's the uncertainty that kills you. Because once you actually get there, you handle it better than you'd think."
Louise looked over to her. The things she just heard, they should have scared her. Her words should have struck some nerve, but they didn't. Somehow, it was everything she had already known and she was okay with hearing it. In a way, she was oddly relieved to know that she wasn't being dragged along in this fight to pretend that everything was going to be okay no matter what. She was able to finally start bracing herself for the worst.
"We could move, pay off some guy to give us all fake IDs, change our names. Tina and I will help with the funeral. I'll get a job as soon as I can, but it'll be a few years."
Louise didn't really know if she believed any of that would work And she didn't think her having a job would help all that much. She mainly just wanted to prove that she wouldn't break and that she would help.
The line of suggestions took Linda by surprise. She didn't think that Louise would just get up and walk away, but she did not expect the support she'd just received. They couldn't be used, and Louise most likely wouldn't be able to help her go through with those tasks if it came down to it. That wasn't what mattered though. It was the sentiment behind the words, the fact that she wanted to show her she cared. That was the important part and it helped her more than the child would ever know.
"Thank you honey," she weakly stated, trying her best to give her a smile. "But let's not get ahead of ourselves, alright? Let's just take everything as it comes."
There was something else that had been bothering Louise, something that she wanted to know. What if this happened to Tina too? What if something happened to Linda? She wanted to know what she would have to do at that point. It just wasn't the right time to ask though, so she bit her tongue and sat back against the wall.
"Okay," she replied, defeated.
Maybe it was best to just try to not think. To just try and forget the rude awakening, the cruel reminder that anything could happen at anytime and that you could lose someone in seconds. Danny was the perfect example, he died and no one mentioned him ever, there were no pictures on the walls. He might as well have never existed. To Louise, that was scariest lesson to learn, that after you die, there really could be nothing left. She wouldn't just be losing a brother or a father, but everything that came with their presence, the simple little reminders that they were once alive.
"Do you have any pictures of Danny?" She blurted out. It might not have been the right time to ask, but she at least wanted some assurance that her parents didn't try to completely forget about him.
Linda didn't even stop to question why she'd asked. There was one that she carried around with her, secured in a wallet flap that she kept in her pocket.
"Yeah," she answered, retrieving the item. "It's the last picture we got of him before he got real sick."
Louise took the picture and studied it. It was worn, one of the corners folded, the color slightly faded. Linda sat there, her arms wrapped around Danny's body as he stood in front of her, laughing. It looked as though she were saying something to him. Bob sat beside her, staring the camera, it was clear the flash had took him by surprise.
"Wow," Louise replied, not sure of what else to say.
Linda nodded, her eyes glued to the picture. "That's one of the only ones of all three of us," she mentioned.
Louise didn't even respond. It was weird, looking in apart of something she didn't even think existed. There was another member of their family that had been kept secret. And the entire time, her mom had been carrying around photographic proof and no one noticed. There were times in which her and her siblings would go through their parent's room looking for gifts and such, and never once found a trace of Danny. The lengths they had gone through to try and keep him from coming up in conversation were somewhat impressive, if not sickening.
"Your dad named him, I wanted to name him Jamie, but he just couldn't allow that to happen," Linda added.
"Jimmy was already across the street?" Louise flatly questioned.
"Yeah," she answered, a small smile finally tugging at her lips. "I knew he wanted to name him Danny. I didn't much care for the name, but it was sweet. I couldn't be too mad at him."
Linda just looked to the picture, a small bit of happiness filling her heart as she remembered. It was a tiny distraction from the storm raging around her. It had been so long since she really took that picture out and looked at it. All this time she had been afraid to see his little smile, scared of how it would affect her. Turns out it was something she's needed for a while now.
Oooooo
Tina walked down the hall, trying to remember that night, what the fight had been about and why she had been scared. There were a lot of things that she had faint little pieces of, times where Louise was sick at night, times where she would have to stay with relatives or have Mort come over and watch them. There was a time period in which things were weird, people were missing, mainly her parents.
Everything was starting to come back to her. It was surprising how much she could recall when she tried, the nights where she would wake up and freak out because she had lost her pony, coming home from school and Gene greeting her with an attack hug, just random bits and pieces of her life.
She was supposed to have stayed back in the waiting room just in the nurse came with some news, but all of these new little fragments of images were troubling her. Something about what Louise said had triggered all these little meaningless pictures, things that she hadn't thought about in years. She felt as though she couldn't rest until she figured out what it was she was trying to remember.
"What are you doing here?"
Tina stopped in her tracks, looking over her shoulder. She knew who it was before she looked, but it was so shocking to hear such a familiar voice in a place like this.
"Hey Jocelyn," she flatly greeted, turning to fully face her.
Her and Jocelyn weren't the greatest of friends, but she was a lot nicer to her than Tammy was. They never had any real issues with each other. They just never really talked. Now however, any form of meaningless small talk was welcomed. She needed a small distraction to keep from going insane.
"My step dad's getting operated on," she explained. "He has like a gall bladder or something."
"I see," Tina replied.
"I know, it's gross right?" She asked. "So what are you doing here?"
"Oh uh, same," she answered, hoping that Jocelyn wouldn't stop think about it.
"Oh my God, I'm so glad I'm not the only one," she stated.
"Yeah, it's, not," Tina quietly started, but decided that it wasn't worth trying to explain. The last thing she needed was for Jocelyn to go back to school and start telling others about what was happening.
"Are you staying here all night?" Tina asked, wanting to change the subject.
"No, my mom just wants to stay until the surgery's done and then we're gonna go get Chipotle to celebrate," Jocelyn answered.
"Hey Tina!"
Tina twirled around to see Zeke and Jimmy Jr. walking up towards her. Part of her was glad to see Zeke there, but Jimmy Jr.? He wasn't supposed to be there, he wasn't even supposed to know anything was wrong, although considering his brothers were in Louise's grade, they all probably already sensed something.
"Hey Zeke," she nervously greeted, then turned to his friend. "Jimmy Jr." She coldly said.
"Hey Tina," he awkwardly replied.
"Oh my God, do your dad's have gall bladders too?" Jocelyn questioned.
"What?" Jimmy Jr. asked.
"No they don't," Tina explained for them.
"Oh," Jocelyn stated.
Zeke went ahead and stepped forward towards Tina and grabbed her arm. He had known that something must have been wrong when she wasn't answering her phone and she wasn't home. She had told him everything that had happened and decided to go looking for her. He and Jimmy Jr had been out for a few hours already, this was one of their last attempts at finding her.
Now that he knew where she was, he wanted to pull her aside and see if everything was okay. Finding her should have offered some relief, but seeing her here only made him more nervous. Clearly she wasn't the one in need of medical attention, but there could be someone after her family, something could have went wrong with Gene.
"What's going on?" He asked.
Tina could see the genuine concern in his eyes, it was comforting to finally have that from someone who wasn't involved, who wasn't too busy to stop and see if she was okay. She didn't even say anything, she just leaned forward and wrapped her arms around him.
"You want to come back with me? The four of us could have some fun. I have some stuff that might take your mind off of things," Zeke offered.
"Okay," Tina whimpered, her voice muffled by his jacket.
"Come on guys! Let's go back to my place!" Zeke called out.
He then pushed Tina back away from him, his hands still firmly on her shoulders. "You okay with that? If not, we'll blow 'em off. No big deal."
"It's fine," she sniffled. "Let's just go."
She actually did want everyone there. It would keep her from wanting to talk about everything, it would give her the best distraction that she could get right now. And Jocelyn and Jimmy Jr were two people that she hadn't really talked to in a long while. It would be nice to catch up with them, sort of.
"Alright! Let's go have ourselves a party!" Zeke announced, wrapping his arm around her shoulders and beginning to guide her down the hall.
Oooooo
The four teenagers sat down in the basement of Zeke's home. Smoke filled the air as some guitar solo dragged on from low quality speakers. Jimmy Jr. and Jocelyn sat on the couch as she shared a cozy chair with Zeke, each of them with half filled beer bottles in their hands. The others were talking about something, but she wasn't sure of what it was, her mind was too hazy to comprehend.
The intoxication was comforting. It offered a sense of nihilism, a reminder of how small she was in this nonsensical equation. She was nothing more than that fifth number after the decimal point that could be dropped. Most people would have an issue with that realization, but to her it meant that she could do anything and it wouldn't matter. The end of her path would be the same as everyone else's, death. That was it.
"If death didn't exist do you think we would do absolutely nothing because we'd know that tomorrow's guaranteed?"
"Whoa," Jimmy Jr. replied, staring wide eyed as he began to fully consider everything she's said.
"I'll take that," Zeke said as he reached over and took the bottle from her. He knew that wasn't the exact cause of her thought process, but it couldn't be helping.
"One time my grandma told me that you never really die if you live in people's memories," Jocelyn stated. "I don't think that's possible yet since we can't live in brains, but it might work someday. I don't know, she was on a lot of pain meds too."
Tina just looked to her, knowing there was some truth behind what she was saying. She began to wonder who that was supposed to comfort. The person facing death? Sure people will remember them, but it doesn't really keep them alive. And it wasn't all that comforting to the people losing someone. If anything, the memories seemed more toxic to her. The memories were going to be the reason her family fell apart, the reason her parents would never truly move on from Gene, and the very reason she herself would be forgotten.
She was already being shoved off to the side. Linda and Louise were still back at the hospital, probably. There was a chance they knew of her absence, but it weren't as though Linda were making the effort to keep track of her. They were both too busy falling apart to really notice what was happening. Now they also had secrets apparently. Then Bob was always gone, always stressed.
The real twist of the knife was the fact that everyone was there for Bob and Linda. They made damn sure to take care of each other in the best way they could. They never told anyone what was happening with Gene, and no one asked, but people were figuring it out. In turn, others would give them discounts on things and make sure not to mention Gene to them, to respect their wishes. She could see the pity in their eyes every once in while when certain people would pass by the restaurant. Even Jimmy was making sure to bite his tongue a little.
When they were done keeping each other in check, Louise was the next in line. Everyone worried about her, even she was extremely worried about her. She was very vulnerable and she had a way of escalating things. So she understood why her parents wanted to keep a close eye on her.
But what about her? Bob and Linda had apologized to her and Linda did try and make up for the neglect. It just hurt that it was still something that was happening. She wasn't even mad, just upset. It was making her feel like she was the only one that didn't matter in any of this.
"Like a ghost that won't let you sleep at night," Tina stated.
"Everything alright, Tina?" Jimmy Jr. asked.
"I don't know," she honestly answered.
Zeke slowly reached over to Tina's pocket and retrieved her cell phone. He wasn't wanting to get rid of her, but he thought that maybe she needed her mom to come get her. Things were worse for her than he knew and he just didn't see himself as being one to help.
"Hey, I gotta use the bathroom. I'll be right back," he said, assisting her off his lap.
As soon as he was out of earshot, he took the phone and started going through her contacts until he found her mom. Something was wrong and he clearly wasn't the one to be handling this right now.
"Hey, Mrs. B? You might wanna come and get your daughter," he said as quietly as he could get away with.
Oooooo
Linda walked her daughter up the stairs, making sure to hold onto her shoulders and keep her from falling. It took everything within her to keep from screaming at the girl, asking her what the hell she thought she was doing. The only reason she wanted to restrain herself was that she knew why, she knew exactly why she had done what she did and she knew that if it weren't for her and Louise she would be out doing the same thing. That, and the fact that if Linda had been paying more attention, Tina wouldn't had gone, she wouldn't have needed to.
Everything lately seemed to be her fault. Maybe there wasn't an exact problem here, perhaps it was just her that was the issue. She was the one missing signs in her children, not knowing when to take one to the hospital, not knowing when the other one isn't even there. Her husband could be dying and she would have no idea who did it or why. She was allowing her entire family to fall apart around her.
"Come on, Tina, just a few more steps sweetie," she urged her.
"Uh, mom? Maybe we oughta get her to the bathroom," Louise suggested, seeing Tina begin to heave.
Linda quickly caught what Louise was saying and hastened her pace. "Alright, Tina! Come on!"
Louise slowed as she watched her mom rush her sister into the bathroom and shut the door. She could hear Tina getting sick and Linda trying to soothe her. It was a surreal thing, the scene before her. Tina wasn't like this, she didn't go out and do this sort of thing. But here she was, doing everything no one ever thought she would, just like the rest of them.
Tina was the one that Louise thought would be okay. She was the one that was supposed to not break, the one that was supposed to stay good and not resort to just not caring. It was jarring in a way to see her act out like this.
She went and sat down on the couch, staring at the blank TV screen. There was no real way for her to process everything that had happened, everything that she had heard. All she knew was that things were going to be different, and she was going to have to accept that no matter what. Whether both family members got to return home or neither of them, there would be changes.
In a way, she had gotten to the point where she welcomed change. Everything had been so sad lately, so depressing and discouraging. It was getting harder to remember exactly how things were before all of this happened.
Linda walked into the dark room, pausing a second to decide whether or not she should tend to Louise or go back and check up on Tina who was most likely passed out by now.
"You okay?"
"Sure," Louise responded.
She didn't even know if she was okay. What was okay anyhow? Holding yourself together? Having a positive outlook? Truly believing that things might be okay sometime soonish? Or was it simply existing in such a way that you weren't entirely broken enough to simply stop?
Linda went and sat down beside her, blankly staring. "Thanksgiving's soon."
"I know," Louise replied, not sure what to say to that.
It was something that had been on both of their minds. In two weeks they should be gathering around the table, pretending to care as much about the day as Bob does. It was going to be especially hard on him, not being able to really celebrate, knowing that his son should be there. It was concerning.
"What are we gonna do?" Louise questioned.
"I don't know," Linda reluctantly answered.
"Linda Danielle Belcher and Norma Louise Belcher," Tina called out as she stumbled into the room. After she had been sent to bed, she couldn't allow herself to sleep it off. She was too worked up from earlier and needed some answers before she lost it.
Louise carefully watched her sister as she made her way to the bookshelf where she steadied herself. "Hey, maybe you oughta cool down a bit there," she suggested.
"No!" Tina argued. "I have some questions and I want you to answer those questions."
"Sweetie, I…" Linda started, slowly beginning to stand and approach her.
"Who was Danny?" Tina demanded, cutting her off.
She didn't care to hear about how she should calm down or how she didn't need to know. That was done and over with. There was something there, something she could barely remember and it was disturbing her, confusing her and making her question things. It was also one of the subjects separating her from everyone else here and she wasn't about to put up with that anymore.
Linda sighed. She never acknowledged it, but she knew that this day would come, where eventually everyone would know what happened. It wasn't realistic to think you could simply erase the existence of someone. And in a way, she was glad that her children were finding out, that way the memory of their sibling would live on. He wouldn't be this secret they kept locked away in the closet.
"I'll tell you about Danny, okay? Just not right now, you're too upset and a little too drunk."
"No!" Tina argued as she slightly backed away from her mother. "I'm tired of being the only one not knowing stuff. I mean I'm pretty sure I'm the only one here who can't play an instrument but this is different. You two are excluding me because I have no idea what you're talking about."
Tina wobbled a tiny bit as she pushed herself away from the bookcase and stepped forward. "I just wanna be included," she added, her voice small and fragile.
"He's our brother," Louise said, making sure to answer before Linda.
Linda didn't want to tell her about Danny, and she understood why, but she couldn't stand to see Tina this way. Besides, she hated keeping that sort of secret, it felt as though she were ashamed of him, and she didn't even know him.
Linda glanced back to Louise. She wasn't mad at her, but she really did not want that coming out tonight. She wasn't in the right mindset to talk about it and Tina wasn't even near the right place to hear it.
"What?" Tina asked, not even sure she heard Louise correctly.
Silence fell over the three of them as Linda and Louise both searched for the correct words, the best way to go into detail about everything that happened. Both of them were afraid to tell her certain details about the whole thing, the whens and whys. Tina was in a rather fragile state and this was possibly too much for her, she would take in the information in the wrong way and draw all the wrong conclusions.
"Mom?" She asked, turning to Linda.
"Daniel Jamie Belcher. He died when he was two," she explained.
"When did he die?"
Linda sighed, her shoulders falling. Telling her that he died fourteen years ago wasn't going to be so bad, not until Tina started asking questions. That was the part that she wanted to avoid. "He died right before you were born, sweetie," she gently answered.
Tina just stood there for a second, not truly processing the fact that she was hearing about a dead sibling. It just didn't feel so serious, so real yet. She never knew him, so there was no real attachment and she wasn't sober enough to feel the full effect of the news.
"How?" She questioned, her voice sounding less severe now that she was finally getting some answers.
"I'm not sure. The doctors never found the exact cause," she explained. "He uh, he was going through the same thing that Gene's going through right now."
That was the second that all three felt a small chill in the air. It was something that had been stuck in the back of Louise's head ever since she'd heard what happened, but she never wanted to say it out loud, nor had she heard it stated just like that. It hit her weird, more harshly than she originally expected.
"Gene's gonna die?"
Linda hesitated to answer. She had just gotten done fighting with Bob over pulling the plug and she wasn't sure she was ready to have this discussion all over again. At the same time, there was still that glimmer of hope, that feeling that they might be able to celebrate Christmas with him this year. Letting go of that optimism would be hard, and telling Tina the truth felt as though someone were tugging it away from her, forcing her to accept what could be sooner than she had anticipated.
Then again, she wasn't all that sure how she felt anymore. Sometimes she was sure she was as prepared as she could be for the worst, others she felt numb, then other times she felt as though there was no way that Gene couldn't come home. It was all so back and forth, it was beginning to drive her insane.
"I don't know," she replied.
"How long did Danny live before dying?" Tina cried, starting to panic.
The question was harder to answer than it should have been. So much had gone on - the complications prior to the coma, the on and off illnesses that seemed to linger, the multiple trips to the emergency rooms.
"He never was healthy," she answered, her eyes beginning to water. "We ended up pulling the plug on him after he'd been in a coma for months."
"That doesn't help!"
So what if he was never healthy? So what if he was doomed to die quickly? That didn't mean that Gene would be fine. What mattered was how long he was able to live comatose before succumbing to what it was that eating away at him. How long did they have before they had to give up hope? How much time did she have to prepare? To brace herself for the very worst?
"It means Danny had a higher chance of dying!" Louise interjected. The more she thought about it, the more that she herself saw a true difference. She had caught a few exchanged phrases between her parents, how rough things were right away, how Linda was surprised she managed to not miscarry him. "It means it's not the same."
Danny had a higher chance of dying. Those were the exact words Bob had used when she had been feeling guilty.
Hearing them didn't change anything. It was just a fact, like telling someone that fire is hot and water is wet. However, knowing that fire is hot shouldn't keep you from saving your child from a burning building. And yet, that was supposed to comfort her? Knowing there was a reason to give up? Being told that he might have died anyways? No, that wasn't how this worked.
If Danny had died on his own, then he died. That would have been it. It still would have hurt and she still would have never gotten over it, but at least she would have some comfort in knowing that she wasn't the one who killed him, that they tried and they gave him the time he needed. This though, this wasn't fair.
"I'm trying to tell you that he didn't die! I pulled the plug! We didn't have the money and I couldn't handle it anymore! We had one kid getting ready to die and another on the way! I didn't know what to do so I gave up and killed him, alright? I killed him!"
Linda was about to get all worked up, anger pulsing through her veins, her face hot and red. But the rush was just that, a quick crash of the emotions that swept through, leaving her tired.
"I killed him," she flatly repeated.
Tina froze, watching as Linda just walked out of the room. She had turned into a zombie, moving as she had shut herself down and changed over autopilot.
"I don't think Gene's gonna die," Louise stated.
She wasn't sure why she said it. She herself was starting to try and get herself to accept the fact that he might not come home. In coming to terms with that, she had to convince herself that maybe his chances weren't all that great. If they were, she wouldn't need the preparation. There wouldn't be this ominous feeling that fell upon her every time she passed his room.
"Really?" Tina asked, quickly turning her attention to her sister.
Louise hesitated before answering, thickly swallowing. "Yeah," she forced herself to say.
oooooo
A gun, a picture, and a baby's hat. All three items were laid out before Linda as she sat on her bed, locked in her dark room. Silent tears fell from her eyes as she tried to stop thinking, to stop remembering. All she needed was some clarity of sorts, to know the reason that this was all happening. Everyone around her was suffering.
Her eyes wandered to the picture. It was the one of her and Bob together outside the city hall, happily married. That was back during a time in which they had everything to look forward too, nothing bad had happened yet. They were still full of excitement and joy. Now all they had was this lurking feeling of doom with every choice they made, trying to weigh which consequences would be the easier ones to manage.
Then again, things were never easy for them. The morning of their wedding was spent sitting in the bathroom, Bob trying to help her get ready as she was getting sick. He was holding back her hair for her and doing whatever he could to try and make her feel better as he continuously apologized to her because she wasn't about to let anything stop them from getting married that day. Then that night she constantly reassured him that it was okay that they didn't get a honeymoon, that they had to work that night. She made sure that he knew she loved him no matter what. That day was the summary of their entire marriage. Nothing ever went their way, but they got each other through it.
Now though, she didn't think she could do it without him. She would, because she would have too, she understood that, but it wasn't fair. It wasn't fair that someone could just stroll into their lives and steal him away from her like that. Bob wasn't pronounced dead yet, but her luck lately hadn't been so good.
There was this feeling that she couldn't shake loose, something was wrong and she wasn't sure what it was. There was this impending doom. It was quite possible that it was nothing, just paranoia setting in with everything that had been happening lately. However, there was a chance that it was something worse, something darker…
She didn't want to go there right now, she couldn't afford to. She was expecting a phone call from someone, waiting to hear about her options. All she wanted was to make sure that what happened to Bob wouldn't happen to the kids. That was the priority.
The second that the phone began to ring, she snatched it and answered. "What do you know?" She inquired, holding back the mixture of fury and desperation clawing at her skin, begging to be released. No matter what she was about to hear, she had promised herself that she wasn't about to lose anyone else, more than enough had already been taken from her and she was going to be damned if anyone thought she was about to sit back and allow that bastard to think he could get away with this.
Oooooo
Bob's eyes fluttered open, the fluorescent lights from above blaring and burning. A slur of voices surrounded him.
"We had no choice, Norma! We could have lost both of them!"
Turning his head to the side, he saw a blurred image of his dad grabbing onto his mom's shoulders. Norma was sobbing, Robert yelling. He wasn't sure what was going on, but he knew it was bad. He could feel it in the pit of his stomach.
"There's always a choice," she wept.
Turning his head to the other side, he saw a path, a dirt road leading into a dark forest. His parents conversation grew less and less coherent as he sat up and focused onto the little boy. He looked a lot like Gene, yet a little more like Linda. He was smiling as he poked his head out from behind one of the trees.
Hopping off the bed, he started towards the little boy, only to wind up chasing him. The further they went into the forest, the darker it grew. It wasn't scary though, it was soothing. There wasn't anything to fear.
"Come on Daddy!" The little boy called out.
Bob stopped dead in his tracks, his body going numb. He wanted to run to him, hug him as tightly as he could, he wanted to collapse and sob, he wanted to find a way to contact Linda so she could share in this, but he didn't want to risk losing out on his chance. He wanted to do everything at once.
As happy as he was to finally see Danny, all the guilt he had choked down years ago came back to the surface. Sure, he had some understanding that this wasn't real, that Danny was dead, but it felt real and he couldn't help but feel as though this was Danny's way of coming back to him and making him face what he had done.
"Don't be sad, Daddy," Danny said, his tone turning solemn as he slowly approached him. "It was just a game, I wasn't really running from you."
"That's right, I'm sorry," Bob replied, still trying to sort everything out in his mind.
"It's kay, we can't play anymore anyways," Danny told him before stepping forward and wrapping his arms around him. "Marie says that you can't join us yet."
Marie. She had been on his mind a lot lately, yet never discussed. She was the secret that he kept under lock and key, a name that could make him feel guiltier than ever, and quite honestly, the only reason he was alive. No one who knew her ever mentioned her around Bob. This was the first time in years he had heard anyone speak her name.
"Yeah?" Bob questioned, attempting to keep his composure. "Did she say why?"
Danny shrugged. "She said we're too busy welcoming someone else. I think his name is Gene."
The second that Gene's name had said, he began to tremble. They were welcoming Gene, they were taking him away from them.
"What?" He would have shrieked, but his throat was too dry and tense, it came out more like a whimper.
His fingers combed through his hair and took hold, eyes bulged as they began darting around and searching for some sort of proof that maybe Danny was wrong. He had no idea what exactly it was that he needed to see, but he was going to find it.
"Hi dad!"
Bob looked up and saw Gene standing in the distance with a little girl, waving at him. His heart skipped a beat.
"NO!" He cried.
"Gene!" He yelled as his eyes flew open.
He wasn't in the forest anymore, Danny was no longer with him. Bob was awake now. "Gene?" He called out, his heart pounding in his chest so harshly that he swore he could hear it.