Chapter 10 – 250 Hours
Maura could not remember the last time she was this nervous while standing in front of a door. Despite other people's experiences – she didn't feel the stress of tests. She studied hard, did her best, and that was enough to get her to graduate egregia cum laude from every school she went to that allowed her to take on a schedule that was more rigorous than usual, or summa cum laude from those who didn't.
Standing here, now, in front of this door was different. She could hear the TV playing, Jo Friday's high pitched barking, and a lower voice that could only belong to Jane.
She raised her hand to knock, but found that she could not complete the motion, and her hand remained hanging in mid-air. She could not pretend that this past few weeks didn't happen. And after two weeks where she had ignored the brunette – how can she just come and expect... anything.
She lowered her hand.
Even with over 250 hours spent considering this situation that she had found herself, themselves, in – she could not begin to claim to understand the depth of her feelings. She knew what she was feeling, of course. She was well enough aware of herself to recognize the stinging pain of betrayal, the burn of anger at being lied to, and the cold, cold, sadness that seemed to seep into every single one of her arteries and veins at the thought of her friendship with Jane not being real.
The woman said she had lived for over a millennia. How many people had she loved and lost? Did their years together have any meaning at all in the timeline of the other woman's life?
But this afternoon brought along another emotion. One that seemed to warm her and give her chills at the same time. And she was not ready to face that one just yet.
She raised her hand again and took a deep breath.
This was ridiculous. She should be able to make her knuckles meet this flat vertical surface. She should be able to stop thinking so much about everything when it comes to Jane. Their interactions used to be so effortless.
Not at first – she was so worried at first that the tall brunette will understand that she really was odd and unworthy of her friendship. But Jane persisted, and slowly but surely made herself irreplaceable in Maura's life.
Maura's hand fell to her side and her eyes grew wide.
Irreplaceable.
"Hi."
When did Jane open the door?
"Do you want to come in?" Jane moved aside and awkwardly gestured inside her apartment. Just as she moved Jo Friday came bounding out. She jumped up excitedly a few times before running around the honey-blonde's legs barking happily and wagging her tail furiously.
Maura couldn't help but smile as she looked down at the excited little dog.
"She missed you too." Jane's softly spoken words caused her head to snap up. Tears were welling in the doctor's eyes.
"Jane," she breathed, "I..." words failed her and she choked out a sob.
Jane was instantly there, enveloping her in strong arms that Maura couldn't help but melt into. "Me too. Come on," Jane murmured into her hair as her left hand stroked Maura's hair. "Let's do this inside. I don't think we need to give my neighbors a show." Her voice was low and soft and comforting.
Jane moved back slowly, and stood aside, waiting for Maura to enter the apartment before her. "Jo." The brunette said in a stern tone when the small dog barked again, and Maura almost laughed at the tiny canine stopped mid-step, looked at her owner, rushed inside, and jumped on the sofa, her tail still wagging fast.
Maura took a deep breath and walked into the all too familiar apartment.
Jane followed behind her, a small content smile forming on her face as she closed the door behind them.
~~~Boston*Fae~~~
"Why are you here?" The blonde man spoke slowly, his tone clearly indicating his boredom. "You can't have news for me this soon."
The two sitting in front of him looked at each other before returning their eyes to him. "We did. We found her."
His eyes sparkled, but he said nothing.
The man before him swallowed nervously, and his mouth twitched in a grin. He liked it when they squirmed. "She's here - in Boston."
"Good." His smile grew slowly, and he licked his bottom lip. "Get things ready. But don't do anything before I give you the word."
He stood and left them there.
She will be his. He will break her will and she will be his.
People cleared the way for him as he walked down the hall and his smile broadened – this was how it was supposed to be.
He would be respected, feared, and she will be his. Her heart will be in his hands and it will be the sweetest blood he ever tasted.
He couldn't help but lick his lips at the thought.
~~~Boston*Fae~~~
"Can I get you anything?" Jane asked as she closed the door behind them. "Wine?"
Maura nodded, and followed Jane into the kitchen, where she leaned self-consciously against the counter as Jane reached up to grab the wine bottle that rested in her cabinet.
"I," Maura started uncertainly, before realizing that she couldn't meet Jane's eyes at the moment, and that she needed to take a breath before she could continue. "I want to apologize for the way I've acted towards you in these past couple of weeks."
Jane smiled softly, comfortable in doing so since her back was to the doctor. "Thank you." Having grabbed hold of the bottle the brunette turned and took a bottle opener from the drawer
"Thank you?" Maura was confused. This wasn't close to what she had thought she would hear from the taller woman.
"Yes, thank you." Jane set the bottle on the counter and opened in with a few smooth and practiced motions. "For apologizing."
"You're welcome." It came out as more of a question than a statement.
Jane laughed softly. "If I explain why I'm saying that you'll likely only get pissed off at me. But it means a lot that you did apologize."
Maura had nothing to say to that, so she simply watched as Jane poured her a glass of wine and handed it to her, holding it by the stem. Maura took hold of it by placing her middle and ring fingers just under the bowl of the glass, it was warmed a bit more by her palm as she brought it closer to her body.
A part of her understood why Jane thanked her – her silence towards Jane, as she had tried to sort through her thoughts and feelings, might have been necessary, but it was also a bit childish. She swirled the red liquid in her glass before looking up to see Jane closing her refrigerator with a bottle of beer in hand.
"Do you only view us as cattle?" This question was nagging at Maura's brain for the past 14 days, since the Dal. And she could not work though it alone. She had tried. She had tried so hard, but she could not.
Jane sighed deeply. "Let's sit." She motioned towards the living room couch. Maura nodded, knowing that this will likely be a long talk. As they sat down, Jane waved Jo Friday away, turned the television off, and half turned to face the honey-blonde. "As an individual – no, I do not. As a member of the Light Fae – I also don't. That is one of the main dividing lines between our factions, actually – the views on humans."
Maura shook her head, the fact that Jane was referring to human as beings that were different from her was still confusing to her. All her years of learning rebelled against the thought. But she could not deny that she had seen the woman emerge from the shape of a big black wolf.
"And if you were a member of the Dark Fae?"
Jane looked away, "we likely would not have become friends." Maura watched her as she brought the beer to her lips and took a long swallow.
"Would you have told me? If I didn't find out, I mean."
The brunette met her eyes then, her eyes sorrowful. "Probably not."
"And when I'd notice that you didn't seem to age?"
"I would have found way to die before that. Jane Rizzoli would be gone and I would move on."
Pain erupted in Maura's chest at the thought. "You would just," she could barely get the word past her lips, "leave?"
Jane grimaced, her eyes dropping to the other woman's knees.
"Have you done this often?"
"On a few occasions." Jane confirmed, as her fingernails went to the label on the bottle she was holding. Her eyes still focusing on a spot far from Maura's face. "But usually - I never stayed long enough to form attachments."
"That seems lonely."
Jane shrugged. "I had a pack for a while. I've known Trick - the barman at the Dal, for nearly 250 years, crossing paths with Frost every once in a while for the past century, and the Rizzoli's and I have been running together for over a decade and a half now."
"But no family of your own?"
Jane shook her head. "My parents and most of my siblings are long dead."
"A husband or children, perhaps?" Maura leaned back into the couch, unsure if she wanted to attempt to project casualness, or wished for the residual warmth that emanated from the couch to envelop her.
Jane laughed mirthlessly, her eyes finally rising to meet Maura's own. "What can you tell me about the mating habits of wolves, Maura?" The honey-blonde looked at the woman before her, confused. "Come on, we've seen this documentary together – how long does a wolf couple last?"
"They mate for life." The scientist in Maura answered before the rest of her could make sense of that question to answer her question. "But once one dies, the one remaining will find another mate."
Jane shook her head. "That is not as common as you think. And with Wolf Shifters – we love for life. I have cared for quite a few people, but I have never been in love."
Maura could only nod slowly.
"You said that if you left, Jane Rizzoli would die." Jane nodded at that as she continued to absentmindedly pick at the bottle's label. Maura took a long sip of wine before voicing the question that burned on her lips. "Then what's your real name?"
Jane grinned. "I didn't have a name for many years. We don't need them as wolves. I got one only after I started spending more time with humans since you insist on naming things."
"So what did you respond to in your early years? And what was your first name."
"I responded to 'you', mostly. 'She' or 'the black one' when spoken about or spoken to indirectly. The first name they gave me was Vara." She made a face. "I never liked it much."
"They called you Faith?" The doctor couldn't help but think that it was a nice gesture.
Jane chuckled as she brought her bottle to her lips. "Wrong language. They called me Stranger. I liked that name Siobhán, so I spent over a century with it. But considering the Rizzoli's aren't Irish I took on the Italian version of the name."
"There is so much I don't know about you..." The words were exhaled so softly, that Maura didn't think Jane heard her. At least not until the dark haired woman turned back to her, after having placed her beer on the table, and took Maura's free hand in hers.
"Yes. But I am willing to change that."
"Jane, I don't know how much I can trust you – I feel like everything I learned about you was a carefully constructed lie."
Jane's smile was pained. "Some of it was. But I couldn't have told you about how I really spent my early years..."
"Jane, I..." She had no idea how to continue that sentence.
"You still feel the need for reassurances?" Jane guessed, and Maura couldn't help but nod.
When Jane removed her hands, the loss of warmth was almost painful.
"I can only be clichéd," Jane rolled her eyes a bit, "and ask you to look into my eyes and see that I'm telling the truth." She shrugged. "If you don't believe me in here," She tapped her ribcage, over her heart, "than you probably won't believe me no matter what I say."
Maura nodded at the logic of that statement.
"Do you believe in me?" She had never heard Jane's voice so small, so insecure.
Maura nodded slowly.
~~~Boston*Fae~~~
"You, should be," he pointed at the woman before him, missing her collarbone and nearly falling forward, "much more drunk." She laughed as she pushed him back to a standing position.
He swayed.
"I was born in the USS," she paused, thoughtful, "S? R, USSSR. I can hold my liquor better than you." She finished firmly, completely oblivious to her slight slurring.
"Hey, guys?" Bo draped her arms across their shoulders and turned her head from Kenzi to Frost. "Did any of you see Jane or Maura?"
Both of them shook their heads.
"Maybe they decided not to come?" Frost ventured a guess. Bo frowned.
"I hope not. I wanted to use this to try to get them to put everything behind them."
Frost shrugged. "It'll happen in its own time."
"Thank you, Lao Frost." He leaned forward, trying to glare at Kenzi, and nearly sent all three of them to the floor.
~~~Boston*Fae~~~
"I think I still have that fish movie you were going on and on about DVR-ed if you want to watch it." Jane remarked thoughtfully as she pressed the buttons on the remote to bring up the right screen.
"The documentary about the deep sea fish?" Maura sat up a bit straighter, excited by the prospect. Jane nodded. "Are you actually interesting in watching it with me?"
"Not any more than I was last month." Jane laughed in response, and turned to look at Maura who was leaning against the back of the couch. "But we never got around to it, and I don't think you recorded it at yours, so I didn't delete it."
This felt good - having the woman in her apartment again. She missed their time together, the fact that things still felt a bit stunted, that their dynamic wasn't exactly as it was a moth ago didn't matter. Theywould return to it in time, or at least she hoped so. There was something very right about having the honey-blonde closure. "Or do you want t talk about what happened at the Dal?"
Maura tensed.
"We don't have to, if you don't want to." Jane tired reassuring the other woman, who took another breath and a long drink from her wine.
"I think I need to." The doctor said finally. "Explain it to me, because I disliked the idea of being a possession, and I don't understand how we went from sitting at the bar to that fight."
Jane nodded.
"Like I told you on the first night we spoke of the Fae – we feed off humans. Fae might have been feeding off of you for years. With a touch, or however else they feed. There are nearly as many ways to feed as there are types of Fae. And when you weren't aware of us – you as a human, not you as Maura Isles. When you weren't aware of us, you were considered fair game. But since you now know I can protect you. My saying that you're mine makes other Fae know that feeding off you is essentially akin to stepping into my territory. Taking what's..." she broke off. "I'm not saying this right." She huffed, as Maura crossed her arms over her chest, her face hardening.
"But you need to know that since we feed off humans, we – as Fae – consider you as a species to be below us. Like how most people don't feel bad about eating chickens, cows, or pigs. You are not my pet. Just like Kenzi is not Bo's. But in order to keep you safe – I needed to pull out this card."
"What about Lauren?"
"What about her?" Jane asked in confusion.
"She is also a human who belongs," Maura formed the word with distaste, "or a Fae." Jane sighed.
"Lauren's situation is different. She really is the Ash's property. She had agreed to slavery in exchange to gaining access to the Light Fae's medical archives. I don't know why. I didn't think it was my business to ask, and she never offered the information to anyone, as far as I know." Jane put her left hand on Maura's knee. "But Maura, you are not, nor will you ever be my property. You are your own person. But if you think that I will stand back while someone is disrespecting you, especially a cockroach like Dunham, then you're wrong. But that's because you are my friend and I love you. Not because of any other reason."
"He put his hand on mine and you broke his arm in three places!"
"He feeds off dexterity! He puts his hands on yours and you end up shaking for a week, if you're lucky!"
This gave Maura pause. "But you said that all you would need to do is say that I'm with you and the rest would leave me be. What made you think that he was going to feed off me?"
"He needs to have both of his hands on you." Jane explained as she looked away, scratching her neck a bit guiltily. Breaking the idiot's arm in three places was a bit of an overreaction, and she had been chastised by the Ash aster the sniveling little idiot Dunham ran to the Morrigan. But considering how sensitive that fool was when it came to his feedings, dropping him on his face felt right. "Look, I know I over-reacted a bit. But he was going to endanger you, and he was breaking our laws. I didn't really think."
"And that lead to-"
"How was I supposed to know that he had a Golem for a bodyguard? They are usually a lot less human looking!"
"I cannot believe that this is a serious conversation." Maura mumbled and stood up, making her way to the kitchen to pour herself another glass of wine. "Golems are creatures of myth!" She opened the fridge, and took out the bottle. "Werewolves are creatures of myth!"
Jane made a sour face. "That's a deregulatory name or a serious illness, actually." Maura raised an eyebrow. "It means that you can't control when you change. Anyone like that is placed under watch and away from the population."
"Can they infect the people they bite?" Maura stopped pouring as she considered Jane's words.
"With germs." Jane shrugged. "Do you really want to have a dental hygiene chat?"
"So they can't turn human to Fae."
Jane shook her head. "No. You are born Fae, or you're born human, it's like you couldn't become Black or Hispanic or whatever the politically correct terms are this year."
Maura leaned against the kitchen island, and picked up her glass.
"When do you find out if you're Fae."
"In your twenties at the latest." Jane said with a small sad smile. "You're not Fae, Maura. Even Fae who have yet to come to their powers give off a certain smell. And you don't. You're fully human."
"Will you even remember me?" If it wasn't for her enhanced hearing, Jane knew that she would never have picked up on the other woman's words.
She stood up and made her way to the smaller woman. "I will never forget you." She said firmly, enveloping Maura in her arms. "And I'm sorry about what happened at the Dal." Maura leaned into Jane's embrace. "If it wasn't for Dunham trying to feed off you after common law said he couldn't, and well – that Golem of his – it would have been just like any other quiet night at the Robber."
"What if someone else tries to-"
"They won't. Danham ran to the Morrigan, she's like the Ash of the Dark Fae, and I was called into a chat. I came with witnesses, and he was the one found to be at fault. As long as we are in each other's lives - you are to be left alone."
"I feel like an object, Jane."
"You are never, nor will you ever be an object." The brunette pulled back slightly and looked down so that she could meet her friend's eyes. "You, Maura Dorothea Isles, are one of the most remarkable people I've ever met. And I have met hundreds of thousands of people."
Maura couldn't help but chuckle a little. "You could not have kept count." She chided softly, her eyes darting from one of Jane's eyes to the other.
"Of course not," the agreement was accompanied with a small smile, "but I figure it's a fairly safe estimation." Her face turned serious again. "But please understand that I will do what I can to keep you safe. And sometimes you won't understand why. When that happens – ask me. There is a whole world out there that my kind has tried to hide for yours for eons. What information you do have is at least partially wrong, and that could put you in danger." Jane took a step back so that it was a bit easier to meet her friend's eyes, but her hands remained on the smaller woman's waist. "Please – trust me."
Maura nodded. "Be honest with me. You are my best friend, and this ordeal made me feel like I don't know you at all."
"I will. But you need to understand that on occasion I will need to keep things from you, and I will need you to respect that."
The honey blonde nodded again.
"Now, do you want to watch that fish movie, or can I finally delete it?" Maura couldn't help but laugh and smack Jane's arm.
"If you're that insistent about it, let's watch it."
"I'm just trying to distract you from being angry at me." Jane countered with a smirk, a raised eyebrow and a one-shoulder shrug. She allowed her hands to slip off of Maura's hips and she moved to get herself another beer from the fridge.
All in all this could have gone a lot worse, she reasoned.
"I'm not angry with you." Maura denied the accusation, causing Jane to turn her head back to her and raise an eyebrow – this time in question. "I was, but not anymore."
"Good." Jane smiled as she closed the refrigerator door. "I'm glad."