Chapter 9- Getting Lost in Tulgey Wood

"Well I don't know about you Pinocchio, but I've had enough of nonsense," Alice said after storming around the path for a few seconds. "We're going home. Straight home!"

I gave a victorious arm pump behind Alice's back.

"That rabbit," she continued to mumble to herself. "Who cares where he's going anywhere."

"Finally, you realize that!" I said joyfully.

"Why, if it hadn't been for him, we-" But then Alice got distracted by a nearby sign. "'Tulgey Wood'," she read. "Curious; I don't remember this."

"Whoa there, Alice," I said, stepping right in front of her and grabbing her by the shoulders. "We can't afford anymore distractions like this. We need to focus on getting home, remember."

"I know," Alice said reasonably. "If we go through here, we might be able to find the way out."

I had no other choice. "All right," I sighed, letting go of her shoulders. "But if we get lost, don't say I didn't warn you."

"Now let me see," Alice said as we entered the woods.

Two seconds later, something landed on Alice's shoulders. It looked like some result of some sick cross-breeding experiment between a bird and a glasses. I had to contain my laughter at the sight of Alice's ridiculousness.

"What?" Alice asked. "What's so funny?"

When she turned around, there was another bird that looked like its face looked like a mirror. Alice looked into it to see to see how dumb she looked.

"No, no, please," she said, taking off the glasses bird. "No more nonsense."

We walked for a few more minutes.

"Now, if we came this way," Alice said to herself, "we should go back this way."

We both stepped over a log, but then there was a loud honking noise. Apparently, Alice had just stepped on what looked like some ducks whose bodies were old timey car horns.

"Oh, I beg your pardon!" Alice cried.

The mother horn-duck led her babies to a nearby pond. She then honked angrily at us and dove in. When she did, the ripples she created awoke what looked like a frog and a toad whose bodies were a drum and some cymbals. They both began bouncing on the lilypads.

"Goodness," Alice said as she began walking on the stepping stones in the water. "When we get home, I shall write a book about this place. If we - if we ever do get home."

"Hey, don't say that," I said sternly, grabbing Alice by the shoulders again and making her face me. "We will get back. We've come here and we'll go back again. Just like Mr. Bilbo! You'll see!"

Alice looked more confused than moved. "Pinocchio, what are you talking about?"

"I have no idea." Yeah, I wasn't pulling that speech off like how Sam did. Oh well.

We then heard some excited screeching from nearby. When Alice and I stepped off the stones, we walked over and looked down into a small glen. There were a bunch of bird-looking creatures with wings that looked like they were made of umbrellas, and they were all splashing in the water.

"Oh, umm, excuse us," Alice called down, alerting the bird things. "Could one of you tell us-"

But she never got the chance to finish because the birds began flying up to us. When they landed on a nearby branch, they did not happy.

"Uh, never mind," Alice said nervously. We then set off further into the forest.

"Oh dear, it's getting dreadfully dark," Alice said after a few moments. I had to agree; it was starting to get close to night time. "And nothing looks familiar."

We then heard some shoveling off to the left and saw what looked like a bird with a shovel blade for a head, digging around.

Alice sighed. "I shall certainly be glad when I-" She then bonked her head up against yet another bizarre looking creature. It was …. Okay, I'm going to be perfectly honest here; it was a birdcage. Had the head and feet of a bird and a body of a cage. And, of course, inside were some birds. When Alice hit her head against the thing, the door opened and the birds flew out. The birdcage then jumped off the branch it was on and ran after the birds. It soon caught them in its mouth and swallowed. The birds then appeared back in the cage part of its body again.

There then came some hooting from above. When Alice and I looked up, he quickly had to duck down because of some owl-looking thing with accordion bellows for a neck.

"It would be so nice if something would make sense, for a change," Alice mumbled.

"Tell me about it," I said.

After walking for a few more minutes, we found some birds at work on some wooden signs. Two of the birds had hammer heads for heads and the other two had pencils for heads. The hammer birds were hammering the signs to a tree and the pencil birds began writing something.

"'Don't step on the mome raths'," Alice read. "The mome raths?"

I was just as easily confused as Alice. All we saw were multicolored tufts of grass; that was until they sprung up out of the ground, revealing that they had eyes and legs. They began running around our legs and then gathered together to make an arrow, which pointed at a pink path. Alice gave a gasp of delight.

"Oh, thank goodness," she said as she ran onto the path. I was equally happy and ran after her. "I'd just knew we'd find one sooner or later. If we hurry, perhaps we might be home in time for tea! Oh, won't Dinah be happy to see me! I just can't wait till we-" But then we stopped.

There was something that looked like a dog with brush for a head and one on its tail, brushing off the path. When it got to me and Alice, it went around us and continued brushing.

"Oh dear," Alice said sadly. "Now we- now we shall never get out."

What happened to me next would be something that I would feel guilty about for a long time. Something in me just snapped.

"This is all your fault," I said between clenched teeth, my fist tightening.

"My fault?" Alice said indignantly.

"NONE OF THIS WOULD'VE HAPPENED IF YOU HADN'T FOLLOWED THAT STUPID RABBIT IN THE FIRST PLACE!" I yelled. I couldn't hold in my anger much longer. It all came spilling out of me like a wild cascade of fury.

"I was just curious to see what he was doing!" Alice yelled back in defiance.

"Yeah, and look where that's got us! I told you we shouldn't have gone into this stupid forest - no - I told you we shouldn't have gone down that rabbit hole, to begin with. But, as usual, you didn't listen to me, AND NOW LOOK WHERE WE ARE! This is EXACTLY what happens when you let your curiosity get the better of you Alice, and now because of you, WE'RE GOING TO BE STU-"

BAM!

The full impact of Alice's fist came smashing into my face. When I regained my composure, I looked her, holding my jaw. The look in her eyes told me that she knew I wasn't going to walk this one off this time.

"Oh, I see," I seethed dangerously, getting to me feet. "You wanna fight?"

I raced towards Alice, fist raised. She then caught them with her hands and began holding her ground as I began pushing at her. She had dug her feet into the ground and started moving backwards. She eventually pushed me away and I came crashing to the ground. I quickly started to run up a tree. I needed to figure out a new battle strategy. But as I did, she grabbed hold of my tail and brought me careening back to earth. As I laid there, she started kicking me in the face. My temper reaching breaking point, I lunged at her, making her fall backwards. What happened then was me losing all control as I started punching Alice over and over in the face. It wasn't until after a few seconds that I stopped. What made me end my tyrannical rage was that Alice had started crying. Fresh tears were pooling down her face. Shock coursing through me, I clambered off of her. Thankfully, I hadn't done too much damage to her face; just a bloody lip.

"Alice, I-" I stammered as I got back up. "I'm sorry. I-"

"No," Alice said tearfully, wiping the blood off her mouth, "you're right. This is my fault." She walked into a small clearing and sat down on a rock that was in the middle of it. "Well, when one's lost, I-I suppose it's good advice to stay where you are until someone finds you. But-but who'd ever think to look for us here?"

I walked over and sat down beside her.

"Good advice." She started sniffling. "You were right, Pinocchio. Maybe if-if I'd listened to you earlier, we wouldn't be here. But that's just the trouble with me. I give myself very good advice…"

Then she started singing, and had nothing to say about it.

But I very seldom follow it.

That explains the trouble that I'm always in.

Be patient is very good advice,

But the waiting makes me curious,

And I'd love the change

Should something strange begin.

Well, I went along my merry way,

And I never stopped to reason …

Tears started falling down her face. I just hoped I didn't start crying.

I should've know there'd be a price to pay

Someday ….

Someday ….

I give myself … very good advice

But I very seldom … follow it.

Alice then broke down completely and buried her face in her handkerchief.

Will I very learn …

To do the things … I should

I let Alice cry for a few more minutes. I then put my hand on her shoulder. She turned around to face me, and after a few seconds, she wrapped her arms around me.

"You were right, Pinocchio," Alice sobbed. "This is all my fault."

"No, it's not your fault, Alice," I comforted, holding her and stroking her blonde hair soothingly. "It never was. You were just curious, that's all."

"Yes, and look where that's gotten us."

"Hey, it's okay. It's okay." I sighed. "You know, if I wasn't such a jerk, I would've followed that rabbit, too." Alice slowly looked up at me. "Anyone would've followed him. But just because you did does not make it your fault, all right." She buried her face into my shoulder. "I'm sorry I beat you up. We're going to get out of here."

"How? There is no way out of here."

"We'll find a way, don't worry. I promise."

Alice finally smiled.

"Thank you, Pinocchio," she said, leaning into my shoulder again. "You're a good friend."

"Even though I suck?"

"Even though you suck."

I smiled proudly. We then heard some singing behind us. It sounded familiar. When we turned around, we saw, sitting on a tree branch-

"Oh, Cheshire Cat, it's you!" Alice said, getting up off the rock.

"Did you expect the White Rabbit, for chance?" he asked, turning his tail into rabbit ears and propping them on his head.

"Oh no, no, no," Alice said. "We're through with rabbits. We want to go home!" She blew her nose. "But we can't find our way."

"Naturally, that's because you both have no way," he said. I was just about ready to go up there and punch that stupid feline in the face. "All ways here, you see, are the queen's way."

I didn't know why, but that didn't sound good.

"But we've never met any queen," Alice said honestly.

"Well, for me, not counting my aunt," I pointed out.

"You haven't?" the cat said delighted. "You have not? Oh, but you must! She'll be mad about you! Simply mad!" He laughed and started to disappear.

"Please, please!" Alice said, stopping him quickly. "How can we find her?"

"Well, some go this way," he said, pointing to the right, "some go that way." He pointed to the left. "But as for me, myself personally, I'd prefer the shortcut." He pulled on a branch like a lever and a door opened in the tree that was in front of us.

Author's Note:

Hi everyone. Here's the next chapter. Some things I need to establish first: One, Pinocchio and Alice are just friends in this, so please respect that. Two, I do not condone child violence. That part was just for drama. Also, Lord of the Rings is owned by New Line Cinema, Peter Jackson, and J. R. R. Tolkien. Enjoy and please don't forget to review