Party Games
Chapter 10: Rock-Paper-Slap
"Ow - ow - ow -"
"Peter Pettigrew, what on earth are you doing?"
"Oh, er - hi, Lily."
"You're saying 'ow' over and over again!"
"Oh, that. Well, I was playing rock-paper-slap with James, and now my hand hurts."
"Rock-paper-what?"
"It's like rock-paper-scissors, except the winner slaps the loser on the hand...I guess he was really angry today - blimey, he slaps hard!"
"What's wrong with him anyway, Peter? He's been acting funny the past couple weeks...ever since the button game, actually."
"I dunno...sorry. It could be for any number of reasons."
"Like what?"
"Oh...well...his birthday is in a few weeks, for one..."
"He doesn't like his birthday? I don't think he's said that before."
"Because it's a secret. He doesn't like getting presents, though we all give them anyway. It's because he doesn't want to ruin the tradition of the evening, you see."
"Oh. So James considers material things a poor substitute for actual celebration and thus shuns any potential gift-giving while failing to mention that to me, who was planning to send a card?"
"That was oddly specific, but yes."
"Well, that's a pity, because I was planning to get him this really beautiful watch I saw at Colton's Finery..."
"Wait! Okay, well...it's not because of his birthday."
"That's quite obvious. I assume the only reason you're saying this is to reveal it to our readers, who apparently like every other audience of any illustration must be fed a joke. Honestly, Peter, they're not complete idiots. They knew you were lying from the very beginning."
"Er - two things. First, yes; and second, we're not supposed to break the fourth wall. You know, unprofessionalism and all that."
"Right. I...need to go. See you, Peter. But one thing. I need to know what he's really mad about."
"He's not mad. He's just avoiding you."
"Elaborate."
"Well...he thought you were flirting with him."
"And?"
"And he likes to make the first move. See you, Lily."