Epilogue.
"Farewell: a word you wish you'll never have to tell your loved ones"
Mio knew.
She knew the moment she woke up and realized all the photographs on Ritsu's pin-up board were gone.
The bassist didn't even need to read the note the drummer had left behind to confirm the sickening reality. She broke down, and it didn't take long for the remaining members of the band to wake and catch on.
Unfocused garnet eyes blinked, snapping out of her daze. She wasn't sure how long she had just sat there—in the same motionless position, deep in thought. Her hollow eyes scanned the brand new journal in front of her.
Azusa urged herself to move. It took her nerves a couple of seconds to react to the command; but nevertheless, her hand eventually crept forward. Slowly, but steadily, she reached out to stroke the smooth hardcover before gingerly flipping the journal open, revealing the first blank page.
The tips of her fingers ran over the surface of the page tenderly.
Was this really a good idea?
She couldn't decide.
Her ballpoint pen, prepared to write, had been poised in the same, stationary position the entire time.
She didn't know where to begin.
Hesitantly, she decided to write the date. She couldn't possibly go wrong there, could she?
'22nd of March'
Her handwriting seemed so foreign.
Unrecognizable.
She took a deep breath.
'Houkago Tea Time no longer has a club president anymore. None of the upperclassmen wanted to take Ritsu-senpai's position, so the Light Music Club currently has no leader.'
The writing hand paused as she recollected her thoughts.
'We can't be a band without a drummer. Everything just fell out of place. None of us were able to keep to the beat without Ritsu-senpai.'
A wry smile crept onto her features at the unintended irony. Despite Ritsu's rushed drumming, the band had grown accustomed and learned to tune into her unpredictable beats.
'Everyone opposed the idea of recruiting a new drummer, including me. It was never really an option, really…'
The hand trembled.
'That would be replacing Ritsu-senpai, after all.'
A deep intake of breath was taken to steady her emotions.
'I know that Ritsu-senpai had made each of us promise that we would keep playing as a band, even without her.'
Her sad garnet eyes turned glassy as she flipped to the next page. The tip of her pen continued scratching against the paper, its pace speeding up.
'But I'm starting to doubt that we're going to go anywhere as a band. We're trying, we really are, but…'
Azusa exhaled heavily.
'It's just not working.
Mio-senpai didn't go to school on the day after Ritsu-senpai left. She said she was sick, but I honestly doubt so. With half the band gone, Mugi-senpai and Yui-senpai decided to call off after school practice until Mio-senpai was well again.
A weekend passed, and Mio-senpai finally came back to school. I remember that although her expression was unreadable, her eyes were puffy and bloodshot.
Yui-senpai looked tired and weary. She kept smiling, trying to cheer everyone up. I feel that none of her smiles ever quite reached her eyes, though. On the other hand, Mugi-senpai seemed rather dazed all the time. She was constantly out of it and always stared off into space, for some reason.
I have a feeling something happened between her and Ritsu-senpai the night she left…'
As her writing pace increased, she realized her handwriting was becoming messier and almost illegible. Pages flew by, slowly being filled up with hastily scrawled words.
'It's been almost two weeks since Ritsu-senpai left, and she hasn't contacted any of us yet. At first, we were worried she had gotten into some sort of accident, but Mugi-senpai had a reliable source confirm that she had safely landed in Italy and is currently residing in the Wakaouji household.
Azusa paused, her breathing now unsteady.
'We're all worried. I just hope she's alright.'
7th of April
'We met in the clubroom after school today—our first one since Ritsu-senpai left. It's been almost three weeks, but Ritsu-senpai has yet to contact us. Even though Mio-senpai's trying to put on a brave façade, it's painfully obvious that she's starting to break.
Since they had been together for more than half their lives, it's understandable that the sudden departure had hit Mio-senpai the hardest.
Everything between us feels strained for some reason… It's as if we're trying to pretend we're not sad for each other's sake. And even though Mio-senpai is trying to help all of us cope, I feel as though she's the most distant one out of all of us, bottling her grief by herself.'
It was as if her hand was writing on its own accord. Her mind was blank, yet the words continued to flow, like a massive uncontrollable wave.
'The night Ritsu-senpai left still haunts me… I'm sure I was the very last person she talked to when I found her in the bathroom. A part of me knew that she was planning to do something back then, but I would've never thought she would just… leave like that. There were so many hints though, and I can't help but feel as though I should've seen this coming.'
She had to write everything down, before she forgot any detail, no matter how small.
After all, it could say the things Azusa couldn't. It could say everything the band couldn't say.
'We haven't tried playing together since our last unsuccessful session. I don't think anyone is quite ready to try again. For the moment, we've decided to leave our instruments in the clubroom, right next to the drums. It also helps make Ritsu-senpai's drums seem less lonely.'
Little did they know, that would be the very last time they would ever play together.
11th of June
'It's been more than three months with no word from Ritsu-senpai.
Mio-senpai finally lost it today.'
After school had ended, Azusa had bumped into Yui on the way to the clubroom. Upon reaching the entrance of the clubroom however, they could hear anguished yelling from within. Immediately alarmed, they burst through anxiously, and were greeted by the sight of Mio yelling at the keyboardist—something about not stopping Ritsu?
Mugi was curled up on the ground, whimpering as she sobbed.
When Mio realized what she had just done, she broke down as well, horrified and ashamed that she had just lashed out by blaming the innocent keyboardist; despite knowing that Mugi was already struggling to cope. Overwhelmed by guilt and sorrow, the bassist collapsed onto her knees and buried her face in her palms.
Yui had shot the younger guitarist a meaningful look before rushing in to calm Mio down, while Azusa went straight to comforting the sobbing keyboardist. Even though they were a few feet away, Azusa could hear Yui begin to cry as well. The younger guitarist had to blink rapidly, in a weak attempt to suppress her own tears from falling. Swallowing the ball of emotion that was rapidly rising up her throat, Azusa buried her face against Mugi's shoulder, wordlessly stroking the keyboardist's back as she embraced her tightly.
Mugi returned the hug by wrapping her arms around Azusa's waist, softly weeping against the top of the younger guitarist's head.
This continued for a couple of minutes, before Mio crawled towards the keyboardist, tears streaming down her cheeks as she apologized profusely. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm so, so sorry," Mio hiccupped, "I really didn't mean all that..." She reached out to tentatively touch Mugi's hand, desperately hoping to convey how sincerely remorseful she was.
Her heart tightened at the sight of Mugi involuntarily cringing at the touch.
The bassist recoiled sharply. The blonde noticed this however, and quickly grabbed the Mio's wrist. "No, no, no," Mugi whispered forlornly, "I'm sorry too." At her words, Azusa raised her head from the keyboardist's shoulder to meet Mio's eyes and shoot her a weak smile; before sadly beckoning the bassist over to them.
Out of nowhere, Yui grabbed Mio's other hand and gently led her to approach the other half of the band, loudly sniffing as she did so. The older guitarist then proceeded to hug everyone tightly, effectively pulling them all into a group hug.
The other members reciprocated the embrace instantly. "I miss her," someone choked out. Yui wasn't sure who the voice belonged to, but the words seemed to have triggered something among them. Before they knew it, they were all crying, really crying now.
It was the very first time they cried together—Ritsu's departure had been too sudden, too unexpected—no one could really believe nor accept it initially. But now that the empty silences have finally sunk in, Ritsu's painful absence was achingly undeniable.
The broken band spent the rest of the evening sobbing in each other's arms.
20th of September
'It has been more than half a year since Ritsu-senpai left.
She still hasn't contacted any of us, and I think we're starting to doubt she ever would. Mio-senpai has distanced herself from us and buried herself in studying. She stopped visiting the clubroom after school as well.'
Ever since her last journal entry, the band's meetings had grew less frequent—from weekly, to fortnightly, to monthly. In the beginning, for about a month, Mio would text one of the members, claiming she was busy and wasn't able to make it. When Mio stopped coming altogether, the band wasn't even surprised. Instead, each of them had somewhat expected it, deep down.
'I guess the clubroom held too many painful reminders of Ritsu-senpai's absence. The atmosphere has never been quite the same ever again—there's always this sense of heaviness lingering among us. I've also started to spend more time with Jun and Ui to take my mind off things.'
Accepting the fact that Mio would no longer be joining them, the frequency of their meetings became scarcer. Ritsu's absence was painful enough, but having to bear the sight of two empty tables among them was a crushing blow. It was getting increasingly hard for Azusa to stomach the heavy atmosphere, and the awkward silences in between their half-hearted conversations were starting to become more uncomfortable.
Soon, the remaining members agreed there was no longer any point in meeting up, since the possibility of playing as a band anytime soon was highly unlikely.
1st of October
It was her first time stepping into the clubroom for almost a month. Her shoulders sagged as she surveyed the clubroom, suddenly overwhelmed by nostalgia. The pleasant memories of the room just seemed so distant and hazy now; it was difficult to imagine how happy they had been just at the beginning of the year.
Quietly, Azusa moved to sit at the middle of the bench. Her gaze landed on the group of instruments before her, which had left in the exact same position the band had last left them months ago.
Easily locating her guitar, she bent down, tentatively unzipping the case.
This was the first time Azusa had went so long without playing—she had always been one to diligently practice every day, to avoid her fingers from getting stiff. As she familiarized herself with the nostalgic shape and weight of the instrument, she experimented a curious strum of the C chord.
Her fingers had fumbled a little, and took a lot more time than it usually did to settle on the right spots. She flinched at the pitch of the tone that rang out, which was horrendously out of tune.
After fishing for her electronic tuner and tuning her guitar, Azusa attempted to play the riff of Fuwa Fuwa Time's chorus.
... She ended up playing the entire song.
Her movements were hesitant and clumsy, which didn't surprise her. What did surprise her was the fact that she could still recall every single note, despite the fact that the last time she held her guitar was about seven months ago.
Her expression softened at the sight of Ritsu's set of drums, which had started to collect dust. Before her mind could register her actions, Azusa had carefully returned her guitar back in the case, grabbed a spare rag from the cupboard and started swiping the gathered dust off. With extreme tenderness, as if the instrument was fragile enough to collapse if a mere butterfly were to perch on it, Azusa thoroughly polished every single nook and cranny unnecessarily clean.
Once the guitarist was finally satisfied, she stood up and silently assessed the percussion set. Realizing that it was only a matter of time before it would gather dust again, Azusa decided to rummage through the storage once more to look for some sort of cover.
After a quarter of an hour of sorting out the ridiculously random belongings the band had left in the storeroom, she managed to find a sheet—a quilt to be exact, and judging by the colourful, childish design—could only belong to Yui. She had absolutely no clue why Yui would bring a quilt to school, but the older guitarist always had a nonsensically unpredictable method of doing things, so she shrugged it off.
Making her way back to the instruments, Azusa pulled the sheet over the set of drums. For a split second, the sight of the draped sheet over the percussion set seemed forebodingly dark.
As her gaze focused on the set of drums, Azusa took a step back, hesitantly slinging her guitar case over her shoulder; relinquishing the feel of the instrument against her back as she did so. For some reason, the familiar weight of her instrument triggered a strange sense of security. Exhaling through her teeth, the guitarist surveyed the clubroom longingly for the last time before leaving.
Unbeknownst to Azusa, that was the very last time she would step into the clubroom.
1st of November
Azusa was expressionless. Her garnet eyes were empty of any emotion as she wrote her shortest entry yet.
'I handed my club withdrawal form to Mugi-senpai today.'
7th of November
Azusa stared at the page, her expression both sorrowful and resigned.
'This will be my last entry.'
The guitarist could feel her eyes stinging again and was unable to stop a tear from running own her cheek and landing on the fresh page of the journal. The teardrop had caused the darkened spot to crinkle, smudging the word 'entry' from her previous sentence. Azusa sniffed.
'It's been seven months, and Ritsu-senpai hasn't contacted any of us yet.'
Wounded garnet eyes stared at the page lifelessly, her pen trembling as she wrote her very last sentence.
'Houkago Tea Time,' she wrote, really crying now, slightly ashamed that she was getting so emotional. Her entire body was trembling so hard that her words were almost illegible. '…has decided to disband.'
The End
Final A/N.
Decided that the people who're still interested should know how this project was intended to end, so there you go~ And dear god, this is just so angsty, what was I thinking when I first planned this out OTL
Anywho, it's been quite a journey, and the only reason I got this far is because of the lovelies who reviewed, so thank them, not me. I was never one to finish things I start; and I would've probably given up on it halfway if it weren't for you guys. My interests are usually all over the place, and I'm honestly surprised I finished this, actually. So yeah, you peeps rock! :D
So for angst lovers, there you go. Initially though, for those who weren't satisfied, there was supposed to be a sequel: a more light-hearted fic which focused on rebuilding relationships and romance, with the dramatic return of an Italianized Ritsu! Unfortunately though, the possibility of that project is highly unlikely now. Yeah… That's it, folks.