Chapter 10: Just Say It

"Love begins with a smile, grows with a kiss, and ends with a teardrop."

~Anonymous

I looked at myself in the mirror, right in the eyes, trying to find a way to say what I had to say tonight. The thing is, I didn't want to say it, I have the power to say it, but it doesn't feel right on my tongue as I try to take it out. The words suddenly felt foreign and the meanings didn't even seem to be there. Every time I managed to say it, I end up laughing at myself because it didn't sound believable. It didn't sound like I really wanted to do it.

I had to get out of the girls bath room eventually. I couldn't stay there all day trying to pronounce the sentence so well, act like I'm not shattering from the inside. When I got out of this little magical world of porcelain bowls and silver faucets, I dreaded going back to the other magical world of books, youth, and time.

I didn't really pay attention in classes, which I think made my teachers a little confused because I'm normally the most focused out of all their classes. When Harry noticed that I didn't seem to be all there, he asked me during Transfiguration when everyone was noisily trying to turn their partner into a kite. Harry managed to get me as a partner before poor Neville even bothered. He got stuck with Ron.

"What wrong?" asked Harry. He was pretending to practice his arm movement when McGonagall passed by. "You've been acting very strange lately."

"I'm going to do it Harry…tonight."

His face went pale and his eyes widened and he looked like he really wished he never asked. "Hermione, I know your in lack of a girlfriend, but please don't use me for girl talk."

"What? Oh! Oh, no Harry, it's nothing like that," I leaned in so close to Harry, our noses were practically touching, I then whispered. "I'm going to break up with Malfoy tonight."

"Are you sure your ready for that kind of step. Why are you even considering?"

"Because, Malfoy slept with Nicki."

"Well, isn't that what your supposed to do with Mickey?"

I glared at him. "That's a little different. I just want everything to be smooth sailing before I go to California with Mickey. Malfoy is going to be there too, and I don't want it too be some dramatic love triange."

"Your going to California? When?"

"During winter break. I will be back in time for Christmas, you know, spend it at the Borrow. Ron still wants me there, so it shouldn't be too bad."

"Wow, California. Well, I'm going to miss you. It's going to be awkward at the Borrow, isn't it?"

It was going to be extremely awkward. At this point, we all seem to be out to get each other. Worst part is I'm going to have to share a room with Ginny wondering if she'll tell Molly. The thing is that even though we all seem to be in pretty bad situations, we just needed some tradition.

The sunset seemed to come along too fast. I look out there, begging for time to just stay still. I hate the situation I'm in, and I hate the situation he'll be in. I can't take this tangle I made anymore.

I knew exactly where he'll be, the astronomy tower. As I walked up the steps, I kept acting what I should say, how I should move, and how I should talk in my head. I replayed every single break up moment I've ever seen, which really didn't help because everyone knows the split couple would just get back together snogging under the rain, snow, sun, or moon.

I stopped right in front of the door. The stair well was getting colder and the night gave echoes of crickets and wind. I could also hear footsteps on the other side of that door. They were pacing anxiously. Oh, I could picture my husband pacing up and down the room with the moon shining his head and showing the silhouette of his fidgeting finger.

I wanted to run. My knees begged me to run. My heart begged me to run, but my stupid mind told me no. Enough is enough. I managed to put my shaky hand on the handle of the door and opened.

The whole astronomy tower was lit with red and silver candles. There was a full bed on the far end of the room where the moon hits the golden sheets just right, a beautiful area rug of gold and red was on the stone floor, and there was Malfoy still in his school uniform with his tie undone.

I was going to pee my pants!

Thankfully I took control of my bladder and kept on my poker face. I really wanted to jump, laugh, and cry, but enough is enough.

"Hermione!" exclaimed Malfoy. Good, God! He said my name! He didn't call me Granger. I ordered every muscle on my face to keep still. One smirk and I'll be his again. Nothing should go wrong. He hugged me and I commanded myself not to hug back. He kissed my cheek, my lips, my neck, and I wouldn't kiss back. I stayed as stiff as a board. He knew something was wrong, because by now I would've wrestled him to the bed and took off any clothing that would come between our skins. "Hermione, what's wrong? Are you not ready?"

I nodded my head even though it was a lie. I expected him to throw his arms frustrated and yell at me about how long he waited. Damn, I prayed for it. It would be perfect for Malfoy to be a jerk right now. Ruin a romantic mood and tear out my heart.

He doesn't do that though. He gives me the warmest smile a human being ever gave me, and his eyes seemed so soft and caring. "Oh," he said casually. "Well, that's no problem…I got us some-"

"Malfoy, we need to break up!" I exclaimed. I was so surprised at what I said, I covered my mouth. The words came out like knives cutting my tongue, and from the looks of Malfoy, they stabbed him right on the heart. His eyes seemed wide and worried. He looked around, as if determining it was some nightmare. He put himself together finally and took a deep breath.

"Hermione, I don't understand."

"No! You do understand!" I spat. "You understand that every night, we come up here, the night only ours. You understand that when I'm in your arms, it's safe. You understand that I am falling in love with you more and more every bleeding night!" I was surprised at what I said. My breath felt raspy and rough. "You understand that eventually, the night is not ours. You understand the unwritten rule really does control us. You understand that as the sun comes up, we must go to our houses and be with two people who have been good to us. You understand that this double life is torturing me. You understand that I am not Gweniviere!"

My chest hurt and the room started to move. I was over working my self. I take deep breaths. Just breath Hermione. Just breathe.

Malfoy looked upset. His brow furrowed and his eyes narrowed. He looked like he could hit something, even me. I would've let him, because I really did deserve it.

"You don't understand," he hissed. " You go about your business, being with friends and family who love you for you. Well my life isn't as simple. My parents already hate Nicki. Imagine how they would feel they found out I'm married…to you! I was willing to give up on my parents approval all together Hermione. I was ready to proudly call you my wife. I was ready to say I love you. You weren't. The world isn't about that stupid rule! When we graduate, sure people would stare and talk, but I thought none of that would've mattered to you!"

He stormed past me and shut the door hard. So hard I heard nearby tree letting scared birds escape from it's many branches. My eyes just settled on the nice design of the rug. Why did he have to be so freakin' sensitive. My mind gently told me It's over, my heart was breaking. Crumbling to this useless thing that's keeping me alive. I wanted to carve it out and throw it away. I cried on that bed, knowing that the nights are now mine alone.

A.N.:I know this chapter ended on a darker note, but I promise that chapter 11 will be lighter. BTW...HAPPY CHAPTER 10! Yeah! We made it!