He wouldn't have been anything at all, except for Sirius. After Sirius, he was straight.
No. After Sirius, he needed sex, to prove he could use it, to prove he could have it and not lose control. Hold those women in his arms and want to crush them but. Not. Do it.
And sometimes it really was a wine and dine and forget to call you in the morning. It was like that a lot of times. Most times. After the first couple of years, all the time.
He resented them for not knowing what he was. He resented them because they would shriek and tremble and have to be obliviated if they knew what he was.
He didn't resent them because they weren't a murderer, rotting his body away (no soul, because Remus didn't believe in souls) in- that prison.
He didn't resent them because of that.
And he didn't sleep with witches (most times), witches who knew who he was (most times), witches who knew what he was.
He hated them the most, because they were proving their bravery, doing him a favour in exchange for a thrill, to sleep with him.
Remus despised thrill-seekers. He knew what happened to them.
xXxXx
The first wolf he killed was just that – a wolf. And Remus only found out later what became of his kind who became feral, who fed, on nights beyond and before the moon. His first emotion was satisfaction. Then disgust. Then horror – what if he died in some other form and didn't turn back? What was there to say he had ever been human?
It would have given him nightmares, but Remus had years ago taught himself not to dream.
After that, he hunted them.
xXxXx
He did dream.
He dreamt that Sirius was innocent.
…But it wasn't true. It wasn't.
Why would Sirius want to switch sides?
It didn't make sense.
…Or it made too much sense.
Remus didn't know what was worse – that Sirius had done it out of love, or done it out of pure, cold-hearted greed. Or hate. Or… whatever emotion ruled a psychotic's mind.
It had to be that. There was no such thing as love.
xXxXx
He was… between jobs… when Dumbledore's first owl found him. The Ukrainians hadn't been able to pay for his clearing out their swamps. Perhaps that was why he opened the letter.
Dumbledore's weary, apologetic, pleading voice wasn't enough to convince him.
Pending starvation wasn't quite enough to send him back to charity and memories.
…But the fact that Sirius Black had escaped from prison.
It wasn't quite enough, to want to kill his enemy.
But it was just enough, to need to see him again.