Chapter 10 Complications

Jane

Pasts. They're something we all have to face at some point. In fashion, it's all about moving forward, forgetting the past and anticipating the next big thing. But no matter how many fresh and inspired looks are turned out onto the spring runways, one thing is true: nothing is really new. It's all been done before. Everything finds its reference point in some far-back origin. At some point, fashion always turns on itself and draws from the past.

I see it now in the trends stolen from the seventies and eighties, and I'm sure that in ten years' time, the grunge wear I saw growing up will reappear, remarketed as reinvented chic. I guess the same goes for my life, too. I never truly expected I'd end up with my dream job, but then, in a way I did. I can't forget the hours I spent sprawled on my bed, pouring over my scrapbooks of Vogue spread cut-outs and scraps of fabric. For some reason, I had gotten this notion into my head that the dazzling fantasy world of fashion would lead me to my mother. It seemed to make sense; Dad had always told me she had great style. He also used to say that I had a talent—an eye for style that someday could carry me far. I always believed him, even when he was gone. Ben had done his best to keep my dream alive, even when it meant he had to give up his. I was more grateful to him then I had ever been honest enough to express in words. Sometimes he could get on my nerves, though, as all brothers do. And sometimes, in the heat of the moment, I forgot why this connection to my past was so important.

"You're going to have to spill the secret now or later," Ben was saying from the backseat. I twisted to face him. "Yeah, I prefer later." I jutted my chin out obstinately. Ben sighed. "Think about it, Jane. The longer you hold out, the more you're risking people finding about this." I rolled my eyes. "Ben, I've been keeping this thing under wraps for months. I doubt people are going to find out now." From the driver's seat, Billy gave me a sidelong glance. "I dunno, Janey. He's making a good point." He ducked as I made a pass for his head. "Seriously, how long is it gonna be until India or that British dude put the pieces together? "His name is Jeremy," I corrected. "I don't really care," was the reply.

"Jane, just listen to me—"

"I am, really." I turned and squeezed Ben's hand reassuringly. "I just don't see why we have to decide now. Can't this wait until after school? We're almost there." Billy swerved unto a parallel space in front of the school, and the car jolted to a stop. Ben gave Billy a helpless look. "Look, Ms. Shaw is going to be making an announcement today about college resumes, and you're going to have to put down your internship. I just don't want you to have to lie, because your position isn't exactly legal."

"I'll figure something out." I tumbled out of the car and grabbed my purse. "Promise me you'll talk to Gray," Ben called after me. I stopped, and turned. "I will," I promised, sincerely.

"For the lady," Billy grinned jokingly, appearing at my side with my bookbag. "Thanks." I took it from him. "Don't forget this afternoon, ok?" He threw up a few fingers. "You know I won't."

I was finishing up my algebra assignment on the board when my phone vibrated. Even from the front of the class I could hear it clatter around on the seat. I glanced furtively at the teacher, whose back was turned to me. I motioned quickly to Billy, who was in the next seat. I caught my signal and flipped open the phone. His eyebrows shut up, and he ignored my exaggerated gesticulating as he leisurely wrote a note down in his textbook.

"Ah, Mr. Feldberg?" The teacher looked up, and Billy cleared his throat. "I'm confused," he lied. I smacked my head and made cutting throat motions, but he ignored me. Feldberg raised an eyebrow. "Mr. Nutter, I'm surprised. You usually pick up on the material pretty quickly…" He made his way over to Billy and bent over the problem in the textbook. Billy held up the other one so I could read it. I gasped.
"Um, Mr. Feldberg?" I ventured. He turned. "What now?"

"I…need to go to the bathroom…" I finished scrawling out the problem, then grabbed my purse on the way out, noting that Billy had backhandedly snuck my phone back in.

Outside, in the empty hallway, I pulled it out and hurriedly read the text message. It was from Gray: "Jane, the team is doing a shoot for Teen Vogue. I want you to be one of the stylists. I need you in at one." I groaned. No time for lunch, again.

I heard the tapping of heels down the hard floor, and turned to see Lulu headed towards me. Instinctively, I froze. Up until now, my tactic of avoiding her at all costs so as not to incur the fury of Lulu had worked. Of course, I knew that at some point I'd have to face her. "Hey, Lulu," I said weakly, and tried to shift around her and back to class. She grabbed my arm. "Stop." I did.

"Look, I'm really, really sorry—" I began.

"That's actually what I wanted to talk to you about." Lulu faced me, tossing her dark glossy curls. "I just wanted to say…." She paused, almost as if she didn't want to say something but was going to anyway. "I just thought you should know that things are good between us." I gawked. "What?" I blinked, not wanting to believe it. After all the trouble I'd taken to avoid her, Lulu was saying everything between us was ok? It seemed too good to be true.
"Um. Are you ok?"
She nodded, glancing away. "My dad is sending me to boarding school for the semester as punishment." Between the cracks in her perfect exterior, I caught a glimpse of the real like for Lulu Pope; the girl who had always strived to rise above the expectations of her father, the girl who—because of me—had failed. I almost felt sorry for her. "Um. So…you're not mad at me for taking the top spot in class?" She glared at me. "Of course I am." Then she hesitated. "But…I know that it wasn't your fault, and I just….wanna leave on a positive note." There was an awkward pause. I wasn't used to dealing with this nice Lulu. I fumbled for things to say. "So, are you gonna say goodbye to Billy?" She shook her head. "He won't even look at me." "That's not true," I protested. "I'm sure he'll want to know at least."

"Don't you get it, Jane?" she said acidly, and I recognized the Lulu I knew again. "We're over."

"She's right," Billy said quietly, sauntering down the hall towards us. I stared at him and he held up his hands. "I know, I know. If I'm not back in there in two minutes you'll see me in detention." I mouthed to him urgently and he nodded. "Don't worry, I won't miss it!" he reassured me. Then he turned back to Lulu. "Despite all you dragged me through…" he stuffed his hands in his pockets. "It'll be weird to see you go," he finished in an aloof tone.

I took my cue and hurried back to class.

Billy

I lingered a moment longer, and Lulu gazed at me with teary eyes. "I liked you, a lot," she said, and made a move to wrap herself around me like she'd been so used to doing. I stepped back. "Come on, Lu, drop the act. We both know you'll be back." She nodded. "You can bet on it." "Well…guess this is it." I nodded with finality; there wasn't anything else left to say. She turned and began to walk away. I watched her a moment, then in a few bounding steps caught up. "Bye, Lu," I said, keeping my voice flat as I pecked her on the cheek. She turned and hopefully wrapped her arms around my neck. I gingerly disentangled myself.

"Another chance?" Her eyes were pleading, but I shook my head. "Sorry, I can't."Then turned my back before she could maneuver anything else out of me. Biting my lip in concentration, I slipped back into class.

Jane

Noon found me in the backseat of Billy's car, stumbling into my netted hose. "I can't believe Lulu's leaving so suddenly," I mused. "I mean, it seriously wasn't that big of a deal, the whole class placement thing…" Billy shifted and looked at me through the rear view mirror. "You seemed to think so." I rolled my eyes. "That's different." He smiled. "Whatever you say." "I mean, she just looked so—" "Let's talk about tonight," Billy said abruptly, changing the subject. I guessed he was uncomfortable now, so I didn't push it. "I'll meet you at your place at six," I promised, and he nodded. "See you there."

Birdie ambushed me the moment I stepped into the door. "Jane!" I turned and took in her all red ensemble. "Yeah—I mean, yes?"

She handed me a fat envelope. "Here's all you need to know about your position," she said, bubbling over with excitement. I could visibly see her body vibrating. "Um, thanks." I ripped it open on my desk, spilling out the contents. "Wait, what is this for?"
"You're styling position, silly!" Birdie giggled. "Seriously, Jane, I'm impressed. Gray doesn't let just anyone be a guest stylist on set, especially for photo shoots of this caliber!" "Gray trusts me," I said confidently, reassuring myself that that really was why I'd been given this assignment.

Later, as Carter showed me around the photoshoot set for the next day, I began to feel not so sure. "Do I have to use all of this?" I asked, gazing at the long and intimidating collection of accessories, pumps, and jewelry laid out meticulously on one of the styling tables organized by color. Carter laughed. "Heck no. Just pick what you like, and go with your instinct." I nodded, and began to imagine outfit combinations in my head. "So, who will we be dressing?" I wondered aloud.

At that moment, Jeremy swept in. "I'm back," he beamed.

"What's Jeremy doing here?" I whispered to Gray, as the lighting crew hurried in to set things up. "He and India will be vying for a position for the rehire, so I thought they might as well start competing now," Gray explained with her usual coy smile. I gulped. "Is that really such a good idea, pitting them against each other? After all, we are a team." Gray inclined her head towards me. "You're not very fond of betrayal, are you, Jane?" I shook my head, thinking before replying. "It's not really my thing."

"I understand." Gray paused. "However, I am under no such moral constraints." "Wait a minute, we still can't technically fire India, right?" Gray nodded. "So then what's the point of—" But Gray was walking away from me now, and I didn't dare follow. Instead, I made up my mind to fix things myself.

India was in her office, yelling at one of the designers. I waited patiently until the door opened and the poor girl came out sobbing. I handed her a tissue and hurried in. "India, do you have a minute?"
India glared at me, still red in the face from her tirade. "NO."

"Greeeat." I pressed on before she could say anything else. "Grey can't fire you."
India raised one perfectly plucked eyebrow. "What did you just say?"
I repeated myself, and watched as India slowly came around her desk to face me. "That's just fine," she said placidly.

"Wait, did you already know that?" She nodded.
"India," I exploded, "I really want to feel sorry for your situation, I really do, but you can't just use this to leverage others out!"

"I can't?" India was amused. I continued. "What does Jeremy think about all this?"
India rolled her eyes at me. "That's the problem. He's not going to step up, that-"

"I meant about your job," I interrupted her. India shrugged, and breezed past me. "Whatever. If we fight to the death, or rather, his death in this company, so be it." She turned up her nose and I stalked away.

My next backup plan was to try to persuade Jeremy. I burst into his office armed with the initial sketches for the shoot tomorrow, and still fuming from my encounter with India. As soon as Jeremy spotted me, he hurried over. "What's wrong, Jane?' I drew in a breath and composed myself. "Sorry, I'm just composing myself." "India?" he asked sympathetically. It was kind of crazy how Jeremy always seemed to know how I was feeling and why.

"It is nice to see you, if not under these interesting circumstances." His tone was as smooth and charming as ever, and despite myself, I was beginning to cheer up. "Well, you have been missed around here," I admitted grudgingly. Jeremy made an expression. "I'm sure you were the only one…"

"So, what have you been working on lately?" I tried to sound casual. I was still trying to figure out how to broach the subject of India. "Well, believe it or not, Gray's been feeding me secret assignments." I widened my eyes. "Secret?" Jeremy gritted his teeth, and I noticed India glaring at us from across the hall. "She's intolerable," he muttered.

I nodded. "Yeah, actually, that's what I wanted to talk to you about." Jeremy suddenly noticed the sketches I had placed on his desk and began glancing them over. "These are good," he admitted in a surprised tone.

"These yours?"

"Yeah."

"Jane, is that your final goal, to be a designer?"
"Yes—I mean, Jeremy, can we stay on topic?" He'd distracted me again, and I fell for it.

"But it's so much more interesting to talk about you than India," he said in an indifferent tone. "True," I agreed, "But right now I need you to know that Grey has the two of you competing against each other." Jeremy inclined his head. "I know." I sank down into his chair. "How does everyone figure this stuff out before I do?" I cried, exasperated. Jeremy lined up my sketches and ordered them on his desk. "Well, I mean, no offense Jane, but you're a bit…" he searched delicately for the right word—"naive." I groaned. "I get that a lot." Jeremy took my hand before I could snatch it away, and looked me in the eye. "It's not a bad thing to be in this business," he said gently. "Naïveté is charming."

"Naïveté is charming," I imitated him, and we both burst out laughing. "You're ridiculous," I decided, getting up. I wanted to mention that naïveté was just a nicer word for being ignorant and gullible, but the moment had passed; Jeremy was handing my sketches back. "Take them down to the model department, and have Todd take Polaroids of each outfit shot. Don't forget the jewelry, either."

"Got it."

"Oh, and Jane?" I turned. Something in his tone sounded oddly strained.

"In case you're thinking about telling Gray about India, you should know…" He stepped close enough so that I was eye level with his bow tie. "I know about your secret, too." I froze. Suddenly, I could hear my pulse palpitating loudly. I gulped. "When did you figure it out?" I whispered.
Jeremy's smooth exterior betrayed no emotion except for that in his eyes. "I put the pieces together when India and I visited you, Jane." He laughed abruptly, harshly, scoffing. "It wasn't that hard to figure out what you've been doing after that." I wanted to disappear, to erase the last few minutes forever. At this moment all I wanted was to be home, at school, anywhere but here—and forget about everything. "I don't know what you're talking about," I protested weakly, but to no avail.
Jeremy stepped towards me, and though his manner was gentle again, I couldn't help but step back. "Don't do it, Jane," he pleaded with me. "I hate the position I'm in, but I can't let India lose."

"Why?" I asked, searching his eyes.

"Let's just say if India goes down, we both do." I could see he was divided, but his mouth was set in an unfamiliarly straight line. "I have no choice, Jane, I'm sorry."

"But you do!" I blurted out. "I thought you were my friend," I wanted to say, but I clamped my mouth shut. "Grey already knows," I said instead, then slipped out without a look back.

I climbed the apartment stairs slowly, still trying to stop the spinning in my head. It was getting all so complicated, and I wanted nothing more than to leave it all behind and spend some time with my best friend. I raised my hand to knock on the door, and then paused. I could hear Billy and Tommy talking, and despite myself, I couldn't fight the urge to listen in.

Billy

"You gotta stop," I muttered, picking up my scattered ID supplies. "If you want one, just ask." He nodded. "Sorry, I guess I got a little impatient. Things have been a little dry around here lately."

"Hey, and no more of this, either." I grabbed a few of the scattered rolls and shoved them in my pocket. "Tommy, you can't do this. You and I both know you won't be able to afford it, and I know how you are with habits."

Tommy didn't budge from his permanent spot on the couch. "What's the big deal?"

I crossed my arms. "The big deal is that Jane's coming over soon, and I can't let her see you like this." I wrinkled my nose in disgust as I stooped to pick up the trash laying around at his feet. Tommy slurred something unintelligible at me, but I ignored him. I opened the front door to take the trash out and almost ran into Jane.

"You're here," I said, surprised.

"Sorry," she said, looking away. I knew she'd heard us talking.

"Come on." I grabbed her hand and stepped out, slamming the door shut behind us. "Change of plans," I said, smoothing my hair and trying to think. "Can we do your place?" Jane shrugged.

"Sure. Just—Billy—" she gave me a searching look. "What's going on?" I sighed and dug out a cigarette from my pocket. She gasped. "YOU—" I shook my head. "I'm not the idiot."

She let it go, confident I was telling the truth. "Billy," she said, leaning against me as we walked, "Today was the craziest day. I got blackmailed."

By the time we'd gotten to her house, she'd explained everything and we were both in a better mood. "Hey," I said, opening her door for her. "Let's forget about all of this and do what we came here for." I winked and she laughed, shoving me.

Jane

We were celebrating, marking our eighth anniversary being friends. We ordered thai and lounged around my room, stuffing ourselves until we were full.

"Alright," I said after a while. "Now it's time for the great review." I grabbed a kimono from my closet and put it on solemnly. Billy stretched out on the floor and groaned. "Why do we always do this," he complained. "I can never remember that far!" I grinned. "And that's why. Now sit up properly, Billy Nutter. What have been the highlights of our past year together?"

Billy chuckled. "You said together."
I gave him a look. "You know what I mean."
He turned serious. "Well, I mean, a year ago, things were a lot different…"

Billy

After I finished telling the story of our first encounter, she stared at me in awe and disbelief. "I can't believe you remembered that!" I made a gesture to brush off my shoulders. "I'm good for something."

"And then there's Lulu…" she reflected, slowly, and I looked away. Jane was bringing up the highlights of the year again, and I didn't want to be reminded of the tough patch we'd gone through over that girl, or the months I'd spent hiding the biggest secret I'd ever had from my best friend. Well, second biggest secret…

"Look, Jane, you should know that—"

"Don't tell me." She screwed up her face, curling into a ball playfully, like a little girl.

"Come on, give me a chance…" I mulled over my next words. "I was just going to say that, Lulu and I, we never actually did…anything." It hurt my pride to confess that last part, but I knew she'd have to know the truth sometime. Looking at her now, I could see she didn't believe me.

"You're kidding." She unfolded herself and stared at me.

"Uh, not this time."

"What did you guys spend all that time doing?" I made a face. "You don't really wanna know, hm?"

"You know," she said, giving me her signature bow-lipped smile, "I'm glad, and relieved. But it doesn't make sense. Lulu pretty much handed herself to you on a platter. Why didn't you take advantage of her?" I spun around in my chair. "It just isn't me," I said simply. "Plus, I was waiting for you."

She stared at me with open eyes. "And all this time I thought that…you guys….never mind." I laughed. "Tough mental image, I know." I grinned as she blushed prettily.

"My turn," she declared. I waited, busying myself with disconnecting all the ball point pens on her desk. "I've been spending a lot of time at work," "THAT is an understatement," I cut in dryly.

"…and I haven't had much time to spend with you." She got up and started pacing. "True. But lucky for you, I understand."
"No, but Billy, if we're gonna really do this, I need to commit more to us. " I could tell she was about to launch into a self-deprecating spiel.
"Also true."

"But you have to help me, ok?"

"Don't I always?" I knew this task would be by far the most gratifying.

At that moment, Ben stuck his head in the door. "What's going on in here?" he said, his shifty eyes taking in the scene. "Hey Ben, we're just having a celebration." Jane gestured for him to go, but he didn't take the hint. "What, like a party? I'm in!" "NO!" We both said empathetically. "I mean, dude, it's not something you'd really be interested in…." I spread my hands out. "Look, we ate all the food, too!" Ben narrowed his eyes. "Try me. What's this all about?"

Jane groaned and flopped back on the bed. "Billy and I are having our annual friendaversary dinner, Ben. Satisfied?" Ben looked like he was trying to contain himself. "What?" I asked suspiciously. "I still remember when you were like, this tall, and you and Jane would play wedding, and—"

"—I had to put peanut butter on my cheek so you would kiss me!" Jane was laughing too. I groaned. "Don't remind me…"

"So Jane, did you talk to Gray about your job?" Jane looked away. "Yeah."
"And?"

"Well, she's not exactly in the office this week. She'll make a decision when she gets back next Wednesday." I bit my lip, easily recognizing Jane's fibs. Still, Ben believed her. After a long moment of staring at her, he looked at me. "No funny business, mister," he said, giving a finger jab in my direction. I raised my hand. "Dude, she's your sister. You know I'd never."

Ben nodded. "Yeah, but I was once a teenage boy…"
"Ben, you were nothing like me."
"That….is true. Um, bye." Ben ducked out abruptly.

"Billy," Jane said in a worried tone, "if I try to quit now or tell Gray my secret, she's going to fire me."
"Don't be ridiculous. The women likes you. They all do."

Jane shook her head slowly. "Jeremy's taking sides, and I'm getting blackmailed if I rat out India!" I rubbed my temples. "Remind me again what India did that was so bad?"
Jane looked at me uncomfortably. "Riiight," I said, understanding. "Look Janey, stop thinking about work for a bit," I urged her, playfully grabbing her foot and undoing her heel straps. "What are we?"
She knit her eyebrows together. "What do you mean?"
I tossed the shoes on her bed went to sit next to her on the bed. "We're aimless youth," I said.

But she wasn't listening to me anymore. We stretched out on the floor. "I wonder where she is," Jane said, and I knew she was talking about her mom. "I don't know, but I'm sure she's fine."
"Why hasn't she found me yet?" Jane said in a small voice, turning her head to look at me. I stared at the ceiling and shrugged. "Dunno. Maybe she hasn't looked hard enough."
"My dream for this year is that we'd find her," Jane said, and I could hear the drowsiness in her voice. "You and I, right?" I eased my arm around her shoulder. "'Course." "They always say it, but do those kinds of dreams really do become reality?" I pondered this thoughtfully. "I think so. At least, I know you were mine, and the we I wished for came true."