Hfh ch9
I'm the biggest arse in the world, I'm a day late, I'm so sorry. But to make up for it I have put up a new story called 50 ways to say goodbye, it's going to be a more lighthearted book then this and I swear it's going to be good. So check it out!
Song used - Relax my beloved by Alex Clare
~ Trigger warning ~
(Recap)
Elsa stood in front of her mirror looking at herself, her eyes seemed to only be drawn to the faults. Her chest sank low with each breath, her fingers traced around her stomach, imagioning cutting off all the fat. She heard her door some open and gasps. She went to grab herself hiding what she could but it was to late.
"Elsa?"
•
(Present Day)
"Relax my beloved, don't worry for me"
Illusion versus reality was something that had started beyond the dawn of time. It was a fight that lasted decades until someone finally understood it. What is an illusion? What is reality? The questions still puzzle the mind to this day. You could make anything you want from an illusion but it would take a lot more convincing on reality's part to make it real, to make it reality. Dreams could always find a way to fiddle with the reality of things, dreams based from anything, nothing and everything. From books to your day, dreams had everything. Illusions created by your brain to supply your thoughts whilst your body has shut down for sleep. It was easy to open the seal between being asleep and being awake. You could simply get stuck between the two worlds. Lucid dreamers were more practised with travelling through the barrier. People waiting for their knight in black to come and carry them off the heaven or hell travelling through the barrier. People in a coma were stuck between the two.
That's how Elsa felt right now, she was stuck between whether she was dreaming not because no matter how hard she wanted to believe it, deep down she knew that no amount of pinching or screaming could wake her up from reality and drag her into a perfect illusion. Right now, she needed a dream, illusion or reality to save her from this moment. The adrenaline rush from fear spread like wild fire throughout her body. She wanted to be taken by an angel. Or anything, anything. Just something that could take her away from the simplicities that she was about of over come today. She needed to get through this but she didn't know how.
"Don't shed a tear for me, always be near for me."
"Anna?"
Time was frozen in place whilst the sisters stared at each other. Pain and empathy visible in both eyes. The wind blew threw the open window, sending it's deathly chill throughout the room. The tension was as thick as Elsa's bookshelf. Anna just looked at Elsa, her face flashing between disappointed and sad, completely different emotions but both gave Elsa the same feeling inside. The pit of her stomach was bubbling with anxiety from being caught. She didn't know what Anna had caught but she knew she was busted for something. Whether it was her skinniness or scars she didn't care. Both would have the same reaction drawn from her dear sisters face. The same sister of whom hated her for years, the sister she left alone with a monster. All because the monsters inside her head were selfish enough to forget her sister. Why would she even care? The only words they exchanged recently was a quick morning and that was a few days ago. Elsa didn't know what a suitable reaction would be at the moment. Should she cry and apologise to Anna or act tough and ignore Anna and slam the door in her face. But none of that mattered as Elsa watched her sisters face completely break in front of her.
It was one thing to be suspicious of your sibling doing such horrible things to themselves yet it was another to actually see the evidence. Anna regretting every living moment she had gone past not caring about Elsa because, by the looks of things, she should have cared to a point where it terrified herself. She needed to be there for her sister. She never thought about how Elsa was feeling, she was so stubbornly stuck on the idea that Elsa was secretly hating Anna that she forgot that you need to, no matter what, act happy and polite to your sibling. Even if you want to rip their throat out...with your teeth. Not that Anna had thought about it. She did the first thing her brain found good enough for Elsa..
"Be confident my love, don't bow your head for me."
"Elsa." Anna whispered running to her sisters side looking up at Elsa's face. Her hand reached out and her fingers trailed across her cheek. Elsa felt the tears roll from her eyes onto her cheek. Her brain was over whelmed with the rush of emotions. Fear, heartache and sadness were all strong competitors.
"You know women's tear ducts are smaller then males so that's why our tear roll onto our cheeks, rather then fall." Elsa mumbled, Anna almost laughed but ended up choking into a sob. She grabbed Elsa into a hug whispering she was sorry over and over again. Surprised by the sudden contact, Elsa jumped but soon relaxed and wrapped her hands around Anna's back.
"You can figure this out, we can make it okay." Anna whispered into Elsa's hair, Elsa frowned and looked down to her. She features contorted into a mass of confusion and sadness.
"Promise you'll smile for me, don't ever cry for me."
"Make it okay?" Elsa asked with a confused face and question evident in her voice. She was scared Anna only thought of it as a small bump, like this was something that could be fixed by just sticking a plaster over it because not even Elsa was that stupid, she knew how much of a bump this was. In fact, Elsa didn't even think of it was a bump, it was more of a train crash. A wreck that was impossible to fix. She was a train crash, unable to be fixed. Because, even now in his day and age, you can never really fix a crash as problematic as a train accident.
"We can fix it, together." Anna carried on in a dreamy state, Elsa began to get frustrated. She thought it was so easy, it wasn't, believe me Elsa tried to "fix it" but it only made it worse, maybe Elsa was doomed to spend her life like this until she killed herself or something killed her. Life was so easy to take away and the thought of that scared Elsa. Everything scared her. She felt a shiver run down her spine as the world began to spin.
"No Anna." Elsa called our urgently. The alarm in her voice snapped Anna out from her day dream and she looked at Elsa and saw the fear and panic in her eyes. The sight of Elsa worried Anna.
"It's okay Elsa, calm down."
"You know these walls, they may fall down."
Elsa's breathing pace quickened at an alarming rate, her breaths became more and more frantic. She was begging for air, panting. The lack of air made her head hurt. Bangs were all she could hear, she felt them like knives inside her, looking for a way out of her body. It hurt, she felt the pain like a million firecrackers. Each of her pants become more forceful, she starting wheezing, her throat hurting. The air scratching the walls of her throat as it went up and down. No matter what she couldn't slow her breathing patterns or control it. Why couldn't she control it? The spike in her heart race felt like a punch and her blood felt hot and heavy, she couldn't move, she couldn't breath.
Burning sobs escaped her lips, she couldn't feel anything, numbness that she thought she could escape wrapped around her like a black blanket. She could barely hear her sisters frantic cries behind the loud, obnoxious ringing in her ears. The headache she felt before coming back strong and more powerful. Her tears felt less forced now, all she felt was numbness and he tears rolling onto her cheeks.
"But I'll still hold on to you."
She reached her hands out looking for something to grasp between her fingers, to let her know that yes she is still alive and safe. But she couldn't reach anything. She cried out loudly in frustration. She needed to grab something, her hands shook violently as they searched around for someone. For someone to help her escape this horror filled mess. She took in a gasp of breath and she finally held something, human flesh. The warm skin surprised her, her own skin cold from her pulse increasing. She couldn't think straight, pure white clouding her thoughts, she tried as hard as she could to picture someone, something, anything but it was no use.
She was going to die
She was going to die
She was going to die
She was going to die
"At heights higher then you'd imagine me too."
It was the end of the world. Everything was slipping beneath her feet.
Suddenly it was like everything was slowing down, the ringing quiet ended and her headache backed down.
"Elsa listen to me, you are strong, you can pull yourself out of this."
The tears dried faster than they landed and she felt herself get control of her body, she opened her eyes slowly and saw Flynn kneeling in front of her a smile on his lips but sweat on his forehead and tears on his cheeks, as well as in his now red eyes. As soon as he saw her calm down he hugged her tightly,
"Then maybe again we would weep like we've done a thousand times before."
"You're safe, you're safe I promise." He muttered into her hair. She shivered as she hugged him back, weak from her sudden attack. She was confused on whether it was from panic or anxiety. She never was good at Health or anything that was included in this type of situation.
"Thank you. 'M happy you're here." She whispered into his arm, it was barely audible but he heard it and smiled, kissing her head.
"Don't turn your back on me, or shout as you walk through the door."
Elsa's gaze fell upon the still, Crystal clear water in front of her. It was laying in the pristine white bath tub. It looked to beautiful, Elsa almost didn't want to get into it. But she did. She had to, she stank and needed to cool down from such an exciting day. She was nackered and quiet frankly needed a good meal. She stripped from her clothing and tipped her toes into the cool water, it burned her foot and she recoiled it, out of habit. She relaxed and placed her whole foot in, followed by her other foot and slowly, ever so slowly, lowered her body into the water. The water froze her skin to the touch. The cold was bothering her, she hated it but she did it because she had too.
"Be still my heart, I'm only a moment away."
Taking cold baths was apparently better for you as it refreshes your skin and makes you more happy. The cold bath is like a therapy session, when your in it you let out your anger by yelling about the cold. Something about this soothed Elsa, made her feel more at home and happier. It was foreign to her, she never had experienced it before so here she was trying it.
Doing her best to ignore all of her reflexes telling her to get out of the cold, she sank into the bath, tried to relax but her body started to shiver violently. Her shaky hand reached to the phone and she grabbed it playing some music to help the god awful experience. Her phone's battery started to play up and Elsa grunted on frustration. She unclipped the back and took the battery out. Something fell into the water and Elsa panicked, her put her phone on the side and reached down to grab what fell. Once her hand clasped it she knew what it was. Her thoughts bombarded her brain. She brought the metal blade to her face so she could see it more closely. She smiled a sickly sweet smile and remembered why she put it there. It was when she was at work one day and the blade fell from her bag, she stood on the blade until the room cleared and panicked, putting it in the back of her phone case. She didn't remember it, until now.
"In the next room or at the break of day."
Elsa almost welcomed the familiar dark thoughts that told her what to do, she complied with out a fight. She brought the blade to her upper arm and sliced her skin. Bubbles of blood appeared almost immediately. Soon the bubbles turned into a trickle of blood then a small stream. Elsa watched each drop hit the water. It stained the once clear water but then the blood disappeared. She was fascinated, maybe that's why she wanted to be a forensic scientist.
"and I would walk once again to see your face again."
When Elsa goes into work, the next day, she is Immediately bombarded by Flynn holding up a black shirt with 'North's Place' written in white on the back, the sleeves were short but would fall to Elsa's elbow because of the sizes. She froze for a minutes waiting for Flynn to speak.
"It's your new uniform. I'm so sorry." Flynn whispered looking down, Elsa saw he was wearing the same shirt but with the sleeves rolled up as far as they would go so they seemed sleeveless. Elsa grabbed the shirt breathing heavily and walked into the changing rooms where Rupunzel was standing there - in her new shirt - frowning.
"These shirts suck." She groaned, Elsa nodded and Astrid laughed.
"I'd hear every word you had to say."
"Please you only hate them because you can't show your cleavage to Flynn." Astrid chirped from across the room. Rupunzel stormed over and hit Astrid's arm multiple times. Elsa sighed and waited for them to leave before pulling her vest top of and pulling the shirt on, buttoning the front up. She looked in a full length mirror on the back of the door and her heart sank, it was so painfully obvious. This was all hopeless.
She walked out and grabbed a notepad and pen from the kitchen and went to take people's orders, trying her best to stay positive and happy when all she wanted to do was go home, wrap herself up in her duvet and cry whilst watching something sad like Sophie's Choice.
She walked over to the nearest table and took their orders, it was a young male and female, the male was sucking the female' snack and the female was giggling. They didn't notice her until Elsa cleared her throat.
"Then maybe again we would weep like we've done a thousand times before,"
"H-hello my names Elsa, can I take your order?" She asked, trying to -for the sake of the restaurant- sound happy but her voice kept cracking. She ignored it and ignore the runny nose she'd started to obtain because of her urgent need to cry.
"Yes my girlfriend will have a Chicken Tikka Curry and I'll have a Mac n Cheese." The man ordered, Elsa wrote it all down in scruffy handwriting. She forced a smile on her lips, lowering the notepad and held her back up straight, trying to appear professional.
"Will that be-" but she was cut off by the girls gasp, it didn't take Elsa longer than a second to realise the girl saw her arms. Her heart rate quickened and tears found their way to her eyes. She cleared her throat, muttered a quick "Excuse me." To the customers before running off, away from them. She didn't try to stop her tears anymore, they fell freely. Elsa knew no one would follow her but as she ran she couldn't help but trip, she squealed a little and awaited impact but - thankfully - North caught her. She looked up at him and, through the tears, smiled.
"Oops." She said laughing at herself but inside she cringes, her walls were growing thicker and thicker but at the same time an unknown source was chipping away at them.
"Are you okay?" North asked, pulling Elsa upright, Elsa nodded and folding her arms, hiding the underside of them. Her mind was banging. Her heart convulsing. She ran out of North's grip and ran to the toilets, chocking on her sobs and she threw up in the toilet, street getting to much for her body to handle. If she had to wear this uniform everyday, she would have to quit.
"Don't turn your back on me, or shout as you walk out he door."
Once her tears calmed down she stood up and splashed water on her face, rubbing it especially on her eyes which were extremely red. She sighed and walked out the room and into the employees room, pulling on a red hoody she kept in her locker incase of emergencies, today seemed like a great day to use it. She sat down, leaning against the wall. She pulled her knees up and rested her head on them, taking in a few deep breathes.
Jack walked into the employees room and saw Elsa in the corner. She had her knees pulled up to her face and arms pushed into her stomach. She heard footsteps and looked up to see Jack. She patted the spot next to her and he complied immediately. Once he sat she turned to him,
"I had a brother you know." She spoke suddenly, Jack jumped slightly, shocked by the sudden noise to echo the room. He was happy Elsa was choosing him to open up a little too. He knew she and Flynn were close, but - from what he heard Flynn say - she didn't open up. Which was a bad thing. Everyone needed someone to open up too.
"Really?" Jack looked at her, he found his eyes wondering her face, looking at her pale skin, the purple circles under her eyes. Her red eyes like she was just crying. Which, to his knowledge, she was. He felt something twist in his stomach.
"Yeah, he was the devil though." Elsa sneered, Jack had to take a double glance at her, she never used a voice like that. She must hate her brother. Jack found himself wondered, where was her brother now.
"How come?" Jack couldn't stop himself from questioning Elsa, sure he knew she wanted him to, but he didn't want to fuel any arguments, nor make a new one.
"Then maybe again we would weep like we've done a thousand time before."
"He'd hit my sister sometimes me." Elsa's voice was unsure, like there was a hidden truth beneath her words, as if what she was saying I fact had a story, but of course it had a story behind it. The hits started a year before she shut herself out. They started on...that day.
"He abused you?" Jack almost yelled, it was like something had clicked in his brain when he heard her say it. His mind went into a protective mode, like when his friend was being yelled at and he did what he could to help them. He wanted to help Elsa, he wanted to be the person she could rant to about anything.
"Yeah," Elsa admitted sadly, a permanent frown was scratched on her face, "How sick is that?" She asked laughing softly, she leaned her head on Jacks shoulder and took in a deep breath. Jack felt his heart jump slightly.
"Really sick." He agreed, being to good to admit that he liked the feeling of having Elsa's head on his shoulder, it was - to him - like he was protecting her from all the monsters in the world. She was his princess and he the guard. The guardian.
"'M sorry, I shouldn't burden you with these things." Elsa muttered, she moved her head slightly so her chin could rest on Jacks shoulder and she looked up at him, he looked at her and held her stare for a minute before smiling and kissing her the top of her head.
"Don't turn your back on me, or shout as you walk out the door."
"Don't worry about it sweetheart."