[Author's note: This was my all-time favorite chapter to write, and I hope you enjoy it!]

Chapter 5: Wolf's Rain Pt.4

Hawke comes home late one evening. Her mabari, Maxwell, awaits for her arrival. He barks happily as she comes in the door. It's well past midnight and she can hear Sandal snoring from his nearby bedroom. She walks through the foyer, setting her equipment on the bench and petting her hound on the head.

Hawke yawns as she enters the living area. When she opens her eyes, she's surprised to see Fenris standing by the fireplace. He looks nervous, she's not used to seeing him this way.

"Fenris?"

"I've been thinking about you. In fact, I've been able to think of little else," he says as he crosses the room to her. "Command me to go, and I shall."

Fenris was now only inches from Hawke's face, noticeably trembling. There was so much tension, she was sure all of Kirkwall could feel it. She looked right into Fenris's dark green eyes. She hoped her next move wouldn't be one she would regret. Secretly, so did he. "No need…" she whispered.

As if they could read each other's minds, they both grabbed on to the other. Hawke could feel his markings burning under her hands as they kissed, she wonders if it is hurting him. He backs away for a moment and Hawke grabs him, pushing him hard against the wall. They're all over each other. Every inch of their skin is like new land, and they are both exploring. Hawke slips off her boots and drops her belt to the ground. She pulls off Fenris's gauntlets, seeing his hands for the first time. They are so gentle, not at all what she was expecting.

Pieces of armor clank on the hard floor. Before they know it, they are both almost completely stripped. Out of fear of waking her guests, Hawke leads Fenris upstairs to her room and quietly closes the door.

Bodahn had not started a fire for her in her room that night. The only light in the room was pure moonlight. Fenris's skin glistened brightly in it. All color in the room was unable to be seen in the dim lighting. But somehow, Fenris could still see the blue in Hawke's eyes as he kissed her on the bed. His skin burns everywhere, but he doesn't want to stop. He doesn't want this to end. Not now.

Her smell. Her taste. It only feeds his appetite for her. He hopes she doesn't notice his inexperience in these sort of affairs. He looks at her quickly, looking for approval. His glance is met by a smile. He smiles back and continues.

After it was all over, Hawke fell asleep in Fenris's arms. He was someone she had never seen before, but at the same time, he was who she knew he was all along. She knew he could be kind, caring, sensitive, and even shy. He tried his best to hide it from her. Her eyes broke down every wall he put between them. He caught himself glancing at her from time to time when they would walk together. He could feel her look right through him.

He watched her as she slept, stroking her hair across her ear. He slowly crept out of the bed and to the fireplace. He quickly started a fire and began to return to Hawke when it hit him –

The next thing he knew, he was on the ground, writhed in pain. His mind ached. His skin burned. Images flashed before his eyes. Faces, places, sounds, conversations. He struggled through them. After a moment he realized he was seeing himself – his life – before enslavement. He had friends, no, lots of friends. Is that – his mother? He grasped desperately at the thoughts as they flooded him.

As quickly as they came…they were gone. Fenris continued to lie on the floor. His skin was hot against the cold stone. He sobbed quietly to himself, confused about the life he just saw…his life.

Why? What – what was that? Who was that? What's happening to me! Who were those people? My parents? My friends? No! Why can't I see them? I can't be here. I have to go. I can't do this.

He got a hold of himself and pulled himself up on the bed. He looked down at Hawke, she hadn't woken up, and he wanted to keep it that way.

He started down the stairs, gathering pieces of armor and clothing on the way. He began to dress quickly, checking up the stairs often for Hawke. As he reaches out for one of his gauntlets, he sees a red ribbon that Hawke had been wearing around her neck. He rubs it between his fingers, the silk as soft as her skin. He brings it to his face and it smells just like her. He's overcome by the urge to wrap it around his right wrist.

He trots up the stairs to get one more look at Hawke before he leaves. As he approaches the fireplace she begins to stir. He starts to turn away but realizes he would be caught. Instead he leans against the mantle, facing the door.

"Was it that bad?" she says, looking up at him.

"I'm sorry. It's not…it was fine." He turns around to see her looking at the floor sadly. "No, that is insufficient. It was better than anything I could have dreamed." At that, the corners of her mouth move to make a slight smile. It quickly changes before she speaks.

"Your markings. They hurt, don't they?" Up until this point, he had assumed that she didn't notice. The burning must have been a lot stronger than he originally thought.

"It's not that. I began to remember, my life before. Just…flashes. It's too much. This is too fast. I cannot do this."

"Your life before? What do you mean?"

"I've never remembered anything from before the ritual. But there were faces, words…for just a moment I could recall all of it. And then it slipped away."

"Don't you want to get your memories back?"

He sees her eyeing the ribbon on his wrist. He turns before she can get a good look at it. "Perhaps you don't realize how upsetting this is. I've never remembered anything. And to have it all come back in a rush only to lose it. I can't. I can't."

I can't let her see me like this. Broken. Weak. I must be strong. I must be. Even if that means…

"We can work through this." Hawke says. Fenris can hear the genuine sincerity in her voice. He knows what he needs to do, but he wants to do anything but that.

"I'm sorry. I feel like such a fool. All I wanted was to be happy, just for a little while." He turns away so as not to see the expression on her face. If he must break her heart, he can't bear to see her face when he does it. "Forgive me."

Fenris bounds down the stairs as quickly as he can, rushing past the Mabari on his way out the door. It's a short walk to his home, but it feels like years. All the while, he fought off the urge to stop and return to her.

This is what must be done. The only way she can be happy is without me. I'm not sure that the same can be said for me, but it doesn't matter.

He enters his home and almost forgets to close the door behind him. He throws his chest piece across the room, breaking several empty wine bottles. He tosses his left gauntlet into the window, cracking it slightly. He goes to throw the other when he sees the ribbon. Her ribbon. The only physical reminder of their night together. He removes the ribbon and drops the gauntlet next to him. He ties the ribbon over his right wrist again. His skin tingles slightly underneath it. He slumps down into a heap on the floor.

Such a fool. She'll never forgive me. Would you forgive you? You had your chance and you blew it. He eyes the broken glass all over the floor. This…cannot be undone.

Hawke is frozen in place. She jumps slightly when she hears the front door slam behind Fenris. She begins to cry, wondering what she did to upset him.

I don't understand. I thought – I thought we felt the same. His face…his soft touch. He said sweet nothings in Arcanum. I just…I thought it was right. I've never seen him smile like that. I've never seen him so sincere. But now…he's gone. She curls up in a ball, pulling her knees tightly to her chest. Every time she closes her eyes, all she can see is his face. His dark green eyes felt as though they were looking into her soul. That rare expression – a smile. It was so innocuous, but so meaningful.

Xxxxx

Aveline and Fenris have returned to the inn.

Aveline makes a friendly nod at Fenris and goes down the hall to her room. He goes up the stairs soon after and heads to the last room on the left. When he goes to unlock the door it opens at the slightest touch. He steps back and unsheathes his sword. He holds steady and nudges the door open with his elbow, expecting a hunter. Instead of an intruder, it's Hawke. She's sitting on the bed looking out the window, lockpick in hand. Fenris sheathes his sword, but remains in the doorway.

"I knocked first." Hawke said finally as she twirls the loop of her lockpicking tools around her finger. "I had to talk to you." Fenris steps inside and closes the door behind him. "I don't know what came over me." She says as she looks down at the floor.

"It wasn't what it looked like…she was...from before."

She now looks up at him. "Did you remember her?"

"Hardly. I only remembered leaving her. I left her for my family." Hawke looks back down at the floor. "I would…never leave you. Not again," he says as he takes a step forward.

"I thought you had."

He walks over to the side of the bed and sits next to her. She still can't look at him. She can't shake the image of that woman kissing him. She doesn't even notice when he removes his left gauntlet and gauntlet and sets it down next to his feet. "When anyone else touches me," he whispers as he takes her hand, "My skin burns in pain. It never hurts with you. It burns, but it doesn't hurt." They sit in silence for a few moments. Hawke wants to be mad at him but she just can't. He turns her hand over and runs his fingers slowly across her palm all the way up her fingertips, then back again.

"I need to say something." Says Fenris, pulling Hawke out of the trance like state she always finds herself in every time he touches her. "I don't know how to say it." He looks away and mumbles something to himself in Arcanum. Hawke watches as he fiddles with a pocket on his belt. He looks back at Hawke and takes a deep breath.

"I need you to know that I will never leave your side again. My place is here, it always has been. Nothing can keep me from you." He stands from the bed, still holding Hawke's hand and sits down on his knees, his green eyes almost glowing in the moonlight. He looks away again.

"What is it?" Hawke says.

"I want to be with you until the end," he says, looking back at her. "I want to know that you feel that way too." He takes his hand out of hers and reaches down into his belt pocket again. He brings his hand back up to hers to reveal a beautifully hand-carved ring made out of bone. Hawke stares at is in amazement. She takes it from his hand and turns it all around, examining its fine detail. There is a very distinct profile of a wolf carved into the bone. The design swirls around the wide band, reminding Hawke of Fenris's markings.

"It's Tevinter tradition," he says as he watches her face. "to wear a symbol that shows other people that you're in love."

"Where did you get this?" Hawke whispers.

"I…made it," he says with a smile.

She stops looking at the ring for a moment and directs her gaze to his face. "You…made this? It's so beautiful." She pauses for a moment and looks down at the ring again. "Are you…asking me to marry you?"

"I suppose that is the best way to say it," he says, gently taking the ring from her. "I want to be with you forever, Hawke. I ask you to do the same."

"I wouldn't have it any other way," she says as she holds back tears. He smiles and slips the bright white ring over her finger. She slides down off of the bed and into his lap. She reaches up then to touch his face, and he gently kisses her hand.

There is nothing I enjoy more in this life than to see your face when you're happy, Hawke thinks to herself. Fenris wraps his arms around her, putting his bare hand on the back of her neck. Hawke lets out a small sigh and hugs him close to her.