Disclaimer: I'm not SM, therefore, I don't own twilight. Duh.

BPOV:

The minute I stepped outside the front door, it was as if I had passed some imaginary threshold, where Jasper's ability didn't work. Agonizing waves of pain washed over me, threatening to drown me. But…how could I go back inside? How could I admit that I wasn't fine, when they had their own troubles to mull over? I couldn't.

So I made my way to my old and rusted car; the one that I still, if bizarrely, loved. I opened the door, fumbling with the handle for a moment. I hadn't locked it, so I didn't have to waste time awkwardly trying to fit the key into the door. I flinched at that thought. Someone had once said that he and I were like a lock and key, made for each other. Sure we were.

I slid into the driver's seat, grateful that I had not opted for a ride. The Cullen's would have to see pathetic Bella make its appearance, would have to see my weakness rear its head.

And now Idid have to deal with a key, now I did have to fumble awkwardly to get it in the ignition. After what felt like hours, I managed to start the car and drive away from the house as quickly as I could (which was around 60 miles an hour).

I finally arrived at my house, and mercifully, Charlie wasn't back from his fishing expedition. I needed time to compose myself, to convince Charlie that I wasn't going to do anything stupid. Though, I myself wasn't sure that it wouldn't be easier to take Charlie's gun to my face, or swallow a bottle of pills. Anything to end the pain. Of course it would be easier. But then I imagined Charlie's face, and I knew I would never take my own life. Not as long as he lived.

I figured I should start dinner, and perhaps do a load of laundry. There was no reason to make Charlie do extra work, just because I had been stupid and gullible. Just because I had believed he loved me.

I shook my head, trying to clear it.

If I was going to wallow in self pity, I might as well get the dishes done at the same time.

I allowed myself to sink in a comfortable numbness, aware from past experience that this wasn't the best method for coping, but also aware that short of suicide, nothing else could diminish the pain I felt. Well, maybe Jasper could. But I couldn't expect him to stay with me, given his own grief.

By the time Charlie returned, it was around nine o'clock, and the dishes were done, the laundry was fresh, folded, and put away. I had even started on my homework.

I was alerted to his coming home by the turn of the front door, and his usual call of "Bella? You here?"

I took a shuddering breath. I was determined to stop him from finding out what happened. Or, given that Forks was a breeding ground for gossip, I was determined to stop him finding out until I was at school tomorrow, away from his pity, away from his disguised happiness at Edward being gone, away from the "I told you so's" I would no doubt hear.

But I was Bella. I didn't have such luck.

"Bells?" he asked, as soon as he saw me.

I'd been sitting on the couch in the living room, staring at the television but not watching, not at all interested in the news.

"Bells, what's wrong?"

I caved fast. I couldn't keep up my numbness, no matter how hard I tried to summon it back.

"Edw--Edwar—Edward and I…"

It was funny. That time he left me, told me he didn't love me, I'd believed him. Even though he'd been lying. (had he been lying?) But now…I had felt like this was some kind of surreal dream, the kind where you wake up severely disoriented. And then I'd said his name, and the old wounds in my side opened again, with more agony than I'd thought possible.

Keep it together, Bella.

I took another slow, deep breath, trying to stem the tears that threatened to spring.

"He…he-and-I-broke-up," I finished, stringing the last words together so quickly I was worried Charlie may not have caught it.

Of course he had.

"Oh, Bella. I'm so sorry. I knew he'd do something like this to you…" He started going into a rant about how he'd known Edward wasn't good enough for me, though of course he had it backwards. I was the one who wasn't good enough, the one who caused tragedy wherever she went.

I sighed as I responded, finally able to recapture some of my earlier numbness. Better than the pain.

"It's fine, Ch-Dad. I think I'm going to go to my room now…I need some sleep."

I tried giving a small smile, though, for the second time that day, it probably looked more like a grimace.

Charlie eyed me critically. Why did he have to choose now to be an observant parent?

"You sure? You don't wanna go down to La Push for the night? I know last time…" he broke off, probably aware that mentioning this had happened once before wasn't going to do me any good.

He cleared his throat before finishing.

"I know that Jake's always been there for you."

I contemplated this. He had always been there, but I didn't want to intrude, especially since he'd imprinted. He had met a girl from his high school, on the reservation. Her name was Summer, and they were blissfully happy together.

It had been almost a relief, in a way, to have Jake's advances towards me stop. But Charlie hadn't given up on the two of us, and still relished any opportunity to get us together.

"No…dad…I'll be fine. I just want to go to bed," I yawned as a responded, hoping to coerce him into leaving me be.

He still looked doubtful as he gave his permission to let me out of his sight, but all I wanted was to get away, to be able to express my emotions without fear of causing others pain.

I ran up to my room, tripping twice along the way.

(Stupid, clumsy human, no wonder Edward didn't love you)

I threw open my door, and flopped onto the bed, finally letting the tears that I had tried so hard to hold back, spill.

I cried for everything I had lost; my love, my best friend, my happiness.

I cried for hours, muffling the sobs with a pillow so Charlie wouldn't investigate.

I finally fell asleep as the dawn light streamed into the window, though my sleep didn't last long.

I was in our meadow again. Just looking, though I didn't know for what. Then I saw him, and I remembered, remembered that he'd left again. I didn't care though, I just wanted him back. He was stating into the distance. I ran up to him, trying so hard not to fall and make him walk away in disgust. "EDWARD!" He turned around as I said this. "You came back for me!" I was almost crying in joy. But then he took my face in his hands and said "No ,Bella. You're not worth it. You've never been."I was devastated. Worse than I had been when I'd seen him in the arms of Alice, because even then he hadn't been so blunt. "Why…why did you come back then?" I needed to know. But he only laughed and ran away at vampire speed, soon becoming a blur in the distance.

My alarm clock rang.

Just-a-dream-just-a-dream-just-a-dream, Bella.

I stared out the window, and as I did so, I could've sworn I say someone with pale skin flit away as if he were a shadow.

It was probably just my imagination running away again.

A/N:

Woo!

Thanks for the reviews.

I'm glad to know I'm not the only one with a fear of clowns killing me as I sleep. x.x;

And sorry it's been taking more than a day to update, I've got bio homework. And I'm failing math, haha. :[

Anyway, review and my math teacher'll give you all A's.

:D