Dialogue from Triangle by Jane Espenson
Buffy and Faith darted around each other, sparring in accordance with Giles' directions.
"They haven't told us anything we don't all ready know," Faith complained. "What makes ya think they'll be able to help any more?"
"Buffy, you're dropping your shoulder. The, uh, resources that the Watcher's Council has at their disposal." He sighed wistfully. "I mean, the Central Library alone is just massive."
Buffy ducked under Faith's fist. "Do not talk about the books again. You get all," she paused, trying to find a word, and gave up. "And sometimes there's drool." She swept her left leg toward Faith, who jumped nimbly in the air.
"I'm sorry, but we, we've really exhausted the materials I have here, and we're coming up empty." He looked at them thoughtfully. "You're still dropping your shoulder." When Faith smirked, he reminded her, "I can see when you're going with your right."
"Answer me," Faith demanded, and bent back, away from Buffy's fist.
"I won't mention Dawn's name, I promise."
Both Slayers stopped and turned to look at Giles.
"They all ready know that Glory is looking for the Key. They don't need to know more than that."
"I don't trust them," Buffy said.
"I know. That's why we hold our cards close to the vest and try to force them to show theirs."
Faith laughed. "You've been watching old Westerns again."
Giles blushed. "I will not do anything to endanger Dawn. They are our best resource. Back to work."
As she resumed her position, Buffy said, "If it will help you find out anything about more about Glory, I don't have to like it, but I'll deal with it." She backed away from Faith's first offensive moves, trying to remember to keep her shoulder up.
The next afternoon, all of them but Faith sat around the table, continuing to research. Dawn sat between Buffy and Willow, concentrating on her book.
"You're going away for a *week*? That's great!" Anya said happily.
"Yes, yes, everybody seems delighted about it," Giles grumbled, picking the next book from the pile.
"Well, I get to run the store, right?" Anya said.
Giles looked up, eyes wide. "You? Ah, well, it's quite a lot for one person to take care of. Well, I-I mean, the trash men, for example, I mean, they, they, they've been making such a mess in the back alley, the recycling people can't get in there to collect. Well, somebody has to talk to them."
"I can take care of that," Anya answered confidently.
"I'm envious, Mr. Giles," Tara said. "A trip to England sounds so exciting and exotic." She paused as she realized what she said. "Uh, unless you're English."
Giles grinned at her while Buffy said, "Look, don't worry about the shop. We'll take care of it. We can open and close, and, and we'll deal with everyone."
Anya frowned.
"We can come by between classes! Usually I use that time to copy over my class notes with a system of different colored pens, but it's been pointed out to me that that's, you know, insane."
"I said 'quirky,'" Buffy responded quickly.
"Hello, I work here!," Anya said, her annoyance clear from her tone. "I'll take care of everything."
"Yeah, Anya can do it," Xander said without looking up from his book.
"Thanks, sweetie." Anya patted Xander's shoulder. "Well said."
"Um, Anya, while, while I completely trust you uh, uh, to take care of the inventory and the money, um, dealing with people requires a certain, uh, finesse."
"I have finesse!" Anya told Giles angrily. "I have finesse coming out of my bottom! I can completely lie to the health inspector. I can, you know, distract him with coy smiles, and, and bribe him with money and goods."
"See there? She'll be great," Xander added.
"Don't worry, Giles," Willow reassured. "We'll help her take care of everything. It'll be ship-shape. Better, it'll be shop-shape."
"Xander, she's talking to Giles like I'm not here. Make her stop."
"Perhaps I'd better call the airline," Giles said, looking around the table.
"I'm just trying to help out! Xander, tell her," Willow said. When he didn't reply, he smacked his arm.
"Schedule an earlier flight back," Giles decided, and got up. "Excuse me."
"Tell her that I don't need her help," Anya ordered Xander.
Xander, between Willow and Anya, decided to stay out of their argument, and lowered his head more, as if the book was extremely interesting.
Tara and Willow left with Faith when the Slayer went to open the gallery. Faith left them at the edge of campus and veered off toward downtown.
When she finished drying the dishes, Buffy went upstairs to check on her mother again. She found Joyce wearing a striped sweater and dark pants, a scarf hiding her hair. Her bathrobe was on the bed.
"You!" Buffy said, surprised. "You with the actual clothing, who are you?" She turned toward the door.
"It's hard to recognize me, huh?" Joyce answered.
"No more bathrobe."
"Hmm. I looked at it today, and there it was, all fuzzy and blue, and I just couldn't stand it any more."
"I don't think the rest of us will miss it much either," Buffy smiled. "It was getting a little ripe, Mom."
"It doesn't smell!" Joyce said defensively. "Fine, fine, make your funny jokes at the expense of the woman with the hole in her skull." She sat on the bed.
"I don't wanna tire you out. I think it's library day. Willow's going to the Magic Box to help Anya after class, so call there if you need us." Buffy darted to the bed and kissed her mother's cheek before hurrying downstairs to check on Dawn.
While Anya worked the register, Willow stood in front of the herb shelves with an open book in her hand. "Good," she said to herself. "Hellebore's next." She turned and put it on the counter. "I tried to use it to de-rat Amy," she told Anya, "and it didn't work. But I think it might have made her really smart. She keeps giving me these looks like she's planning something. Rubbing her paws together."
"What are you doing?" Anya sounded more aggravated than curious.
"I'm gonna try out a few spells," Willow answered. "There's this one where you create a light, and Tara and I were talking and we thought, what if you could make, like, simulated sunlight? Then if one of us got caught, we could just go, 'Presto!' Except it wouldn't be 'presto' exactly, and voom! Floating ball of sunlight, vamps get dusty. Don't think you'd wanna watch, though."
"That's swell, but you can't use this stuff. Giles has only been gone two days and you're already causing trouble. You shouldn't do things while he's gone."
"You're the fish!" Willow smiled.
"What?" Anya was thrown.
"The, the fish in the bowl, in The Cat in the Hat. He was always saying that the cat shouldn't be there while the mother was out."
"What are you talking about?"
"It's one of Dawn's books. This cat does all this mischief. He balances a bunch of stuff, including that fish in the bowl. But don't try it for real when you're six, because then you're not allowed to have fish for five years."
"You're referencing literature I have no way to be familiar with. You're trying to make me feel left out, and you're stealing!" Anya was getting more wound up as the conversation continued.
"I'm not stealing. I, I'm just taking things without paying for th-" Willow paused. "In what twisted dictionary is that stealing? Besides, Giles would be totally fine with this. C'mon, it'll be fun. I'll show you how to do some stuff. You could be floatin' pencils by the end of the day."
"Sometimes I miss having powers," Anya sighed, and Willow grinned. After a moment, Anya realized what Willow was doing. "Oh! I know what this is," she said, shaking her finger at Willow. "This is peer pressure! Any second now you're gonna make me smoke tobacco and, and have drugs."
"Look how easy," Willow smirked, drawing Anya's attention to the counter. A small stick of dried sage and a vial rose from the table and floated in the air.
"Hey! Don't float the merchandise," Anya protested, and reached past Willow to grab them and pull them back onto the counter.
Willow turned and levitated some books from the table.
"Stop that!" Anya insisted, and headed for the table.
Xander came up from the basement and walked past the floating books without noticing them.
"Hey, look at this, my two favorite girls!"
"Xander, Willow's stealing. She's a burglar."
"Right, the cunning, broad daylight in front of everyone burglar. Xander, I'm just doing a spell to help Buffy."
Xander nodded.
"Xander, Giles left me in charge. Tell her."
"Hey, hey, Judge Xander requesting a recess here."
"Xander, what I'm doing, it's a good thing. And if it doesn't work, Giles never even needs to know about it," Willow rationalized while grinding herbs with a mortar and pestle. She finished, took a pinch from the bowl, and sprinkled it on the cash register, which promptly disappeared in a puff of pink smoke. "Oops."
Anya rushed behind the counter. "The cash register! What did you do with the cash register? Dear god!"
"I'll fix it, I'll fix it!" Willow said. "Recursat."
The cash register appeared when the second puff of pink smoke disappeared. Most of the register tape was hanging out.
"There, all back. Good as new," Willow said proudly.
"Money. Did you hurt the money?" Anya opened the cash register and coughed when white smoke came out of the drawer. "Money good?" She removed some cash and shook it at Xander. "She endangered the money!"
Xander shrugged.
"Of course, that's what she cares about. I like money better than people. People can so rarely be exchanged for goods and/or services," Willow mocked.
"Xander, she's pretending to be me!"
"Well, can you even believe how she's acting?"
"Okay, you know what?" Xander said. "I'm tired of being the one in the middle. I'm not gonna let you pull me into this."
"I'm not."
Xander ignored her. "Whatever the issue is between you two, just figure it out without me." He headed for the door.
"Xander, don't go!" Anya called, but Xander slammed the door.
"You made him mad," Willow said softly.
"Me?!" Anya said incredulously.
"You," Willow answered, and went out into the shop. She returned to the counter with a cauldron and placed it on the counter. She picked up the book and opened it to a different page, then began to gather ingredients.
Anya grabbed a notebook and pencil from under the register and perched on a stool to watch Willow.
"Fleabane." Willow measured the herb into the mortar.
"Fifteen cents," Anya said, writing it in the notebook.
"Salamander eyes." Willow added them to the mortar.
"Ten bucks for twelve. Bargain."
"Bindweed."
" Ugh, ooh, that's a pricey one."
"Would you stop that? It's very distracting," Willow said irritably.
"Fine. Make your little ball of sunshine. I'll be quiet."
"Good, because this spell is very sensitive. Once I begin, any non-ritual word can disrupt it." Willow picked up the pestle and began to grind the ingredients.
"Fine," Anya said snippily.
"Ok, here we go." Willow poured the mixture into the cauldron, closed her eyes, and took a deep breath.
"Did you start yet?"
Willow exhaled loudly and gave Anya an annoyed look. "Shh, no! This is it." She closed here eyes and inhaled again. "Spirits of light, I invoke thee. Let the gloom of darkness part before you."
A small circle of yellow-orange light rose from the cauldron and began to spin.
"Let the moonlight be made pale by your presence," Willow continued. "Spirits"
"Is it done?" Anya asked.
Willow shushed her while the circle became larger and brighter. "Spirits of light, grant my wishes."
"Sorry, I thought you were done."
"Do you *wanna* screw this up?" Willow asked angrily and turned to Anya.
The circle of light continued to grow and twist
"No. No. I'm sure you can do that all on your own," Anya answered.
"Hey Anya, whatever really has you mad, why don't you just say it, like you do every other thought that stomps through your brain?"
Anya stood. "I believe I have said it."
"No. You haven't. Come on. Let it out!" Willow taunted.
The light dropped through the glass countertop and touched a large crystal ball in the display case. It flashed and a large demon appeared next to the counter. Willow and Anya shrieked and grabbed each other.
They stared at the demon. It was seven feet tall, with long red hair, scaly green skin, a large red beard, and horns. He held a large hammer. It stumbled and swayed for a few seconds before becoming steady, then looked at himself. When he looked around the room, he saw Anya and Willow.
The demon roared, and the women shrieked and grabbed each other again. Growling, he smashed his hammer through the display case. He destroyed a statue on a pedestal on his way out the door.
Willow and Anya cautiously followed him.
"He's not a ball of sunshine," Willow said.
"You think?" Anya asked sarcastically. "We better keep track of it until we can find Buffy or Faith."
Moments later, they were in Giles' new car, breaking the speed limit while they tracked the demon through town.
"There, that parked car." Anya pointed to a parked car with the side smashed in. "We're still on his trail."
Willow, in the passenger seat, tried to keep papers from flying away while she read the top one. The car screeched around a corner.
"I don't even get how we made that guy, because, wow, advanced!" Willow said, most of her attention on the papers.
"No one made him. He must have been trapped in that crystal, and you released him."
"I released him? No, this was definitely a "we" thing. Or, or a "you" thing! I-it definitely feels like a you thing."
"Look, just find the reversal spell. And hurry! Look what he did to that lamppost!"
"I'm trying to. Put the top up, the pages are all blowy."
"I don't know how to put the top up, I only just figured out what the left pedal does." Anya smiled at Willow. "It makes us stop!" she explained, and slammed on the brakes.
Willow grabbed the door to remain in her seat. "You don't know how to drive?" she yelled while Anya got the car moving again. "Why didn't you say you don't know how to drive?"
"Well, I couldn't know if I could until I tried, could I?"
They looked at each other angrily.
"This is very, very bad. There, there's an ogre on the loose"
"Troll," Anya corrected.
"What?"
"Troll on the loose. Now hold on, I'm gonna press the right pedal harder," she smiled. "I expect us to accelerate." She pressed on the gas pedal and they were thrown back in their seats as the car picked up speed.
Willow was furious. "There's a troll on the loose, and you're gonna crash Giles' car!" she yelled.
"It's likely," Anya agreed. "We're going very fast. You should have listened to me and not done the spell. Giles put me in charge."
"Giles can be an idiot. The smart kind, but still."
"Xander agreed," Anya said smugly.
"Oh, right. Xander doesn't step out of line," Willow answered sarcastically.
Anya turned her attention to Willow. "Well, what do you mean by that?"
"Nothing." Willow looked up and pointed at something.
Anya looked back at the road and turned the wheel quickly. The car screeched around another corner, barely missing another parked car, which had its roof bashed in. Some of the papers escaped from Willow's hand and were lost in the wind behind the car. Willow turned to look at them.
"Find that spell quickly!" Anya ordered.
"Whoa, that's gone."
"This is very bad," Buffy said softly. She scooped Dawn up and stepped over the mess in the doorway. "Willow? Anya?"
When she didn't get an answer, she left the stop quickly. Buffy hurried to the art gallery and went to the office, where Tara sat at Joyce's desk. "You stay with Aunt Tara for a while, ok? I'm gonna find Mommy."
"Buffy, what's wrong?"
"The Magic Box is all torn up and Willow and Anya are gone."
"Do you want me to go with you?" Tara offered.
"No. I just need you to keep an eye on Dawn. I'll call if I need you guys." Buffy kissed Dawn's head and took off again.
Moments later, Faith entered the office. "Thought I heard the bell. Hey, kiddo!"
"Buffy said something's wrong at the Magic Box."
Faith rolled her eyes. "Probably Red and the demon girl having another argument."
"Mommy's not there."
"I'm sure your Mom will find her," Faith reassured her.
By nightfall, the troll had wandered through much of Sunnydale. He turned a corner and saw a dumpster, which he smacked with his hammer. He laughed as it spun across the street. "Puny receptacle!" he laughed loudly.
People on the other side of the street stared, and the troll growled. "You do well to flee, townspeople! I will pillage your lands and dwellings!"
The people took off, but the troll continued his rant. "I will burn your crops and make merry sport with your more attractive daughters! Ha ha ha! Mark my words!" He paused and sniffed the air. "Oooh! Ale! I smell delicious ale!"
He turned and followed the odor.
Xander looked up from his table when the door to the Bronze opened and sighed when a large creature entered. "Great," he muttered. "I shoulda gone to Willy's."
"Ale! Yes!" the troll yelled, and walked over to the barback, who had two kegs on a dolly. "Ah, fragrant ale!" he sighed and lifted a keg with one hand. He knocked the plug from the keg and drained it, and dropped the empty container. He looked around and spotted a server. "Barmaid! Bring me stronger ale, and some plump, succulent babies to eat."
When the barmaid didn't move immediately, the troll pointed at Xander. "You there!" He approached Xander. "Do you know where there are babies?"
"Um, listen," Xander began.
"I find myself very hungry. And when I'm hungry I grow short of patience," the troll threatened.
"Well, we can take care of the hungry, so how's about you just sit down in one of the, uh, sturdier chairs, and we can have a calm talk and something to eat."
"Can it be babies?" the troll asked eagerly.
"Well, not so much."
"Oh," the troll said with disappointment.
"But maybe some roast pigs, and, and stags, and, uh, much hearty grog," Xander grinned nervously.
"You cannot appease me!" the troll growled. "Do not try!" He turned toward the bar and bellowed, "More ale!" before grabbing the second keg from the dolly.
While the troll was distracted, Xander got up and moved toward the door. When he reached it, Willow and Anya opened it.
"Xander! You shouldn't be here," Anya said. "There's a troll." She went to him and put her arms around him.
"Uh, a big guy? Hammer?" Xander asked, and Anya nodded. " I think I noticed him." Xander pointed toward the troll, who was still busy with the second key.
"I wish Buffy was here," Willow said.
Seconds later, the door opened again, and Buffy ran in.
"I'm here," Buffy said to her friends. "What's going on? Where did he come from?"
"I wish I had a Cray supercomputer," Willow said. "What?" She looked around, then shrugged at her friends, who looked at her quizzically.
"Willow stole ingredients and released him from a purple crystal. He's a troll," Anya said.
"You did this?" Buffy asked.
"Me? No, we. I mean, us." Willow pointed at Anya. "Uh, her. It's very complex."
"Well, we can stop him," Anya said. "Willow, do the spell."
Willow opened the book she carried in from the car. "Uh, let the conjuring be"
The troll heard her and dropped the keg. "Stop!" he yelled, and growled at them.
"Nobody lets me finish," Willow complained.
"You. Told the witch to do that, Anyanka. You seem determined to put an end to all my fun. Just like you always did when we were dating!"
Anya looked alarmed. Buffy and Willow stared at her, and Xander frowned.
"You dated him?" Xander asked.
"You dated a troll?" Buffy asked.
"And we're surprised by this?" Willow said.
"Well, he wasn't a troll then!" Anya explained. "You know, he was just a big dumb guy, and. Well, you know, he cheated on me and I made him into a troll, which by the way is how I got the job as a vengeance demon."
The troll roared with rage and smashed the bar with his hammer. That was the last straw for the patrons, who began to exit, screaming with panic.
"I did not cheat!" the troll bellowed. "Not in my heart. It was only one wench. I had had a great deal of mead! Next thing I know, I'm a troll. Oh. Oh. You did this, Anyaka. You will die for this.
"But, but you seem to enjoy being a troll," Xander said.
The troll shrugged. "I adjusted. And then what happened? Witches? Filthy, disgusting witches."
Willow looked offended.
"They trapped me. I was imprisoned in that crystal for centuries. Oooo, a curse on all witches! All must die!"
"Willow, again," Buffy prompted.
Willow looked from the troll to Buffy, then back at the book. "Let the conjuring be undone. Return the beast to native form," she read.
The troll moved toward her. "Witch, you must stop!"
Willow read more quickly. "Keep it far from us and ours as long as my voice shall sound."
Olaf paused, and when nothing happened, he laughed. "It did not work!"
Willow frantically flipped the pages. "Ok, wait! Uh, let the conjuring"
The troll lunged toward Willow, but Buffy kicked him in the chest. She drove him back, kicking and punching, until he was laid out on a pool table. They struggled for the hammer, and the troll pushed Buffy off. She flew threw the air and landed in a heap on the floor.
The troll went on a rampage. He swung wildly at the pillars supporting the mezzanine and somehow managed to connect every time. The pillars crumbled, dropping flooring, people, tables, and chairs onto the main floor. A table landed on Buffy, and by the time she got out from beneath it, the troll was gone.
"You all right?" she asked Willow, who nodded. "Xander, follow him. Anya, you and Willow go back to the magic shop and find a spell that will actually stop him." Buffy didn't wait for an answer. Xander kissed Anya's cheek before jogging out the door. After a moment, Willow and Anya left, too.
Willow frantically browsed the shelves looking for anything she thought might help. "Hurry up! I'm taking everything on relocation spells, suspension spells, and, what the heck, spells to make him really sleepy, 'cause, slightly better." She gathered an armload of books and dropped them onto the table.
Anya came from behind the counter, her arms full. "In case we need 'em, I'm getting more of all the things you stole."
"I didn't - why do you do that?"
"What?" Anya said while she went back to the counter.
"You're so rude! I mean, sure, at first, ex-demon, doesn't know the rules. Well, you been here forever. Learn the rules."
Anya returned with more herbs. "Rules are stupid."
"Great, whatever," Willow said. They both sat down and opened a book. "I just thought you might be interested in learning to act more human. Some of us enjoy it. Oh, look for, uh, spells with dimensional portals too."
"I am a human. And there are many humans who are stranger than me."
"Uh-huh, but, unless I'm really wrong about crazy Larry down at the bus stop, he's probably not gonna turn Xander into a troll."
"Well, now, that's a very complicated proced-" Anya paused. "Oh. You think I'm gonna hurt Xander? I would *never* hurt Xander!"
Willow looked at her skeptically.
"You really think I would do that!"
"Anya, it's what you do. You spent what, a thousand years hurting men? You got your "thousand years of hurting men" gold watch."
"I was a demon then, and, and I don't even have any powers now! Is this the spell?" She held up a book so Willow could see the type.
"Only if you want him to double in size, and grow extra arms, which, let's not. A-and by the way, you weren't a demon when you turned Olaf into Lord of the Hammers. You managed that. Also, there's other ways to hurt Xander."
"I don't do magic now. You're the one with that kind of power. In fact, D'Hoffryn offered you my old job. You're closer to being a vengeance demon than I am, maybe Xander should be afraid of you."
"Xander's my best friend!" Willow said indignantly.
"Oh, and you don't want anyone else to have him. I know what broke up him and Cordelia, you know. It was you! And your lips!"
"No it was not! Well, yes it was so, but. That was a long time ago. Do you think I'd do that again?"
"Why not?"
"Well, hello, gay now."
"But you're always doing everything you can to, to point out how much I'm an outsider. You've known him since you were squalling infants together. You'll always know him better than I do. You could sweep in and, and poison his mind against me."
"You're insane! I am not gonna take him away and I am not gonna hurt him."
"Well, I'm not either!"
The door crashed open, and Olaf entered the shop through its remains. Willow and Anya jumped up.
"Aha!" the troll said, and walked toward them.
Anya pushed Willow behind her, but they held onto each other.
"I knew it. You two, performing more spells. I could be out pillaging, devouring babies, making merry with the local virgins, but instead, I had to come all the way back here to kill you."
"Run!" Willow yelled, and they separated.
Olaf grabbed one with each arm, and they screamed. He threw them over the counter. They bounced off the shelves and onto the floor. Olaf raised his hammer, chuckling.
Xander ran into the shop. "No! Get away from them!"
Olaf turned and laughed at Xander. "I will get away from them, after I kill them."
"You are not touching these women," Xander said, and ran toward the troll.
Olaf raised his hammer. Xander ran into and fell down. He winced while Olaf lifted him by his shirt. Xander punched Olaf's face, and the troll countered with a hammer blow to Xander's head. Xander flew across the room and hit a wall, but got up.
"Ah, you wish for more? Admirable!"
Xander ran for Olaf again, but the troll grabbed his arm and hit Xander in the head with the hammer again, knocking him to the floor. The troll grabbed the collar of Xander's jacket and slid him across the floor into another display case, but Xander got up again. He stumbled halfway up the stairs and launched himself toward the troll.
This time, Olaf caught Xander and slammed him on the floor. "You fight well, although you are a tiny man." Olaf raised Xander from the floor. "I shall reward you. Only one of your women shall die and you shall be the one to choose."
Willow and Anya sat up.
"Did he just say?" Willow began.
Olaf laughed and waved his hand toward the women. He kept one arm around Xander's shoulders. "Anyanka or the witch. One of your women must die."
While Anya and Willow stood up, Xander shook his head. "No. You are one crazy troll, I, I'm not choosing between my girlfriend and my best friend. That's insane troll logic."
"Go, Xander. I love you," Anya said.
Olaf laughed again and shook Xander. "Good for you. You are a loyal man." He grabbed Xander's wrist and flexed it until something cracked.
Anya and Willow screamed while Xander doubled over.
"Xander!"
"Now. Choose." Olaf ordered.
"Olaf, no!" Anya yelled.
"I'm not choosing," Xander said, although he remained doubled over.
"Then you shall be the one to die." Olaf grabbed Xander by the hair and raised him up. He prepared to smash Xander with the hammer.
Anya rushed to them. "No! Choose me! Just don't take him! Don't take Xander!" she pleaded.
Willow moved behind Anya and threw a handful of powder at the troll. "E conspectu abeat monstrum." The cash register disappeared. "Damn."
Buffy ran in and charged Olaf, who dropped Xander. She punched the troll in the stomach.
"Buffy, the hammer!" Anya yelled. "The strength's in the hammer!"
Olaf swung the hammer at Buffy, who ducked and hit him again. He knocked her to the floor with the hammer and lunged toward her.
Willow began mixing more ingredients.
"How can I help?" Anya asked.
"Uh, distract him from Buffy. Piss him off."
"I don't know how."
"Anya, I have faith in you. There is no one you cannot piss off."
Anya smiled and went toward the fighters. "Hey, Olaf! You're as inadequate a troll as you were a boyfriend!"
Olaf looked at her, and Buffy hit him again. Anya looked back at Willow, who gave her a thumbs up, and Anya looked back at Olaf.
"Uh, y-you're hairy, and unattractive, and even women trolls are put off by your various odors."
"Instrumentum ultionis, telum fabuloso, surge, surge, terram pro voca," Willow said softly.
Olaf's hammer glowed green for a moment while he lifted Buffy by the throat.
"Your menacing stance is merely alarming!" Anya contined.
Olaf hit Buffy in the upper arm with his hammer and tossed her against a wall.
"And your roar is less than full-throated!"
"Desist!" Olaf stomped toward Anya. "My god, woman, it's been a thousand years, and yet you are as aggravating and emasculating as ever you were." He swung the hammer at Anya, who ducked.
"Vola cum viribus, dominum tuum nega. Vola!" Willow said.
Olaf's hammer glowed green again and flew from his hand when he swung it at Anya. It landed on the floor and stopped glowing. While Olaf stared at his hands, Buffy got up and Anya approached Willow.
"Hey, good job," Anya said.
"You, too. Very irritating."
"So. Your power's in your hammer?" Buffy said, and rushed the troll. He backhanded her, and she landed on the other side of the room next to Xander.
"Oh yeah," Anya called to Buffy, "I forgot he still has all that troll strength."
Buffy got up and helped Xander to his feet.
"You shall all die! I will dispense no mercy now!" Olaf bellowed.
Buffy punched his faced three times, then grabbed his arm and twisted it up behind his back. The troll grunted and threw her off. She landed on the floor again.
"What are you fighting for, minuscule blonde one? Your friends?" Olaf gestured at Anya, who was comforting Xander. "These two?" he chuckled. "They will never last. Anyanka is very difficult to live with, and he, he's ludicrous and far too breakable. Their love will never last."
Buffy jumped to her feet and flipped over the troll's head. He bent over and she went across his back, then spun and kicked him in the chest.
"She's got him now," Willow observed, while checking Xander.
Anya nodded, then returned her attention to Xander's broken wrist. "Poor baby."
They watched Buffy drive Olaf back.
"You really dated him?" Xander asked.
Anya grimaced. "Yes."
"But you like me better, right?"
"Yes! Oh, and Willow likes you too, but not in a sexy way, you know, 'cause she's gay."
Willow smiled at Xander.
"And she's not gonna try to break us up, so, you know, it's all okay," Anya concluded, and they all turned to watch the fight.
"Their love," Buffy punctuated each word with a hard blow, causing the troll to grunt every time, "will last forever."
A few minutes later, Willow stood over the unconscious troll. "Let the transposition be complete."
Olaf dissolved into nothing and disappeared. Willow smiled hugely.
"Where did you send him?" Buffy came up and put her arm around Willow.
"The land of the trolls," Anya answered. "He'll like it there. Full of trolls. It's hard to be precise, though. Alternate universes don't stay put. Trying to send him to a specific place is sort of like, like, trying to hit a, puppy by throwing a live bee at it. Which is a weird image, and you should all just forget it."
"It's possible that he's in the land of perpetual Wednesday. Or the crazy melty land. Or, you know, the world without shrimp," Anya added.
"There's a world without shrimp?" Xander asked.
"He's probably in troll land," Willow said.
"I only care that he's not here and I got this nifty souvenir," Buffy said. She put the hammer on the countertop. A moment latter, the glass shattered, and the hammer, as well as all of the things Willow was using in the spell, fell into the display case with a crash.
"Oops," Buffy cringed.
"The place is trashed enough anyway," Xander observed.
Buffy and Giles sat at Joyce's dining room table. "I cringe to think what the place would have looked like if I'd been away for longer than three days," Giles said.
"Well, maybe we would have had time to clean it up. You know, if Willow used some magicks to help," Buffy said.
"Yes, 'cause nothing could possibly go wrong with that," Giles answered.
Joyce entered with a tray holding a teapot and several mugs. "Rupert, I still don't understand," she began, but stopped when Giles got up and took the tray from her. "Oh, thank you. Why the other Watchers made you go all the way to England when they don't know anything." Joyce sat beside Buffy, while Giles returned to his seat on her other side.
"Well, they don't know it, yet. I mean, they have no record of, of Glory or anyone like her, but, uh, based on the information that I've given them, they're gonna look into it. Um, they might have something soon."
"What about the Key? Were they all over it?" Buffy asked.
"Yes," Giles said warily. "You know all of this?" he asked Joyce.
"I got some of it myself. Buffy told me the rest."
Giles poured tea. "Well, they're interested, certainly, and, uh, full of theories." He sat back and lifted his cup. "Most of them, nonsensical."
"So we're back at square one," Buffy sighed as the door opened. She looked up and smiled at Dawn, who had to duck to avoid hitting her head on the doorframe from her place on Faith's shoulders.