January 23, 2010

To My Readers:

I want to apologize for taking so long to post anything. It was never my intention to go so long. As some of you are aware, on December 7, 2009 my younger "brother", Jordon, committed suicide. I put quotes around brother because while we don't share blood I have always and will always consider him my brother. It was I who first took him driving, and it was myself and our older sister that he came to when at 18, he learned he was going to be a dad.

I had originally thought I could keep writing but have come to realize that I am simply hiding. I didn't realize I was wearing myself out until I collapsed at work. I was put on bed rest which one would think would be the end. Sadly, younger brother Ross, who was the same age Jordon and the one who introduced Jordon into our lives, also had a bit of a melt down and ended up in the hospital for a week.

Together we are learning to live one day at a time. It is, however, an ongoing process made harder for me by the fact that not only was I left behind in the aftermath, but 9 years ago I tried to take my own life. It's an uphill battle at the moment but one my family and husband are helping with.

It's because of this that I am taking a month off from writing. While I will still read some stories I am not looking for anything new at the moment. I simply want to learn to live my life.

In one week, I will be taking this story down and after the month is over I will be doing some major edits along with writing several more chapters so that when I do start to post I won't leave you hanging for months on end.

I hope you will join me when I start to post again, hopefully in a month in a half, though I am pushing for no more than two months.

When I take this story down I will be posting an NCIS story that I had written months before. It was my first slash piece and one Jordon had dared me to write. He was the only person to know every one of my pennames and encouraged them all.

Jordon was an amazing 21 year old who loved his daughter more than words could ever say. Ross had seen him just two days before and Ryan, the baby of the family, had just made plans to take his new daughter (born December 2, 2009) to his place so he could introduce them. What happened that early morning, we will never know. All we know is the aftermath. We were left behind.

Please, in closing this letter I ask this, if you know someone who you think is suicidal or are having suicidal thoughts yourself, ask for help. There is no shame in it. You are loved by someone and someone will mourn your death. Don't leave your loved ones behind.

With a breaking heart, my thanks to all