Disclaimer: I still down own them which is good because I couldn't afford to feed them if I did. I still make no money off their usage, if I did I wouldn't need my job and would have a lot more time to write and it wouldn't have taken me over a year to get another chapter out to you guys. I'm sorry about that, by the way.
A/N: This is really short but I wanted to get something out there to let you all know I'm back on the case, or the story as it is because it has been so long! I am without a co writer on this one as the person I was writing with so long ago backed out. That was one of the reasons this got put on the shelf as long as it did. So please bear with me. I also have no beta and it shows. Sorry.
OoOoOo
Last Resort Chapter 10- Short but sweet, James finally starts taking responsibility for his actions. But why the sudden change of heart?
OoOoOo
James sat up in bed panting, trickles of sweat making hot sticky paths down the side of his face. His hands clutched tightly in his duvet, he looked around the room frantically trying to re orient himself with reality.
It was still dark outside but he knew that sleep was going to be a lost cause. His body was shaking and his mind was reeling. He could barely catch his breath let alone make his body stop shaking.
All at once he had a realization that he had never ever wanted to have…. He James Potter was a nasty person. Hot bitter tears filled his eyes as he tossed the blankets off himself and slid out of his bed. Putting bare feet on cold wood floor he didn't even bother with slippers, instead he allowed the nipping chill bite at his feet as he padded out of his room and down the hallway towards his parent's bedroom.
Apparently, James chided himself; he was also selfish because he was going to wake his father up in the middle of the night over a bad dream and even worse epiphany. That, which would have been acceptable at the age of 6 was wholly unacceptable at 15. But he couldn't help it, he was badly shaken up, barely holding back tears and he needed his father.
He made his way almost nervously into his parent's bedroom. He wasn't so sure his father liked him very much at the moment. He couldn't blame him if he didn't. The way he had been arguing and fighting and making excuses for his inexcusable behavior. James wasn't so sure HE liked himself right now.
Making his way around to his father's side of the bed as quietly as he could as to not wake his mother, he stood there staring at the sleeping man, not yet daring to so much as touch him. He stared at his father for a moment before losing his nerve… The man didn't want to be woken by his good for nothing son in the middle of the night.
As her turned to leave the room his heard his father's whispered voice "James?"
"Sorry dad" James whispered back "I'll go back to bed I didn't mean to wake you."
Harold shook his head and quietly slid out of bed. Placing a strong hand on James' neck he lead him out of the bedroom and back to his own room down the hall.
"No James, you obviously needed something or you wouldn't have come into my room in the middle of the night." He said firmly as he sat James down on his bed.
James looked down, now face to face with his father he didn't know what to say to the man, how to put to words the guilt that was eating him up inside.
"Please don't hate me…" Was all he could managed to croak out as his throat became tight with tears which filled his eyes unbidden.
"Hate you? James I could never hate you, I may not be impressed with your behavior, I may not like that you have turned into a bully who isn't willing to take responsibility for his actions, but I could NEVER hate you. You are my son and I love you." Harold scolded.
James' head hung lower and lower as his father spoke and by the end of his monologue James was completely hunched over, his shoulders bent down, his back curved till his face was nearly in his lap. He wanted to just disappear. Resting his elbows on his knees he hid his face in his hands.
"You don't like me very much do you?" James asked, muffled into his hands. Though he was scared of the answer he would surely get, he had to know.
"I…" Harold stopped for a moment not wanting to be too hasty with his words yet not wanting to lie to his son either. That would do the child no good.
"I don't like bullies son," he could see his boy's countenance become more bent and defeated, if that was even at all possible, but he trudged on, knowing that what he had to say was important and had to be heard by his son "that being said, I don't believe you are well and truly a bully. There is too much goodness in your heart, I know there is. I don't like how you have been behaving I am even disappointed to think that I could have raised a child who could treat another person as you have," Harold almost lost his nerve as he saw his only child's shoulder shake with silent sobs and knowing he had been the one to cause it. But he knew he needed to finish this. "However, that fact that you sought me out tonight, the way you did. The fact that you are so affected by my words and my feelings towards your behavior shows me hope. Hope that the son I had hoped to raise is somewhere within you. I know that you can turn yourself around and be the man you were meant to be, a man to make your father proud. I do believe in you, and I believe one day I will be proud to call you my son." Harold didn't know how he did it. How he had gotten through that entire thing without breaking down himself but now that he did he wanted nothing more than to grab his son and hold him to his chest. It took all his self control to restrain himself from doing just that. That wasn't what was needed right now, now was the time for tough love. He couldn't make this okay. That was up to James. James would have to come to him…
James felt like his entire would was crumbling down around him. How had he let this happen?
Keeping his face hidden in his hands, he sobbed, not daring to look up at his father, unable to speak, unsure what to say yet praying the man didn't just walk away.
Shaking his head, his face still hidden in his hands he sobbed "I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry!"