Disclaimer: I am back and writing, but still don't own it.

Will Riker sat in his ready room turning the pad containing available chief engineer positions that his first officer had given him over a week ago around and around in his hand. He sighed heavily as he looked back at his computer terminal and reread the message that he had received the day before from earth, from his wife.

Dear Will,

I have arrived at the house safely. It is more beautiful than you ever

told me. The map was utterly useless, but I did find Miss Rosemary

and she fed me and Sarah Lewis' brother Erik walked me here. There

is everything I need here. Thank you for letting me be here. I know this

is your home, but I feel somehow right here.

I hope you are doing well and that you are happy. I am finally beginning

to feel more like myself. I can easily sense those around me again. It is

soothing to me to feel that again.

I am sorry for all that we have been through. I realize now that I put us

in jeopardy long before you did. I hope that as I work on forgiveness, you

can forgive me for that as well.

Deanna

His heart twisted in his chest every time he read her words, and he had read them at least 10 times since they had arrived. She said that she was feeling better, and that meant the world to him. He was happy for her. He knew that it had been a terrible time for her feeling so lost like she had. He could see it more clearly now, looking back, how lost and hurt she had been. She was scared. He had thought it was anger, but he had been wrong. It was terrifying fear. And he had not been there to hold her and find a way to make it better. He had failed her when she needed him the most. Why was it, he asked himself, that it seemed so simple now, when before it had been like a constantly exploding powder keg between them? He knew that Deanna would be able to tell him why things were clearer in hindsight. She could always explain how he felt better than he could imagine. She even knew what he was feeling better than he did. When they first met, he had thought she was arrogant that way, but it hadn't taken him long to realize that it was not arrogance, it was accuracy.

Will leaned back in his chair and sighed deeply. It was late, and he was tired, but his mind kept playing over Deanna's words. She had said that she was working on forgiveness. That simple phrase gave his heart more hope than he had felt in a long time. She was working on forgiveness. But what was he doing? He thought about writing a note back telling her how much he loved her, how he had let this happen and how it would never happen again, but he pictured her face yelling at him telling him she needed time, space. So he reconsidered. He would not contact her. When she was ready, she would contact him and until then he would respect her wishes and give her the space that she had asked for.

Somehow, even if he wasn't talking to her himself, knowing that people he knew were with her, and that she was in his home, made him feel almost like he was with her. So he wasn't that good at making maps from memory. At least she had found Miss Rosemary, and of course she had fed her. What else would Miss Rosemary do? And Erik Lewis…all Will could remember of the kid is that he used to lick rocks out of the stream that ran between their yards. He assumed that the kid had outgrown that at some point. He was what, 19 or 20 now? Hopefully he wasn't still licking rocks. Deanna seemed comfortable with him. He hoped that it had not been a mistake to contact Sarah, that Deanna would not resent that. He closed his eyes and pictured her in Turner, wandering the town, walking by the bay. He hoped that she would feel the pull of the place as he always had.

The ready room door chimed and Will sat up straighter and opened his eyes before calling for the guest to come in.

John Knox entered the ready room and stood by the door. "Gama shift is on, Sir. I am heading out, unless there is something else you need."

"No, John. Go home. Jenny is mad enough at me."

"Better news?" John asked pointing to the computer monitor. "You've been in a bit of a better mood since it came in."

Will spun the computer screen around and John tentatively leaned forward to read the words on the screen.

John nodded. "That is good. I think."

Will picked up the PADD with the chief engineer openings and put it in the middle of the table between them. "I can't just transfer her John. It's not right."

"That's your choice, Sir. I have said my piece."

"I have to make some changes though. I have got to get Dea back."

The two stood there silently for a moment longer as Will rubbed his hand on his beard. "Go home, John. Give Sammy a kiss from me."

"Yeah? You want to come get the snorting pig? That thing is driving me crazy."

Will started to laugh. "I didn't pick it," he told him, but then his demeanor changed and he grew quiet. "Deanna picked it."

"Well maybe I ought to drop her a line to say thanks," John said a little more reserved. "Good night, Captain."

The next morning the senior staff of the Titan was greeted with a directive from their captain changing some reporting responsibilities and shifting some others. Most notably the captain had placed his chief engineer squarely in the first officer's chain of command. It was a change that caught the attention of not just the first officer and chief engineer, but also the entire senior staff and by lunch, the attention of the majority of the ship.

Will had intended the change to be public, and abrupt. It was the best way he knew how to publicly distance himself from Mac. Will could almost feel the buzz around him about the changes that he had implemented. But no one had dared address it openly until his first officer caught him alone in his ready room.

"Busy boy last night, were you?" John asked sitting down across the desk from Will.

"In what way?" Will asked skepticly.

"The directive. That was one way to do it. Of course you realize that the whole ship is buzzing about it."

"That was my intention." Will told him.

"How…a…public of you, Sir." John struggled to find an appropriate answer. "So, now what?"

"Now," Will put his elbows on the table and leaned on his chin. "You handle it."

John nodded. "I'll take care of it, Sir."

"And I don't want you offering her a transfer," Will told him. "I want her treated like this never happened."

"Yes, Sir."

Will had been busy most of the day and by the time he got home that night, all he wanted to do was collapse in bed and sleep the day off. He came into his quarters and sat down at his desk. He pulled up Deanna's message and read it one more time. Staring at the words made him feel peaceful. He had taken a step. He just hoped that it was enough.

"Come," he sighed as the chime on his door rang. He was not in the mood for visitors. But when the door opened, he felt his stomach lurch. "Hey Mac," he said as she stepped into his quarters. "Come in," he said slightly reluctantly.

"Captain," she addressed him formally as she stood just inside the door. "I wanted to let you know that I have received your directive this morning."

Will did not respond. He stood from his desk and walked around to the other side and sat on the edge. The minute he did, he wished he had not moved. He felt more secure with a desk between them.

"Permission to speak freely, Sir?"

Again Will watched her but did not respond. He saw something in her eyes. Was it anger, or sadness?

She waited, not speaking. Finally he nodded slightly.

"I want to know why."

"Why what, Mac?" he asked knowing full well.

"Why this? Am I that toxic? You can't even speak to me anymore?"

"Mac, I have to do this. I am trying to do the right thing here."

"Right thing? The right thing is to push me away?" she asked, her voice softer.

Will felt his nervousness grow as Mac took a step further into his quarters. "Mac, I want Deanna to come home. This is how I do that."

"To make her comfortable? Is this the same wife that left you? The same wife who pushed you away?" Linsy McKenna took another step towards him. "Is this what you really want? You don't need her Will. Hasn't this ship been running fine without her? You are a good captain. I don't understand why you are doing this to yourself."

"I love her, Linsy. The Deanna you knew wasn't her." Will stood up from the desk and walked to the other side of the room. "You don't know her."

"No," Mac agreed as she walked up to Will and stood close to him, here eyes locked with his. "But I do know you," she said with a whisper. She reached up and placed her hand on his chest as she bit her lower lip looking at him with her large brown eyes. "I miss my friend." There were almost tears in her voice and it made Will cringe.

"Mac," he took her hand and moved it away from him. "No, I can't. I have to fix this. Please try to understand that. She is my wife, and I love her."

"And what about me?" she asked biting her lip again and sitting down comfortably on his couch. "How do you feel about me?"

Will stepped away from Mac and looked out the window. "You are a great person, Mac. You listened to me when I needed to talk and I am grateful for that."

He heard Mac sigh behind him.

"And you are a great engineer."

Mac stood up and began to come towards him.

"But that's it Mac. That has to be it."

Mac stopped half way to the window and listened to his words.

"So that's it? I disappear? You said you wanted something in the middle. Do you remember telling me that?" Her voice was quiet but the hurt and the anger was unmistakable. "Why?" she asked simply.

"Why what Mac?" he asked as he walked to the furthest point in the room from her.

"Why did you transfer my chain of command? Didn't I respect your decision? Have I done one thing to encourage a relationship between us? Why now, two weeks later?"

"Mac, I had to do this. I have to fix things with Deanna. This is what I can do."

"What were the other options? A transfer?"

"Is that what you want?" Will asked, hoping he didn't sound hopeful.

"John Knox hates me."

"John is fair."

"He hates me Will!" Mac's voice was becoming shrill.

Will lowered his voice in return. "He is fair."

"Fine. But Why?"

"Mac, what do you want from me?"

"I want my friend back." Mac told him sadly.

"I can't give you that," Will answer.

"Why?" Mac was yelling again.

"Because," Will raised his own to match hers and then let the volume drop back off.

"Because, we won't leave it there. We tried that Mac, twice. It didn't work. I can't trust that, why should Deanna?"

"Is it you that you don't trust or me?" she asked him harshly.

Will shrugged. "Both."

"So I answer to John and you go on and live happily ever after?"

"Honestly, that would be great." Will sighed.

"And if I don't like this arrangement?" she asked him.

"If you apply for a transfer, I won't fight you."

"Why don't you just transfer me then? That's what you want."

"I respect you, Mac. You are good at your job and if you want to be a member of this crew, I want you here. If you don't want to be here, I will respect your choice. But it's not mine."

Mac looked warn out, as if she were going to cry. But she just quietly nodded her head.

"Mac…" Will called as she turned towards the door.

"I know. You're sorry," she said as she turned and walked to the door. Before she left she turned to face Will. She was determined to have the last word. "I hope you are happy with your choice, Captain. If she doesn't come back, I won't be here to listen when you need it anymore." Mac turned on her heals and was gone.

Will finally fell into his bed, and slept fitfully throughout the night.

The next few days Will stayed on the bridge as much as possible except as he led a very tense senior staff meeting with Mac's eyes boring into him. But they had not spoken since she left his quarters. Will hoped it would get easier with time, and he wondered if Deanna would be satisfied with Will's new arrangement. Would it be enough for her? What would he do if it wasn't?

A few days after Will put out his directive to the crew, the warp engines failed as the Titan was racing to respond to a planetary distress call almost 20 light years away.

The ship came hurtling to a stop and Will's first thought was that this was a hell of a time to be having a huge row with his chief engineer.

"Bridge to engineering," Will called.

"Yes, Captain- the engines failed Sir. The converters are down."

Will sighed heavily. "This is not a good time, Commander."

"I am aware of that Captain." Mac's voice was irritated. Whether it was at Will or at the situation, he didn't know.

"Mac, we have a colony full of very sick people that need us there yesterday," John called. "How long before we are back up and running?"

"Unknown, Sir. I am working as fast as I can," Mac told him. She was distracted, Will could tell. She was doing far more than one thing at a time. "As soon as I have an estimate, I will let you know. Engineering out." She ended the transmission shortly.

Will and John looked at each other a bit surprised. But they didn't have time to dwell on it.

"Sick bay to Bridge," Jenny's voice came across the intercom. "Captain, I have the vaccine ready. If we begin production now, we can have the first batch ready when we reach the planet."

"One problem," John began.

"I felt the learch. How long is the delay?" Jenny asked him.

John and Will exchanged another look. "Unknown," John told her.

"Captain, we have people dying down there!"

"I'm aware of the situation Doctor," Will answered her. "Give me another option."

There was a long pause.

Will tossed out his own option. "You have a formula for a vaccine, yes? Could we transmit the formula to the planet from here?"

"Captain, their medical technology is easily a hundred years behind ours. Even if they had the needed compounds, I doubt they have the facilities needed to replicate it on a large scale."

"So what do you propose?"

"We could take the first batch on a shuttle craft." Jenny suggested. "Hopefully you wouldn't be too far behind us."

Will looked at John. He nodded. "Commander Knox is getting the shuttle craft ready now. I do not want you transporting down. You have a planet full of deliriously sick people. I do not want two lone officers caught in the fray. Beam the vaccine down to them."

"Ay, Sir," John spoke.

"Engineering to Bridge." Mac's voice cut back into the conversation. "Captain, I have an idea."

Will and John both sighed. "Let's hear it, Commander."

"Sir, do you remember a prototype engine schematic of mine you saw once?"

Will nodded. "Yes, how will that help us?"

"It's not just a schematic. I have been building it. And while the whole system isn't up and running, it could act as a converter."

"For how long?" John asked skeptically.

"Not long, Sir. It will blow every circuit to high heaven to have this kind of power pouring through it. But I think I can hold it long enough to reach the planet. It will give me time to make the real repairs, and we get to the sick colonists now."

"What are the odds it will work?" Will asked her.

"50 / 50," she told him flatly.

There was a long pause as everyone thought the situation through. Jenny was right. Every minute they were not there, the colonists were dying.

"Bet on me, just this once, Captain." Mac's voice was pleading with him to let her try.

"How long till it's ready?" he asked.

"Fifteen minutes," she replied.

"You have fifteen minutes," he told her. "Bridge out." He turned back to John, whose eyes looked at him skeptically. "Get the shuttle ready, in case." John nodded and was off.

Will paced along the bridge floor as the minutes ticked by. There were a few minutes to spare when Mac's voice cut back through. "Engineering to Bridge. Captain you will have about 30 minutes at warp 4.5. Is it enough?"

Will looked at his helmsman, who nodded at him.

"That will do, Commander."

"On your orders, Sir."

Will tapped the helmsman on the shoulder. "4.5," he told him. "Engage." The bridge crew collectively held their breath as the felt the ship give a small lurch and then slip back into warp speed.

A minute or so later John came back onto the bridge. "Are we going to make it Sir?"

Will shrugged. "How much do you trust Mac's prototype engine?"

"Never been built, never been tested, straight off the drawing board and into our warp drive…If it works she ought to be at Utopia Plenitia, not here."

"Is that a no?" Will asked surreptiously.

"I guess we'll see."

The engines functioned flawlessly all the way to the colony and the medical teams immediately beamed down and began the vaccinations. It took five days until the colony was ready to have the Titan's crew leave the surface. When it was over, the engines repaired and the crew healthy and back on board, everyone was run ragged and it showed.

Will's temper was short, and he knew it. He was trying to keep to himself, but when he picked up the final PADD on his desk, his temper soared. It was late. He should have left it for the morning, but he couldn't stop himself. He picked up the PADD and was out the door of ready room, heading to the Knox's quarters. He rang the chime impatiently.

"Captain," Jenny called as the doors opened. "Come in."

"Hey Jen," Will tried to keep his voice low and even. "Hey Peanut," Will said bending to pick up the little girl pulling at the leg of his pants.

She threw her arms around Will's neck. "Where DeaDea?" Samantha asked patting Will on the cheek.

"DeaDea took a little trip," Will tried to tell the little girl, though he had told her twice before.

"When she come home?" she asked him innocently.

"I don't know, peanut. Soon, I hope. I miss her."

"Me too." The little girl leaned in and kissed Will's cheek and he kissed her in return on the top of her head and passed her to the waiting arms of her mother.

"Have you heard from her?" Will asked Jenny hopefully, but Jenny only shook her head.

"You?" she asked.

"When she first got to Alaska, I got a message."

"She must be freezing her pretty little back side right off," Jenny said with a smile.

"It shouldn't be too bad this time of year," Will offered with a shrug. "Maybe." Will looked around the room and saw John cleaning up his family's dinner. "Jenny, I need a minute with my first officer, if you don't mind."

Jenny looked back and forth between the two men that stood looking across the room determinedly at one another before she responded. "Sure, why not. I've barely seen this little thing in a week," Jenny said muffing up Sam's hair. "Why don't you and mommy go for a little walk," Jenny told her daughter, "and we will let Daddy and Uncle Will talk," she looked back and forth between the two men and added, "like civilized beings."

John raised his eyebrows at his wife. "Don't take too long. I'd like to get her to bed at a reasonable hour." Jenny said, taking Sam by the hand and the two strolled out the door.

John smiled at Will. "What can I do for you, Sir?" he said with a nonchalant tone.

"Cut the crap, John. This is exactly what I told you I didn't want you to do." Will held out the PADD he had carried from his office and offered it to his first officer.

"No, Sir. What you told me to do was treat her like it never happened, and that is what I am doing."

"John!"

"When Mac came to you and told you I hated her, what did you tell her?" John defended himself.

"I told her that you were fair." Will answered.

"So why don't you believe it now?" John asked him. He sat down on his couch and pointed to the chair nearby for Will to join him. "Did you see what she did to those converters? She rebuilt an entire engine assembly in fifteen minutes! She designed a whole new form of warp engines and from what I can see, they will work and work better than anything that Star Fleet has even in it's early development. I wrote it up because I think she deserves it. And I think she deserves the opportunity to test her designs. I didn't do it for you and Dea, Will, though is would be a side benefit." He acknowledged with a nod.

Will sat a bit stunned looking from John to the PADD in his hand, requesting a promotion for Lieutenant Commander Linsy McKenna. Attached was a listing for an open position at Utopia Plenitia, the Star Fleet design center for new star ships.

"I told you almost a week ago," John reminded him.

"I guess I didn't take you seriously enough," Will responded with a sigh. "Star Fleet Command is going to question the promotion. It's too soon."

"I'm ready to defend my position, Will. I realize that a month ago I was the biggest advocate for demoting her and sending her to a rinky-dink transport ship, but you were right. She is one hell of an engineer. She deserves the opportunity to continue her work."

"Did you just admit that you were wrong?" Will asked surprised.

"Don't be so shocked. It happens a lot. That's why you are in the big chair and I sit to your right. But I like my seat for now, so no worries."

"I spent a lot of time in that chair, beside a man much brighter than me," Will said reminiscently. "Served me well."

The two men sat in a comfortable silence for a bit more.

"I'll contact Star Fleet Command in the morning," Will told him. "You better be ready to take what comes."

"I am," John assured him. "I know it puts you in a tight spot, Captain. But I've got your back. Don't worry."

"I can't recommend the transfer," Will cautioned him.

"Captain, without your recommendation, they'll never even look at her." John sounded completely deflated as Will rose from his chair to leave.

"Don't worry. I think I can do one better than my recommendation."

"What's your plan?" John asked him.

"One step at a time. Let's get her made a full commander, then I'll work on the rest." With that Will walked to the door. "Good night John. Give Sammy a kiss for me."

The look on Admiral Brand's face was not pleased, but not highly annoyed either.

"You aren't just trying to bounce her, are you Will?" he asked.

"Admiral, have you heard anything my first officer has just told you?" Will asked him over the subspace communication. "I have seen officers promoted for a lot less."

"I agree Will, but that's not the best argument I have ever heard. Her pip's are barely dry from her last promotion." Admiral Brand studied him for a bit. "What's the motivation here, Will? This is more than a reward for thinking on her feet. At least it had better be because that is one hell of a thank you."

Will rubbed at his beard deciding how much to share. "There is a design position open, at Utopia Plenitia. I want her to have a chance at it."

"Utopia Plenitia! Will, she's a baby! That's biting off a pretty big piece and hoping your girl knows how to chew. Why does it matter to you?"

Will tried not to wince at the admiral calling Mac 'his girl'. "I just want to see her do well, to see her do what she is capable of doing." Will sighed again as he thought. "I owe her that chance."

"Why?" the admiral asked.

"Admiral," Will began. "Her tour here has been hard. But she's gotten through it, and grown and matured and she got us through it as well."

"I'll tell you what, Captain Riker. You get me one recommendation. Not your wife, not your first officer, someone else, someone impartial. One person, one. You get your promotion and I will put in a good word for her myself."

"I'll do that, Admiral."

"I trust that you will. Star fleet out," and the communication was closed.

"Now what?" John asked from where he had been sitting on the other side of Will's desk in his ready room. "Not me, not your wife, though I don't think that is really an issue. Who?"

"I need to pull in a favor," Will told him continuing to stroke his beard. "The Enterprise is at McKinley station?" he asked his first officer.

"Should be. They should be in the middle of a major warp engine overhaul. Who?" John asked again. "Captain Picard?"

"No. But someone."

"Well then you have an in," John said with confidence. "These are your friends."

Will looked up at John with serious doubt on his face. "Are they?" he asked. "If they knew I was trying to promote 'the other woman'… would they be my friends then?"

Will wrung his hands together as he waited for the communication to come through. He had no idea how this was going to go. When the screen beeped, and the picture came on Will sat face to face with Geordi Laforge.

"Captain," Geordi's voice was both surprised and oddly hesitant.

"Hey Geordi. How's the new warp core coming along?" Will asked trying to sound casual if not cheerful.

Geordi nodded his head, "Fine, Sir." There was an awkward silence between the two for a moment while they tried to study the other.

"Want to cut to the chase?" Will finally asked his friend.

"Yes, please," Geordi replied with a sigh.

"I blew it Geordi. Badly. I know that."

Geordi sat silently for a bit, not overly anxious to respond.

"You hate me?" It was a question, not a statement.

"No, Will. I don't hate you. I don't get you sometimes, but I don't hate you."

Will nodded in return. "I know."

"You had it all," Geordi told him. "And Deanna is my friend too. I don't want to be in the middle here." Geordi shook his head at him.

"I don't want to put you in the middle, Geordi. I don't, really. But I need a favor."

"What kind of favor?" Geordi asked him skeptically.

"I want you to read a personnel file. One of my crew."

"Why?" Geordi's eyebrows were furrowed.

"My first officer and I want to see her given an opportunity, and your recommendation would mean a lot." Will hoped that his answer was honest enough.

"Why me?"

"What do you mean why you? You are the chief engineer of the flag ship of the federation, why not you?" Will hoped flattery might get him somewhere.

"Who's file am I reading, Captain?" Geordi's body language screamed skepticism. He had called out Will's hand and Will would have to see where the whole truth landed him.

Will took a big gulp of air and launched in with his eyes cast downward. "Lieutenant Commander Linsy McKenna."

Without looking up, Will heard the huffing noise that Geordi made. "You have GOT to be kidding. That's not the middle? That's seems an awful lot like picking sides to me."

"It's not like that Geordi," Will tried to defend himself.

"Really? Because there are two ways to see this from where I am. One- you are promoting your new girlfriend to better match your rank, or two you are trying to get rid of your old girlfriend to try to get your wife back. If I had to pick, I hope it's two, but I don't really want to be involved in either one."

"I know what it looks like, Geordi. I'm not blind or dumb. Though you may think that is debatable. But she is a good engineer, phenomenal actually. This is what she deserves, and I have stayed out of it. My first officer applied for the promotion, not me."

"Why?" Geordi asked. "Why would you even think about promoting her right now? Why not let things cool off for a bit?"

"Because the opportunity is available now, and they don't come along every day." Will answered him.

"What opportunity?" Geordi asked again with skepticism.

"Well if I had to guess, I would say that you were offered another job about a month back." Geordi's eyes flew open and Will knew immediately that he was right. "And what did you say?" he asked him.

Geordi was caught off guard, but nodded. "I said no," Geordi told him simply. "What does that have to do with this?"

"I want her to get that job," Will told him. "And who better to recommend her than you."

Geordi stood up from the monitor and began to pace around a bit. "You are kidding? Warp design? Seriously? That is a huge leap, HUGE! Talk about cutting off your nose despite your face!"

"Geordi, sit down."

"That is…Wow. You are dumb. She sleeps with her captain and gets the promotion and transfer of a lifetime? This is absurd!"

"Geordi, sit down."

Finally Geordi stopped ranting enough to sit and look back at Will. "This is a bad move, Will. A really bad move. I mean I understand a transfer. Not a bright move, but I get it. But this looks a lot like bribery."

"It's not. She doesn't even know anything about it. I know it's a long shot. Listen Geordi, I know you are angry with me, and I don't even disagree with you. You could not punish me worse than I am already being punished right now. But this isn't about that, I swear to you. Just read her file, then make your own decision. If you want to tell Admiral Brand that you recommend the promotion, if you want to write her a letter of recommendation, great. If you don't, I understand. But as my friend, promise me you'll read the file."

Geordi started to shake his head, but then sighed heavily. "Alright," he said reluctantly.

"All the way through," Will continued. "No judgments or preconceived notions. On the merits."

"Alright, fine," Geordi told him. "But no guarantees. I do what I think is right, even if that's nothing."

"I wouldn't want it any other way." Will smiled at him. "Thank you Geordi."

Geordi nodded slightly. "Yeah. Are you going to be alright?" Geordi asked his friend.

"Me?" Will asked. "Yeah, I guess so."

"Is she coming back?" Geordi asked a bit quieter.

Will looked at his old friend with a newfound determination. "If not, I'll go get her. I have to fix it Geordi. And I will. Whatever it takes."

"Good for you," Geordi smiled at him for the first time. "So I guess I will have to call off Warf's hunting party then." Geordi chuckled.

"Hunting party? I figured I would get a lecture about honor, I didn't think he would try to kill me."

"Well, the good thing about Warf wanting to kill you…" Geordi began and he watched Will's face fall. "He'll never come at you from behind."

It had been 5 days, with no word from Geordi, from Admiral Brand, from anyone for that matter. Will was relieved that he and John had not mentioned anything about it to Mac, or anyone else on the ship, because as each day passed without word, Will's hopes for this for Mac were dropping.

They had not spoken more than a passing hello in the corridor, or a status report in a senior staff meeting in two weeks. She seemed to be adjusting to the new normal between them, though Will was beginning to doubt if he would ever stop having his stomach fall into his toes when she entered a room. And he found it wasn't just her. Suddenly every word he said to anyone of the opposite sex was under scrutiny in his brain. What would Deanna think of that? How would that make Deanna feel if she heard about it? It was good that he was on his toes, he told himself. He couldn't let what happened before ever happen again. He had promised Deanna that it wouldn't, and it was a promise that he was determined to keep.

Life aboard the ship went on, but Will ticked off the days in his head. Twenty-seven days since Will had stopped whatever it was between Mac and himself. Twenty-seven days since his wife had told him to get out. Twenty-three days since Deanna had left the Titan. Five days since Will had talked to Admiral Brand about the promotion. Fifteen days until the Enterprise was scheduled to leave Earth's orbit. Fifteen days until Deanna would have to make a choice about where to go. Still there had been no word from her. Will adjusted himself in his captain's chair on the bridge, wanting something to happen, anything. Will was feeling restless.

"Captain, we are receiving a message from Star Fleet Headquarters," Will's ops officer informed him.

Will and John's eyes met and John gave a hopeful smile as if to ask if this was the word on Mac's promotion that they had been waiting for. Will only shrugged, then he gave a quick jerk to his head to tell John to join him. "In my ready room, Lieutenant." Will rose and headed to his ready room with his first officer in tow.

"Aye Sir," the ops officer responded as the two senior officers exited the bridge.

Will walked to his desk, taking his seat and turning on his computer terminal.

"It took them long enough," John commented. "Star Fleet command has signed off on treaties in less time for God's sake." John sat in a chair across from Will's desk and watched his captain as he began to read the file in front of him. But as he sat there, he saw the color drain from Will's face and his brow furrow. John sat in silence for a moment longer, anxiously watching. "Not the news we were hoping for, I take it," he offered, but there was no response.

Will's eyes darted over the page as he read and re-read the first page of the document in front of him. After the second reading, Will didn't even recognize the letters he was looking at. His mind was spinning in a hundred different directions. He put his head in his hands and tried to take a deep breath, but it caught in his chest as if he had had the wind knocked from his lungs, and he didn't know what to do to stop the ringing in his ears.

"Captain?" John asked again and Will looked up at the man on the other side of his desk that he had forgotten was there. "They denied the promotion?"

Will didn't understand at first what he was talking about, but then his head seemed to clear a bit and he was able to take a shallow but somewhat productive breath. "No, it's not about that," Will told him. "Could you give me a minute, John?" he asked with as much confidence and volume as his body could muster.

"Of course." John stood from his chair and began to head to the door. "Are you okay, Sir?"

Will didn't look up to meet his gaze. His head rested in his hands on the table. "I just need a minute," Will responded, but his voice failed him and came out as nothing more than a whisper.

"I'll be on the bridge," John stated as he headed out the door and left Will alone.

Will sat with his head down struggling to breath for what felt like ages. It felt as though someone had come and ripped his heart and lungs from his body and flung them out into space. His chest burned, and his eyes stung, but the challenge of breathing only faded when the tears began to slip down his cheeks. He sat up in his chair, one hand clasped tightly over his mouth as if to stifle a scream, and began to read again, hoping desperately that the document that he looked at was not what it seemed. But the more he read, the more clear it became. Deanna had filed for divorce. Irreconcilable differences, it said on the bottom of the first page.

Irreconcilable? How could she say that when she hadn't even let them try? He thought angrily. This isn't happening. This is a mistake. It's just a mistake. But as his next thoughts fumbled from his brain he began to realize that he was spinning full speed through an accelerated cycle of grief. You knew, Will. You always knew. You don't get unlimited chances. You knew she would do it. How can you be surprised that she has?

Will angrily reached up and punched the monitor off with his thumb. He didn't want to stare at the words anymore. How did I get here? He asked himself. In all the years he had known Deanna, how could it end like this?