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The sound of the jet drowned out the echo of the chatter around him. Rina lay beside him on a gurney with her knitted sweater stained with blood that had spread over the left pant leg of her jeans. Her skin was pale, and she looked as if she were dead. Bucky felt cold down to his bones. He felt empty inside seeing her like this. He couldn't lose her now that he had just found her. His shadow…his shadow had come back to him. His hand reached forward and took hold of her limp hand. He couldn't lose her…not now.
The jet landed at the tower and Rina was immediately taken into the medical bay. The doctors worked quickly to get her into a stable state before they worked on removing the bullet. It would be hours before someone would emerge from the room. "She is resting now. She lost a lot of blood, but she is stable and being patched up."
Bucky gave a slow nod as he sat there holding his hands in a tight interlocked almost prayer-like grasp. He had been in the sitting room since she had been taken. He had not left…ate…or had anything to drink. "When can I see her?" Bucky had made up his mind that even if the doctors had told him no he would still do it anyways.
Everyone in the room was staring at Bucky in that moment. Nick Fury held a glare in his eye. Had Bucky been lying to him this whole time about how much he knew? The doctor gave a glance to Fury who only responded in a nod. "You can go sit with her. But bed mindful, it may be a while till she wakes up."
They could look all they liked. Bucky did not care in the slightest. Right now, all he needed was to be near Rina. He needed to be the first person she saw when she woke up. "Yeah…I know…" he said softly as he stood immediately and walked past everyone. He never gave any of them a single glance. There was no point in explaining himself to Fury. The man would have whatever theories he wanted, and he would believe them despite what Bucky would tell him. He did not care. He ignored the glare at the back of his head and continued to Rina's room. He stopped short in the doorway and took in the sight before him.
Rina lay in the hospital bed with an oxygen tube sitting in her nose to help her to breathe. Her short brownish hair lay fluffed out against the white pillow. She was pale…so very pale while lying there in a drug-induced sleep. The IV in her hand was giving her fluids, medication and a transfusion of blood.
Bucky walked over to stand beside her bed. As Bucky looked at her he couldn't stop the guilty feeling that wormed its way inside of him. He felt as if it was all his fault. She had lived a good life without any problems. Then as soon as he came into the picture Hydra went after her. "I'm so sorry…" The words echoed softly in his head, a strange pairing to her apology just before he was wiped.
Hydra was always in the way, but Hydra was also what brought them together. It was because of them that Rina had come into his life in the first place. Bucky took a seat and began his vigilant watch. His gaze split between the heart monitor and her face. It would take over a day for Rina to wake up from her drug-induced sleep. Her eyelids felt heavy and her body was nearly unmovable. Her eyes looked about noticing that she was in a sterile hospital room. She tried to move but a slight sound came as she felt the pain in her ribs. She looked to her side and saw Bucky sitting quietly beside her bed with his eyes closed. But she could tell he was very much awake. He was on sentry watch and when he was he did not sleep nor eat. His eyes may be closed but he was still very vigilant. He was listening. Had he heard her? "Zima?" she spoke softly wanting to get his attention.
Zima…that name echoed in his ears. Zima… "Winter". That was the name he heard in his mind over the last few weeks. Hearing it in his ears when he remembered her. In his dreams and hallucinations. Had that been a name of sorts from her? He could barely remember but he knew that he had heard it before. He opened his eyes and looked to see that Rina was now awake. He couldn't help but feel sad that she had mentioned the name Zima when she first woke rather than his name.
"You are awake," he said as he said softly as he moved closer. "How are you feeling?" His hand took hold of hers gently which caused her to smile.
"I am tired," she said softly as she leaned against the pillows.
"Who is Zima?" he asked finally hoping for some answers. He needed to know if that was him. It was all a jumbled mess of memories.
"I am surprised you don't remember my name for you." She said softly as she laid there in the bed looking at him. "It is the name I always called you."
"I remember random pieces...little bits here or there..." he said softly. "But my head always hurts when I try to recall them. But it only pushes them further away." He turned to look at her taking in her figure. Those eyes he remembered so well. "Но, настоящий ты намного лучше." (But, the real you is much better.)
Rina sighed heavily with a small smile. "Я даже не знаю, кто я на самом деле. Но Рина не так уж и плоха." (I don't even know who the real me is. But, Rina isn't so bad. ) She said as she tried to add in some humor to the situation.
"Надеюсь, вы будете чувствовать то же самое в отношении Баки Зима дремлет" (Hopefully, you'll feel the same about Bucky. Winter is napping) He gave the joke back with a smile. "It looks like both of us have changed." Indeed they had. Before he remembered himself as Bucky he didn't remember a single time he had laughed or smiled. He had been nothing but a mindless puppet.
"Maybe it is for the better" she gave him a slightly bigger smile before she settled back into the pillows. "I am sure you have questions." She was right. Bucky's mind was swirling with hundreds of them. All desperate to be answered.
"You have no idea" he stated simply "A ton maybe even more. There is just so much in my head. But, you just took a bullet for me. I think it can wait." Bucky looked down into her eyes as she laid there. He recalled watching her get hit by the bullet before she recoiled and dropped like a sack of bricks. It made him feel cold inside. "You can ask me things if you like?" Bucky didn't want to push her like those around him had been doing for weeks. His therapist had even offered up the subject of hypnosis. She didn't care...none of them did. They only wanted information and their obsession with needing to obtain it.
"I hate to break it to you Bucky," Rina said. "But, this is not the first time I have taken a bullet for you." Her gentle smile was lopsided as she broke the news to him. "I would take a million of them for you. Bullets are nothing but a brief moment of pain followed by a long annoying recovery. The one thing that killed me..." she hesitated as she felt her eyes stinging with unshed tears. "Was being forced to watch you forget me over and over again. It was my ultimate punishment..." She turned her head slightly out of habit so she wouldn't be seen crying.
"I remember..." He said drawing her attention back to him. "I remember that part. I wish I didn't." His grip on the arm of the chair tightened and started to emit a low groan from the strain it was under. Why? Why that particular memory? It was one of the darkest he remembered. Being strapped down in that chair with her by his side looking so heartbroken and unable to fight it. "You kept saying you were sorry..." he said after a long pregnant pause. "I watched as you shed tears for me. I hate..." he inhaled sharply through his teeth. "Hate...seeing you cry. It hurts me..." That much he knew. Somethings were fuzzier than most but that one he knew more than anything. He hated seeing her cry or being hurt. "They didn't care. They never did." The chair let out another long groan. The memory was on a constant loop like a never-ending record. I'm sorry...wipe him...I'm sorry...wipe him. Over and over it played. The metal chair, the rubber bit between his teeth, and the machine locking around his head before the pain hit. If someone looked close enough they could see that Bucky was shaking.
Slowly, Rina's hand reached out to wrap weakly around Bucky's. Her fingers tenderly interlocking with his. "There is one good memory I hold. One that kept me going all these years. Siberia." She saw Bucky's eyes darting back and forth as if he was trying to recall the memory from his subconscious mind. It was in the middle of winter and we had just completed a mission. By the time we got to the retrieval spot, we were completely snowed in by a blizzard. The helicopters weren't able to get us out so we were told to wait it out. We were stuck there for five days." She looked up into his eyes. "It was five days of heaven."
Bucky slowly stopped shaking as he focused on their joined hands. It was this feeling that made the always cold med bay seem just a little bit warmer. "You looked so beautiful...with your hair, all ruffled like that." He spoke before he realized what he had said. It was as if bits of the memory was spilling out of his mind. But how? How did he remember without realizing it?
Rina couldn't help but smile after he had said this. "Over those five days," she paused for a moment as she gave his hand a gentle squeeze. "You told me that you loved me." She watched as Bucky's cheeks flushed ever so softly as his eyes continued to stare at their hands. He felt the question bubbling in his mind as his heart started to thump loudly in his ears. He wanted to ask if she had said it back. But, what if the answer was no? Rina seemed to read his mind and smiled at him "And I told you that I loved you too."
He let out a breath that he hadn't realized that he had been holding. It came out as a sigh of relief as he turned his head to look back into her eyes. It was crazy how quickly she had become so important to him, again. "I...when we were dancing all of those feelings seemed to come rushing back. Just being with you...I felt like I belonged. I couldn't help it. Even...even before I saw you at the Cafe I dreamed about you."
"You did?" she asked as a tear slid down her cheek as she tried hard to hold them back. "I never stopped thinking about you."
He nodded as his smile faltered but only slightly. 'Do...Do you not feel the same anymore?" He could hear the demons inside of his head making him question it. Did she really love him? Was this all a game? No...no Rina wouldn't do that to him. His Shadow wouldn't do that to him.
"Bucky," she said as he felt her squeeze his hand. "I have never stopped loving you. Not once."
The relief washed over him like a tidal wave. It flooded his being making him feel warm inside once more. He brought their joined hands up to his lips so he could place the tenderest of kisses to her hand. "I love you too" he whispered against her skin as if she would vanish if he said it too loud. "When you went down I was terrified. I never want to lose you Rina. Not again. I don't think I could live through losing you a second time."
"Bucky I-" The door suddenly opened and Rina went silent as Fury now stood there staring at them. His eye locked onto their joined hands before traveling up to stare them in the face. He did not like this one bit. Bucky looked up and stared at Fury with a glare of his own. His hand curled around Rina's tighter as he sat up straighter and his chest puffed out. A very faint growl like hum rippled from his chest. As Fury watched this display it reminded him of an animal staring down another male that walked into his territory. Especially the way he was showing that he did not want Fury to come any closer to either of them. Especially to Rina.
"Director?" Bucky asked in a sharp tone. His demeanor had completely changed. It was as if Bucky was no longer there, but rather that the Winter Soldier had emerged from his deep slumber. Fury did not intimidate him no matter how much he tried. But he did not care, his memories and his past with Rina was his business. Not Fury's, not Shields...his and his alone. "Did you need something?" he asked in that shame sharp tone.
"I have questions," Fury stated to him. "And I want them answered" as Fury was giving his demands Steve came into the room to stand behind him. His eyes took in the scene that was before him. He saw Bucky's body language on full display while his hand still had Rina's clamped in a secure hold.
"Don't you always?" Bucky had to force himself to remain calm and show no emotion. He did not trust the director at all nor did he like the way he did things. At least Steve was there so they would not have to deal with Fury alone. But the look on Steve's face was different. He looked angry, upset and possibly even jealous.
"When did you know that Katarina Parker was the former Hydra operative known as the Winter's Shadow?" Fury jumped straight to the point as his gaze hardened as he looked from Bucky to Rina and then back to Bucky.
The mixed emotions that were on display on Steve's face were distracting for Bucky but he managed to regain focus. "I didn't. At least, I was not sure. I had informed you that things were still very hazy in my head. I didn't even ask Rina about it till we were actually being fired on by Hydra agents. I know you do not trust me Fury, but then again, you have given me no reason to trust you either."
Fury gave him a look again before glancing to Rina. She herself had reverted back to a stoic and unreadable expression. She had remained quiet as this had gone on. A force of habit one could say. "Hm.' He said after a moment had passed. "Until we can be sure that she is no longer a possible threat Miss Parker will remain here. Under strict surveillance."
"Then I am staying with her," Bucky stated firmly as if he was giving Fury an order. He wanted to make sure that this was not a request. If they wanted her alone they would have to drag him away kicking and screaming.
"Very well," Fury huffed before he turned and left without argument. That caused Bucky to become nervous. Fury never just left without some sort of stipulation, then again, they probably wanted to keep him under strict watch as well. Probably to make sure that he would not become corrupted by Rina.
Soon all that was left was Steve.
The room was filled with tension so thing you could have cut it with a knife. Bucky sighed as he ran his metal hand along his face and through his hair. His right hand never leaving Rina's. "Why did you not tell us of your suspicions Bucky?" Rina continued to lay in the bed quietly listening. This was between them and she would not interact unless she was spoken to.
"I wanted to figure it out myself. I couldn't be sure of what I was remembering. Everything is so twisted in my head and telling Shield does not help with that. They do not care about me, Stevie. I am just a threat to them. A bomb waiting to explode...a liability-"
"Why didn't you tell me?" That was the part that broke Steve. "We are supposed to be friends Bucky." Steve looked at him confused, hurt and angry. "We used to talk about everything-"
"We are friends Steve." He cut him off harshly. "But you just said it we used to. Steve I am not the same man that you knew before the war happened. "How could I be sure that what I told you would not get straight back to Fury. My fucking therapist wanted to put me under hypnosis and forcefully pull my memories from me. You even pushed me to try and remember. Constantly asking me things about Shadow wondering and prodding-"
"Bucky I am only trying to help-"
"No Steve you are just as paranoid as them!" He jumped up and shouted. "I've seen you with them, Steve. You keep those who are supposed to be your friends at arms distance. You shun people like Bruce because he has something he can't control. You treat him like he is a nuclear ticking time bomb just like they do to me. You are Fury's lap dog, Steve. You are just like him." He started to hyperventilate and shake again but this time Rina could feel it.
Steve stood there for a moment stunned into silence. His face holding the pain he felt inside before he reverted back to that stoned expression. "How long has it been since you worked for Hydra?" He demanded of Rina as he looked to the stoic woman.
"Seven years..." Rina responded almost robotically. Bucky recognized her current state for what it was. She had shut down to protect herself. He himself had done this before. His shaking hand gave her a gentle squeeze. Slowly he sat down as he calmed himself. His curiosity was returning. "How long have you been at the Cafe?" He asked, "I was so close to you this whole time?"
"Two years. I worked there for two years. I did not know that you were near till the incident when you arrived in New York. After that I tracked you. I followed and watched you. I kept Hydra away to keep you safe. As is and will always be my duty. My number one mission. To protect The Winter's Soldier at all costs. It was my programming...and now...it is my privilege to do so. Because of my feelings for you." She admitted as the line between his Shadow and his Rina had become blurred. It was as if they were speaking together as one being.
It all made sense now. Hydra had not been so vigorous in hunting him down because Rina had hunted them down first. She kept them away and kept him safe in the process. But at what cost? "They got tired of you interfering...didn't they?"
"That night when we were on our date. You had asked me if everything was alright. I had seen a Hydra agent across the way. They saw my face and I could only assume they connected the dots and realized who I was. Seven years ago after a mission, the Winter's Soldier made a choice to release me from Hydra's grasp. He faked my death..." She remembered falling from the cliff into the large river beneath them. Her eyes locking onto his as she fell and fell. "I tried to fight him on it but he persisted. Eventually...he got his way. He pushed me from a cliff and into a river where I floated for many miles till I was able to get away. I wandered around homeless for some time before I was found by the Parkers. They took me in and gave me a home."
"I had to get you away..." He said after a heavy pause. The arm of the chair creaked again as he felt himself remembering. The metal hand-tightening so much the arm of the chair might give at any moment. "They kept making you forget...I knew they would have grown tired of it. I should have run with you..."
"You stayed so nothing would come up. I was gone. They wouldn't be able to find me." Her stony expression faded into a gentler one as she looked to him. Bucky was trembling again and it worried her.
"They were angry when they found out, but I didn't dare tell them. They blamed me for your death. Had to be punished..." The trembling worsened as the arm of the chair cracked beneath the pressure of his grip. His hand was pulled from hers as he started to hyperventilate. His head felt as if it was back in that vice grip from the machine. It hurt all of it hurt.
Rina reached to grab his hand again and she held it tight. "Breathe..." she said trying to help him to calm down. "Breathe."
Her voice seemed so far off as he jerked free from her. "Stop!" He shouted as his hand finally crushed the arm of the chair causing it to shatter loudly as little splinters flew about. He curled up into a ball as he held his head as the searing white hot pain hit him. "Please! You can use someone else!" He shouted incoherently as his hands gripped his head wanting the pain to stop.
Rina jumped up from the bed despite the fact that she felt a sharp pain in her ribs as she moved. She grabbed a hold of Bucky and wrapped her arms around him holding him close to her. "Спокойствие зимой Спокойствие. Все безопасно и тихо. Головы ушли." (Calm Winter calm. All is safe and quiet. The heads are gone.) She whispered to him in Russian as she held him as close as possible.
Steve had been stunned into silence as he watched the interaction between the two. Seeing the rapid change in Bucky from calm to the dememour of a frightened child shocked him greatly. He did not know what she was saying to him but it seemed to calm him. Slowly but surely he started to relax with her gentle words. She was right...his Shadow would always protect him. Just as he would always protect her. After a few minutes, he came back to a stable reality and slowly let go. "Im...I'm sorry..." He said, "You are supposed to be resting." He helped her up as Steve walked over.
"Bucky are you alright?" Steve asked still concerned as he touched his friends shoulder.
"Yeah..." he said after a moment to regain his breathing. "I just...I was not that expecting it to come on so strongly." His eyes widened as he saw Rina's hospital like gown now drenched in blood.
"I must have torn some of the stitches." She said before she gasped as Bucky picked her up in his arms and laid her down on the bed. Gently he lifted the side of the gown and looked at the wound.
"You did." He said softly as he grabbed a cloth and pressed it to her side. "Steve...please go get a doctor and tell them she needs new stitches." he said to his friend. "Please?" he asked again gently as he looked at the blond man who could only nod. He left leaving the two alone again.