Saturday was brunch with Demyx, and Axel really didn't want to talk about Roxas. Demyx might remember the name—probably not, but he might. And Axel knew there was no way for him to just say, "So that kid I had in class as a student teacher is now a student teacher himself at my school, funny how time flies, ain't it?" He could be as nonchalant as Seesaw, pointedly sitting by her empty bowl but not fussing about it. It wouldn't matter. Demyx would see right through him, just as easily as Axel figured out his cat, and then the whole story would come due. Axel had made it this far without mentioning just how much he'd seen of Roxas in the years after he and Demyx split, and that kid he hadn't been obsessed with had come out, and had a major crush on Axel during his senior year, and there might have also been an incredibly inappropriate kiss. Once.

No, Demyx had no idea about any of that, but if Axel so much as mentioned Roxas, he would know something was up. He sort of knew anyway—he was watching Axel a little too closely. Axel was trying to act normal, but it had been the most monumental week in the last few years. Maybe he was looking a little shaken up.

"So what's going on with you?" Demyx finally asked, in a tone that carried that little spot of suspicion, like Demyx expected there to be something going on, he just didn't yet know if he was going to have to dig for it or not.

Axel knew better than to say "nothing." Nothing was a dead giveaway like nothing. "Oh, you know. January. Still trying to get the kids to come down from their Christmas sugar highs."

"It's been three weeks," Demyx snorted, some of his suspicion possibly—maybe—diffusing.

"Well, okay, not the sugar highs anymore. Just—January. It's hard to motivate them this time of year. I'm looking for new chem labs I can do—something that'll turn out interesting but still fit with the curriculum standards."

"Oh, those curriculum standards," Demyx teased. "Always limiting the amount of time you can spend blowing shit up."

They chatted about everyday things, what Demyx and Zexion were up to, and Axel was just hoping to get out of here scot-free when Demyx asked, "You went to the bar last weekend, right?"

"…Yeah." He had, actually, for the first time since November. He'd totally forgotten.

"Any luck?"

"Nope." That, too, was true. It had been a slow night.

Demyx sighed, and that Look started to reappear—the worried one. Axel knew what was coming. "Have you tried revising your dating profile, like I suggested?"

Axel shrugged, which was a no. Demyx had lately taken it into his head that Axel's online dating would be more productive if he didn't proclaim that he was looking for NSA hookups. Demyx wanted him to start looking for long-term commitment and romance, and to revise his profile accordingly. Maybe be open to guys with kids, uncheck that box and broaden the possibilities. Widen the age range. Don't be so picky and strictly sex-only.

"Are you going to try to tell me you're 'still not ready' again?" Demyx sighed. "Because Axel, it's been years since the last boyfriend disaster. And we're in our thirties now. You are ready, trust me. You just need to stop telling yourself that you're not."

"It just…feels lame," he mumbled into his coffee. They'd been over that too—Axel could deal with online dating as long as it was just for sex, but he felt pathetic filling out a profile for anything more. He felt like a loser begging for love because in real life he was a fuckup. Demyx had argued quite strongly against that, but the fact remained that in real life, Axel's relationships had all been sort of disastrous, so even if people weren't losers for finding love online, Axel still felt like he would be. "And really…no kids. I can't start a relationship with kids in the picture, I'm a freaking teacher. Kids are my job. If I date someone, I'll need a while before I'm ready for that step."

"Fine," Demyx sighed again. "But you need to just bite the bullet and do it, change your profile. If it's embarrassing, get over yourself. Think about how much it'll matter if it works! If you find love, are you really gonna look back in five years and think, 'Man, I can't believe we met online, how sad'?" Demyx pointed at him with his biscotti. "No! You'll just be happy you're with him, end of story!"

"And when people ask how we met…"

Eyes rolling, Demyx answered, "You can lie, Axel. The two of you can come up with one of those adorable, implausible stories that people will just eat up. Like you met at the grocery store when one of you slipped on some spilled juice and fell into the other one's arms, or you went to high school together and then fifteen years later bumped into each other while you were both on vacation in Hawaii and then spent the whole vacation together and fell in love and then you found out you actually live in the same town a block away from each other! There, problem solved."

"Perfect." Axel made a face. "The next time I need a crappy rom-com written, I'll ask you first."

Ignoring him, Demyx asked, "What's your age range set at again?"

Axel picked at his pancakes. "Um…twenty-five to thirty-five, I think."

Demyx frowned thoughtfully. "You could go a little older. Forty, at least. Maybe even fifty?"

Shoving a big forkful of food in his mouth, Axel delayed answering for a minute. Then, finally, he swallowed and muttered, "What about…younger?"

"Oh ew," Demyx groaned. "Don't. Not 'eighteen to thirty-five,' Axel, seriously. Don't be that guy." Then he added, "That never says I actually do want a relationship, anyway. Everyone who puts that is just after sex and lying about it. At least you've been honest so far."

"Not eighteen," Axel grumbled. He'd proven to himself, at least, that that was too young for him—three years ago. "Just…under twenty-five."

"If he's still going to classes and he can't legally order wine on your first date, it's icky. Thirties, Axel, remember. I know it doesn't feel like it, but you're not a twenty-something anymore."

"What if he can drink? What if he's twenty-one, and maybe out of college?" Or will be in a couple months…

"Well, it would be…okay, I guess, but barely. I mean, remember when we were that age? We had no life experience, we hadn't faced hard times yet, we didn't know how to deal with that stuff…" This was something they had discussed, more recently, though not in depth. It had been more of a mutual admission that they had both been young and immature and probably wrong for each other, and that was why they fell apart. "We were still kids in a lot of ways, Axel. Just with more independence and a couple more experiences than four years before."

Axel had thought about this already, not that he wanted to admit it or look too closely at the reasons why. "Yeah, we were…but maybe that was just us. You remember how many people were getting engaged senior year? How many from our class got married or moved in together the summer after graduation? It's not uncommon, and within a couple years they're starting families. Just because my life hasn't gone at that pace—and maybe yours too—doesn't mean there aren't some twenty-one-year-olds who are a lot more grown up than you'd think."

He was still picking at his food, so Axel didn't notice any significance to the silence right away. It was only when the pause began to lengthen and he looked up that he saw the piercing look in Demyx's bright eyes. Oh shit.

"You're talking about someone specific." It wasn't a question. "You have someone in mind."

The best response would be confusion, but Axel forgot this time and only remembered after he'd choked out an "Uh, no, what makes you say that?" Defensiveness was a dead giveaway, and denial was only worse.

The answer was quiet, but not at all uncertain. If anything, a little impatient. "Because I just know, Axel, now tell me who we're talking about here."

"You're pulling this out of your ass," Axel weakly tried.

"I know how you talk when you're thinking out loud and I know when you've already thought something through and put your ideas in order and you've never been any good at lying to me anyway, so just tell me." Demyx leaned forward on his elbows. "Who is this twenty-one-year-old you're interested in, who might be mature enough to make up for a ten-year age gap, and where did you meet him?"

"Nine and a half years," Axel gritted through his teeth. Demyx just pointed.

"Ha! Yeah, I knew it. Spill."

Axel cursed his luck, the sky, the sea, the heavens and the earth and all his damned stars, but really, it wasn't surprising. He should be grateful he managed to hide it this long.

"Look, I don't want to talk about it much. It's probably nothing. But…let's just say what if." He wrapped his hands around his too-hot coffee mug. "Let's say there's a student teacher…"

"Oh my God."

"What? You asked!"

"A student."

"A student teacher! Student teacher Demyx, there's a major goddamn difference!"

"A student teacher is still a student, and you're still the teacher, and…"

"He's not my student teacher, I don't have one! He's a student teacher at school."

"So he's older than a high schooler and you're not his teacher—he's still there to learn, Axel. It would be really unprofessional at the very least."

"But it wouldn't be wrong," Axel pointed out firmly. "He's not underage, and I'm not in charge of him in any way."

Another sigh. "So what's the deal? Tell me about him."

"There's nothing even to tell," Axel grunted. "It's just a hypothetical situation. Say there was a student teacher—not my student. Say he's twenty-one—old enough to drink. He'll graduate soon, and really, he's not in classes, per se, anymore. He's in a pre-work environment. Like…training. And they can't exactly make any rules forbidding inter-faculty relationships. There are a few married couples within the faculty and staff. The front office secretary is married to a school board member, the assistant principal's husband is a teacher and coach. They moved away, but the ninth grade science and twelfth grade social studies teachers were married too."

"Doesn't really matter, does it, when a student teacher isn't technically on the faculty?"

Axel rolled his eyes. Big deal.

"And how does any of this matter? You're not out at work. Is he? I'm assuming he's not straight."

"Well, it would be worthless to even think about this if he was. No, I know. And he's…I think he's keeping quiet too, which is smart, but there have been some changes in personnel over the years. I've been thinking that maybe in a couple more years, after I get tenure, I might finally come out at school."

"But that's in a couple years, Axel. This kid won't be around that long. We're talking about right now."

Axel decided not to mention Roxas' wish to stick around. "I just…I don't think it would be wrong. I know the age gap isn't ideal, but I think I could get past it."

"What about him?" Demyx asked—never one to miss the question Axel least wanted to answer. "You think he's okay with you being that much older? You sure he's interested?"

And that was the big question, wasn't it? Once, Axel could have laughed and said Yeah, pretty sure he's interested. Now? Roxas had not even mentioned what had passed between them almost four years ago. He had behaved like a completely normal former student, now grown up and meeting on adult terms—all perfectly friendly and professional. And Axel had expected him to meet someone younger and better for him in college since before Roxas even went. And now here they were again, only Axel had gray hair and sort-of wrinkles and dressed like an old bore. Even if Roxas didn't have a college boyfriend, so what? He was young and hot and could take his pick.

So Axel didn't have an answer, or even a guess. So instead he said, "I can't exactly say anything, can I? If he took it badly, I could be in deep shit."

"You know what? There's your answer." Demyx set his coffee down with a firm clunk. "If it's not safe to ask him out because of what might happen if you're rejected, then you shouldn't ask."

Axel dropped his fork, no longer interested in swirling patterns into his syrup. "I hate it when you're right."

"Yeah. Now change your profile settings and get a real boyfriend. A grown up one."

~o~

The second week was worse than the first.

Roxas kept showing up for lunch, and Axel was almost out of safe topics to ask about. He tried asking how classes were going so far, but Roxas explained that he was mostly just assisting Mrs. Hamilton with the second half of the unit she'd started the kids on after Christmas. College schedules being a little different and all, Roxas was coming in two weeks after school resumed, and he'd be leaving about three weeks before the year ended. So Mrs. Hamilton was mostly in charge, and she'd be handing things over to Roxas sometime in early February. Ergo—not much to tell at this point.

Axel volunteered a little about his own classes this year, for Roxas' benefit, but he was teaching eleventh graders and Roxas had tenth, so there weren't even many students they both had and could discuss, aka gossip about.

Roxas was starting to sneak in a few questions of his own.

"So, do you still do karate and archery?"

He made every effort to keep his answer brief and simple. But Roxas had more questions, especially about karate, considering that Axel was, in fact, still doing that. He was a blue belt, testing for purple soon, so Roxas had to know all about the rankings and what he learned and if he competed. Axel didn't compete, really, because his schedule usually didn't allow it.

"Aww, really? That's a shame. Let me know if you ever do, though, I'd love to come watch."

Not sure what to make of that, Axel just made a noncommittal noise.

"Does your family live around here?"

Oh dear.

"Um, yes…but it doesn't make much difference."

Roxas looked confused. "What? Why?"

This is getting too damn personal… But at the same time, it wasn't. It was "how's the family?" One of the most basic, entry-level questions in the book.

"They don't speak to me. Not since college. Since I, um, came out."

Comprehension dawned, and with it shock and pain. "Oh my God, I had no idea. You always said it was a secret, but…"

"Here, yes. And with them too, I guess, until they found out."

"What happened?"

Axel really didn't want to answer that—definitely too personal. Maybe he could say as much… But then again, this was the kid who had come out to him in high school. Who had trusted him first. Who he'd long been a mentor and role model for, especially in this.

Ugh, damn it.

"A little after we graduated, they found out that my roommate wasn't…just my roommate. And, you know—not much to tell. They weren't okay with it, they wanted me to break up with him, I refused, they sort of disowned me. That's pretty much how we left it."

The shadow of unhappiness in Roxas' eyes was heavy and unmistakable. "And your…boyfriend?"

"Oh, he's not. I mean, we lasted a little longer, but we've been broken up for years and years, now."

"Oh. Shortly after college?"

Find a way to change the subject. "Yeah, he was my college boyfriend, mostly. He found another guy and they've been living together ever since. We're actually all friends now, so it worked out." Axel smiled. There.

"So he's…not the one you were with four years ago?"

Shit.

It was the first time "four years ago" had come up in any concrete fashion. Axel didn't want to talk about four years ago, when Roxas' pining blue eyes followed him everywhere, when graduation happened. And he didn't want to talk about his love life. This was hot fucking water and he needed out.

"Nope." Axel looked at the clock. Oh thank God. "Oh, whoops—five minutes till the bell. I need to run to the copier quick before my next class." He stood and started rifling through papers to find the right one. "See you tomorrow?" Shit, shit. Don't invite him back.

A small smile. "Yeah. Have a good rest of the day, Mr. Michaels."

~o~