Thanks for the reviews. I'm so glad you all liked the kiss(es), and that it made up for her not telling him! Since this is such an important chapter for Jack I thought I'd do something a little different and write it mostly from his perspective... ;)
Chapter 10.
The moon had disappeared beneath the treetops by the time Kate opened her eyes.
Jack wasn't beside her like he was when she fell asleep, his blanket discarded in a heap by the fire; she tried to sit up, to look for him, but a searing pain ripped through her, and glancing down, she was horrified to find that her clothes were stained with blood.
Worst of all, she couldn't feel her baby.
Something was wrong. Very wrong.
She peeled back her shirt to discover a three-inch incision beneath her navel, like a fresh caesarean scar, sealed with clumsy black stitches, and she knew he was gone: out there somewhere in the jungle with Claire.
If he was even alive.
She would never get to see him, or hold him, or watch him grow; she could still hear Claire's laughter, echoing though the night, taunting her, and all she could do was open her mouth and…
Jack started awake when he heard Kate scream.
She was having another nightmare, he realised.
"It's okay," he told her, pulling her close, holding her tight as she continued to thrash against him. "You're okay. It was just a dream."
But she was hysterical, pummelling his chest with her fists; he winced when her elbow connected with the side of his jaw, using his arms to pin hers against her sides, to keep her from hurting herself... or him.
"She… the baby…" she sobbed and he wondered if she was still asleep. "She cut me!"
"Who? What baby? What d'you mean she "cut" you?" he pressed, bewildered. None of what she was saying made sense.
He waited until she grew rigid and still in his arms before drawing back to look at her without letting her go. "I need you to talk to me, Kate. Tell me what's going on."
"You wouldn't understand," she insisted, struggling against his grip.
"No, Kate. We're doing this – right here, right now. Whatever's on your mind," he told her as he released her. He was tired of trying to guess what she was thinking.
"You hate me – why?" What had he done to her that was so unforgivable?
He was surprised when he found out that she'd kept the ring; before that he'd assumed that it was on the bottom of the ocean somewhere.
"Because I'm pregnant!" she cried, shocking them both into silence.
He felt like the ground had been yanked out from underneath him. "Pregnant?" he repeated. It was one of the few possibilities he hadn't thought to consider.
He let his eyes travel over her body, performing a kind of visual exam; sure enough, now that he knew what he was looking for, he could see it: the enlargement of her breasts, the widening of her hips, the distinct rounding of her usually flat belly. It all seemed so obvious now that he couldn't believe he'd missed it before.
Maybe he just hadn't wanted to believe it, because of what it would mean.
"Is it…?" he asked but he already knew the answer.
"Of course it's yours, Jack!" she retorted, her eyes widening with incredulity. "How many men do you think I slept with after we broke up?"
She couldn't be more than twenty weeks along, and even then, she would have to be dangerously underweight; it was over six months since they were together, unless…
"That night at the motel," he realised out loud, his heart sinking as it all began to fall into place. Now wonder she got so upset whenever he mentioned it. How could he have been so stupid?
The words 'selfish bastard' flashed through his mind, and he knew now what she was talking about. He should have stayed with her. He never should have abandoned her like that. "Oh God, Kate – I am so sorry," he whispered. "If I had any idea…"
"You would have what? Done the right thing and married me?" she pressed, wrapping her arms around herself and he felt a fresh stab of shame as it occurred to him that she was right.
If he'd known that he'd gotten her pregnant, he would have ignored his father and Ben and stuck around out of duty, and made them both even more miserable than they were now.
"You don't get it, do you?" she continued when he fumbled for an answer. "You made me feel like a whore – like you could just use me and throw me away when you were done. I thought what we had meant something."
He watched her fold back into herself, her shoulders slumping, losing a few inches in height as she added, "I thought you loved me, " her voice coming out smaller and more broken than he'd ever heard it.
It made his heart ache to see how much he'd hurt her. "I did, Kate," he assured her, reaching out to touch her arm, swallowing hard when she recoiled from him. "I do."
"Then where were you when I woke up?" she insisted, brushing the tears from her eyes with the back of her hand. "When I found out I was having your baby? A month ago, when I thought I was gonna lose it?"
The first time Kate lost the baby was three weeks after Jack disappeared.
She bought a pregnancy test the next day.
Claire came to her every night after that; sometimes it was Aaron she took, but the outcome was always the same.
She couldn't keep both of them. Claire always made sure of that.
That was why when she started to bleed at the end of her eleventh week, she couldn't help thinking that Claire had found a way to reach out to her in the real world as well.
"Are you okay, Kate?" Veronica asked her with a concerned expression when she came out of the bathroom, one arm wrapped around her stomach, as if she could protect her baby from whatever was happening inside.
She still hadn't told her she was pregnant. She hadn't told anyone. Somehow it was easier if she didn't make it real. "I think I need to go to the hospital," she confessed, bracing her free hand against the wall while she waited for Veronica to wake Aaron from his nap, resigned to the fact that the choice had been made for her, but when she got there the doctors couldn't find anything wrong with her.
The baby's heartbeat was just as strong as it had been at her last ultrasound: it was a threatened miscarriage, they said, for want of a better diagnosis.
She knew she should have considered herself lucky, but it was hard when each day her baby survived was only a postponement of what she was sure was inevitable; she couldn't help feeling that it was all so Claire could keep torturing her, making her pay for stealing her son.
"The baby's Jack's, right? You want me to try to call him?" Veronica asked later when she brought Aaron into the room.
It was three months since she'd had any contact with him by then, and from what she'd heard, he wasn't working there anymore. "Thanks, but no," she told her, forcing a smile. "Can you just leave us alone?"
"Sure."
She helped Aaron climb up onto the bed beside her as Veronica ducked back into the hall, shifting onto her side so that they were facing each other.
She needed the chance to be happy, to celebrate the news with someone, and with Jack out of the picture, he was all the family she had left. "You wanna know a secret?" she whispered.
He responded with an eager nod. "What Mommy?"
"Soon you're gonna have a baby brother to play with," she told him, resting her hot forehead against his cooler one, even though she knew it was impossible when the two of them could never seem to occupy the same space.
"What, Kate? Is everything…?" he asked, the words catching in his throat. He hadn't even been aware of this child's existence until a few minutes ago, but now that he was, he couldn't imagine not having it with her. "When was the last time you saw your doctor?"
"The day before we left L.A. And yeah – Juliet gave me the all clear," she assured him, softening when she saw how anxious he was.
Juliet? She knew about this? It seemed that everyone had except him. "And yet you came back here?" he insisted, a sharp note in his tone.
Her mouth fell open in surprise, and then anger clouded her expression. "What're you talking about? You asked me to! Repeatedly!" she retorted.
"That was before I knew!" he cried, pacing in a tight circle.
He couldn't remember the last time he'd been so pissed, like he could kill her if he wasn't still so in love with her. How could she do that to herself? To their baby? To him?
"I can't believe you convinced me to bring you along on this hike! What were you thinking?" he demanded.
She fixed him with a stubborn look, but he could hear the guilt in her tone as she argued, "My doctor said walking was fine."
"Around the block, Kate!" he agreed. "To the store! Not trekking through the jungle!"
He tried to take a deep calming breath but he couldn't seem to hide his anguish as he rushed on, "What if something else goes wrong? What if you get sick?"
He couldn't lose her. It had almost killed him the first time.
He stopped yelling, taken aback, when she burst into fresh tears.
"You think I'd be here if I didn't have to?" she cried, gasping for breath as her chest was wracked with violent sobs, and he could see her falling apart right in front of his eyes. "That I wouldn't rather be at home painting the nursery and fighting about names? She won't leave me alone!"
"Who?" he probed, determined to get to the bottom of it once and for all.
"Claire!" she blurted out and he blinked at her in shock. He'd never seen Claire as threatening before; she'd always seemed like the kind of person you could trust with your life. "She's gonna take our baby if she doesn't get him back, Jack!"
It took them both a moment to register what she'd said.
"Our baby?" he repeated with a tentative grin, deciding that he liked the sound of it.
She ducked her head as a furious blush crept into her cheeks. "I just meant…" she stammered, scrubbing at her eyes with her fingers. "I mean it kind of is…"
She wouldn't look at him. "I know I haven't been there for you, Kate, but all that's going to change," he promised her, lifting her chin. He hadn't exactly been father of the year up to this point, but he was determined to make up for it. He wasn't going to disappoint her again.
"I won't let anyone take it from you – not Ben, not the Others… Not even Claire."
"Him," she corrected him with a shy smile.
"It's a boy?" he checked, realising that he hadn't even thought to ask her.
She nodded. "At least it feels like one," she told him with a sheepish grin.
He was going to be a father. He was going to have a son.
He allowed himself a moment to digest this before holding out his hand. "Can I…?" he asked, shooting her a questioning look.
"Of course," she agreed, nodding again.
She unbuttoned her shirt for him and he slid up her t-shirt, covering the firm skin with his palm like he had with countless patients, but somehow this was different.
This was his son.
"Is he… is he moving?" he asked, disappointed when nothing happened. He was hoping for some sign of life: something to make it seem less surreal.
"Yeah," she told him, taking his hand in both of hers and pressing it harder against her belly.
It was still early days; he would just have to wait.
"It's okay – it doesn't hurt," she assured him when he eyed her with a wary glance, afraid of being too rough.
He followed her lead, applying more pressure until he felt a faint stirring beneath his fingertips.
There was something living in there. He laughed. "That's incredible, Kate."
"Isn't it?" she agreed, glancing up at him, her green eyes sparkling, her freckled face flushed with happiness, and for a moment, he wanted to kiss her again.
But his father was right: he wasn't finished. Not until they were all safe and back on that boat, Claire included.
"What does it feel like?" he asked her to break the tension.
She gave him a strange look, pursing her lips like she wanted to say something, before a slow smile spread over her features. "It feels nice…"
Next chapter: Jack and Kate discuss Kate's motivation for coming along on the hike and decide where to go from here... ;)