Umbrella Girl: Original Chapter 10: Cuts (Part 1), a vocaloid fanfic

So, I know a lot of scenes feel like fillers but really, I'm just trying to work on character development. Honestly, I shall warn you of the darkness at the ending of this chapter and the profanity. It was also too long so I'm splitting it in half. The next few chapters is when Tei finally gets her chance to shine! ... Maybe! If I don't change anything up or something. So yeah. She won't appear at all until the end though! Although, I have many, many things in store for you guys! HAHAAHA.

Chapter 10: Cuts Part 1

"Hey, did you hear?" a voice gulped nervously.

"What is it? What is it?" another voice chirped back enthusiastically.

"… Remember that ghost girl in 1-A? Kagamine Rin?" They shuddered once the weight of her name hung over the air.

"Oh… the one that Tei was yelling at last week?"

"Yeah. Get this! She managed to possess not only Len, but Kaito, Meiko, and Ruko, too!"

"Ehh? Are her spiritual powers getting stronger?"

"Probably… Hopefully, she won't do the same to us. That cursed girl should just transfer, though."

"Yeah… I'm kinda scared now, honestly."

Rin P.O.V.

"You musn't go near there, Rin!" Mother screamed, yanking my writhing figure back forcefully.

The storm was already worsened at this point. The once crystal clear, halcyon sky transformed into gruesome mixes of charcoal and the intense crackling of thunder. Sunlight futilely beamed across the horizon, lowering itself rapidly. The ocean itself resembled the storm with its dark shades of asphalt and indigo swirling around in hasty circles. Intimidating waves swallowed everything on shore whole, crashing under the wood at our feet.

"Mama! Mama! I have to-! Let me go!" I screeched wildly, all rational thoughts beginning to fade as we stood at the end of the pier.

I shot up in a subconscious frenzy. Buckets of sweat dripped down my tense frame, soaking through my orange pajamas. I could tell that my entire figure was trembling because of the unbearable guilt and sadness. My chest was heaving erratically, my breathing fast and shallow. I ran a quivering hand through my sweltered hair and gasped when my gaze shifted to the digital alarm clock sitting on my desk.

It's three o'clock in the morning?! I peered through the large crack in my pink curtains, seeing that it was pouring outside. That's… odd. Just yesterday, the sun was shining brightly over the sky. The familiar pitter-patter of the rain must have triggered that dream.

Oh, mother… I sighed dispiritingly. She obviously blames herself, but I could never bring myself to blame her for something like that. It was me. Me…

I bit my lip with incredible force, the burn of my tearing skin disconcerting me. After licking my lips, I tasted the strange sensation of my coppery blood and hung my head low so that my bangs would cover my teary eyes. Not that they needed covering. I was sitting alone in the dark, after all.

I could already feel my body begin to calm itself when I lay back down. My once uneven breathing had become steady and deep. The perspiration that I was drowning in just a few minutes ago was being whisked away by the cold air lingering in the darkness of my room.

'I… don't think I would be able to sleep again,' I thought as I pulled the warm, comforting covers up to my neck. With an irritated huff, I shut my eyes tight and willed myself to fall back asleep. But alas, after another few minutes of silence and failure, I gave up.

What… can I do at times like this?

The sudden image of Kagamine popped up in my mind. I gasped loudly –and immediately clamped my mouth with my hand-, closing my eyelids once again to erase that picture. Why am I thinking about him right now?! I felt my face flush and burn in shame as I covered it in my still-trembling hands. J-Just what is this? The familiar sensation of barfing that Kagamine always sprung upon me also attacked my insides, twisting it around as if I were being constantly stabbed in the gut. Yet… it didn't hurt at all. It was like… the good version of being stabbed in the gut.

… Just what are you thinking about Rin?! 'The good version'?

What would she tell me if I were with her right now? "It's alright, Rin, you're probably getting a fever"… maybe? I touched my forehead, which was indeed pretty warm. So, I'm sick? Well, probably not. These symptoms usually go away after I find something to distract myself.

I let out a quick, uncontrollable sneeze and sighed. Oh, I'm so hopeless without her. She would definitely help me right now. I'm so confused. And I don't even know why I'm confused! It's just my body acting up, is all. Yeah…

Ugh, I won't be sleeping now for sure. For some reason, it felt entirely impossible to rest. The thought brought upon the memory of an old legend she had told me about: If you can't sleep at night, it means that you're awake in someone else's dream.

I groaned softly once Kagamine turned up in my mind once again. It's gonna be a long night…

Len P.O.V.

"So, are you saying you'll actually go out with Tei?!" Kaito's voice rose higher and higher in surprise as he stared at me with an expression of shock and distaste. "The hell's wrong with you?!"

We sat in our unusually empty classroom, not another soul to be found or heard within these walls. Yokune wasn't sleeping in the corner, Kagamine wasn't staring off into space, Gakupo and the others weren't surrounding us with laughter, and the girls weren't chatting in the front about their love lives. It was a strange day, and admittedly a little creepy. I don't even know how Kaito and I got to school before Kagamine anyone in the first place.

I shrugged and offered him a thin smile of uncertainty. "I… don't know?"

"My god, Len. Of course, I'll support you on this… but I thought you'd end up with Kagamine!" Kaito's face pinched together as if he were in serious doubt about my decisions.

"I'm just saying, you know. She's really not that bad… And well, I was too late on that one…" I replied with a sinking heart, my gaze averting to the happy couple in the corner (when did they get here?).

Kaito intensely followed my gaze and nodded almost sadly. Piko had an arm around Kagamine while she smiled and blushed so adorably. As if this piercing feeling in my chest wasn't torment enough, it felt like every organ of mine ran on a three-second time bomb when Kagamine and Piko's faces leaned into each other slowly (with their eyelids lowered and everything)… BAM! My stomach… slowly… BAM! My legs and arms… and slowly… BAM! My heart…

And when their lips just barely grazed, I reached a futile arm out and released a dramatic, unending, "Nooooooooo!"

I woke up in cold sweat. My eyes peeled open and I brought a shaking hand to my unsteadily thumping chest. My breathing was erratic and disturbing. I… unfortunately couldn't remember most of my dream. Grr, my stupid mind. The only thing I could recall was Kagamine and Piko's kiss in the classroom. That's… really all I could remember about it. Unfortunately.

With a low growl, I wondered why I was acting so jealous and childish about this. All I saw was them interacting… close to each other… and touching… while blushing…! Shaking my head, I tried to collect my thoughts and think rationally. They were only talking. Piko was probably curious as to what Kagamine's like ever since he saw me change my wallpaper to that picture of Kagamine smiling. Piko is head over heels for Miki. He's been that way since… forever! Kagamine is starting to open up more, so her smiling isn't uncalled for.

… The only thing I can't find a way to explain is her blush. She was blushing and smiling and laughing and staring at him! But I know exactly why I'm jealous… T-That should've been me… Because I'm selfish like that.

I really need to stop thinking about it. I bet that she doesn't even think about that little encounter as much as I do!

I did talk to Kaito and Meiko about it earlier when we went outside to play soccer (Meiko was sleeping on the couch in the living room and Kaito was sleeping on the floor with my futon). They laughed at me, saying that I was being pathetic. But then Meiko pat my back and said, "Don't worry your pretty little head about it. Kagamine definitely doesn't have a crush on Piko." I narrowed my eyes at the darkness. How would she know that?

… Wow. I really need to put this past me. If not for my sake, then for Kagamine's. I need to focus on getting her to open up even more to our class, not on what guys she talks to with the potential chance that she could have a crush on them! I really don't like this side of me. When was the last time I was this jealous?

Oh, right. It was when I found out Miku loved Luka and she ultimately friendzoned me. But that doesn't really matter now. I was foolish to think that she would choose me over Luka.

With an exasperated sigh, I finally decided to put this out of my mind for the time being. I glanced at the clock on my wall, squinting in the darkness. It was about 3 AM. Hmm. I only had three hours of sleep. I had barely even noticed that it was raining outside, the gentle trickles of raindrops pounding on and sliding down my window.

I really don't think I'll be able to sleep after this. Well, I can always sneak in a nap during class. Al won't care at all. I laughed dryly at the thought. Al never cares. Actually, I'm sure he does care but just… He's more carefree…? I shook my head. But I have to keep my grades up, too… Sigh. I guess I'll try and go back to sleep.

Pulling the covers over my chest, I willed my eyes to squeeze themselves shut. I grinned to myself. There's no way I'm letting this bring me down after all. I need some sleep and when I go to school, I'll be acting like I normally do. I won't feel uneasy around Piko or Kagamine. And at work, I'll hope Kagamine comes over to the store like she agreed she would. Okay! I can do this. Slapping my cheeks in a pumped-up manner, I sighed once again. That's too much energy for 3 o'clock in the morning…

"I didn't realize it was bothering you that much," Kaito's low voice caused me to nearly jump out of my skin.

"I-I thought you were sleeping! Jeez, Kaito!" I whispered fiercely and shuddered. "What are you doing up?"

"Do you realize how loud you were?" he chided.

Well, I guess I should've been more careful.

"Sorry, man. I just had a lot going through my mi- achoo!" My apology was interrupted by a gentle, high-pitched sneeze.

I heard Kaito turn, the rustling of his blankets a telltale sign of it. He let out a loud, breathy sigh. "You better not be getting sick, Len. Otherwise, Al's gonna kill you. Everyone's looking forward to you playing at the festival."

I sweatdropped at how much pressure was being mounted upon my shoulders and instinctively felt my forehead, which was at a normal temperature. With a sigh of relief, I assured him that I wasn't getting sick any time soon.

"Lies," he declared.

"W-What?" I furrowed my brows in confusion.

"You are sick," he said stubbornly, his voice muffled by his blanket.

With a roll of my eyes, I knew exactly what he was talking about. "Well, maybe I am."

"You know, there's an old saying… When you sneeze, it means someone out there is thinking about you."

"I know that…" I muttered, unable to erase the flashes of Kagamine out of my mind; nor the depressed gaze of my workaholic mother's.

Reaching out towards the ceiling, I clenched my hands into a tight fist.

"Mom."

Rin P.O.V.

The annoying beep of my alarm went off, signifying that it was 5:30. I shut my bloodshot, tired eyes and groaned. I ended up staying awake and just staring at the ceiling absentmindlessly, listening to the gentle dribbling of rain drops as they made their way onto the roof and into the soft soil beneath me. No unnecessary thoughts violated my disorderly mind, so I was truly at peace for two hours straight. Regrettably, it was time to get ready for school…

I slapped the alarm clock, shutting it off. I couldn't help but feel a little disoriented as pieces of my dream came back to me. My mother… I haven't been treating her well, have I? Shaking it off for the time being, I undressed in the dark and threw on my uniform slowly, the audible rustling of my clothes being moved around a bit unsettling in my current state of mind. You need to get a hold of yourself, Rin.

After getting dressed, I spread the curtains apart and bit my lip. There was no sunlight streaming into the room (well, what did I expect at 5 in the morning?) and instead lay the unmerciful format of rain clouds wafting about in the sky. Skyscrapers and other tall buildings loomed over the far away mountains. I guess I'm used to living in a place like this now. I blinked twice, holding back the threatening tears that loomed over my lids. I miss my hometown though. Sort of. I shook my head again, heading for the bathroom. Hopefully, today will be peaceful enough.

…

"Rin?" my mother called softly just as my fingers clasped the doorknob.

I turned, looking back at her shrouding figure with a warm smile. She was initially surprised at my unusual gesture, stepping back a little as if she wanted to know if this were a dream or not. But quickly, she composed herself and offered me a warm smile back and watery eyes.

"Be careful and have fun," she chuckled happily as she wiped the joyous tears from her eyes. "And you can always bring your three friends over again, okay? Or even more… if you'd like."

I nodded, rushing towards her. I couldn't look into her eyes, but the sight of her crying just made me want to do the same. Blinking back tears, I pulled my mother into a hug and sighed in content. As mother hugged me back, I felt her teardrops pierce my shoulders and smiled.

"I love you, sweetie. Don't ever forget that," she murmured into the crook of my neck.

…

The usual walk to school was as calm as it usually was. My black umbrella hung over my head and I kind of enjoyed the sound of my feet splashing against puddles made on the asphalt. There were no distractions, no one constantly talking to me and demanding my attention.

A soft smile found its way to my lips when Yokune had suddenly appeared in my mind. She certainly is talkative. 'Yaoi' this; 'fujoshi' that. I stopped in my tracks when I had come to terms with the fact that her talking didn't really bother me. I'd already grown used to her rants in the course of a week and I'd given up on pushing her away. But that's only because she's as stubborn as everyone else who had approached me.

I continued walking, my fingers subconsciously gripping the umbrella handle tighter as if my life were at stake. These people in my circle… Kagamine, Meiko, Shion, and Yokune. They are all people who approached me first. But that's just way too many names for me.

Kagamine was the first, though. He bothered me nonstop and I viewed him as a pest who didn't know how to mind his own business. He never hesitated to greet me and send his signature lopsided grin. But things changed when I acknowledged his presence with a nod during that rainy day. I remember why. It was because… I felt as if his presence behind me was comforting. He was a familiar soul. I was crying on my walk home that day (I blame it on the bad weather)… And everything after that had led up to this. Unfortunately.

Meiko was the second. I was a little apprehensive around her at first. Her aggressive attitude reminded me too much of her. Ha… But over time, it turns out she was the most caring, overprotective person anyone could ask for. I pushed her away. I hurt her feelings. Yet she accepted that it was a part of me. She didn't even care that the things Tei had said were true. She comforted me with warm hugs, smiles, and acted like a sister to me. Sure, she can be a bit spiteful, but she's truly a loyal… f-friend.

Shion's the third. He despised me. He thought I was capable of cursing him. He warned Kagamine not to go near me (although he went against his wishes). I wasn't bothered by it at all. In fact, I was used to it. He's a friend of Hiyama's after all. But after the commotion Tei had caused in the hallway, Shion had softened. I was not oblivious to it at all. He began greeting me along with Kagamine. It's still pretty weird, but I don't dislike it… Ish.

Yokune's the last. She didn't hesitate to approach me and ask me about my relationship with Kagamine. She didn't even shun me when Lily told her about the rumors. It turns out that I'm the only soul she shares her rants with. She constantly sleeps, and when she's not sleeping, she's sipping coffee and telling me about her latest BL pairing. She's the most amusing out of this "circle" of mine and I admit that listening to her ramble on and on helps distract me from darker thoughts.

The sound of loud, nearly desperate mews snapped me out of my daze. My gaze shifted to a box of three kittens placed just under the shelter of a store roof. The rain was falling their way, the kittens' mews fading as their hair became wet and cold.

I pursed my lips, walking toward the litter. They were all black and white, their coats resembling a cow's. I've never owned any pets before, much less cats, so I couldn't judge how old they were. They looked young and small, but not as tiny as a newborn should be. But their master must've been really cruel to have left them out on the street like that.

Hmm… They weren't wanted.

I blinked, feeling pity for these animals. I gently and uncertainly pulled a hand out to stroke them, but they hissed and pawed at my fingers. Even animals are afraid of me… After a few minutes of consideration, I decided to leave my umbrella there for them. They'd probably die in this cold weather… I can't have anyone else dying on me. With one last stroke, I left my umbrella next to the box in order to shield them from the rain.

I'll come back for you guys later. With a low chuckle, I headed out into the rain, unarmed and unusually cheery.

…

"Hey, Rin! I have awesome news!" Meiko chirped excitedly, leaning on the front of my desk.

I had just finished changing into my gym clothes because of my soaked uniform. Sighing, I nodded to myself as it was for the greater good. Those kittens needed that umbrella more than I did.

I mentally shook my head. Now's not the time for that. I have to focus on this conversation. I raised a brow and stared at Meiko in anticipation.

She smiled happily. "It's a secret! You'll find out later though. Like, in a few days."

My face scrunched up in confusion at her words. Why mention it if she wasn't going to tell me? Well, whatever I guess. For some reason, Meiko came over to our class this morning. She usually just goes during lunch, so she surprised me when she came here with Kagamine and Shion.

Yokune was sound asleep, her snoring loud and almost comforting to me. Her fingers were coiled gently around her signature coffee cup on her desk. She was talking in her sleep, saying random stuff about "barley". Speaking of which, she wasn't able to witness Kagamine and Shion walking in together again. Haha. I glanced at the pair through my peripheral vision. They were surrounded by their friends, laughing noisily and chatting.

"Rinny," Meiko softly called for my attention. When I looked, she said with a dark chuckle, "I saw two bitches today. Is it alright if I punch them?"

My eyes widened at her request. W-What is she even talking about? Who…? This side of her definitely scares me.

"Of course, I'm talking about Sonika and Yukari," she smiled sadistically, cracking her knuckles. "I dunno where that other one went, but once she comes back to school, I'll punch her, too. Or maybe do what they did to you. Kick them, pull their hair, crack their ribs, punch them… Oh and much, much more. Teehee."

I hastily flailed my arms around to refuse. I-I'm alright now. Nothing was really hurting for a while. Dark, purple bruises were still evident on my skin, but that was all. I actually forgot about what happened to me last week… And there's no way I'm letting Meiko do such a reckless thing.

I believe… that the only feelings I have towards the trio is fear. Fear that they'll disclose everything about my past. After all, I may have to start all over again if people know. I've always been running away. That's just the easiest way out. But in this case, it'll be the hardest. I won't be able to let people like Meiko and Kagamine go. They'll stay with me forever, just like the imprinted image of her.

Oh, how I miss her. I swallowed uneasily.

Meiko smiled warmly at the sight of my quivering frame. "Oh, Rin. How sweet of you. But I still want to punch Tei. What she said… Well, everything just got personal."

I nodded unsurely. S-She won't actually do it… right? Somehow, I highly doubted that. I actually really want to confront Tei. I want to know more about her, after all. I do believe that we share similar pasts. Both are tied to her.

"Rin! Were you listening?" Meiko's voice snapped me back to reality.

My gaze shifted focus to her and I gasped when I realized that Kagamine was sitting next to her, laughing at my reaction. When did he get here?! I gulped, turning my head away from them. I-I can't look at him.

"Ah, that's really cute, Rinny! I didn't know you could make faces like that!" my brunette friend grinned elatedly, clapping her hands together.

W-What face? Again, I swallowed, begging the insistent blush on my cheeks to fade away.

"Meiko, don't tease her," Kagamine told her with a sympathetic laugh.

I sighed, my lips cracking into a small smile of its own. Why are they so nice to me? For the past five years, there have been adults towering over me with these huge smiles on their faces. Every one of them told me the exact same thing: "I believe in you, Rin." But they never meant it. When things got too difficult, they gave up. The nameless therapist whose face I don't remember, the perky doctor who told my mother that it was just a phase; the adults back at my hometown. They all smiled just like that, hoping to cheer me up. But when their efforts proved fruitless, they gave up on me.

Why… am I thinking about this now?

The feeling of warmth and comfort on the back of my hand had surprised me. I jumped, my shoulders rising in shock. I looked up through my lowered eyelids and bit my lip. Meiko held my hand reassuringly, offering me a secure smile. Kagamine, who was still next to her, watched us with a serene expression on his features.

A silence had begun to loom over the three of us; the only sound I was aware of was the light snoring of Yokune.

"Rin, did I ever tell you that I didn't like you at first?" Meiko smiled almost innocently. Kagamine sweat-dropped as if she had just killed the mood (which, she kind of did). His jaw hung slightly agape, imitating my own.

Meiko's lips twisted into a wide grin. "Yup, I didn't want to be your friend at all. I didn't care about the rumors, not at all. It's just that our lives never intercepted in any way. Until, well, Len here. Did you ever realize that you have this certain quality about yourself that-" The sound of rising chimes over the P.A. to signify the beginning of class interrupted Meiko. She growled angrily, punching the desk as her face contorted to a dark expression. Both Kagamine and I winced at her impulsive actions.

"Gotta go," she said through grit teeth and stood up. "Bye now. See you guys at lunch. And don't forget I still have a surprise for you, Rin." I nodded, shaking off the curiosity at the back of my head. Meiko… just what is your surprise? And what quality about myself?

Len P.O.V.

"Thank you for gracing us with your presence today, ya' dumb turd," Al screeched angrily at Kiyoteru, who had just come in after Gakupo with bruises on his elbows and cheeks. "What's the story today?"

Kiyoteru scratched his cheek nervously, offering his teacher a dorky smile. "I tripped on a dog," was his simple response.

It took all I had not to face palm at how unlucky my friend was. Seriously! Of course, Al didn't bother trying not to. He smacked his forehead against his podium and grunted.

"Oh, don't worry, though!" Kiyoteru chuckled, reaching into his pocket. "I gave the dog a band-aid. I'm always carrying a spare! Haha!" He revealed the evident, dark purple marks on his slim fingers. "But… He bit me! So then me and Gakupo ran away and Gakupo almost got bit too, you know."

Gakupo confirmed his story with a sigh as he twirled a few strands of his Rapunzel-esque purple hair with his digits. "He almost got my hair, actually."

Al turned and banged his head on the whiteboard. This ridiculous story earned a few hearty chuckles from my class and I couldn't help but crack a good-natured grin at this. If Kiyoteru doesn't come in and trip on the doorstep or bump into a wall, he's coming in with a slightly ludicrous but absolutely true story of how he got hurt. That boy's luck is really something.

I turned to face Kagamine and saw that the ends of her lips were tugged into a sincere smile. I gasped inwardly in surprise, almost falling back off my chair, when her head motioned around and her gaze happened to meet mine. She also looked surprised and blinked twice as if she couldn't comprehend this.

Honestly, I can't even look at her now without the image of her and Piko flashing like sirens in my mind. My gaze averted to Piko, who was laughing along with the now-seated Kiyoteru (while he was applying bandages to his wounds).

"Len! Were you even listening, you turd?!" Al screamed from the front.

I smiled sweetly and admitted, "Not at all."

"I said that you'll be skipping your practice during lunch tomorrow and maybe today to help Lily set up for the sports festival, dumbass."

Lily perked up at the mention of her name, staring up at our homeroom teacher with a scowl. "Why me?"

"Because," Al growled and enunciated slowly, "You're the class rep, you damned idiot!"

"DON'T YOU DARE CALL ME AN IDIOT!" Lily hastily slammed her palms onto the desk and shot straight up in a fit of rage.

Al rolled his eyes, "Well, now Kaito's the class rep because you're immature."

Everyone's heads turned to a sweatdropping Kaito, who was leaning lazily back onto his chair and had his feet up on the desk. His eye twitched as he swallowed nervously. "Do I get a say in this?"

"No way!" Al screamed, a vein managing to pop out of his forehead.

...

Kagamine and I had managed to interact with each other during our free period. I sat in Yokune's desk (she gave me her seat for some odd reason) and had my body turned to face Kagamine. She still had that disinterested expression of hers as she waited for me to read her reply on the scrap of paper she ripped out of her notebook.

It read, in that tiny, careful handwriting of hers, "You seem bothered."

I could tell she was watching me through the corner of her eye. She turned, though, and was now meeting my gaze head on. There was this determined glint in her eye, as if she wanted to know what was going on. I gulped. S-She could tell that something was up?

I swallowed, flashing her a lopsided grin of mine. I feel bad about lying to her but I can't just say, "Oh, I'm jealous of you and Piko. I'd rather you talk to me forever and ever because I hate it when you smile and blush at him instead of me."

"It's nothing. I'm just tired. I woke up at around 3 this morning and couldn't sleep." I sighed at my answer.

She nodded slowly, skepticism weighing heavily over her expression. Her lips were curled into a slight pout as she leaned forward to try and get an answer out of me. I pursed my lips at the sensation of heat thrumming from the tips of my ears. No... I can't look at her like this.

"Y-You know-!" I stammered, backing away a little. But I instantly regained my composure and grinned, leaning towards her and practically headbutting the surprised blonde. Kagamine only inched back slightly and heat radiated from her entirely reddened face. She concealed her agape mouth with her hand and was unable to stare back into my piercing, imposing eyes.

I laughed heartily at her reaction, saying with only a light blush, "I honestly think that you're really adorable like this."

And cue an epic blush, gasp, and wide grin of content. I smiled warmly, drawing back and chuckling.

Rin P.O.V.

The first few classes of the day had passed by uneventfully. Sure, there was the usually morning chatter that Hiyama and Kamui usually instilled, but nothing really happened. Well, aside from my interaction with Kagamine. But nothing ever does, yet I can't help but get this feeling that I want something to happen. Between what? Hmm… Maybe I just need some company.

Ms. Ann (1) was writing our homework assignments on the board, but I admit I was barely listening. My gaze kept wandering to Kagamine for absolutely no reason at all. Unfortunately. I had caught his eye a couple of times, too, and each time, he grinned and scratched the back of his neck or his cheek. Whenever he did so, however, I wanted to puke at how weird this boy is. How embarrassing... I was about to look at him again when I immediately willed myself not to. No way are you doing this Rin! How awkward are you gonna make this for yourself?!

"I honestly think that you're really adorable like this."

No! Get out of my mind! Out!

"... You're really adorable..."

Gaaah! W-Well... adorable like a stuffed animal right? Or an animal? ... Right. He thinks of me as an animal! He probably really likes animals! Just like those kittens I lent my umbrella to this morning!

Well... I think that's enough to push it out of my mind. For now, anyways.

Yokune, who was actually awake during the lecture, sighed lazily and whispered. "I'm so tired, Rinny. I didn't even get to see Kaito and Len kiss each other today."

I rolled my eyes discreetly, lightly punching her shoulder. She smiled and giggled quietly before finally slowly shutting her eyes to a close.

Ms. Ann's sweet voice rang loudly in the humid air, piercing my thoughts. "That's all for today. Make sure you stay healthy for the sports festival~."

And then the lunch bell chimed, leaving the entire class to become as rowdy as ever. Several classmates turned their desks around (oh, boy, how loud it was) in a frenzy, some got up to eat in the cafeteria, and I watched as the usual group of boys began chatting away almost immediately.

Ms. Ann hadn't even left the classroom yet when a bunch of students from other classes crowded around Kagamine and his gang (who were all standing up and getting ready to leave the room). I recognized some of them, though. Hatsune Miku was one of them, the star soccer player and darling first year of our school. She had entered while dragging a seemingly reluctant Megurine Luka, albeit a small smile had graced her model-like features. Meiko walked in behind them to jump on Shion's back and surprise him.

I humphed. There are way too many people in this room. I decided to go to the spot I had found yesterday. By the bench that Utatane had claimed before me. But then again, it is still damp outside because of the rain… Well, I'll find somewhere indoors to hang around.

Quickly, I left the room. There were way too many souls in there. I could tell some of them were keeping their distance as I stalked off to the door. I coughed, wiping my sweaty palms on the side of my sweatpants. Taking in deep, careful breaths, I limply pressed my back against the wall. I truly suck at social situations. I know I don't speak at all, but I mean… I just can't when there are too many people. It's so suffocating and stuffy. Staying in class is okay… But not when everyone is standing and talking and breathing and jumping and laughing…

Can't everyone just stop?

I pursed my lips, eyeing the ceiling above me thoughtfully. I should find a place now. But the library won't do. It's already become too crowded (not really but it just feels like it). My chest tightened and my heart seemed to drop further down my ribcage. I… hate this claustrophobic feeling.

I began panting softly; my cheeks flushed red just as my knees started wobbling like a chair with a couple of loose screws. My back dragged against the firm wall behind me and my fingers desperately searched for something to hold onto. My stomach seemed to twist into uncontrollable knots just like my mind, which was spinning in circles as I tried to catch my unsteady breath.

Unfortunately, I heard loud footsteps and multiple cheery voices thud not too far away from inside the classroom. They were all leaving for what I assume was practice for their sports… I gasped. They can't see me like this!

Mustering all my strength to maintain my current state of mind, I limped onward to one of the pillars in the empty corridor. I was still feeling lightheaded and nauseous and could barely recall just how a human being is supposed to walk. I practically dragged my weight to the pillar about two feet away and sped up as I heard the door of my classroom open.

Finally, I reached the pillar and hid myself behind it, clamping my mouth shut. Yet I was still gasping, clawing violently at my throat to shut up and get ahold of itself. My legs were still shaking and I could taste the sweat of my palms invade my mouth and lines of drool dribble down my jawline. My chest was still aching miserably, too!

Freaking… panic… attack!

Slowly… very slowly… my vision was beginning to dissipate. The empty hall ahead of me was starting to blacken and blur... And there were no voices to be heard other than my muffled panting and tapping of my shoes on the floor.

"Don't…. come…!" I remembered the sound of her insistent, clear voice just as my eyes had given up on me.

…

Tei P.O.V.

Oh god, it hurt so much! I bit harder, tightening my jaw as my already bloody fingers pressed on the slit I had just made. The running bath water and my satisfied giggle were all that could be heard in this empty house of mine. I picked up the razor again, taking in a sharp breath, and traced over my uncut skin ever-so-gently.

I already lost the ability to cry a long time ago… But how is it that my tears are falling onto my scarred, discolored arm and mixing into my blood?

This one was going to be messy. I positioned my razor again and, with one sharp, deep stroke of anger, I did it again. It was so fast. I love trying new things, after all. The first one was slow and steady because… well, I wanted to watch the little drops of blood appear and the bright red line chase after the skin I was ripping open. But this time, it was just so fast. It stung and bled more than the slow one and I could barely feel my left arm anymore. My vision was already blurring as I watched the familiar liquid drip down into the bath water. It tainted the clear water, first lightly and then it was as if my entire body had spilled out into the bathtub. But no… I have room for more cuts.

I stared blankly at the scars of the past that were written so evidently on my arms and upper thighs. They were all crooked and criss-crossy… It reminded me of child's play. It's so easy to grab the blade when you're feeling depressed, and it's so much easier to tear open your skin bit by bit until it becomes this long, jagged line stretching across your opened flesh. And then the blood seeps onto the surface and you get this satisfying feeling like it's a reward for your hard efforts. Of course, it stings like a bitch! And that's the point of self harm, isn't it?!

Although… I wonder what's my point. Had I already forgotten? Oh, of course not. I'll always remember. I decided to stop for today. There's no point in making these if I'm just going to die. No, it's a way to cope, after all. I'm too afraid to die.

"Len…" I sang sweetly, taking a deep breath and lowering myself under the bloody water. I ignored the sharp, extremely familiar pain in my arms that had been attacking my nerves as my cuts bathed in the water. Rising to the surface, I giggled happily. "Will you be happy to see me again?"

Well, I'm sure that murderer won't though.

I bit my lip, instantly gripping the blade again despite the dizziness and fatigue and all the pain that came with exposing the insides of my skin. I growled, willing my body to keep up with my mind. I need more… More…

It's all that bitch's fault…

So... this was really long! As I said in the beginning, this day will be split into two chapters! Was there not enough Rin and Len fluffiness for you? Well, fear not! There was more that was originally in this chapter, but I cut it out because this chapter was already long enough. Next chapter will most likely have it, though!

The cutting scene was really hard to write for me. I admit that I have... done that before... Maybe recently... But it was just hard to put that into words. I also admit that I am a little on the sadistic side (haha) so... yeah. Tell me what you think about it, okay?

Anyhow, here are some things to keep in mind for future chapters in case you skimmed through this:

-Kaito had just become class rep

-Rin left her umbrella with kittens

-Tei... Yeah. I don't think you could've skipped that last scene.

-Rin fainted because of her panic attack

-Meiko has a surprise for Rin

-Sonika and Yukari are also back

Wow... that was a lot. Just remember these, okay? So, I'm sorry if this chapter seemed really rushed or unusual or you feel as if there was too much information packed into this chapter! I'm sorry! I think next chappie will be a bit more toned down and I will include a whole chapter in the future written in Tei's P.O.V. That's all... I guess.

Thanks to everyone who reviewed the last chapter! Thank you to all those who followed and favorited, too! I love you all so much~ Please tell me what you think of this chapter!

(1) – In Japan, students stay in the same class while it's the teachers who walk into classes to teach.