How good was it to see Paily back on our screens this week! I loved it. Anywhoo... here's the next chapter. I've lost my way with this fic a little bit & haven't written anything since before I posted chp 9 but luckily this was already done so I can update! I think my block is because the show is now dealing with Paige finding out about A and so's this, & I want to make it different from the show, obviously! Either way, I shall get my motivation back and start writting again and in the mean time... enjoy!
Also, some of you have asked questions about the story and such, all of which are covered in the next couple of chapters so hopefully it'll all become clear. Keep letting me know what you think and I hope you're all still enjoying!
Chp 10 - Paiges POV:
"Hold up… what do you mean 'which one it was'..?"
They all look at me stunned as I turn to face them. Like they forgot I was here or that I could actually speak. But when I hear my own voice, I'm not surprised. I sound nothing like myself. And I've probably looked so gormless the last hour that they thought I wasn't hearing a word they said anyway.
"Wait, you didn't explain about…?" Aria lingers questioningly to Emily and I stare at her.
"I… I didn't. I honestly just forgot, I mean… one -A, two -As, a bunch of -As. What does it matter!? Either way we'd be screwed with." Emily answers defensively as she looks their way and although she kind of has a point, I still question.
Emily…?" I ask with more concern than accusation as she turns her gaze to me.
"I'm sorry. It wasn't intentional". She replies and I can see it honestly wasn't. I mean, there are most likely a thousand scenarios and threats I'll never really know about because they seem insignificant versus the bigger things -A has done. Although, holding Emilys eyeline, it's obvious that she knows this is something she should have mentioned.
"We know there's at least two of them" she softly clarifies, her expression trying to convey once again how sorry she is, how guilty she is feeling that she even has to explain any of this to me.
"Two -As…? How?"
"One's taller than the other…." Hanna pauses as I swallow hard. "One's about my height whilst the other is at least Spencer & Emilys height, if not taller. That A we haven't got up close and personal with yet"
"But you have with the shorter one?" I ask straight away and see all the girls shift uncomfortably. "Okay… Two -As it is". I clarify slowly and fill the in silence, knowing that that isn't a memory any of them want to be recounting right now.
Emilys POV:
Silence gradually fills the room as all five of us exchange glances. Spencer breaks the silence as she slides off her stool and turns to the coffee pot. Even in the middle of the night, Spencer Hastings veins run with caffeine and the slightest dip in levels is not even worth contemplating.
I take a deep breath and see Paige return her gaze to the fire. Her clarification ringed of acceptance and although in a way I'm glad she's understanding, it also makes this all feel so wrong.
Us four girls have always been in this together and yes it's awful when one of us has been in the firing line and I've legitimately worried about the safety of someone I love, we all know that we're as connected as the other. Whether this is to do with Alison or not, it started with her. With her knowing all our secrets and somehow getting us jumping at her every word. But now that it involves someone outside of that circle, someone that I love in a very different way to the girls. Someone I love in a way I never thought I would. I don't think I'm going to rest easy ever again.
Still staring at Paige sat back in the same position, hugging her knees tight and looking partly lost and scared but also like she's trying to work out a way of fighting back… I'm brought out of my head as Hanna slips her hand in mine. She gives it a gentle squeeze before surprising me as she slides off her stool and walks over to Paige. She takes the blanket from the back of the sofa and plops her herself down next to Paige.
Paiges POV:
"Wanna share?" Hanna suddenly asks and before I know it she's sat down next to me and laying the blanket over my knees after nudging my arms out of the way. "You're nearly dried out but you still look cold…" Hanna mumbles taking my damp hair in her hand before sitting back.
The past couple of weeks have been a world wind. I never really thought about it, the way the other girls had reacted when Emily and I weren't talking. But they completely blanked me. Spencer, I just thought had reverted to her old ways, Aria and I have never really been that close but Hanna… thinking about it now, it kinda hurts. I mean, at the time I was so hurt over Emily apparently walking away that I didn't even think about it, but now... I mean, we've always got on really well. It was clear from the start that she's the one that makes Emily laugh, she's the one that is there to be the shoulder to cry on but can surprisingly also give some really eloquent advice. Advice that I've called on myself once or twice.
"What…?" Hanna suddenly asks as I still haven't looked at her.
"Nothing" I shrug lightly, not really knowing what she's asking but still in too much of a daze to bother working it out.
"You're pissed right?" she asks and that makes me turn to look at her.
"What…?"
"I mean, you're pissed at me for the past couple of weeks?" she asks again and it's irritating how, even though I know she didn't read my mind like Emily, she has the annoying timing to ask just as I've thought about it.
"Actually, yeah I kind of am…." I pause as I look back to the fire and see her do the same. "…But only because it's only just crossed my mind and I'm not thinking clear enough to know you had to act that way. So don't worry, I'll get over it" I reply, a slight quip to the end.
She nudges me in the elbow to get me to look at her before replying.
"Good, because it was exhausting! Caleb was all on my case about being a bitchy teenage girl and wanting to know what was going on and… and you looked so upset" she trails off as I lower my gaze and silence fills the air between us. "I'm really sorry Paige" she slowly adds.
"It's not your fault"
"I know but it doesn't mean that I'm not sorry" she says and I look back to her. Giving her a quick nudge back and accepting her apology and understanding why she feels she needs to say it.
"And you know Spencer doesn't hate you right?" she suddenly asks.
"Oh yeah of course, she's my number one fan!" I sarcastically reply, my voice finally sounding just a little bit like my own as Hanna helps that haunting image in my head to fade a little.
"Oh shut up. She's never hated you, she just gets all strung out with stuff and can't verbalise, surprisingly enough, what she wants to say and it just sounds rude. But honestly, I think it shook her the worst… seeing you so upset. I mean, you're dreadfully alike in your ways. Stubborn, relentless and…"
"Okay okay I get it" I interrupt before I have to hear any more of my own, less than endearing qualities and Hanna heartedly laughs, apparently finding my comment hilarious and seemingly laughing at the irony of something. The others at the counter look over and as she continues to giggle and I can't help but smile. My face actually hurts at the action, having clearly been stuck in a frown or with fear for so long.
"You're alike is all I'm saying." She adds as I roll my eyes and look back to the fire. "You know how we became friends right… Spence and I?" she says and I shake my head. She sinks herself back against the sofa, shoulder to shoulder with me as she starts. "It was like, seventh grade. It was phys ed and I hated it. Even more than I do now. It was never my thing and softball was my idea of hell. The school kit was always so tight and unflattering, and it was next to the boys playing soccer so I couldn't have felt more awkward. I managed to blag some crap to the teacher so I sat on the sidelines quite happy until I got smacked in the ankle with the ball. No doubt I swore because the entire class looked over but all I saw was this skinny chick all red and out of breath, but hair still immaculate, running over and taking the ball from my feet without even a second glance.
'Oh yeah, no worries. It's totally ok for you to maim a person and pretend like it's nothing!' I quipped, finding my now ever present genius sarcasm, as the chick ran off. But she turned around and as she looked at me, she smirked." Hanna continues to recount.
'It's called fate' she said taking a couple of steps towards me. I went to say something but lost my confidence and I think she saw that. She smiled instead of smirking as she bent down to see if I'd actually hurt myself. 'You'll be fine' she said, 'but at least now you actually have a real excuse for skiving' she mocked, and I didn't miss her referring to her previous 'fate' comment. The whole, I said I was injured to skip class and now I actually was! I just looked at her shocked. 'I did anyway!... I'm physically and morally against anything that involves oversized gloves and helmet hair!'. She just laughed. She knew I was kind of being true but that there was more going on. Next thing I knew she was dragging me up and pulling me across the field and after continuous protesting she let me go, turning around and saying 'okay okay I get it!'"
And with that Hanna quirks her eyebrow at me. I can't help but laugh lightly remembering the last words leaving my mouth, as she continues. "I told her that there was no way I was going to be playing anytime soon and the only place I should be going was to report her for physical assault! Clearly just joking around but trying to act tough as I really didn't want her to make me play. 'Oh calm down. It's not the cop shop but will the nurse do?' she asked and I looked confused. 'You need to ice that ankle… I'll take you to the police station after if you really insist, although good luck getting past my mother' she said and smiled as we started walking off the field. Ever since that day we've been friends." Hanna stops and gives a little shrug.
I take a quick look to Spencer, sipping coffee at the counter, looking just as worried and stressed out as usual and wonder if maybe we are more alike than I care to think.
"Stupid story really, but it proves my point" Hanna laughs as she stands up. "Want coffee?" she asks as I shrug why not, it's insanely late but I know that there's not any way I'm sleeping tonight.
I stretch my legs out a little and realise how stiff I am. Hanna drops the blanket to the sofa before walking to the counter and as I see her pour a fresh cup, I realise a certain someone is missing and wonder where Emily has got to. I hear a door click upstairs and realise it must be her as I slowly stretch my feet to the floor, take a deep breath and pull myself from the sofa.
I'm standing now, by the side doors and looking out to Spencers yard. I haven't said anything since Hanna brought me my now finished coffee and have instead, stood staring at the yard and still replaying tonight over and over. I look back to the counter for just a second.
"She's just in the shower" Aria answers as she sees me once again looking for Emily.
Emilys POV:
Wrapping the towel around my head, I finally feel warm. After looking at Hanna laughing and actually seeing Paige smile just slightly, I took Arias advice, setting the water to scolding and taking a shower. I just couldn't get warm after our impromptu dip and being scared the crap out of… and with Paige sat in front of the fire, seeming to need some time to collect her thoughts, I had sat at the counter in damp clothes and hadn't even thought of changing until Aria pointed out that I was shivering.
The vastness of Spencer's house still stuns me sometimes. As I leave the en-suit into one of the five spare rooms, I take the towel from my head and roughly dry my hair. I'm suddenly extremely glad that I brought Paige's stuff upstairs with me, realising I don't have anything to change into. As always, I keep spare underwear and a tracksuit jacket in my car with my spare swim kit but my other original clothes are still drying. So changing into my spare stuff, I decide to rummage through Paiges clothes and find something to wear.
I pull out some shorts and her Sharks t-shirt that I packed earlier and only now do I start to really think about what actually happened tonight. Earlier I just had to get out of there. Had to get Paige out of there, because the first thing that had crossed my mind was that she was no longer safe. I remember like a two years ago when I realised someone had been in my house, it freaked me out because it's like a barrier has been broken that'll never be fixed. You should feel safe in your own home and now Paige joins us in not feeling safe anywhere… As I pull the top over my head, I try to shake those thoughts clear and just stay on auto pilot. Stay in the frame of mind that keeps me going, the frame of mind that stops you from breaking down or freaking out as I make my way back downstairs.
"She's just in the shower" I hear Aria say as I reach the bottom of the stairs.
"Who's just in the shower?" I mimic, smiling lightly as I look to the girls. My smile however drops instantly as I realise Paige just jumped ten feet at my voice.
She's stood behind the sofas at the door, and as she realises it was only me, she tries to hide how jumpy she is and turns back to look at the yard.
"We're going to go in the other room ok…" Spencer says quietly as she walks over and places her hand on my shoulder. She looks to Paige for a second and even though she's trying to hide it, I know she's just as worried about her as everyone else.
"Yeah that's fine. Think I'll go to bed soon anyway. Have you seen the time!" I say, as Spencer nods, laughing a little at how it's once again nearly 3am and we are all wide awake.
She gives my shoulder an encouraging squeeze before grabbing her mug and walking out to the room next door to join the girls.
I sigh a little as I look at Paige, the back of her anyway. Her arms still hugged around her chest as she looks out the window and I wonder what I can say to make any of this better. It's the first time it's been just us since I rushed her out of her house and argued with her in the car, and honestly, I know no matter what words I find, I can't make this better.
"Hey" I say quietly as I walk up behind her. She turns her head slightly and her cheek tugs just a little at her mouth. It's not a smile, but I think it's the best reaction she can muster right now. Then she surprises me.
"You ok?" she asks, looking back to the yard.
"Yeah. Yeah I'm ok" I reply, still shocked. Not that she asked, but… well yeah. That she asked. I know she worries about me but she's seemed in such a daze that it surprises me somehow. Instantly, I realise it's something that should never shock me. Half the reason she's probably been in such a state is because of that exact reason, she's worried about me.
I gingerly place my hand on her lower back, not wanting to make her jump again and thankfully feel her move back into my touch. She unfolds her arms and reaches around my back, resting her hand on my other hip and pulling me into her side. I think she was just going to stand side by side but as soon as I feel her warmth on my hip, I can't help but move fully into her. Wrapping my arms around her neck, I pull her close and she stumbles into me but quickly gathers herself and holds me close. She initially a little tense but as quickly as I feel it, it's gone and she melts, letting me mould into her body. I bury my head into her neck and relish breathing her in.
"I'm so sorry" I say and my voice gives me away. It cracks as I feel everything starting to build inside. I've just got her back and the pain I used to feel with all this A stuff in now trebled. I can't lose her and the feeling of having her close again brings all my emotions to the front as my eyes start to sting. She instantly pulls away.
"Emily…" she says quietly, placing her palms on my cheeks and waiting till I look at her. "Oh Em" she mumbles as a tear falls onto my cheek and she wipes it away before pulling me into her again. "You don't have to be sorry ok? None of this is your fault."
"Of course it's my fault" I reply, muffled as I press myself as close to her as I can get.
"It's not" she adds, holding me tighter.
"It is Paige. If it wasn't for me than you wouldn't have anything to be worried about. You'd feel safe and not have to deal with any of this" I reply as she pulls back to look at me again.
"Just stop" she says softly.
"But Paige it's just…" I start before she cuts me off by gently placing her finger on my lips.
My eyes lock with hers before they're drawn down to her lips as she keeps her finger pressed lightly. Both our eyes raise together as she lowers her hand and traces her finger tips to my neck, holding my gaze before slowly pulling me in. I hold her eyeline as long as possible before I feel our lips softly touch and my eyes close at the feeling. She holds me close with a hand on my neck and waist as I grasp at her shirt, feeling another tear merge between our lips. She kisses it away as we connect just a few more times, soft and slow.
Pulling away and resting our foreheads together, she breathes out and hot air sweeps across my face. I can feel her trembling slightly in my hands and I'm fairly sure she's been that way for hours.
"Listen Em. If you're dealing with all of this, if me going through it too means I might be able, even slightly, to stop you getting hurt. There is nowhere else I'd be. I don't care what it takes, I'm here for you". She says as I keep my eyes closed, just absorbing everything about her.
I release her shirt and run my hands down her sides to her hips. Holding her and trying to show how much she really does mean to me. I hate that she's now involved, but I can also understand what she's saying. If she was going through something like this then there'd be nothing I wanted more than to be a part of it too. Whether that meant being in danger or feeling fear, it wouldn't matter. And I shoulder have realised that from the start. I breathe her in deep, feeling tired as my little emotional breakdown fades and I feel her thumb tracing over my cheek.
"Want to go to bed?" I ask lightly as she pulls back a little, suddenly looking concerned. "We'll be ok here Paige. The girls are staying till first light and Spencer's parents are back in the morning".
"What… are you going to tell them?!" she asks panicked.
"No, no not at all. I just mean that we're ok here tonight. I'll keep you safe I promise" I tell her and watch her breathe out as her eyes fall shut.
A little, love filled smile pulls on her face and I know it's because she appreciates the promise. Whether she believes me I don't know. However I notice something else... from how little she reacted to me basically saying she's unsafe at home, I'm guessing she did hear what I said earlier. She pulls me out of my thoughts by lightly pressing her lips just to the side of my mouth.
"Bed it is then" she says as she smiles lightly. "…Where is bed exactly?" she smirks and I giggle, finding comfort in falling so easily back in rhythm with her.
"Spare room... top of the stairs, 2nd left" I say as she nods and walks to the stairs. I turn and collect my glass from the counter and turn to find her just a couple of stairs up. She holds my eyeline and that familiar fire in her eyes is returning, flickering in the background.
"My shirt looks good on you" she lingers and shivers flow through me as I breathe deep.
She smiles and holds out her hand before going any further, waiting for me. When I get to the bottom of the stairs I take her hand and lace our fingers together as I step up and lead her upstairs.