A/N: I'm expecting a lot of feedback because I'm ignoring my homework to get a second update up for y'all today and it's a long one. Oh, and I just want to quell any worries, since this is after a Spashley fic, they WILL be together, so calm yourselves. Just be patient.

Rating: Upped to PG-13 for a couple bad words.

VIII.

A couple hours later and Ashley's kind of having trouble breathing, she's definitely having trouble swallowing around the lump in her throat, and she's really glad she's in the bathroom because she thinks she might throw up. She hasn't left since that afternoon and she's pretty sure if she does, she won't stop screaming. She's so completely throw by all of this, she's shaking. Spencer comes back and she can hear Spencer talking, apologizing, saying exactly everything Ashley doesn't want to hear. And suddenly the bathroom is very small and Ashley needs air. She pushes past Spencer but a hand on her arm keeps her from leaving the room.

"Ash, please, just wait."

"For what?" Ashley says, and it comes out louder than she meant it to. "For you to lie to me some more?"

"I didn't lie, I promised you I wouldn't."

"Exactly," that's what's making it hurt so much. "You promised me you wouldn't but you did!"

"No, no, I didn't. You took the trash out yesterday, the test wasn't there. I didn't take it until this morning and I was going to tell you, I just wanted to wait until Rowan went to bed. Baby, I swear, I didn't know."

"How fucking stupid do you think I am? You knew, you're already showing!" Ashley doesn't know if she's crying because she's hurt or angry or both.

Rowan appears in the doorway behind her and says he heard yelling. Ashley can't look at him and when he asks why his mommy is crying, it only makes her cry harder. Spencer moves around her and crouches down in front of their son.

"She's a little upset, but it's okay--"

"Don't tell him that." These are definitely angry tears.

"Ashley…"

"Well, don't lie to him. Don't tell him things are going to be okay when--"

"Ashley," Spencer's using a tone that Ashley hasn't heard. "Stop."

Ashley does. She lets Spencer tell Rowan that they're okay, it's all okay, when it's the furthest thing from it. She tells Rowan to call Tony's and order a pizza and she sends him away. Then she comes back and Ashley's pacing. She really doesn't have it in her to cry or really be angry because she's so drained.

"I can explain," Spencer starts.

"How? How are you going to explain this? You've been lying to me for so long. Everything out of your mouth is a lie."

"No, listen, okay? Just hear me out." Why should Ashley listen? Ashley can't believe she's been so naïve. She let Spencer convince her that everything was all right. That they were going to be okay. How could she be so goddamned stupid? "Will you listen to me?"

Ashley sits down because she doesn't have the energy to stand. When Spencer kneels in front of her and takes her hands, Ashley can't even muster the strength to pull away. Turns out a broken heart actually makes your chest ache.

"Really, Ash, I didn't know. I've been so preoccupied with everything, I thought that's why I was late. When I worry like I have been, my body reacts. Once, I even broke out in hives." Spencer laughs a little and it makes Ashley's stomach burn with anger because this is so not funny. "I thought I was gaining weight because I was stressing. It never, ever occurred to me that it could be anything else or I would've said something, I swear."

Too much of this doesn't make sense and it's making it really hard for Ashley to believe Spencer. Ashley can't understand when Spencer had the time to take the test, or to buy it for that matter, especially if she had not idea. So she asks Spencer, even though she's sort of afraid what the answer is.

Spencer seems kind of fazed but she answers quickly. "I picked it up at Walgreen's when I went to get Rowan more sunscreen." Ashley can't tell if she's lying.

Ashley takes a deep breath and the air makes her lungs burn. Spencer is too close and it's making Ashley anxious. So she stands. "I don't know if I believe you."

"I was sick this morning, that's when I thought… I was going to ask you tonight if you wanted to come with me to the doctor, or the clinic."

"Clinic." Ashley has to repeat that because it takes her a second to understand exactly what Spencer means. Then she gets it. "I need--I need to think."

Ashley runs her hands through her hair; they're still shaking. She has no idea what to say to all this, what to do next. She needs air. Air and maybe lots of alcohol. But she needs to be away from Spencer. She'll come back, but she needs to be gone right now. Very, very gone. When she tries to leave, Spencer blocks the door.

"Spencer, move."

"Please don't walk out."

"Move or I'll move you." Ashley says it but they both know she doesn't mean it. Spencer still steps out of the way.

"What am I supposed to tell Rowan?"

"Well, I'd go with 'goodbye' because I'm taking him with me." Then Spencer is back between her and the door, pushing it shut.

"No, you're not. It's getting late and it's going to be his bedtime soon. He's already upset, don't take him away. Please."

"Fine, whatever. But I'm through talking," and Ashley gets out of the door this time. She stops in the living room to tell Rowan she's going out. She promises him that she'll be back and tells him not to worry. Rowan doesn't tell Ashley not to go. He doesn't cry or refuse to let go of Ashley's leg or any of the things Ashley expects him to do. He just nods solemnly and turns back to the television, like he was used to this. And Ashley feels her heart break again.

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Ashley turns down a third drunk guy looking for a date and orders another beer. She didn't know this bar was here, or that it would be full of America's finest, but it was only eight blocks away and Ashley could walk home if she was less than sober, and she was.

When the waitress sets down her drink, Ashley looks up at her. She has blue eyes and blonde hair and Ashley's kind of wasted and she really thinks for a second that it's Spencer. But when she knows it's not, and the girl tries to pick her up, Ashley considers it. Only for a second, though. Then she just gets up and walks away.

Ashley hears a voice in the parking lot and it stops her dead in her tracks. The voice is making her blood boil and Ashley thinks the anger is more sobering than anything. She turns around and makes a beeline back for the entrance, calling Aiden as she does.

"Ashley?" he says. "Guys, one sec." Aiden's band of merry men disappear inside the bar and Ashley couldn't be happier because she couldn't take all four even if the ground wasn't falling out from under her feet.

As soon as he's within reach Ashley punches the smile right off his face. He's so surprised, or maybe Ashley really hit him that hard, that he falls to the ground. Ashley pulls back her foot as swings it square into his crotch as hard as she can. She doesn't ask him how he could do this to her or remind him that he's supposed to be her best friend because she just doesn't care anymore.

Ashley bends down in front of Aiden's face and he crying, she kicked him so hard. But Ashley doesn't feel bad, she actually thinks she feels better. She grabs hold of Aiden's chin and jerks his head up so he's looking at her when she speaks through her teeth. "You stay the hell away from me and anything that's mine."

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Ashley spends the night on a park bench, sitting and thinking. She waits until the sun comes up and she's sobered up before she starts walking again. She's got a couple stops to make and she's glad she brought her purse. She uses her AmEx to pay for the taxi but she has to put the rest of it on her Mastercard. Then she heads home, making her phone call in the cab.

Spencer is vacuuming when Ashley gets home so she doesn't hear her come in. Ashley tightens her grip on the bags in her hand and pulls the plug out of the wall. When the appliance dies, Spencer groans and delivers a swift kick to the thing, coupled with a few expletives. It would be funny if Ashley wasn't so tired. Ashley clears her throat and Spencer turns around.

Before Spencer faces her, Ashley turns and heads for the solarium. She's kind of cold and she thinks this will be better in the light. She sits on the whicker bench and waits for Spencer to join her. When she does, Ashley hands her the bag in her lap. Spencer looks confused so Ashley tells her to just open it.

Spencer does and pulls out two things. The first is a tiny pair of booties and the second is a velvet box.

"I didn't know what color to get, blue, pink. So I just got white ones," Ashley says. "It can be our baby, Spencer. Ours, if you want. We wanted two, right?"

Spencer does the thing where she just kind of shakes her head really fast in affirmation because she can't talk and it frees some tears. "I've been thinking and I'm going to believe you. I think maybe this can be a new beginning for us. I called the studio this morning and I my contract is up. I'm going to be taking a producing position so I can stay at the office. So I can stay home."

Ashley takes the little box from Spencer's hands and opens it. She takes the hand that Spencer's using to cover her mouth and pushes the ring on Spencer's fourth finger. "I want us to be a family again. All of us. And I've been thinking that a good way to start that is to reaffirm our vows."

Spencer's crying now and Ashley trying not to. She slips off the bench and takes a knee in front of Spencer, never letting go of her hand. "So, you wanna marry me again?"

Spencer stays quiet and slides onto the floor in front of Ashley, wraps her arms around her, hold her tight enough that Ashley worries about breathing. Ashley takes that as a yes.