Hello friends I just want to again apologize for the delay in story, but this one is super long so it should entertain you for a bit. I want to thank degrassi1son for remembering my story and R.R. Grokesyn for giving me really great advice. The first part of this chapter is a story within a story so if I wrote this correctly and you watch the quotation marks it should flow well. To finish I love anybody who reads my story it means the world. -J.

Chapter 10

"It started last summer. By then I was used to my mother running out on me, but with being introduced to alcohol and raging hormones I was less than the model student. I was staying out late at night drinking, doing the occasional drug, and going out with tons of guys." She relayed the last one with some melancholy.

"It wasn't that I was depressed or suicidal, it was like I was lonely. My friends were two faced bitches who would leave me in a second for a guy who bought them a drink. I think the only time I felt like someone cared was when I was with a guy. But, those were delusions; those guys didn't care about me either. It was worth it to me to give myself to them just for a few minutes of delusions." By then Ashley's eyes had teared up so I grasped her hand in mine and squeezed. This seemed to give her the courage she needed to continue.

"One night after shooting down every boy at the club, I sat at the bar and ordered something to drink." I looked at her quizzically and she continued. "The bartender had known me for a while and she knew that I really needed it. Anyways a girl walked in and sat down next to me. She was beautiful. She had curly red hair that reached to the end of her shoulder blades which were almost visible by the sundress she was wearing. She had a very fair complexion which definitely contrasted my own tan. I had never seen her before but she took my breath away. The club was pretty dark, but I was still able to see her perfect emerald eyes looking into mine. As if knowing that I was fascinated by her she looked at me and smiled.

'Hi, my name is Anna' she told me. It took me a couple of seconds to snap out of my trance, but I finally answered 'Ashley' and we shook hands and began talking."

"Hey" I exclaimed. "That is so not fair she introduces herself and she gets a handshake. I introduce myself and I get shoved and insulted."

"Do you want to hear the story or not?" She teased. I finally relented and gave a slight nod allowing her to continue.

"Alright, so as I was saying. We introduced ourselves and started talking. We didn't have much in common, but for the first time someone was actually listening to what I was saying and not just pretending to in order to get in my pants. We talked until closing time and out of nowhere she leaned in and kissed me." She paused for a minute and continued.

"It was the most amazing feeling I had ever felt. Her lips were so... so soft. Every time I had ever kissed guys it was rushed and forced. This was different. There was no rushing; we were simply enjoying our lips on each other. However, at the same time there was also this immense intensity about it. It felt like my lips were on fire and only her lips could cool them down. I just never felt so cared for or loved in my entire life until that kiss."

"Woooh" I interjected which made her blush slightly. "Oh my is Ashley Davies actually blushing? I'm not sure I'm old enough to hear how this night ended." I joked

"Shut up." She pouted. "It wasn't like that. It was, I don't know special."

After a lengthy pause I asked "What happened to her?"

This didn't react well with Ashley though who began to chew her lip before answering.

"After that night we spent practically every day hanging out. I loved her, but deep in my heart I just knew I couldn't keep her. Nothing in my life had ever been stable before why could it just start now? Well a couple of months after I met her she told me the terrible news that she was moving."

Ashley paused and I grasped her hand tightly in mine as tears started rolling down her cheeks. Her eyes glazed over I could almost picture her first love standing in her arms as they held each other for the last time.

"It gets worse" she whispered silently, looking at nothing in particular. "She only had a few days left in L.A. before she was going to move and she only wanted to spend them with me. She told me she only wanted to hold me in those last few days and be near me while our time disappeared. I should have taken advantage of that, but I didn't. Instead of letting her love me I pushed her away, shielding myself from her. It wasn't that I was mad at her, but I couldn't let myself be out there anymore just to… to get hurt.

The day she left I refused to see her off. I sat in my room and cried and told myself over and over again that it was my fault. It was my fault because I tried to be happy and I tried to open my heart and now it lay shattered."

By then I had grabbed her in a full hug whispering in her ear "Ash you do deserve happiness. You do. I won't leave I promise I won't." We sat like that for a while, her crying on my shoulder and I gently rocking her until the sobs slowed.

"I've never told anybody about this." She said still clutching me. "She left me a letter, but I never had the courage to open it. Will you do it for me Spence I trust you."

"Sure" I replied nervously. She got up and walked over to her drawers shifting things out of her way until she found it.

"Here" she said sitting down again next to me handing me the note. Then she drew her arms across my neck and set her head on my shoulder urging me to read. She fit perfectly.

"Okay here it goes.

Ashley,

I don't know exactly where to start, but I just need some way to tell you all of the things that I haven't been able to say to you in person. I'm leaving today and with that I know that so is our relationship. I love you Ashley. I love you for being the beautiful, talented, wonderful, hilarious, sometimes totally insane person that you are. That's why it kills me that you won't talk to me right now – right now when I need you the most, but I understand why. I know that you have never had anybody stay constantly in your life. I know that you've never had anybody to rely on but yourself and I'm sorry that like all of the others I have failed you in that respect. I know right now that you are probably mad at yourself for pushing me away and I need you to know that I forgive you if you do one thing for me.

Ash, one day your heart will mend and you will be ready to love again. What I need from you is to not be jaded by the experiences you have had in the past, but to forget them and let your heart open to new ones. Someone will come along and be perfect for you and I only hope that they do not fail you as I have. I want you to be happy.

Love, A."

"As I lowered the letter Ashley still clung to me processing what I had just read."

"Do you still love her?" I asked dreading the answer.

"Some, but it can never be the way it was back then we were different people and now it's only a memory."

I relaxed my shoulders a little at this information. It was strange, but hearing her secrets - seeing her so vulnerable it made her seem so real. The sounds of quiet sobbing caught my attention.

"Ash? Ashley are you alright?" I asked while leaning over her.

"Yeah I'm okay. It's just I always hated myself for not being with her when she left and knowing that she forgave me was just kind of freeing. Here let me take you home before you get yourself grounded." She said standing up and reaching out to me to help me up too. However, as she pulled me up I slipped on the carpet falling back on the bed with her landing on top of me.

"Uh Ashley I think this is how we got in trouble last time." I chuckled softly. I waited for her to say something, but when she didn't I shifted my weight under her to get up. She didn't let me go that easily though as she pressed her hips down into mine eliciting an audible moan from deep within me. It was like an electric current the way her pressure emanated from my center to the rest of my body instantly.

My heart was already beating at an intense rate, but when she leaned in towards me I knew that I was defeated. She leaned down towards my face letting her hair cradle around me.

"…Ashley" I whined.

"Shh it's okay" she said right before she pressed her lips onto mine. I was lost after that. Nothing else mattered in the entire world except for the feel of her lips on mine. It was strange and wonderful and all of the butterfly inducing, sensory enhancing, roller coaster ride that Ashley had promised. Her skilled lips pulling at mine while her hands trailed through my hair and up my sides.

Feeling Ashley's tongue pushing against my lips trying to gain entry woke me up from my fantasy and I straightened up crawling away from her as if she was contagious.

"Spence I'm so-"

"Forget about it." I answered rather harshly

"No, I shouldn't have jumped on you like that I just really li-"

"Please Ashley I can't deal right now alright, could you just take me home?" I said while using all of my will power to look away from her. From the corner of my eye I could see her tentatively reach out to touch me, but stopping herself.

As Ashley drove off I sat in my driveway wrapping my arms around my chest, feeling incredibly cold against the hot L.A. night.