Title: Ranma's… Husband? 10: Walking 'Round in Women's Underwear.
Rating: Teenish, of a mature bent.
Disclaimer: La, la, la: not mine!
Author's note: I can't keep doing this. It's 1.30 in the morning again, and I've just spent all day writing. Again.
Percentage of Likelihood That Ranma Will End Up With Various Characters Currently: Ryu 10, Kiyoshi 80, Other 10.
Other things I think should be mentioned:
1. I thought I might just mention that I don't necessarily agree with the world-views of my characters… e.g. Nodoka's gender ideology. I for one believe that gender and gender rolls are largely the constructs of society and time… that they are cultural much more than they are natural… (But I won't get into this too deeply here) I am also a feminist of the bent that feels that as a part of equal rites should be that a woman should have as much right to be as obnoxious, perverted and stupid as any man.
2. I just thought I should explicitly state that what happens in the heads of individual characters is not necessarily a reflection of the reality of the plot, or even the opinions of other characters. Reality is subjective. Reality is always subjective.
3. I hope I did Shampoo's voice ok, even more I hope I did Akane ok. I've been worried about writing from Akane's POV.
4. WHEN HAVE I EVER SAID THEY'D ACTUALLY GET AWAY WITH TURNING RANMA FEMALE?
Also: THANK YOU FOR READING! THANK YOU EVEN MORE IF YOU REVIEW!
000
(Ryu Pov)
It had been a long day, and they'd gotten a lot of shopping done, shopping with Nodoka had been kind of fun, and for some strange reason the girls seemed to like a man who was helping (what they presumed was) his 'mother' carry her bags. Ranma wasn't going to know what hit him.
Ryu rolled his shoulders and stretched his neck… it was kind of tiring being a pack mule, especially since Nodoka had bought so very many things, and apparently she wasn't finished yet. After this stop she wanted to go buy 'Ranko' some makeup, because, apparently, 'all girls should be able to apply makeup'.
Ryu snorted with amusement and casually looked around.
The sexy brunette in the short aqua skirt was checking him out again. Mmm, she looked like she might be a bit of fun beneath the sheets… and if not her then there was her friend with the bleached hair and tight white shorts… or maybe both of them at once.
Heh, heh, heh.
Ryu glanced behind himself and into the lingerie shop he was standing in front of. It looked like Nodoka was going to be a while. She had insisted that he wait outside while she bought Ranko some foundation garments; she seemed to feel that having Ranko's future brother-in-law help pick out panties and bras for the girl might embarrass her.
Mortify him would be more likely, but still…
Ryu couldn't help imagine what 'Ranko' would look like in some of what he would would select. The image of 'Ranko' in nothing but a tiny red-lace g-string flashed across his brain and almost short-circuited something.
Um…
Ok! Let's think about something else. Sexy girlies! Sexy girlies who were still, thankfully, there.
He looked down and checked his sharply cut, charcoal coloured, designer suit, carefully smoothing out any wrinkles. The way the girls had responded to his white suit had him convinced that it was probably better to go with something a little less 'gangster chic' in Nerima. Nerima was not his home town.
He picked up the bags, rolled his shoulders back and strolled over to where the girls were standing, putting on his best seductive expression, and was almost knocked over by a very pretty young women with purpleish hair who was dragging a (familiar) longhaired young man behind her. Dragging the young man into the lingerie shop that Ryu had just stepped away from.
Heh, poor fool must be her boyfriend. That kind of girl looked like she could be hard on your wallet (kind of like Nabiki Tendou), pretty though she was… Ryu shrugged and continued on to the girls, smirking at the loudly exclaimed:
"Xian Pu!"
That came from behind him. Ryu wondered if the boy would have anything left in the bank account at the end of the day.
000
(Akane's POV – a first I know)
Ranma was clinging to that Kiyoshi all through lunch.
Akane wasn't sure how to feel about that. She really wasn't. It was confusing. So many things were confusing these days. Sometimes she just wished that Ranma had never shown up in Nerima.
Before Ranma… before Ranma things had been different. She'd been happier. So much happier.
Everyone was saying that Ranma was gay, all the girls and all the boys… the boys were even avoiding him. They seemed to need time to deal with it. Worse was the girls though, because most of them seemed to think that she'd turned him gay, so they kept taking her aside and giving her advice on how to be more feminine…
She didn't need that.
She felt bad enough as it was.
She could remember all the times that Kasumi had told her that boys wouldn't like her if she couldn't learn how to be more feminine… but no matter how hard she tried she never seemed to manage it. She seemed destined to always be Romeo and never Juliet.
Ranma had only made her feelings of inadequacy worse.
How un-feminine must she be if a boy could act more like a girl than she could?
'Cause that had been one of the things that always puzzled her about Ranma, for all of his steadfast adherence to his masculinity, he could be… she didn't exactly know how to describe it, but he could be one of the most feminine girls she knew.
Though not exactly feminine in the way most people would describe it… but sometimes when he was in his female form he was… well sometimes she could almost forget that he was a boy under it all.
He was competitive the way girls were… always trying to be the prettiest, he interacted with people like a girl, his body language was feminine, and he seemed to flirt as easily as he breathed.
It was no wonder he could fool Ryouga so easily when he was playing one of his stupid pranks on him, or that someone as… well, thick… as Kuno could never see the link between girl-Ranma and boy-Ranma.
The only thing was that Ranma seemed to be completely oblivious to himself sometimes.
But if Ranma was gay… then maybe it wasn't her. Maybe it wasn't because she was too fat, or her breasts were too small, or her thighs were too thick…
Maybe the reason he couldn't love her, or even like her was because of something in him. Maybe it wasn't her fault.
Maybe.
Because watching Ranma with his other fiancées was almost killing her. Every time he greeted Ukyou like he was actually happy to see her, or got himself involved in one of Shampoo's schemes, or played along with Kodachi… well, Akane felt herself get a little colder, get a little harsher, and maybe hate herself a little more.
She was jealous. She knew it. It's just that she wasn't exactly sure why she was jealous.
She'd had a life before she was Ranma's fiancée; she'd had crushes on boys, and most noticeably on Dr. Tofu… and they were all nothing like Ranma. Nothing at all. They tended to be gentle and kind… slender (which, she supposed, Ranma was), sweet and sometimes shy.
She'd liked Tofu because he was grown-up, he was serine (except when Kasumi went anywhere near him), and he never seemed to hold her… nature, against her. But she'd had another big crush that no one else knew about.
His name was Botan Tanaka, and they'd been in the same grade before he'd moved to Sapporo.
Botan was not the sort of boy girls generally had crushes on. He was short, very short (in fact he'd been shorter than her), and really slender. He wasn't exactly handsome, and wasn't exactly pretty… but he was good looking in an average sort of way, if you ignored his glasses... big, coke-bottle glasses, sort of like Mousse's.
He was kind. Kind, gentle and sweet… but with a wicked sense of humour. She used to sit next to him in class and he'd whisper the most amusing things when the teacher wasn't looking… She'd really liked him, and somewhere along the line her like had turned into like and she'd started to have totally inappropriate thoughts about him.
But then he'd moved and before she could really get over it Ranma was on her doorstep… Ranma and his problems, fiancées and rivals.
Didn't anyone ever wonder if she was ok with other people deciding who she'd marry for her? 'Cause Ranma sure acted as though he was the only one with a problem with it.
She was getting sick of fighting with him… but she wasn't sure how to stop. Maybe if she talked to him… maybe they could declare a peace?
She mustered her courage and gently put P-chan on the ground, knowing that Ranma didn't like her pet for some reason.
"Just wait here P-chan, I'll be back in a minute."
She headed towards Ranma, who spotted her and sort of half-hid further behind Kiyoshi.
"Ranma, can I talk to you for a minute?" she asked, trying to project an air of sincerity.
"Um… Akane? What do you want?" He seemed nervous, but downright hostile.
"I just want to talk to you for a minute… alone." She said, trying to stop him from dragging Kiyoshi with him.
"I guess?" he said, not sounding all that sure.
"C'mon." she said, grabbing his arm and dragging him off when he didn't seem inclined to follow her.
Quickly working out where Ukyou was doing her inconspicuous spying and picking a spot where she wasn't, Akane dragged Ranma into the trees.
"Akane… what…" He seemed trying to collect his thoughts.
"Ranma, look… it can't go on like this. It's alright; I don't care if you're gay." She exclaimed, hoping that if she was direct and to the point he wouldn't get too upset.
"What!? No! Akane I AM NOT gay!" He shouted, it seemed that any hope she had of keeping him calm was futile.
"Are you sure? 'Cause you haven't done that much to get rid of Kiyoshi." She continued, trying to be reasonable.
"Oh! So that's it! You are jealous!" He declared. Seeming happy with that as an explanation…
And she was jealous, but she was beginning to think it was jealousy over the fact that he seemed to have found someone who was compassionate and understanding while she was still alone. So alone.
"No! Why do you always have to say that I'm jealous! I'm not jealous!" She yelled, beginning to loose her temper. She was trying to fix things, why did he always have to be so difficult.
"It's not like I can do anything about Kiyoshi anyway. He just keeps following me around." He spat, looking like a sulky little boy.
"Well you aren't exactly discouraging him." She snarled, and knew things were only going to go downhill from there.
"What, you think I want him following me around?!" he all-but-shrieked in response.
"I don't know Ranma. Do you?" She asked, trying to get her tone back under control.
"No! This isn't my fault." He… wailed? Looking… well, she didn't like the way he was looking, it was almost broken.
"Ranma…" she whispered, sorry that her words had hurt him.
His momentary misery suddenly turned into intense anger and he all but spat: "I don't want to marry anyone! I don't want to marry Kiyoshi, I don't want to marry Ukyou, I don't want to marry Shampoo and I sure as HELL don't want to marry YOU!" in her face.
She felt hurt, because there he was telling her that of anyone he could marry she was the last on his list. Why? What was wrong with her.
"Forget it Ranma… just forget it. I don't know… I just… What was I hoping to achieve anyway?" She whispered, walking away from him with her head down.
She went back over to P-chan, who was still sitting on the ground looking perturbed, picked him up and held him close to her chest. She squeezed the little pig and buried her face against his back, trying not to cry.
"I don't know why I bother P-chan…" she whispered against his neck. Letting the warmth of his little piggy body sooth her.
"I just don't know why I bother."
000
(Kiyoshi's POV)
Ranma had been clinging to his side during lunch. Clinging to his side and looking around like a frightened animal that knew it was being hunted. When he'd asked why, Ranma had muttered something about crazy fiancées and that he wasn't gay.
Ok… well… Hmm.
He was surprisingly ok with Ranma's presence. Ranma wasn't demanding, or annoying… or an obnoxious pervert like his brother. And even when he was in boy-form Ranma wasn't hard on the eyes.
Not that Kiyoshi had any particular interest in other boys, but if he had then Ranma would probably be his type. Ranma was slender, slight and sort of pretty. But the really attractive thing was the force of his personality… Kiyoshi could never bring himself to be attracted to meek people. Though he seemed to have a terrible tendency to be attracted to short people.
Although, for Kiyoshi, pretty much everyone was a short-person; being 190cm (appx: 6'3") in Japan tended to have that effect. But then he came from a tall family; Ryu's male-form was 186 cm (appx 6'1") his female-form was 173 cm (appx 5'8"), and their father had been a monstrous 200 cm (appx 6'7"), which made him look very funny next to their mother who was 153 cm (appx 5'0").
Ranma's male form was about 163cm (appx 5'4"), but his female-form was only about 150cm (appx 4'11")… this meant that Kiyoshi more than towered over his companion.
Something had grabbed Ranma's attention and he'd moved closer to Kiyoshi's side giving a soft shudder. When Kiyoshi had turned to see what was worrying Ranma he'd found a very odd site indeed. A strange girl was hiding behind one of the trees and spying on them. A very strange girl indeed… she looked like some of the women that his mother had worked with before she'd started her own bar.
"Who's that?" he'd asked Ranma, who'd jumped, obviously not expecting Kiyoshi to speak.
"Oh, that! That's… umm… that's Ucchan… Ukyou Kuonji, she's... um… she's, another-one-of-my-fiancées." Ranma had whispered, looking as though he was trying not to let Kiyoshi see how embarrassed he was.
"Oh. Does she always look like that?" He asked. Because if she always looked like a low-price streetwalker, then Kiyoshi could understand Ranma's embarrassment.
"No… no, that's new. She's… um… she's trying to de-gay me. Which I'm not! I am not gay!" Ranma had whispered with vehemence.
"Oh… I doubt that look could de-gay anyone… and you'd have to worry about anyone it could de-gay." Kiyoshi had whispered, half to himself, and was surprised when Ranma let out a little laugh in response.
Yep, Ranma was definitely no trouble to be around.
Of course that was before Akane Tendou had come over and dragged Ranma off to have a word with him, because when Ranma had returned he'd been different. Tenser, angrier, and he'd kept a little more distance between himself and Kiyoshi.
Kiyoshi hadn't felt that he knew Ranma well enough to risk his wrath by asking what was wrong. But he'd known something was wrong. He wondered what Akane had said to Ranma to upset him that much.
They'd spent the rest of lunch in silence, but even if Ranma was upset he didn't venture away from Kiyoshi's side… it was such a pity that Ranma was a boy.
The rest of the school day had passed in relative peace, even if Kuno was making noises about challenging him again. Kiyoshi definitely felt that Kuno was the sort of idiot that it was best if you ignored. It was better for all involved that way.
Walking home behind Ranma was getting worryingly comfortable, and it seemed that even Ranma himself was getting used to it. He wasn't anywhere near as tense as he had been the day before, though Akane was more than making up for him.
He was enjoying the walk when he had a sudden sense of apprehension overcame him. He scanned their surroundings quickly to determine where the threat was coming from and saw a bicycle with two riders that was flying through the air at Ranma.
Acting quickly Kiyoshi reached out and grabbed Ranma's arm and pulled him out of the way. Ranma let out an indignant squawk before coming to rest against Kiyoshi's chest.
Kiyoshi felt his body naturally fall into a defensive stance as he scanned the new arrivals to determine how much of a threat they were. A small part of his body noted that he'd automatically included Ranma in his defence but he quickly waved it away.
He was startled out of his scrutiny when Ranma began to shake against his chest; Kiyoshi looked down, worried that Ranma was crying, only to find Ranma bright red with tears leaking down his cheeks and shaking with suppressed laughter.
He turned to Akane quickly when she released a strangled snort and began to giggle while pointing at the new arrivals.
"Mou, ha ha ahaha, Mou, ha ah, Mous, aha ha hah ha Mou-ou-ou-sse ssss ha hah ahaha." She said, or at least tried to say before the giggles became too overpowering.
"Oh Gods! He, he… Mousse what are you wearing?!" managed Ranma through his laughter.
Mousse? Kiyoshi looked at the two people on the bicycle… Mousse? Well he supposed that Mousse might be a girl's name… no, wait…
One of the people on the bike was a boy.
Though he didn't look like one. It was hard to look like a boy when you were wearing a pair of baby-pink short-shorts and a little white t-shirt with a cute fuzzy duckling on the front. He was also wearing knee-high sports socks and a pair of pink slip-on canvas shoes with white soles. His hair had been pulled into a high pony-tail leaving his straight fringe cutting across his face above his eyebrows… he was also wearing baby-pink lip-gloss.
…
O…K…?
"Saotome?... Xian Pu, why is Saotome here? You said we were going on a date…" asked the… boy?
"Silly Mu Tsu. You no want make Xian Pu happy?" said the other person who was with him, a pretty purple-haired girl with sharp eyes.
"Of course I want to make you happy, but what's that got to do with Saotome?" asked the boy… Mousse? Mu Tsu?
"This make Xian Pu happy." Declared the girl… Shampoo? Xian Pu?
"Shampoo what are you doing?" piped in Ranma, from where Kiyoshi was still shielding him.
"Xian Pu hear that husband now gay because of uncute fiancée. Xian Pu decide, because she good wife, that if husband gay then husband can have Mu Tsu while Xian Pu have husband. Then everyone happy. Yes?" said the girl… horrifying everyone else there.
"What! No! Xian Pu! I… you said we were going on a date, you didn't say you were… Oh Gods! I'm not becoming Saotome's sex-toy!" Shrieked the boy, leaping off the bike and putting some distance between the girl and himself.
"Mu Tsu no be silly. Mu Tsu love Xian Pu yes? Then Mu Tsu do what Xian Pu want. Xian Pu want Mu Tsu to make husband happy so Xian Pu and husband still get married." Said Shampoo, glaring at Mousse when he just stepped further away from her and began to hug himself and shake his head.
"No Xian Pu… this is too much." He whispered, looking devastated.
"Wait! Wait! Shampoo I'm not gay!" interjected Ranma. Who was looking kind of concerned and angry at the same time.
"Husband really not gay? 'Cause Ukyou-girl say… and then Xian Pu see husband with tall boy… Who husband still touching." Shampoo said, pointing at Kiyoshi with a sour look on her face.
"What! Ukyou… No she's mistaken, it's all a big mistake." Pleaded Ranma, finally stepping away from Kiyoshi and approaching Shampoo.
"Xian Pu no believe husband!" declared the girl… who Kiyoshi was beginning to think was a really nasty piece of work.
"Wait Shampoo. If you think Ranma is gay and you want to… give him Mousse? Why is Mousse dressed like that?" asked Akane, who was keeping a remarkably straight head.
"Xian Pu no see why she have to answer question from uncute-girl!" snapped Shampoo, drawing herself up and crossing her arms.
"I'd like to know that as well. I'd especially like to know why the… panties, because I was perfectly happy to wear this (if a little concerned) if that's what you liked, but if you intended to give me to Saotome (heaven forbid) then why?" asked Mousse, who looked deeply wounded.
"Wait… Mousse, you're wearing women's underwear?" queried Ranma, who looked like he was going to start laughing again.
"None of your business Saotome!" spat Mousse at the same time that Akane hissed:
"Ranma!"
"What? I was just asking." Ranma muttered.
"Xian Pu tell why if husband want hear?" Shampoo said, batting her eyelashes at Ranma.
"Uh… I suppose so." Muttered Ranma
"See Xian Pu no know anything about gay people, but Xian Pu remember girls who come to Cat Café on weekends and read those sort manga and giggle. So Xian Pu find telephone number of head girl that she give to Xian Pu one day and call girl to ask. Girl tell Xian Pu lots of things, most confusing, but Xian Pu work out from girl that in gay relationship there is one who act like boy and one who act like girl. Girl also say something about height… shorter boy supposed to be girl? But Xian Pu decide that, even though husband shorter than Mu Tsu, husband obviously manlier so Mu Tsu must be girl. Xian Pu then give Mu Tsu makeover to make Mu Tsu girly so husband find him attractive. Makes sense yes?" Explained the (obviously insane) girl.
There was a moment of silence while everyone tried to absorb her explanation, and Kiyoshi was sorely tempted to use it as a chance to pick up his fiancée and get them both away from the lunatic… he might even bring Akane and her poor victim with them
"Ah… Shampoo? I don't think that real gay relationships work the same as those in manga." Said Akane, who seemed to be trying to reason with the unreasonable.
"Xian Pu no care what uncute girl think. Husband find Mu Tsu attractive, yes?" Shampoo asked Ranma, who looked queasy… though not as queasy as Mousse.
"No! Shampoo I'm not GAY!" Ranma shouted, looking like he was about to really loose his temper.
"Xian Pu still no believe husband… but if husband say he no gay then husband date Xian Pu." Declared the girl, getting up into Ranma's personal space and clinging to his arm.
"Umm…" murmured Ranma looking awkward and sort of like he'd rather chop off a limb than date Shampoo. Kiyoshi couldn't blame him, 'cause if it was him he'd chop off one of Shampoo's limbs before he'd ever date her.
Shampoo propelled herself away from Ranma, glared violently at him and then hissed, "If Husband not gay then Husband should want date Shampoo."
"Err… Akane?..." mumbled Ranma, looking at his fiancée for help.
"It's fine with me if you date Shampoo. Why should I care? It's not like you'd ever want to marry me anyway." Growled Akane, who was obviously angry at him and not inclined to give him a way out.
"Ok… I suppose. But just one date! And only to prove that I'm not gay." Conceded Ranma, looking as though he was going off the face the firing squad instead of agreeing to a date with a pretty girl. A pretty, horrible, evil girl.
Kiyoshi was kind of concerned, but he could sort of get why Ranma would agree to date Shampoo. Ranma was obviously having problems with the fact that everyone had decided, for no reason whatsoever, that he was gay. Kiyoshi couldn't blame him; he'd probably do the same thing in that situation. Probably.
"Ok! Mu Tsu no needed now. Husband date Xian Pu now." The (bitch) girl declared, grabbing Ranma's arm and dragging him off.
Kiyoshi had already decided that he was going to follow, but first he wanted to make sure that Mousse (and Akane, sort of) was ok.
"Mousse, are you alright?" whispered Akane to Mouuse, who looked as though he going to cry.
"I… I… Oh Gods… Umm… yes, yes… I'm ok Akane, thank you for asking." Whispered the obviously not ok Mousse.
Akane seemed to study him for a moment before giving him an incredibly sweet smile and saying "Well Mousse, how about you and I go on a date as well? That would show 'em huh?"
"Wha…? A date? With you?... Umm…" he replied, completely lost for words.
"I didn't mean it like that. Maybe if Shampoo sees you having fun with someone else she'll get what she's missing." Said Akane gently, still smiling at Mousse.
"Um… I guess?" He whispered, still obviously confused.
"Ok!... well shall we go then?" she said, shifting P-chan into one arm and holding the other out to him. He hesitantly took it and they started walking towards where Shampoo had dragged Ranma.
Kiyoshi shrugged, it had been a weird day, and started to casually follow behind them all.
000