Authors note: This answers a lot of your questions. Santana is an idiot in this story, I did this on purpose because I like reactions from readers and also I haven't written a Santana before like i have this one. She's confused, just like anyone else would be if they found out how their best friend feels. She's real and raw and picked apart in this story for not only my benefit but for Brittany's. Brittany gets to witness her best friends struggles and love her even more. Also Santana's forcing her relationship with phoebe (as you all probably know) because she'd rather the easier option than real love. Why? That's open for your interpretation and explained in this chapter! I just had to explain that myself haha. Enjoy!
Brittany learnt something new today. As she and Santana walked into their gym that morning, Mike Change was behind the counter, greeting every woman and man as they swiped their membership card under the sign-in machine. When Mike looked up to greet the next two members, he turned the lightest colour imaginable. Just as his mouth was about to open Santana spoke.
"Don't come up with some lame ass excuse as to why you attempted to rape my girl Britts…"
Mikes eyes widen in shock, checking around for any foreign ears listening in to their conversation. "I didn't try to rape her!" He insists softly.
Santana glares at the boy, stepping closer to the counter. "You wanted to get into her pants even though she didn't want it so in society," Santana slams her hands down on the counter, "that's counted as attempted rape."
Brittany's about a foot behind her roommate, chewing on her nails out of anxiousness. She didn't want to come in here and make a scene, she was actually hoping to take Mike into another room and ask him questions civilly. Santana of course, had other ideas.
"Look," Mike sighs, "I'm leaving town and I just wanted to see if Brittany was down for a one nighter, that's all."
And that's exactly what Brittany learns that day. Mike explains he got a job offer in California a few weeks ago and he wasn't going to leave without at least trying to fuck Brittany. As simple as it sounds, Santana can't help but take it personally because Brittany's her best friend, her only friend and she won't let the boy get away with his unforgivable actions.
"We're not reporting you because Brittany is the kindest, most forgiving person on this fucking planet, but if you step within fifty feet of my girl Brittany, I'll cut your legs off with a saw."
Mike nods his head violently and wipes the sweat off his forehead. Santana turns on her heels and takes Brittany's hand, dragging her out of the gym before she can say a word. Once they're out onto the street, Santana lets Brittany go and steps back.
"Wait here a sec."
Brittany frowns as Santana enters the gym again. She peers through the glass door to see what's happening and almost screams when the brunette rounds the counter and punches Mike square in the jaw. She's again unable to get a word out because Santana rushes out of the gym and grabs Brittany's hand. They run down the street all the way back to their apartment and finally Brittany is able to speak once they're in the elevator.
"Why did you have to punch him? And why did I have to wait outside while you did? I'm not a child," Brittany adds with a pout.
"I'm sorry, well, not really. He had it coming."
Brittany folds her arms and faces away from Santana. "God, this is why…" she groans, stopping before she can finish her sentence.
"Why what?" Santana pries. Brittany shakes her head and luckily the ding of the elevator sounds so she can get out of there. She heads straight to her room, picking up her phone and calling Puck. She's grateful for Santana, but she can't change her mind about her final decision. She's moving out and not coming back.
"You're going to get me in trouble with Santana again," Puck says as he carries some of Brittany's clothes in box into her new bedroom.
"She already hates your guts so it doesn't matter," the blonde replies casually. "Okay I'm going to run back to the apartment and get the rest of my things before Santana gets home from work."
"This is not a good idea," Puck warns, shaking his head. Brittany completely agrees with the boy, but if she gets all of her stuff out of the apartment before Santana gets home then the brunette won't be able to stop her moving out.
"It'll be fine," Brittany argues weakly.
"Didn't you say Santana is having a fight with her girlfriend? She probably needs you right now and you're going to abandon her?"
"When the hell did you get so righteous?"
"I'm just sayin'." Puck shrugs and leaves the room, allowing Brittany to think further about her decision. She can't think about Santana right now, she has to think about herself and her baby. Although Santana would be a kick ass mom, she doesn't want to be surrounded by the brunette and her constant deliberations about whether they are allowed to flirt or touch.
When she returns to the apartment Brittany doesn't hesitate to step into Santana's room just once more. She thinks about leaving a note but that's something they never do. Maybe she should visit her at work after all the kids leave and explain in detail.
It's not like they are never going to see each other again…Brittany just needs time.
Unfortunately she doesn't have a choice anymore, because Santana is walking through the door. Brown eyes travel from blue ones down to two garbage bags and one box in Brittany's hands. Santana immediately feels her stomach sink and she fights away tears because she hopes that what she's seeing isn't really happening.
"No," she whimpers.
"Santana," Brittany whispers, watching her roommate glare at the belongings in her hands. "I can't stay here, I can't."
"Why?" Santana looks like a lost puppy right now. Brittany can't even look at her in the eyes anymore because she's afraid she'll be tempted to drop her stuff and stay. She contemplates her answer for a few seconds, nervous that she'll hurt Santana even more with her words.
"We're," she takes a deep breath, "not good for each other." Lie, Brittany thinks, they're perfect for each other.
Santana frowns, sniffling and balling up her fists. She can't Brittany can just up and leave so casually. Of course they're good for each other, Santana thinks. She's never found anyone better for her than Brittany.
Santana's face finally shows recognition. Brittany has finally had enough of Santana's indecisiveness.
Brittany walks to the door, thankfully is fully opening because Santana forgot to close it when she came in. She steps into the hall and turns around, facing Santana's back. "Phoebe can move in now and you can be with your girlfriend."
She waits for a reply, but when one never comes, she turns and walks down the hall. When she's almost at the elevator, Santana runs out of the apartment and yells.
"This isn't mine and Phoebe's apartment, it'll always be ours!"
Brittany holds in her tears until she is safely inside the elevator. It could be the hormones or maybe her love for Santana really is strong enough to make her cry about moving out of their apartment. Either way, she's gone now and she can finally start planning her future with her baby.
Phoebe hasn't spoken to Santana for three weeks now. Santana calls Brittany every night and sometimes the blonde is busy, but Santana often thinks she doesn't want to speak to her. Brittany has four months of pregnancy to go. She's been living with Puck for almost a month. She receives calls from Santana every night and often she's busy but mostly she can't bear talking to the girl.
Not because Santana makes it awkward by talking about Phoebe, but because Brittany melts inside over Santana's phone voice. It's huskier and creamier than real life. She can't handle it.
Santana has been burying herself in work as much as she can. Not that there is much to do for a first grade teacher. If the principle asks one of the staff to take on extra duties she's always the first to raise her hand.
The other teachers are wondering why Santana becomes so excited at the mention of extra work. She's been attending field trips, presenting awards and even chaperoning the higher grades school dances.
She's even managed to leave a not so nice message for Mike on his answering machine. She made sure that he was actually out of town by visiting the gym and asking around. The girl's working there confirmed it and mentioned that Santana wasn't welcome there for punching Mike. The brunette was about to protest but decided against it, figuring that it was all in the past and if Brittany didn't want to add fuel to the fire then she wouldn't either.
After cancelling her membership, Santana had returned home, surfing the internet for other gyms in the local area.
Brittany on the other hand has been doing well with Puck. Although she's struggling not to call Santana for advice or help, she's managing to progress independently through her pregnancy.
Puck is there for Brittany if she asks, but mostly she keeps to herself and watches how Puck leaves the apartment at exactly seven every few evenings to meet with a either the same girl or someone new.
She still hasn't decided whether to get the DNA tests to find out who the father of her baby is. There's a tiny part of her inkling to know, but the rest of her just wants to raise it herself because she's seen it done before. Santana of course is still going to be a huge part of the baby's life, whether they live apart or not.
Her wonderment often travels to whether Phoebe is talking to Santana and whether they've moved in together or not. Brittany wouldn't mind, it's what's best for their relationship. If Santana wants Phoebe as much as she says, Brittany doesn't see why they wouldn't start their future together.
Santana often pictured herself in a completely different scenario. When she was growing up there was a mansion, three kids, a hot wife and a secure job in the business sector. Overtime however, since Brittany moved in with her, all she needed and wanted was that. Santana realised that her dream life was what she was living – her and Brittany in an apartment in New York, about to take care of a child, Santana a teacher and Brittany with the secure job.
Who knows, Brittany might become manager of the company where she's just a mere receptionist now. There was a flaw in the plan though.
Brittany loved Santana and Santana knew that. It is the sole reason why Santana couldn't be with her. She prefers Phoebe's uncomplicated love, which allows Santana to not give a damn if she hurts Phoebe. It may not make sense to a lot of people (that's why Santana hasn't explained it to anyone) but she simply couldn't give the love Brittany is giving her back.
She's content with being fucked, not being made love too. She knows Brittany would take damn good care of her but also knows that Santana couldn't promise a good life for Brittany. Santana hasn't even been sure of her own life for the past few years. She accepted Brittany as her roommate because the blonde bought an exciting vibe to her lifestyle that was once dull and uninviting.
If not for Brittany, Santana probably would have lived the most underwhelming life of anyone who ever lived.
She desperately wants to be there for Brittany, that's why she was so shattered when Brittany moved out, but also wants to let the blonde know that someone loving her like Brittany does is a rare thing. She hasn't felt that much want from someone ever and so she's settling for the easier option; Phoebe.
It's cowardly of Santana sure; she's simply protecting her own heart while attempting to give Brittany some reassurance as well. She should have explained this before Brittany left, then she wouldn't have to be talking to herself in her bedroom.
She's been alone for days. Santana doesn't even know if she still has Phoebe to settle with because the girl hasn't even tried to call her.
Santana thinks of a way to bring both the women in her life together, but nothing comes to mind besides a mud wrestling competition. She shakes her head, groaning as she turns on her side. A flyer from her old gym is resting on her bed side table and a light bulb instantly goes off in her head.
She messages both Phoebe and Brittany because she'd rather see rejection than hear it. Then Santana pulls her blankets over her head, unaware of what's to come from either girl.
She's been anxiously waiting outside a new gym she found online for ten minutes. Neither girl replies to the message so Santana thinks that if they both don't show up, well, at least there is a punching bag inside one of the workout rooms.
Scratching her fingers against the concrete wall of the building, Santana nervously hums to herself. People walking by raise their eyebrows suspiciously, thinking that maybe the girl has taken the wrong morning pill. She closes her eyes and rests her head back on the wall, folding her arms over her chest because this morning was super cold. Santana didn't plan to invite them to the gym on a cold day so she could see their pert nipples under their sports bra, not at al.
"Hi," a voice says from her left.
It's Phoebe. Santana tries to look happy but inside she's disappointed that it isn't Brittany who arrived first because she could have told her everything she thought about in bed last night.
She opens her arms and hugs Phoebe. The taller brunette sighs and barely gives her a hug back. When Santana pulls away, she awkwardly stares into Phoebe's eyes, waiting for the girl to go off at her.
"I'm only here because I haven't worked out in a while and it's free."
Santana laughs forcefully. "Well I'm glad you could make it."
"Brittany not here yet?" Phoebe asks, sounding like she couldn't care less. Santana bites her lower lip and shakes her head in response. Her girlfriend scoffs, brushing past Santana with a slight shoulder to shoulder jab.
Santana reluctantly follows, accepting that Brittany isn't going to make it. They pass the reception desk and Santana realises that since she's a member now, she can put her bag in a locker. She explains this to Phoebe but the girl walks ahead of her, throwing her bag in the dance fitness class and begins stretching. Santana rolls her eyes and heads the other way towards the locker rooms.
A sight she'd come to think about in her dreams was right in front of her, in the flesh. Brittany was taking a sip of her drink bottle as Santana walked in. When she turns her head slightly, the blonde witnesses her roommate at the door with her mouth agape.
"You're already here."
Brittany smirks. "Well I know you like surprises."
Santana frowns slightly, confused as to how Brittany is allowed in the locker room. Did she know Santana has a membership and wanted to get one too?
"What are you doing in here?"
"I flirted with the receptionist so I could get a locker. I accidentally brought my emergency baby bag instead of my gym bag so she felt sorry for me," the blonde explains giggling.
Santana scratches her head and steps forward. "Wow, uh, so are we okay?"
"Well are you still a bitch?" Brittany asks teasingly. The brunette pinches her lips together, hiding her smile.
"Always."
Brittany closes her locker and opens the one beside hers for Santana. The brunette thanks her with her eyes and puts her bag away, taking her towel and drink bottle out before closing the metal door.
"Let's ditch Phoebe," Brittany suggests, "we'll cycle instead."
Santana feels a rush of excitement. For some reason she feels like she's a teenager again sneaking out of the house. She nods and Brittany takes her hand, leading her towards the locker room door.
"Wait," Santana says suddenly, "I want to tell you the reason why we can't –"
"Santana," Brittany cuts in quickly, holding her hand up. "We're actually having fun and I really don't want to know the reason why we can't be together now."
The brunette nods tentatively. "Okay."
Brittany turns to walk out, but pauses suddenly. "You know, I didn't expect to fall in love with you after that night. I know you thought it was a one-time thing but to me it was more…"
Santana opens her mouth to speak but she can't think of anything to say. Nothing will make Brittany feel better about their situation, especially not the reason why she can't be with her.
They head out of the locker room and Brittany walks straight past the cycling bikes towards the fitness dance class. Santana frowns, calling the blonde's name before she can go in.
"I thought we were ditching it," Santana comments hopefully.
"Mm, I decided I may as well do it now that we're here. I can cycle another time," Brittany explains with a shrug. Santana bites her lip and checks over her shoulder if there is a free bike right in front of the class. Luckily she spots one to the left of her and she jumps on it without even saying a word to her roommate.
"Go on," Santana nods her head towards the class after she settles on the bike. Brittany gives her a curious look before laughing and heading inside the room. The door closes behind her so Santana can't hear what the teacher is saying to them. She watches Brittany walk up to Phoebe and say a quick hello (to which Phoebe responds with a fake smile) before finding an available space – which happens to be right in front of Santana and her bike.
A few people beside Santana rub the sweat from their bodies and jump off the bikes leaving her there cycling alone. She watches the instructor through the glass walls start the music and every starts side-stepping to begin with.
Her eyes immediately float to Brittany; who moves fluidly to the music even though it's such a simple move.
She can't believe Brittany actually showed up and on top of that she's actually goofing around. Santana thought she would have to work to gain Brittany's carefree side back but the fact that hasn't leaves her with positive thoughts for their friendship in the future.
Minutes later the dance has become a little more complicated and Santana's eyes have of course never left Brittany. The blonde moves so effortlessly, more effortlessly than the non-pregnant women in the class, including Phoebe. Santana is surprised her girlfriend hasn't noticed Brittany's baby bump. Brittany's shirt is basically sticking to her and its very noticeable to the naked eye.
Santana is cycling faster now and harder. Her tights are so thin she can almost feel the leather bike seat against her pussy. With that thought now in her mind Santana starts rubbing against the seat while pumping her legs faster. She's watching Brittany the entire time and for a few seconds Brittany looks towards Santana and smirks while rolling her body. She knows exactly what Santana is doing and what she's doing to Santana.
The brunette grips the handle bars, rubbing herself sideways, forward and back, any way really just to find some release. It feels so good that she thinks she's going to have to cheat on her vibrator from now on. Suddenly she wonders if the seat is actually vibrating for her. Santana licks some sweat gathering above her upper lip as her eyes pierce Brittany's skin. She hasn't seen the blonde move like this and there's no way anyone even has the chance of grabbing her attention.
A half moan, half squeak does however capture Santana's attention and she realises, after looking around, that it came from her own mouth. She clenches her eyes shut and realises how close she is to orgasming; just another minute and –
"Santana I need a partner," Phoebe calls out from the doorway. Santana immediately freezes on the bike and without a word, turns off the machine and slides off the seat. She presses her lips together so she doesn't make another embarrassing sexual noise in public. Phoebe tugs on her wrist, dragging her back to the taller brunette's initial spot. She turns her head slightly and focuses on Brittany who is chatting with some girl in the class.
"Alright," the instructor claps, "one of you stands in front, one behind and grab your partners waist."
Santana chews on her bottom lip as Phoebe stands in front of her, grabbing her hands and placing them firmly on her hips. "Just follow me okay, don't stuff up," Phoebe whispers in a patronizing tone. Santana is still revelling from her almost-orgasm before and can't help but squeeze Phoebe's hips as her soaked panties cling to her.
"Mhmm" Santana hums weakly in reply. Once the music starts, Santana's eyes automatically flicker to Brittany and glue to her as she sways her hips.
"Make big circles girls, just with your hips," the instructor informs the class. Her voice sounds like a mere buzz in the distance to Santana and she doesn't even feel Phoebe's ass brush against her front until the girl purposely shoves her ass backwards.
Santana gasps and looks at the back of Phoebe's head. "That's not the move," she hisses.
"Pay attention," Phoebe replies.
"No, you pay attention."
"Fuck you Santana," the taller girl spits. Santana throws her head back in laughter but thankfully the music drowns it out and nobody in the class hears besides Phoebe.
"You definitely won't do that," Santana teases.
Phoebe grips Santana's fingers and yanks them so they're resting on her stomach and she's forced closer. "You're the one that pussy's out when we're about too…"
She needs to rid herself of this frustration; sexual and mental. Phoebe is making it worse by grinding her ass so damn hard against Santana's core. She can barely stand anymore. Her eyes flicker to Brittany once more and she gulps, watching the blonde grind so slowly against her partner's front. Santana wishes she could swap with the stranger, but her self-control in this environment is definitely a problem.
"Shut up," Santana hisses, pulling away from Phoebe.
"Make me!" The girl pressures her, turning around swiftly and stepping towards Santana. The Latina dodges her girlfriend and hurries out of the class, grabbing her bottle and towel from the bike she left her sweat and juices on. She then heads straight for the locker rooms, unlocking her locker and throwing her bottle and towel in before slumping down on the bench behind her.
Her head collapses in her hands as she grits her teeth and hisses. Santana understands now how fast things can change. Before she was laughing with Brittany and now she's angry with herself for masturbating on a bike chair over the blonde. Her girlfriend was right there, how is that right?
Santana groans in frustration and pulls out a larger towel from her locker. She treads over to the shower cubicles and turns one of the taps on after stripping off. She closes her eyes as she steps under the water and rubs her hands down her body, occasionally rubbing her clit just to feel that leftover sensation. Santana eventually slides down the cubicle wall and masturbates, one finger pressing against her clit and another pumping inside of her.
"Santana?" It's Brittany's voice that causes Santana to reach her orgasm. The fact that the blonde said her name helped push her to an orgasm more. The brunette is breathing heavily, her finger slipping easily through her folds and against the cold shower floor.
"Don't come in," Santana says through gasping breaths.
"What's wrong?" Brittany asks, causing Santana to show a faint smile. She loves that Brittany doesn't have to ask Santana if she's okay or not, she just knows by the sound of her voice. "Phoebe stormed out. She said to tell you that its over."
The blonde's words don't even register in Santana's mind. "It's easy with her. I don't have to worry about disappointing her because she doesn't love me like you do. I'm so selfish," Santana laughs sadly, "I know how much you care for me but I can't be with you…"
"…because no one has ever loved you before?" Brittany says when she finds an opening.
"I just can't bear the thought of ever disappointing you when you feel so strongly about me. I've already caused you to move out," she explains further. Brittany pouts, but neither girl can actually see each other so Brittany slowly walks forward.
She stands in the cubicle beside the one Santana is sitting in. "I still don't understand why we can't be together. You could prove to me that you won't leave; just liked I proved to you that I would stop weed and sleeping around and get a job."
"I know," Santana whispers, nodding. "I'm afraid Britt. You're the only person in my life that means anything to me and if we really pursue this we have to be one hundred percent sure."
"I'm already sure, you just need to be sure and I won't pressure you."
"I know I really adore you and I find you the sexiest girl on the planet," Brittany giggles, "I just need to think about all of this. Now that Phoebe doesn't want me anymore I guess I'll have to apologize and give her back some of the stuff she left at the apartment…" Tears stream down Santana's face as she remembers the fact she's alone in the apartment.
Brittany's stomach aches. She hates the thought of Santana being alone in that apartment. She really thought Phoebe would forgive Santana and move in with her. Brittany is definitely contemplating moving back in with the brunette…maybe it would be easier to work out their problems…
No, Brittany shakes her head. It's easier being away from her so they can have space to think rationally. Brittany is tempted to peek around the cubicle but she knows she'll be even more tempted to strip and join Santana.
"I'm sure you'll be okay San," Brittany reassures her roommate.
"This was supposed to happen a long time ago I think," Santana murmurs.
"What? You showering," Brittany jokes. Santana smiles slightly but shakes her head.
"Phoebe and I breaking up, I knew we weren't good together, I just pushed it," Santana reveals, her voice smoother than before. She wipes the tears from her eyes and reaches for her towel, wraps it around her and stands up. She turns around, for the first time staring into Brittany's eyes since the class.
"You hurt me by saying that," Brittany whispers, "we could have been together this entire time but you chose the easy way out."
"I guess," Santana sighs, "I wanted to show you that you aren't easy like all those guys thought you were. You are pure and worth working for and I can't just simply be with you without figuring out what it is I'm feeling."
Brittany nods in understanding. She rounds the wall and faces Santana, brushing fallen strands of hair out of her face. "Figure yourself out, then come hang with me and my baby for the rest of your life."
Santana sends the blonde a sad smile. "Brittany I work with kids for a living and I don't enjoy it. I'm the complete opposite of a mother."
Brittany pouts. "I can deal with you being the father."
The blonde takes a small step forward. Santana's eyes float to Brittany's lips but she retrains herself. "You're Brittany; the lovable, humble, pleasant creature that any man or woman would be happy to love. And I'm Santana; the workaholic, the Scrooge of this novella, the recluse, the fitness junkie, the grumpy, stubborn grouch. I hate Christmas! You love Christmas! I love the idea of working yet I hate my job, you hate not going out and seeing your old friends, I despise kids, you love kids I –"
"Love you and you love me!" Brittany interrupts. Santana freezes because of that word. That word that makes her skin shiver and spine tingle. Oh wait, Brittany's fingers are beneath the towel, running along her spine.
She gasps and steps forward. "Call me," Brittany whispers, leaning forward and moving at just the last moment to kiss Santana's cheek.
It takes Santana four days to call Brittany. The blonde answers immediately and a tremble in her voice proves to Santana that she's been crying. "What's wrong?"
"I swear I felt the baby kick," she explains sniffling.
"What? You're only like ten weeks!" Santana argues.
"The doctor said it varies for different women and I swear it touch my hand," the blonde informs her roommate. "Besides I'm 19 weeks!"
"I'm coming over," Santana states, hopping off of her bed.
"No!"
"Britt it's been four days and this is for the baby!"
"We promised that we wouldn't see each other because now that you're single I'd be tempted to make out with you."
Santana rolls her eyes. "You really can't control yourself can you?"
"I have too until you figure out what you want."
Santana has had time to think, day and night, at school and at her quiet apartment. She's making another list of why she should begin a romantic relationship with Brittany. So far there's only sexual reasons, but Santana knows she doesn't just like Brittany for her body and her talents in bed.
"I know that I want to take care of your baby..."
"But that's not got anything to do with us Santana," Brittany replies quietly.
"I'm sorry, I'm still working us out. I want to love you but I don't want to force myself too, it's not fair to you."
"Well," brittany frowns, "I'll wait however long it takes and I'll treat you well, maybe that will make falling in love with me easier."
"Nothing about you is easy," Santana bites her lip, "in the nicest way possible."
Brittany giggles. "Thanks San."
"So can I come over?" The brunette pleads.
"When you're ready to love yourself and me, yes." The dial tone sounds in Santana's ear and she groans, throwing the phone on her bed. she can't believe Brittany is the one resisting her now, when weeks ago it was the other way around. She doesn't know how people know they're in love. What do they feel? Maybe she should call Brittany back and ask...
She falls back onto her bed, staring at the ceiling. She's never been in love in her life; she didn't even love Phoebe. She thinks Phoebe loved her but that was just her wishful thinking so she had an easier option to choose. Santana hates herself for putting Brittany through this. She feels so strongly about her best friend, maybe all she needs to do is be physical again because that's how this all started. Santana gained an attraction and feelings towards Brittany after that New Years Eve night and maybe if it happens again she'll gain even more feelings.
Brittany would totally be down for that. But Santana just told the blonde she isn't easy... She slaps herself in the forehead. No option she's thinking of makes sense and she doesn't have any more in mind. Although...Santana could be in a relationship with Brittany without loving her.
One thing is for certain, Santana loves when Brittany flirts with her and teases her, but maybe that's as far as it goes. However, when other girl's tease and flirt with her it doesn't feel as good as when Brittany does it. Santana has more figuring out to do than she thought.
Authors note two: This is going to be shorter than I originally planned because I've been working on a new story that I'm excited about.