Hi there, all.

Told you my pace couldn't last forever. This will probably be it until after Thanksgiving, but I think I left you in a good place.

Also - To the relief of many of you, I am doing this whole thing where I actually get my stuff all fixed up by a beta. Stratan volunteered from the job which is just so freakin awesome. Big thanks to him.

Anyway, enjoy yourselves.

BPOV

I don't really want to go to the party at Mike's. Edward will be there, and now that we've finally talked and determined that it's really over, he'll probably go off and have a threesome with some rally girls.

As long as it's not Tanya Denali, I'll be okay.

Oh, that is just ridiculous. I will most definitely not be okay.

So I don't want to go to the party, but I let Jasper drag me there anyway. He guilts me into it, saying that this is the first party we will be at together since last year. I don't know why that even matters

But somehow it's enough to get me to the party.

The car ride over is tense. I think Jasper senses that I'm not happy and babbles about football to fill the silence. He just goes on and on, irritating me so much at one point I swear I feel my eye twitch

"You're awfully silent tonight," he says when I don't respond to anything is says. He sounds irritated. Good. Join the club, dear boyfriend.

"I just don't have anything to say," I reply, looking out the window. I stumble over my words a bit due to all that wine, and I hope Jazz won't notice.

"Are you… are you drunk?" he demands, turning to gape at me even as he drives.

"Keep your eyes on the road," I reply.

"You are! You've been drinkin'! What has gotten in to you today?" he demands.

"I felt like some wine. What's the big deal?"

"There is a time and a place, Bella," Jasper scolds as we approach Mile's ranch. "You couldn't have waited until we left the adults? Shit, Bella. You could have really embarrassed me."

I snort at this and just shake my head, too angry and offended to even address that one.

"I guess Edward was right," Jazz mutters as he parks in front of Mike's. There are a lot of cars already crowding the dirt road. Most people abandoned the barbeque a while ago, but Jazz just had to wrap up the football talk.

He tries to get out of the Jeep but I stop him with, gripping his arm.

"What's Edward right about?" I snap, gettin' prickly at the idea of Edward and Jasper talking about me.

"Let's just go in, Bella," he says with a sigh. Even his tone pisses me off, like he's struggling to have patience with a child throwing a temper tantrum.

"No. I'm sitting right in this car until you tell me what Edward is right about!" I cross my arms over my chest, making it very clear that I'm going nowhere.

"You're behavin' like a child," Jazz replies.

I resist the urge to stick my tongue out at him and instead just turn away. We stay in silence for a moment until Jasper calls uncle.

"Fine!" he shouts. "Edward just said that you aren't the same anymore. He said this thing with your dad messed you up. He said it changed you."

I just blink at Jazz, shocked that Edward understood that. He paid much more attention than I thought.

"So you don't deny it," Jasper continues. "Edward was right. You are different."

"I'm just rethinking some things," I murmur, looking down at my hands. "It made me see things differently. That's all."

I brace myself for his questions. I expect to ask if I'm rethinking us; rethinking our future.

But he doesn't.

"Let's go inside."

But—"

"I'm not getting into this with you right now, Bella."

His tone leaves no room for argument. I'm suddenly too emotionally wrung out to push things.

"Bella!" Jasper intercepts me as I make my way though the crowd. I need some fresh air, need to escape all this.

Edward Cullen loves me. Loves me.

I am shocked and elated and terrified all at once.

And I don't know what to do.

"Where are you goin'?" my boyfriend asks, grabbing my arm to keep me from slipping out the front door.

"I don't really know," I reply, pulling myself out of his grasp. "I just can't be here anymore."

"Everything okay?"

"I'm fine. Just ready to go," I reply in a rush.

"Give me a minute," he says, glancing over his shoulder quickly. "I'll say goodbye and take you home."

"You don't have to. I can walk or something."

Jasper rolls his eyes at this. It is a long way, I suppose, but the walk would do me good.

"Give me a minute."

I sit in his Jeep to wait. It takes more like twenty minutes before he shows up. Again, I don't really mind. It gives me time to think.

Edward loves me. Loves me.

Holy shit.

Edward loves me.

I sit there in kind of daze, waiting for Jasper to come take me home. When he finally hops into the car, I don't say anything or even look at him.

He sighs heavily as he starts the ignition.

"I wish you would fucking talk to me," he mutters, pulling on to the main road.

"What's the point," I reply wearily. "It's not like you listen."

"Oh, that's real nice, Bella," he replies.

"See, you're still not listening," I snap back.

We settle into uncomfortable silence. As we drive along, I know I should be focusing on this fight I'm having with my boyfriend, but Edward's words keep echoing in my head.

Edward loves me. Loves me.

When those words tumbled out of his drunken mouth, I just about lost it. I wanted nothing more then to return them, to crawl into that tub with him, and beg him never to let me go.

But that wouldn't have been fair. Not to a single one of us.

"Things will get better," Jazz says suddenly, as if he's pumping himself up for a big game. "You'll see. You'll be less cranky when we finally decide on a college for next year. It'll be you and me, babe. I'm still leaning towards Norte Dame. You can handle the winter, can't you?"

I stare at him for a minute, positive that he has to be joking after everything I've said tonight. It's a bad joke, but I'm willing to let it go.

Except he is dead serious.

"You're serious," I murmur in shock.

"Of course. We've talked about all of this before."

"Did you hear a word I said tonight? I need to figure out my own plans. Following you around for the rest of my life isn't gonna cut it. Not anymore," I tell him.

"You should just stop right there," Jasper says, sounding angry now. "You're just drunk and talkin' crazy. Best to not say anything you'll regret."

"I think we should break up." And as soon as the words leave my mouth, I know it's what I want. I don't want to be with him anymore, and I haven't for a long time. I was just desperately holding onto the familiar. We had some good years, Jazz and me, but I've outgrown us.

"Very funny," Jasper scoffs, not listening to me or taking me seriously. As is the usual. It makes me angry.

"I'm dead serious, Jasper. I don't think we should be together anymore."

He turns his head to gape at me.

We approach my house, and he parks out front. I desperately want to get out but it feels like Jasper hasn't said all he needs to say.

"Whatever you say, Bella," he says, trying to laugh it off. "We'll talk when you're sober. Things will look different in the morning, and we'll have a good long laugh at this whole fight."

"Jazz," I say, willing him to listen to me for once. It is so frustrating, talking to him. Has it always been this way? Or has he just developed this inability to hear me because he doesn't like what I'm saying. "I haven't had anything to drink in hours. I'm serious about this."

Jazz lets out a big sigh. "You've been so dramatic tonight."

My anger continues to boil. I want to get real dramatic and punch out his windshield or something, but I don't.

"Guess nothing I can say will make you see how serious I am," I murmur, shaking my head at him. "I'm not your girlfriend anymore. Goodnight."

I slip out of the Jeep and slowly walk towards my front door. I'm a little bit shell-shocked by this whole night, but as the surprise starts to wear off, all I feel is relief. And freedom.

Breaking up with Jazz brings me relief and freedom.

I hear Jasper take off, burning rubber behind me.

I giggle a little to myself. How did it take me so long to come to this conclusion? This is obviously right.

And there is only one person I want to share this with.

It takes me a while to walk to Edwards, but even so I'm not surprised to see his bed empty. He might just end up sleepin' in that bathtub, but I don't think Rose will just leave him there unless he is being super obnoxious.

She already had me steal his keys. I wanted to make sure he didn't drive, and she wanted a way to get to Emmett. I hope she knows that getting Edward home was part of the deal when I agreed to the theft.

His truck isn't in the driveway but he's gotta come home sometimes.

I keep the lights off as I settle myself on his messy bed, thinkin' I might just go to sleep.

But then it all just kinda hits me at once, everything that happened tonight. I realize that I've reached the end of an era. I broke up with my boyfriend of five years. Ever since I've lived in Dillon, I've been with Jasper basically. It's a whole new world, and it scares me.

I sniffle and cry a little, frustrated at myself.

It is so strange to feel sad and relieved and overjoyed at the same time. But I guess I'm allowed to mourn the end of my relationship. It is very, very messed up to do it in my ex-boyfriend's best friend's bed.

I hug my knees to my chest, feeling so confused and enlightened at the same time.

Edward flicks on the light a moment later, pulling me from my thoughts. He looks so sleepy and perplexed, swaying in his doorway and blinkin' at me. I jump a little, surprised by the intrusion.

"I love you, too," I tell him. I felt terrible not sayin' it back earlier, but it just wasn't right. Everything is different now.

He stumbles, leaning heavily on his desk and staring at me with wide eyes. The way he looks at me is so beautiful, especially when he smiles my smile.

"You do?" His voice is low and gravely.

"I do," I reply immediately. I don't doubt it anymore, and I don't want him to either. He just continues to sway there and grin. This probably wasn't the best timed declaration.

My boy is good and drunk.

I shuffle under his comforter and lay my head on his pillow.

"Join me?" I suggest.

He almost falls in his haste to get to me. Edward tumbles into bed, landing heavily next to me. I giggle at his drunken clumsiness because it is so different from his typical swagger.

I push his hair back off his forehead and lean down to give him a lingering kiss. He sighs and splays his fingers against my stomach. The gesture is so tender and the kiss so sweet, I fall a little bit more in love with him.

If that's even possible at this point.

It feels so good to be kissing him after all this time, and for the first time, I don't feel all that guilt weighing me down. There are still twinges, for cheating on Jazz in the first place, but I've finally figured out what is right, and I revel in it.

I rest my forehead against Edward's for a moment, and we just smile at each other.

Sitting up fully, I lean over and help Edward out of his shoes. He kicks off his jeans and I pull his plaid shirt off his shoulders. Edward groans in protest as I hop out of bed to turn off the light, shucking my pants on my way back to him

Finally comfortable, we lie facing each other. His arm is draped over my waist, and I run my hands over his chest. I watch his face in the light that gets in through the blinds. He struggles to keep his eyes open.

"Just close your eyes, baby," I murmur, my own eyelids feeling heavy.

"I can't."

"Why not?"

"Because what if you're a whiskey induced mirage?"

He has totally lost me.

"A what now?"

"I can't tell if you're really here or if I've finally just lost it for good," he explains.

"I'm really here," I assure him. "And I'll be here in the morning. Sleep now."

He closes his eyes, and I join them a moment later.

EPOV

The sun is high in the sky when I wake, and I'm so exquisitely relieved to have Bella in my arms – solid and real and so much better than anything I imagined in that lonely month or so without her.

Even if the memories of exactly how we came to be spooned together in my bed are fuckin' fuzzy, I know before I even opened my eyes that she should be here. Bella's fingers gently drag over the top of my hand, back and forth, so I know she ain't sleepin'.

"Mornin'," I say, my voice low and croaky. Bella's fingers stop their motion and she rolls over to face me. Her smile is radiant and the sun shines through her hair.

I feel like such a pansy for noticin'.

Bella touches my cheek and I turn my head to kiss her palm. "Do you remember last night?" she asks. Something about this quiet, almost sacred feel of this morning has us talkin' in hushed tones.

"You love me." I say, my heart threatenin' to bust out of my chest.

She blushes but holds my gaze.

"I do," she says, noddin'. "And what else?"

I pretend to be thinkin' real hard, furrowin' my brow and scrunchin' my eyes. "I took a nap in a bathtub?" I venture.

Bella scowls and pinches my side. I laugh and still her hands. She struggles for a minute. and I wait patiently for her to stop before I say what I want to say.

"I love you," I murmur, running my fingers over her knuckles. "So much, Bella."

She blinks back a few tears, and I get a little choked up myself. With hands cradling her face, I kiss her. Using my lips, I try to prove to her that I mean what I say. Bella lets out a whimper, and I seriously consider rollin' on top of her before gettin' her out of her panties, but there are for too many questions boppin' around in my brain.

Bella frowns at me when I pull away.

"Hold that thought," I tell her.

She bursts into hysterical laughter, and it seems like she's lost her mind.

"What?" I demand, slightly offended that she isn't takin' me serious the one time I'm actually tryin'.

"Edward Cullen is turning down sex," she says, continuing to giggle. Her laugh and the way her lips form the word sex makes my dick twitch. "I must be dreaming."

I have to squeeze my eyes shut, tryin' to get a hold of myself. There is something about her basically guaranteeing me sex that is sexy as fuck.

Obviously.

But especially because only a few short months ago she was so timid and unsure.

"We should talk," I reply through clenched teeth.

I want the sex. Real bad. But for once, I need to know what's goin' on more than I need to get my dick wet.

Bella laughs again before moving away. She sits across from me with her legs crossed.

"I broke up with Jazz," she says quietly, all playfulness gone now.

While I process this frankly shockin' piece of information, I sit up against the headboard and stretch my legs out in front of me.

I can't believe she really did it.

I hope Jazz is okay.

Fuck, I'm just so happy she doesn't belong to someone else.

"Sorta broke up with Jazz," she amends. Ah, there's that other foot, droppin' right on to my chest. I rub at the ache.

"Sorta?" I demand.

"Well," she says, not noticing how pissed I now am. Getting yanked around by Bella Swan is gettin' real old real fast. "I don't think he got it."

"Got it?" Fuck, she is killin' me here. Why can't she just spit it out already. I yank on my hair in my frustration.

"Yeah. He didn't get that I was breaking up with him," she replies, lookin' at me like I'm an idiot.

"Did you say, 'Jazz, I'm dumpin' your ass?'" I push. Bella has always been a total people pleaser. She hates to do things that she knows will hurt someone else. I've been sayin' for years that she just needs to do what's right for her, to look out for her number one player, and not give a fuck about what other people want. In Bella's case, she needs to be a little more selfish.

I fear this break up might not be a break up because Bella is just too damn nice.

"I was very clear, Edward," she snaps. "Don't you start on me with all that people pleasing crap. I stated very clearly that we are no longer together, but he just didn't want to hear it."

"Okay," I say, grinnin' at her because she's cute when she gets huffy.

"And don't you grin at me like that," Bella continues, still feeling feisty, it seems. I don't mind. I like her feisty. "I didn't do it for you, mister."

"I know," I reply, my grin widening.

"I mean it," she says, misinterpreting the look on my face. "Don't you look all smug. I'm serious. This was about me."

"I know," I repeat.

"You do?" she asks, her brow furrowing as if I confuse her.

"Yeah. I think I've just forced you to see what has been clear for awhile," I say.

"And what is that?"

"That Jazz isn't good for you" I tell her quietly. I've always thought that Bella needs to find her own way, but what I don't tell her is my belief that Jazz is better for her than me. It's selfish, but it is just too good to be here. "You aren't supposed to be with him."

Although, I sure don't think she's supposed to be with me either.

Her mouth pops open in surprise, and I wonder if it was advisable to be this honest with her. I'm not open to discuss shit like this typically, but Bella has always managed to somehow drag me into talkin' about what's real and serious.

"This is weird, isn't?" she says finally. "Talking to you about Jazz."

"You have always talked to me about Jazz," I point out.

"Yeah, but now we love each other."

"Fine," I finally agree. "It's a little weird. But that's not gonna stop us from talkin' it out, now is it?"

Abruptly Bella leans over and lays one on me, kissin' me right on the lips. It's quick, but still potent enough to leave me somewhat dazed.

"What was that for?" I ask, staring at her in suspicion.

"Because you're listening to me," she whispers, looking away as she tries to hide her blush.

I have no idea what to make of that. Is it really that surprising? I've always listened to her, even when she wasn't actually talkin'. Sometimes, I think I know Bella better than anyone, just from years of being her friend and somewhat obsessively observing her.

"Can I ask you something?" she continues before I can say anything about this listening weirdness.

"Shoot."

"When did you figure out that you like me?" she asks softly.

"Aw, Isabella," I say, trying to play it cool and somehow avoid revealing just how long I've been crushin' on her. It's just plain embarrassing. "I've always liked you from the very moment you rejected Mike Newton during gym class."

"You know very well I didn't mean it like that," she replies, smiling at me. "How long have you liked me liked me? Like, you know. How long have you wanted to sleep with me?"

I smirk and shake my head at her. Sometimes she is just so damn clueless regarding how fuck all hot she is.

"Bella," I explain, tryin' not to laugh at her. "I'd be hard pressed to go out there and find a red blooded man who doesn't want to sleep with you."

She blinks at me, blushing, and for a moment I think I've gotten away with not really answering her question. But then her eyes narrow, and I know I'm fucked.

And not in the fun way.

"How long have you loved me?" she demands.

"I dunno." I wince because I sound like the liar I am, look away, and try to appear innocent.

"What?" she asks.

I shake my head.

"Seriously, tell me," she continues.

"Nothin' to tell," I shake my head.

"Please?"

That one whispered word is enough to do me in.

"You may love me now," I confess, feelin' fucking uncomfortable. "But I've loved you always."

She covers her mouth with her delicate little hand, and my heart stops because I feel like I've pushed her too far.

"Why didn't you say something?" Bella whispers. A few tears escape her eyes, and I feel like sure an asshole. I don't have her to cry.

"I think you know the answer to that one," I reply, wiping at her cheeks with my thumbs.

She nods, and I know that we are both thinking about Jazz and how she used to be happy. How the three of us were best friends.

"What happens now?" I ask, holding her hands as we sit facing each other on my bed. "Just yesterday you were tellin' me that we could never be together because it would hurt Jazz too much. Neither of us wants that."

"I know," she replies. Now it's her turn to wince. "But staying away from you is too hard."

This time, I lean over and kiss her tenderly, cradling her face in between my hands. Never before have I felt this affection or need for anyone else. And honestly, on some level, it freaks me the fuck out. But Bella is right here, kissin' me back, tellin' me she needs me too.

That kinda strength and courage is something to be embraced, this I know.

Bella moves into my lap, wrapping her arms around me and hugging me close. I leave her lips to kiss the column of her neck, making sure I linger at that one spot sure to drive her crazy.

She sighs and my hands move up and down her bare legs. I'm not really sure how I ended up in just my boxers and t-shirt or how she came to be in just a halter top and panties, but I'm grateful to be able to touch her skin so easily.

"No one can know," she murmurs. For a moment I think she is ashamed of me. She has every right to be, really. I really am quite the fall from grace for Bella. But then I remember my best friend and think that the hiding is probably for the best. "At least for now."

I just nod before kissing her again. We lay down together, slowly pealing off each other's clothes and earnestly reaffirming our words spoken this morning.

It's all so intense, and for the first time in my life, I let myself believe that something good could happen to a guy like me.

They are just so damn cute. It's a little puke worthy. There's a long way to go to the happy ever after (and yes I always do HEA, yee of little faith).