Ok guys, thanks to everyone who has been so supportive of my writing! It's given me confidence to continue so thank you. I am so into this thread that i can't wait in between uploads for your reaction so i have put this up. Second chapter today! Enjoy and please review;-)

CHAPTER 17

Elena slept like the dead, which was, well…accurate she supposed. Her body and mind had been exhausted when she returned home from her confrontation with Katherine and the Salvatore's. It had almost left her feeling as though she were in a dream haze. Climbing the stairs, entering her room, closing the door and breathing the scent of her laundry detergent on her fresh linen sheets had made the whole episode seem like a fading dream. She had virtually collapsed onto her bed and fallen asleep right there on top of the covers. She lay in bed, allowing the events of the night to flip through her memory like an old camera reel. Staying in bed sounded like a great idea to her. Bed was comfort, solace from the outside world. She cuddled into her pillow, unconsciously reaching for her duvet when she realised that she was actually tucked up in it already. Strange. She clearly remembered lying on top of the bed to sleep, too tired to draw the covers back and slip inside. Perhaps she had tangled herself into the bed through the night. Then she spotted her trainers, unlaced and laying neatly at the foot of her closet.

She sat up to look at them. Now she had definitely not taken her shoes off when she lay down last night. She knew it for a fact because her last thought before she fell asleep had been of worry that she might get her duvet dirty if she slept on the bed with them still on. She turned in the bed to look beside her, half expecting Damon to be there. He did have a habit of climbing into bed beside her and watching her sleep, only to scare her half to death when she awoke unsuspecting of his presence but he wasn't there. On the pillow next to her was a red rose. Her mind instantly jumped back to a memory of Damon giving her a red rose at one of the Lockwood parties. Mind you, perhaps she was just being optimistic. For all she knew, the rose could have been a good bye gesture from Stefan.

Stefan.

Elena sighed, feeling her eyes fill with tears of love for him. After everything going so wrong between them and then she and Damon being caught out, Stefan had still saved the day. Despite the pain he must have been feeling, he forgave her for choosing Damon and told her he would always be there when she needed him. Then as if that wasn't gracious enough, he had made sure she had been there to put a stopper in Katherine's plans and had even defended both she and Damon and gave them his blessing. She couldn't help but feel like neither of them deserved Stefan.

She picked up the rose and held it to her cheek closing her eyes. It was so odd to feel so full of love that she could burst like a water balloon when she might not actually have either of them anymore. Stefan wouldn't stay even if Damon didn't want her. She knew him too well. He wouldn't want to stick around on the off chance that she would get over Damon and maybe develop feelings for him again. He had already done enough of that when he was trying to find himself after having turned his humanity off. Truth be told, she wouldn't let him do that to himself. There was a time when she couldn't bear the thought of Stefan leaving her even if it hurt him to stay, but he deserved more than that and if she couldn't give it to him, she would make sure that he knew it was ok to leave.

She honestly didn't know what was going to happen with Damon either. The love she felt for him was so fierce, passionate and completely infectious – a little like him, but he was unpredictable. He might not ever be able to commit to her. She might never be able to convince him that she was his if he would just allow her to be. He was so terrified of letting her in, even though he wanted her so badly. He was at constant war with what he felt and what he wanted. Perhaps the idea of her, was easier than the reality and he might not be able to concede one way or the other. She didn't want that for him either. She had seen him fight with his heart and it never ended well, for him or for anyone around him within 500 miles.

She leant her face onto the pillow next to hers and inhaled deeply. Damon's shampoo lingered there. Once the first tear fell she couldn't control the rest. She buried her head in his scent and cried until her eyes were raw. She wanted him. She wanted to be with him so badly, but she wouldn't force him. She couldn't let herself become one of those girls who couldn't move on, who would run around after a guy backwards and forwards until they hated each other. She was Elena Gilbert and she had the rest of her life to live and love, however long that might be and she was just beginning. The reality of how long she had to do whatever she wanted, to be with whoever she wanted, started to become clearer. Caroline was right. Forever was a long time and time healed all wounds. She had been given the chance to find out what she was made of, what she wanted and who she wanted to be, without a time limit. Being a teenager had been full of the stress of trying to figure out just these things, whilst planning and making the decisions which would shape the rest of her life. Everything had been about getting good grades, surviving her parents death, looking after Jeremy, trying to be a good sister, niece, student, friend, grown-up...all in the few precious years from being a sophomore to becoming a senior.

Everything was different now. Time wasn't the boss of her anymore. She was in control. The more she pondered on these thoughts, the more she managed to bring herself back from the brink of emptiness. She was Elena Gilbert and she could do anything. For the first time in her life she actually believed that. Damon or no Damon, she would survive. She raised herself from the pillow, bringing it with her against her chest, squeezing it to her. She imagined she was hugging Damon to her breast. She had said her peace last night. She would leave him to make his choice now. In the meantime, she had a life to get back to which she had been seriously bad at being involved in lately. She gave the pillow one last squeeze then she laid it where it had rested before. She had gotten some blood on her jeans when she had thrown up at the Grill yesterday and she needed to do some laundry. Of course there was the option of some retail therapy, which sounded much more fun. She needed some girl time, some time with her friends where there was no boy talk, Klaus scheming or traumatic danger ahead. She jumped off the bed and reached for her cell, texting Bonnie and Caroline with lightning speed. Bonnie had a rough time of late so perhaps having some normal human girlie time would be great medicine. For a couple of hours they could all just be friends out shopping and getting manicures.

Caroline texted back like a flash of course. Vampire finger reflexes were useful when planning some social time. Bonnies' text still carried the weight of her sadness but she still agreed to meet up with them. It had been so long since they had done this normal stuff together. Elena jumped into the shower, slightly reluctant to wash off the last smell of Damon from her body. Today was about her and her friends and she didn't want any distractions, so she covered herself in her favourite strawberry shower gel and let herself relax.

Damon opened her closet door and stepped out, closing the door behind him. He had never hidden in here before and he felt slightly amazed at himself for feeling like it had been necessary. He could hear her in the shower, singing to herself softly. He smiled leaning his head back against the closet door, just listening. How did this girl exist? She was an endless marvel to him. He had accepted her love, made love to her telling her he loved her back and then he had screwed it all up again. This was so intense, he wasn't sure whether he could handle it. He hadn't really expected her to love him back enough that she would tell Stefan. Katherine had known all along. He gritted his teeth at the memory of his drunken behaviour with Katherine. How could Elena still want him after that? How could she want someone who could turn around at the drop of a hat and have sex with someone else? The girl must be a masochist. She had been dating a vampire for the last few years so…definitely a masochist then.

He frowned, remembering the way she had held that pillow to herself, sniffing the scent of him from it. It had made his heart break. He could do so much damage to her. He already had done so much damage. He didn't know whether he could be with her. It was what he had wanted since he laid eyes on her for the first time, but she was so beautiful and loving. Could he trust himself with her? The weight of all of his stupidity and recklessness would all fall on her and he wouldn't be able to forgive himself if he ruined her. Stefan had left this morning and said his goodbyes. He'd actually tried to give Damon a pep talk on looking after Elena and her heart. Self-righteous bastard always had to have a say. God he was going to miss that frowning, holier than thou face. It might be 50 years till he seen him again.

The water from the shower was turned off and he heard her begin to exit the bathtub. Time to leave. He took a look around the room one more time, tracing his hand along her dressing table. He should leave her be and let her find someone who could give her happiness with no restriction. He couldn't be selfish and keep her. She had said to him when she thought they were all going to die that because she loved him, she had to let him go. He hadn't understood then, but he did now. He walked over to the window unlatching it and climbed out. He landed with barely a thud and looked up to her window.

He loved her, so he would let her go…