A/N: Sorry for the delay, I've been working five am shifts since Saturday, and I finally have a day off (and it's my birthday woo hoo) Thanks so much for the comments, they've been really wonderful and encouraging.
Something shifted in her as she walked away, the sheer joy he'd inspired ebbing as she strode purposely forward.
Of course, she'd been happy to see him. It was an involuntary reaction, every cell in her infused with a glowing warmth. For a minute she'd felt giddy, faint even. For the first time understanding why women swooned like idiots in romance novels.
She'd just missed him so much, that was all. He'd been her other half for as long as she could remember, a thread connecting them no matter how far apart they happened to be.
But that feeling of relief, the utter joy spreading through her limbs like wildfire, it was short lived. The filament connecting them had been severed, even if her body still felt it's ghost. His presence back in New York... it wasn't enough to loop the thread back through her rib cage, knot it back under her heart where it belonged, to mend the wound left by their separation.
Hopelessness quickly replaced all the joy, a frown pulling down at the corners of her mouth. Damn Danny, he'd said he was happy, that he loved Georgie. What the hell was he doing back here?
The timing was awful, she'd said things, done things, things she couldn't take back, not without spreading around a world of hurt. And for what? Just because he was back here didn't mean he still felt... well, whatever it was that he had felt. Maybe it was hockey that he couldn't stay away from, maybe it had nothing to do with her. Maybe Georgie had stomped all over his heart. Riley could believe it, she could see the cold hearted brunette shrugging off Danny's boundless affection.
She turned abruptly into the coffee shop, her jaw clicking as she clenched her teeth together. There was a tiny part of her that thought maybe her opinion of Georgie was colored by something other than rational judgement, but she shook it off and fished the hastily scrawled orders out of her purse, sighing at the long line. Just more time to stew, to wonder at the mess she'd made.
Junior associate making a coffee run. She needed something to distract her. Who knew that four years of college and four more at law school would turn her into a glorified errand girl? She wished she could sink her teeth into a big case, do more than the rote grunt work on petty litigation. Anything to keep the swirling panic at bay.
But no, all she had was a short list of caffeinated beverages and a phone full of text messages from Bonnie, asking her question after question about her impending nuptials. For Pete's sake, they hadn't even set a date and Bonnie had her fingers in everything from the possible flower arrangements to seating charts.
It took everything in her power to stifle the urge to throw her hands up and the air and tell Bonnie she didn't care one bit, that she just wanted it to be over as quickly as possible, for the happily-ever-after to start already, and 'oh by the way can you have Danny not be Ben's best man because I can't look at him while I'm walking down the aisle to his brother.'
The thought of the wedding was like ice water being dumped over her head, a chill shooting up her spine. Her eyes widened and she sucked in a sharp breath. Did Danny know? It had only been a couple days, and Ben had gone straight to his mother with the news.
Suddenly she felt sick, her psyche edging closer to the panic vortex. She closed her eyes, trying her hardest to remember the look on Danny's face only moments before. Had he known? Did he care?
She'd been so wrapped up in her own overwhelming emotions that she hadn't even noticed. Sure, he'd been sad when he'd let her know things with Georgie were, for all intents and purposes, over. But was that a heartbroken kind of sad, or merely disappointed? Suddenly the distinction was the most important thing in the world.
She was lost in thought, her feet shuffling forward a couple steps unconsciously as the barista filled order after order.
How could this be happening? Twice in one day? Her hands shook as she balanced the remaining coffee in its cardboard carrier. Its companions painted her cream colored blouse and bright pink pencil skirt.
"Oh God, I'm so sorry."
The apologetic look on her colleague's face was genuine as he clumsily tried to sop up the coffee soaking her clothing, but it did little to cool Riley's ire, or the liquid scalding her skin. She brushed his hands aside and stood up, plucking gingerly at the material clinging to her.
The scalding liquid had cooled rapidly. She tamped down her irritation. Even though Gavin had come barreling around the corner without looking up from the file in his hands, she couldn't lay the blame entirely on him. He was a senior partner, always had his nose buried in one file or another. Everyone knew it, and she'd learned to listen for the tell tale squeak of his favorite leather shoes against the parquet floors as he rushed from one place to another. But not today.
Today she'd been lost in her own little world, contemplating the many varied ways she would avoid seeing Danny over the next year or so. (Surely that would be enough time, wouldn't it?) Her brain mercilessly generating scenario after scenario wherein they had to interact.
She fruitlessly picked at the pices of tattered napkin clinging to her blouse, bits of paper all over everything, trying to salvage her outfit, the carrier balancing delicately in one hand. "Um, could you…?"
She gestured with her occupied hands and he nodded emphatically, relieving her of the offending item. She continued to brush away at her clothing, biting her bottom lip in an attempt to hold the tears she felt at bay. This was just the worst. The blouse was a total loss, a dark brown stain reaching all the way down the front. Even her shoes were ruined, ugly splotches marring the suede.
"Uh, Perrin, is it?"
She nodded. At least he knew her was something at least, the silver lining to this big dark raincloud that was her day.
"This is unfortunate. You were supposed to accompany me to the Miller deposition."
"Oh, no. I can still-"
He cut her off. "No, no. I'll get Cal to do it. Actually, you can't really accomplish much looking like that. Why don't you just go home and change. Let Marcie know when you get back, you can finish up the research he was supposed to do today."
Her lip began to quiver. No, she couldn't cry here, it was too unprofessional. The last thing she wanted to do was look like a child in front of a senior partner. It was hard though, and she couldn't respond for fear that she would just break down.
Gavin began to look concerned by her silence. "On second thought, that coffee was pretty hot. You don't think you're in shock or anything do you?"
She opened her mouth to answer, but was still unable to find her voice. What the hell? Was she actually in shock? Her mouth opened and closed like a fish out of water.
"Well, just to be safe, why don't you take the rest of the day off. That research can wait." He reached down and retrieved her brief case, holding it out to her helpfully. "There you go. Enjoy some time off, recuperate. We don't need a lawsuit on our hands." He winked at her, the final punctuation to his lame joke.
She took her briefcase and walked back to the doors in a daze. The one place that had become a haven recently was her apartment. It was too inconvenient for Ben, being so far away from the bar. It had quickly become the only place where she could take a minute and just think.
But now there was a huge distraction waiting there, and she wasn't prepared to deal with the cartwheels her stomach did at the sight of him, or the breathlessness that accosted her when she thought... maybe...
She didn't have a choice though, her ruined outfit necessitating a trip home. She couldn't walk aimlessly around New York looking like an extra in a zombie movie.
She trudged in the direction of her building. Maybe he was asleep. The lines of exhaustion had been deeply etched into his face, his smiles not quite their full wattage. She'd be quiet, slip in and out before he could even wake up.
She couldn't deal with him right now.