I am so so sorry that this update took entirely too long. If you're still reading this I really appreciate your support. I had this chapter half written for a while then I got busy and then I had writer's block to be honest. I should have more time to update now though. I'm currently working on the next chapter for my other story Real Highs and Deep Lows also. Thank you if you're still reading and I'm sorry if you had to reread because it has been so long.
Narrator POV
"When Did We Get Like This?"
Bonnie sobbed heavily with her head in her hands.
"I don't know what to do," she said crying.
"He says it's all my fault, that I put everything on him. I stressed him out so much that he had to snort cocaine just to deal with it all," Bonnie continued.
"Am I really that bad of a girlfriend? That bad of a person?" Bonnie asked.
"No Bonnie, you're not" Enzo said putting his hand on her back, trying to calm her down.
"But he said it's my fault. That I made him do drugs," Bonnie said, tears streaming down her eyes.
"Bonnie come here, "Enzo said opening his arms for her to hug him.
"I don't think he meant it. He was probably just mad that you caught him with drugs and that he had to explain himself. He just blamed you because he was embarrassed that he tried to do everything right and be perfect, but you saw that he's just human and makes mistakes," Enzo said rubbing Bonnie's head that was on his shoulder.
"I didn't know who else to go to. I couldn't call Caroline. I didn't think she'd really understand. The biggest relationship problem her and Tyler have is whether to have their 2.5 kids now or later, and I knew if I told Stefan he'd be mad at Damon for doing drugs and keeping it from everyone, which isn't what Damon needs right now. Damon has a short fuse, now especially. Someone being mad at him just makes him lash out more. I need you to talk to him, E. Please. You know he won't even admit he has a problem? He won't say he's addicted. I need you to convince him to get help. He won't listen to me. He just blames me. And the more he blames me the harder it gets to convince myself that he's wrong." Bonnie said.
"It's okay, B. He's my best friend. I care about both of you. Of course I'll talk to him.
"Thanks E," she said hugging him.
"I have to get home. I don't really like leaving Damon home by himself now, considering everything," she told Enzo.
"I'll see you later," Bonnie said kissing Enzo on the cheek.
"I'll come by and talk to Damon tomorrow," Enzo told her.
"Are you sure? Vicky won't get mad?" Bonnie asked.
"I told you she's been better," Enzo said.
"Have you been home all day?" Bonnie asked Damon when she got home.
"No mom I went out. I didn't know I was grounded," Damon said with the just the right amount of snark to make Bonnie feel as if she said something wrong.
"I just asked a question, Damon," Bonnie said, sighing.
Bonnie gave up on even trying to ask Damon what he did today. To avoid an argument, she walked straight upstairs to change her clothes to get ready for bed. Before Bonnie got into bed, she went back downstairs.
"Will you come to bed with me?" she asked Damon. 'So I don't feel so lonely or so I don't feel like you hate me,' she wanted to add, but didn't.
"I don't need a babysitter, Bonnie. You don't have to be right next to me every second of every day," Damon said, sitting with his arms crossed on the couch.
"Well I'm sorry for wanting to spend time with you. I don't know if you've forgotten, but I'm not the enemy here Damon. I'm your girlfriend and I'm worried about you. And despite all the bullshit your putting me through right now, like blaming me for your addiction, I love you," she said walking over to the couch to sit next to him.
"Well stop worrying because I've already told you I'm not an addict," Damon said, standing up.
"I know you haven't stopped since I caught you, Damon." Bonnie said looking down at her hands.
"You don't know what you're talking about," Damon told her.
"I know you were doing coke for a while before I caught you and I know you're not going through any withdrawal symptoms now," Bonnie said.
"That doesn't make me an addict. I haven't stopped because I'm still under a lot of stress. Stress from losing my job and trying to find a new one and stress from you," Damon said, pointing at Bonnie.
"If you don't stop snorting coke then at what point do you become an addict? After you overdose?" Bonnie asked.
Damon didn't answer.
" I'll get a second job. I'll do anything. We'll figure it out. I just want you to get better," Bonnie says looking at Damon, her eyes pleading with him.
"I'm done talking about this with you, Bonnie," Damon said turning away from her.
"Well I'm not done, Damon." Bonnie said walking in front of him.
"Enough!" Damon yelled.
"No Damon! I'm tired of having to tip toe around you because I'm terrified that I'll piss you off and you'll go out and overdose. You have to stop, Damon, because sooner or later those drugs are going to kill you and that would kill me. Damon you don't understand how much I love you and need you. You don't understand how much it hurts to see the way you look at me now. Like . . . like I'm not the girl you love anymore. Like you blame me for everything that's wrong. Like it's a chore for you to even talk to me. I just don't get it. When did we get like this?" Bonnie yelled back.
"So what this is my fault?" Damon asked, irritated.
"That's not what I said," Bonnie told him.
"No you didn't have to because believe or not Bonnie I know you. I know you're more like Caroline than you want to admit. I know you want the fairytale too and because I haven't asked you to marry me and we don't have any kids, and I don't have a job that's ruined for you and now you blame me. Well you can't have it all, Bonnie, and I'm not going to apologize for that this time. I've tried. I tried giving you everything I could, but it just seems like it's not enough. I'm just tired of no matter what I do it's never right and poor Bonnie is miserable. What else do you fucking want from me?" Damon asked with his hands in his hair.
"Are you kidding me? You think you can never do anything right? Do you realize that you belittling my job is like a hobby for you? Do you realize since I found out about you snorting cocaine all I've been trying to do is help you? Do you even realize that you've barely looked at me in two weeks. So what do I fucking want from you? I want you to care about us, care about me, care about your damn self as much as you care about getting high." Bonnie said angrily.
"Oh my God! Do you have to be so dramatic? You act like all I do is get high. I'm not an addict. Get off my back for once, would you? All you ever do is nag and nag and nag me. I'm so fucking sorry I can't be like Bonnie perfect Bennett."
"No, I'm sorry I'm not enough for you. I'm sorry I'm not enough to make you want to get better." Bonnie said, not being able to stop the tears from sliding down her face as she said it.
"Okay Bonnie, that's enough. Stop it," Damon said looking at her.
Bonnie couldn't stop and began sniffing.
"Stop trying to fucking guilt me," Damon said.
"I'm . . . I'm not I just need a minute to deal with all this," Bonnie said wiping her eyes trying to stop crying.
"Can we please just stop for a minute and you just hold me?" Bonnie asked.
"Please?" she added looking up at him.
"Okay," he said.
She immediately melted into him. Damon wrapped his arms around her and she began sobbing harder.
"Bonnie," Damon said holding her tighter.
"Bonnie I wasn't trying to make you cry," he said.
Bonnie felt like she couldn't stop crying.
"It's just all starting to be too much ," She said trying to catch her breath from sobbing so hard.
"I feel like we haven't been anything to each other but miserable for a long time. And we try to be happy, but it doesn't last, and I don't know what that means. I keep trying to make us better because I love you and the thought of living my life without you feels empty and pointless. God, I really do love you so much, which is why I want you to get help so bad because who you are now isn't you, and this isn't us. And I don't know when it got to be this bad between us, to the point where we fight so much that we don't even listen to each other anymore , but I just feel like it shouldn't be this hard. Do you understand?" she asked placing her hand on his face.
"Are you saying you don't /want this anymore?" he asked sitting them both down on the ground.
" I'm just saying I don't think it should be like this. We shouldn't have to wonder if we're on the same team. You shouldn't have to question my motives for worrying about you. And if I'm the reason you even started doing drugs in the first place, it just makes me wonder if we're good for each other."
They sat there in silence as Bonnie thought about the next words she was about to say carefully, words that could redefine six years of their lives together.
"And if we're not good for each other . . ." Bonnie spoke slowly replacing the silence with nervousness and anticipation.
"And if we're not making each other better people anymore, and we keep hurting each other, then it doesn't make sense for us to be together no matter how much we love each other," she continued, her teary eyes looking up at his distressed face.
"Bonnie I don't want to lose you," he said holding her tighter.
"And I want to be there for you Damon, especially now. I'm not just going to abandon you, that's not what I'm saying. I think we should both just focus on helping you get better and not worry about us. I think we should take a break from us and all our issues, and I know saying that we should take a break makes it seem like we're in high school, but I think that's what is best for us right now," Bonnie said laying her head on his shoulder when she finished.
"So what does this mean?" Damon asked.
"It means we need to focus on getting you help instead of on us being a couple, because we need to fix ourselves before we can fix our relationship," she said sighing.
"Do you want to move out?" he asked.
"No, I want to be here for you," she told him.
"I think that I do need someone to help me with this, and that's always been you Bonnie. You've always stayed and you've always been there, but I don't need to go get help. We can do this on our own there's no need to make this a big deal," Damon said.
"Damon I need you to listen you. It is a big deal. You being addicted to cocaine IS a big deal. I know I've been kind of downplaying it because I was afraid of how you would react if I made you angry, but I can't downplay your addiction anymore because I feel like the longer this goes on, the closer I get to losing you. I'm not a doctor or a therapist. I can't help you the way you need, if I could you would have stopped. Damon, you have to get help. If you don't then you won't get better. There isn't another option here," Bonnie said with desperation and frustration in her voice.
"I need to think about it," Damon said sighing.
Don't worry, Bamon is still endgame, but right now Bonnie is trying to help Damon just focus on getting help and his own issues so he can get better. Next chapter we will have Damon and Enzo's talk. I was stuck on this chapter for a while so I would really appreciate it if you let me know what you think. Thanks for reading.