Chapter 10
"When you close your eyes, what do you see?
Do you hold the light, or is darkness underneath?
In your hands, there's a touch that can heal
But in those same hands, is the power to kill
Are you a man, or a monster?"
"Man or Monster" Sam Tinnesz
Loki finished at three in the morning, and by six he had checked all of his work and double crossed his references.
"...stay far from Thor and Asgard's politics." echoed forebodingly through his thoughts as he worked. Odin would have his head for this, most likely, but Odin was looking for an excuse to have his head anyways. He almost had it taken off for no reason already. Giving him a real reason didn't really change anything. He was a dead man walking twice over already. He wasn't worried. What was the worst that could happen? Execution? It might be a relief.
By studying the Jotun anatomy he was able to discover what forms of food would best nourish the frozen blue bodies and was surprised to find that most of their energy producing foods weren't high in protein, they were high in vitamins and minerals. He thought that particular interesting considering the fact that most of the tales the Aesir told about the frost giants involved them eating raw meat; sometimes off the bones of living prey. He sighed. He supposed that explained why he'd actually discovered he'd had more energy when he went vegetarian.
Study of the planet showed him what plant life grew there and the closest things the Aesir had in comparison. By selecting the specific genes from the Jotun-plant life that withstood low temperatures and high wind speeds and working out a formula that spliced those genes into aesir plants.
Within six hours he had developed a formula for three grains, fourteen vegetables and seven fruits, prioritizing the vegetables because they were high in fiber and both minerals and the required nutrients so that, even though it would be bare minimum, it would be enough to not only to keep the remaining of the species alive, but eventually build up their strength and help them thrive. He triple checked the reproductive properties of the plants to make sure that they would flower and seed annually so that the original crop would not be all that they relied on.
He knew that was not what Thor was not looking for this type of solution, he was, no doubt, think foreign aid as in sending them food boxes and carts of animals, but Loki was fairly certain once he explained his rational to Thor his solution would be acceptable. He thought it was a better long term solution anyways. And this form of gene splicing he'd used in his equation could be performed by the most basic magic wielder. Fates know, maybe Thor could even perform a few of the bushels. So the production wouldn't put a noticeable strain on the Asgardian economy. Besides the point, the transportation method he'd proposed was efficient as well, five hundred flats a Bifrost trip and ten trips shouldn't be a problem.
After studying a map of the population and running a mock simulation of his attack with the bifrost- which had sent him straight to the bathhouse to empty his stomach several times- he located the ten most populated places on the surviving half of the planet and made note to deliver approximately ten miles from the densest point so they didn't start a massacre over the food.
Finding a diplomatic solution was much more difficult. Laufey had seven sons, excluding himself, from his wife Fárbauti and three daughters. According to the report five of the sons were dead leaving the third oldest, Helblindi, and the youngest, Byleistr, who still was barely to the age of an adolescence. The oldest daughter had been brutally murdered in the panic that ensued the sudden famine with her five brothers and the two who remained were Abeedha who was the oldest child of Laufey and Srusti the second youngest… his fingers had lingered on her name for some reason he could not explain.
He had decided Helblindi would be the rightful heir no doubt, but also listed several families that seemed to be fairly respected and upright for Thor to suggest as well, if the Council was squeamish about Laufey's line… running background checks from Asgard was hard. It was hard to find an amiable creature who was referred to as a "beast" or a "monster".
Finally he wrote Thor a complete write-up about what to suggest, what to open up for discussion, what to admit and what to let the Council squabble over so they still felt like they had power in the decision making process. He wrote "SUGGESTIONS" in all capital letters above the letter to Thor and bound all the plans up for his brother.
At six in the morning he settled back in his chair with a satisfied huff. That was the best work he'd had in a long time. A real problem with a solution he could chase down and trap. It helped that it helped ease his concious a bit. It shouldn't. It should do nothing to ease any suffering he deserved. He had been so blinded by his own pain and desire and fear that he had folded so far into Asgard's prejudice he'd been willing to decimate all of them. He hadn't thought of them as persons… as souls… he'd thought of them as animals. He'd thought himself one too.
He deserved to suffer like he had at the hand's of the Chitauri for eternity. He deserved to be tortured until he couldn't remember his name… until he didn't have one. For what he had done to the jotun people, to midgard, there was no redemption. He shouldn't feel proud that he was saving the other half of a race he'd destroyed the rest of. He shouldn't rest on weak excuses like being forced to attack Midgard by torture or mind manipulation. He was weak enough to give in. There was nothing to rest in that fact. And he didn't... feel proud, that is, for his solution to save the Jotuns. He did feel accomplished though… and perhaps a little bit more are peace. It was the first bit of contentment he'd felt since he'd tried to kill himself on the Bifrost.
He didn't dwell on it long. He didn't deserve it. Instead he sought out that name that had caught his eye for some reason. Srusti.
Srusti was a powerful Fairu -the jotun equivalent of a magic-wielder- married to another Fairu when she was young. Jotun's did that. Married Fairu's to each other early on, before the age of maturation so their magic could still be bound to each other. But it wasn't her status of Fairu that caught his eye. It was her birth year.
1214 years ago.
As his fingers brushed the date he wondered with a rebellious quickening of his heart if he'd found his true birthdate. He'd known as soon as he'd discovered his heritage that the date he'd celebrated as his birthdate wasn't the real one. There was no way that Odin knew the exact day of his birth… or maybe he had and had purposefully lied about Loki's to help keep the secret unrevealed….
Srusti was a shapeshifter, like all Jotun Fairu's. Apparently Fairu's switched between their natural, Jotun form and their other shape. Those who shifted into cat's often time had cat like eyes and reflexes even when in Jotun skin, and those who shapeshifted into creatures of the sea were often times gilled and scaled. Srusti was only six feet tall, small for a giantess, two inches shorter than Loki himself, who was a runt. But in the record he read from the Ambassador, she was not shunned… she was highly respected for her unusual amount of magic and control of it. Her other shape was Aesir.
When he'd read it, he stopped breathing.
Scrambling for that book of genealogies and Laufey's eleven children he traced down to her name. Srusti. Next to it was her name was the name of her twin brother. Shelah. He'd died in the last battle on Jotunheim. In the temple. Next to his sister. The first Fairu infant in fourteen centuries to die in the temple initiation with the runes of their people magic to protect him.
Temple. Abandoned. Left to die. Too small.
No.
Temple. Treasured. Left to be protected. Aesir shapeshifter.
Twin.
His breath came rushing back, feeding the flame of his flickering heart. His hands trembled. His eyes were blown wide. He swallowed hard. Then moved on.
He set the paper down on the desk and got up to take a bath before Thor came for the plans. What do you do when you find out you have a twin? A twin that had lost half of her people to your crimes against souls. A twin who watched her culture crumble around her slowly as you were raised by the enemy. What does one do when they discover something like a twin? An equal in magic and soul? A wombmate?
Nothing.
That's precisely what he intended to do. Absolutely nothing.
He was not Shelah, the mourned infant who died unexpectedly in ritual. The twin of their most powerful Fairu, heir to the temple. He would never be Shelah.
He was Loki. Despised son of Odin. Bringer of death and grief. Traitorous brother and shadow of the Crown Prince Thor. Killer. Murderer. Widower. Survivor. Alone. Despicable. He knew who he was.
He was not Shelah, who never got to grow up to be a man. He was Loki, the monster.