"Truth be told – I miss you. Truth be told – I'm lying." Gives You Hell – The All-American Rejects

Teach Me Tonight

Chapter 10

It doesn't take long for shock to quickly overtake you. Nate is still talking, saying your name with fear over and over, as you continue to stare at the screen. It's weird; it's like you're not even breathing. It's like your heart stopped. It's like the world stopped. Every noise, every sigh, every move is over, as goose bumps travel all over your body.

"Teen Idol, Shane Grey of the band Connect 3, rushed to the hospital."

Suddenly, something is almost stabbing you behind your eyes, and you numbly realize that it is tears. You can actually feel the tear roll down your face, as your vision starts to blur. You cannot see anything, and you can literally feel your heart breaking. You feel something sharp travel up your throat, as you step away from the computer, ignoring your phone. You breathe in harshly, as if you suddenly remember you need air, and stepped away from the room.

You walk out of your room in a daze, not hearing anything and not seeing anything. You take two steps before collapsing on the ground, your breath coming out rough and shaky. Your mind is working in overdrive as every moment and every touch comes to mind, only to be overtaken by pure guilt and remorse.

You left him.

You bury your head in your hands, blocking out any light at all. You just stare at the darkness you created, as your insides struggle to remain functioning. Denial comes quickly to you. This isn't happening. You tell yourself over and over, halfway rocking yourself back and forth in your hallway. This cannot be happening. You tremble and shake as you gasp for air, the tears killing you. Your nails dig deeply into your wrist, enough to draw blood.

You hardly notice.

You don't even realize you are breathing louder and louder as the time goes on. You don't even realize you are crying hysterically. The world around you stopped already, and nothing else matter. You hardly notice when your mother, father and your little brother come out, scared at the screaming. Your brother's eyes widen with genuine fear, as he watches you break down on the floor. Your father immediately guides him back to his room, as your mother rushes to you.

She pulls you into her arms, and holds you. You cry harshly against her chest, your nails still digging into your skin. This is not happening. "Sweetie, what happened?" she asks, her voice frantic as tears stream down her own face.

You can hardly answer her. You can barely speak at all. She keeps rubbing your shoulder over and over again, kissing your forehead. "He-he tri-tried…" you try to say, stuttering as the air chokes you. "Mom." You cough, as you continue to rock back and forth in her arms.

"It's okay, Mitchie. It's okay." She keeps repeating, her voice filled with emotions. "Shh." She comforts you, still rubbing your shoulder. "Why don't we go out again? Hmm? We can go to Grandma's and get away for a while. How's that, Mitch?" she suggests, her tone sympathetic.

You shake your head immediately. "I- I haveta go to…" you try to speak again, before swallowing harshly. "To Cali-California. I haveta go to California." You repeat, gulping again, as you taste the bile that is going up your throat. You notice her tense, and look up to see her surprised face.

"What's in California?" she asks, but you know she already knows who's there. You give her a pointed look, as you wrap your arms around your waist. "Mitchie, I don't think I can allow that." She whispers sadly, her lips pursing. Disbelief and anger explode inside you, as you look at her shocked and hurt. Tears run down her face as she shakes her head. "Mitchie, I won't allow you to see that boy again. You're not going." She says fiercely, going into 'mom-mode'.

You stare at her blankly, as anger rises within you. Your eyes turn hard and she flinches as you start to stand up. She immediately tries to help you up, but you roughly and disrespectfully rip out of her grasp. She gasps as she looks down to her scratched arm, noticing the blood on her horrified. You gulp again, not even realizing you pulled away from her so violently, and guilt mixes with your fury.

"Who the hell do you think you are?" she spits out, completely appalled and looks up at you in pure disbelief. You grit your teeth and glare at her, crossing your arms across your chest. "Go to your room, young lady. I don't care if you're feeling bad right now. You have no right to hurt me. I'm your mother." She yells at you, as she looks at you shocked. "I don't even know who the hell you are anymore." She says, shaking her head as she scoffs.

"You can't keep me here!" you scream, as surprise goes through you. The guilt you felt a second ago for scratching her multiplied inside of you, but anger won against. "I need to go to California! You don't even fucking understand!" you yell, as her eyebrows go up.

Suddenly, the two of you are screaming at each other at the same time. "Don't you dare curse or yell at me, Michelle. Go to your room right now!" and "He's fucking hurt, mom. He's so hurt and lost, and I can probably save him. Don't you understand?"

You scoff at her as her eyes widen and she freezes as you turn around, slamming the door in her face. Once you are alone in your room, you collapse on the floor again. Your dig your hands in your hair as you look around the room absentmindedly, before your eyes land on the rosary on your desk. You quickly stand up and go to it, gripping it hard in your hands. "God, why are you doing this? I swear, why couldn't it be me? I don't want him hurting anymore. Please, I'll do anything, just let me see him again." you pray as you try to bargain with God.

You break down as you plop down on your computer chair, still clutching the rosary harshly in your fingers. You can't even turn to see the computer screen anymore, and instead look to the floor, noticing the open cell phone you dropped. You pick it up, noticing Nate hung up and has called back three times. You go to his number, and press send shakily, as you bring your legs up on the seat as to wrap your arms around them.

"Mitchie!" he says as soon as he picks up. You wince at his frantic and hysterical tone, realizing that he already had to deal with Shane to have problems with you also. "Are you okay? Please, don't do that to me." He says, crying on the phone. You gulp guiltily, realizing that for all the bravado Nate puts, he is still just a fifteen year old boy.

"I'm sorry. I'm fine." You choke out, sounding anything but fine. You keep jiggling your feet as you talk, as you close your eyes tightly. You want it all to disappear. "I-I'll go." You stutter out, digging your fingers into your raw wrist. "But I don't ha-have any money." You confess, burying your head in your arms.

Why won't it disappear?

"I'll pay. Don't worry. When can you come? Where do you live? What airport?" Nate blurts out, going a million miles an hour as he continues to sob. You feel bad that he would pay, but at the same time, you know it's the only way. You need him to pay for you.

"I live in-in Jersey. Pick Ne-Newark, I guess. It's the easiest one for me to get to. I can…I can come tonight if you want." You say, as you numbly pick yourself off the chair, making sure to ignore the screen. You reach into your closet and pull out a duffle bag, already pulling out random clothes with you.

"You can? You're mom says it's okay?" he asks, obvious relief entering his voice. You freeze as you open your drawer softly, gulping again. "Cuz, I'm on the internet right now, and there is a flight at eleven tonight. You would have to leave right now." He says, his voice going too fast. You hardly understand everything he says.

"Ye-yeah, it's fine. I'll g-get a ride. How will- how will I get the boarding pass?" you ask, as you grab clothes roughly, hardly notice what you're getting. He sighs softly.

"Uh, I'll give you the credit card number, and you do it from your computer." He suggests, as you hear him fumble over the line. You bite your lip as you cross over to your bathroom. You purposely look away from the mirror, not wanting to see your withering state.

"Okay." You agree halfheartedly, as you take your toiletries quickly, and dump them in the duffle bag. You hesitantly make your way to the computer, swiftly exiting from the gossip site. "Teen Idol, Shane Grey of the band Connect 3, rushed to the hospital." You still manage to see it, and tears rush harder down your eyes.

Nate gives you his credit card number, and you numbly buy the ticket. For a while, the line is silent, except for both your and Nate's tears. "Is he-he okay?" you ask after a while, as depression swirls inside you. You feel like throwing yourself off the roof right now. Or at least, throwing up.

You thought you were hurting before, but it's nothing to how you're feeling now. You want to kill yourself because of the guilt. How could he do something like that? Was he just trying to get your attention? Well, he definitely got it now.

"I don't know. He's in this Medical Center, and they won't let him leave until they evaluate him or something. I've never seen him so scared, Mitchie." He confesses, breathing out roughly. You shiver. You knew that Shane and Nate were brothers, but you also knew they didn't always get along. Yet, here Nate was, sounding like he just lost a hero.

"It's okay, Nate." You say, because you feel you have to. It's your fault, after all. If only you would have stayed with Shane, then none of this would have happened.

Right?

"Yeah." He says unconvincingly. You guys say a few words more, before hanging up once you print out the tickets. You quickly call a taxi company, telling them to pick you up a block away from your house. Then, you open your window and climb out, barely looking back to your now old life. How many times can you look back at your life and say this is where it all changed? Your life will literally never be the same after this, but you don't even care.

You climb down the roof carefully, before hitting the ground, already running towards the block you told the taxi to pick you up. The duffle bag keeps hitting your back as you run, but you don't care. You just don't care. You just want to see him again. You just want to fix everything. You just want everything to be fixed.

You breathe out shakily as you get to the block, waiting for the taxi. When he finally comes, you dive into the cab, telling him to go to Newark International Airport as fast as he could. The cabbie looks at you concerned as he notices you disheveled look along with your tearstained face, before driving. You sigh in relief, before it gets caught in your chest.

You're running away from home.

Holy Shit, you think as you dig your hands through your hair. You look at the time. 8:45. You have fifteen minutes to get to Newark, even though you're sure the duffle bag you have is small enough to count as a hand bag. You doubt you need the two hours that the airport requires you to get there. You close your eyes, trying to rid your head of any thoughts. You don't want to think anymore. If you, it will kill you.

The rest of the night goes in a blur, much like the whole day. You arrive and pay the cabbie the only money you have, before going to the gate the boarding pass tells you to go. You numbly go through the whole process, barely realizing anything. Before you even know it, you are seated in the airplane, ready to go.

It's a six hour flight from New Jersey to Malibu, and you're dreading it. You don't want silence, but you know that's what you're gonna get. It's a flight at night, so passengers are told to be quiet. You don't want quiet. You need action, to get everything off your mind. You close your eyes, trying to block out all the noise in your head.

"Teen Idol, Shane Grey of the band Connect 3, rushed to the hospital."

"I've never seen him so scared."

"Who the hell do you think you are?"

"Whore."

You feel like screaming, but instead reach into your purse, pulling out a thing of Tylenol PM you brought in a gift shop. You take three to help you go to sleep, and close your eyes tightly again. You cry softly, as you wait for the drugs to work. "God, Shane. Why did you do this?" you whisper almost inaudibly, as you wrap your arms around yourself. Eventually, your body feels like a rock as the drugs try to shut your mind off. You welcome it gratefully, as sleep overtakes you before the plane even flew off.

The next thing you know, you are being awaken by a stewardess. You eyes feel heavy as you opened them, looking at the unidentifiable blonde woman confusedly. "Sweetheart, we're here." She said hastily, before going to the next person. Your mind feels sluggish, as you bewilderedly unbuckle yourself and grab your duffle bag. You follow the crowd, your throat extremely parched and head foggy. As you leave the plane and travel down the extension, you remember you have to call Nate.

As soon as you reach the gate, you lean your head against the wall and close your eyes. The drug is still hindering your thought process, but you pull out your cell phone, ignoring all the missed calls. Instead, you call Nate swiftly. "Hey, I'm here." You whisper after he says hello.

"Okay, I'll be there in a couple minutes." He says, and you hear the absolute tiredness in his voice. You hang up and fight your way through the air conditioned airport.

This is your first time in California.

You've never even been to the west coast at all. You've only ever dreamed of getting out and coming to California. However, as you ask random people with a huge headache forming where the parking lot is, you do not even remember your dreams. When you get out of the airport, you are hit with the heat. It's not that bad, but then again, it is almost six in the morning. As you wait for Nate, you close your eyes against the wall again.

It was a bad idea to take three pills. It has left you groggy and drugged, and you just want to go back to sleep. There is a light wind that blows straight in your face, waking you up a little bit. "Oh, my God! Yeah, you heard about Shane? Yo." You open your eyes slowly, and see two teenage girls with an older woman. They look sad, while the mother just looks annoyed.

"I can't believe it. I feel so bad. I've gotten about a million texts from all my friends. Dude, Sally's hysterical. She's so in love with him." The other girl responds as they come closer to Mitchie. "I wonder why he did it. I mean, he has everything in the world, why would he try to kill himself? Maybe she didn't love him." she continued, her voice going low.

The other girl looked at her sadly. "Money isn't everything, remember? We just learned that in Psychology." The first girl says pointedly. Then, curiosity enters her face. "I wonder who that girl is that he has been slamming in every interview. I wonder if he did because of her, even though I think he hates her. Maybe she keeps bothering him." She said, shrugging her shoulders at her friend. The other girl bites her lip, as the group stands in front of Mitchie.

"I still can't believe he slept with her. Maybe she took the ring, and that's why he doesn't have it on. I don't know. All I know is that chick must be feeling pretty horrible right now." The first girl says, shaking her head knowingly. The second girl laughed, agreeing.

"God, I wonder what school would have been like today if we weren't going to Washington. Half the girls in our school would have been hysterical, just like Sally. I mean, Jesus Christ! It's the lead singer of Connect 3! Damn." The girl said, pursing her lips. The older woman gives the two girls a harsh look, and they shut up embarrassed.

But the damage was done.

You feel the tears rush to your eyes, but you try to keep them back, as your head pounds murderously. You close your eyes again, trying to rid yourself of the picture that is front of you, but before you can, your phone starts to vibrate again. you look at the caller ID, before answering. "Hey." You cough out, as you arms tighten around your body.

"Hey, I'm here. I'm the big SUV in the back. You think you can walk to us?" Nate says, and you immediately look around for the car. It's all the way in the back, but you automatically start walking away from the two teenage girls.

"Yeah, I'll be right there." You whisper, shutting the phone. The two teenage girls look at you strangely as you choke back tears. You wish you could just turn to them and yell or something, but instead, you continue forward. You walk deliberately to Nate's SUV, not paying attention to anything else but the car. When you reach it, you climb into the back next to the brother of the boy they were just talking about. "Hey." You say again, because you don't know what else to say.

Nate turns to you as the car starts moving again, and you wince. He's eyes are bright red; his hair a complete mess. He looks pale or gray even. "Hi." He said uncomfortably, squirming slightly. You nod, looking at him awkwardly as he struggled to keep it together. Without even really realizing it, you reach to him, squeezing his arm comfortably. He sniffs and looks away from you, but doesn't make you let go of him.

Suddenly, he's crying from the situation, and probably lack of sleep. You gulp back and look down as he looks out the window, sobbing softly. You don't ask where you're going, but close your eyes again, swallowing harshly. You keep jiggling your leg as you drive onto the highway, the sun barely out yet. Tears go down your face slowly as you notice the palm trees blowing gently in the wind. You look down slightly stunned when you notice a hand go on yours. Your fingers intertwine as he pulls you to him.

The both of you cry against each other.

XXX

Sandy ©