Plans Never Work
Chapter Ten: In Which Even The Moogles Flee
A\N: This is random, utter crack with some parody and what ifs mixed in. It's based off of "What would have happened if Xehanort's crazy plan in 3D had actually worked? What if Axel hadn't saved the day?" Some of it's quite interesting and some, if not all, of it is weird. Luckily for you, as strange as it is, there isn't anything inappropriate here; no cussing, no real pairings or any of the things that come with them and nothing that any one should find offensive. This is humor, plain and simple. It's also my first foray into the KH fandom so any OOC behavior is my inexperience with these characters. And... I don't own anything but my ideas.
Everything was alright. In fact, everything was great in the majority of the Sora-Conglomerate's minds. It was as if they had been left on a deserted island and had finally been rescued. So what if Xehanort was trying to do evil stuff? That wasn't anything new. What was new was the freedom. The freedom to go places, the freedom to eat icecream, the freedom to find friends... And the freedom to take over the world!
Everything was quite exhilarating.
The teenagers had all agreed that Twilight Town was a nice place to start. Data Ansem didn't care and the bald one was ignored or laughed at. Nothing was going to hold this dysfunctional group back.
To the shock of everyone else in the room, Sora's body summoned a keyblade. This act wasn't really so weird but when five appeared, some even clattering to the floor, it was pretty ridiculous.
"How about we just use Sora's?" Ven suggested, "Everyone else recall theirs, ok?"
Xion smiled and thrust the Kingdom Key into the air triumphantly, "Fine with me."
The other keyblades vanished reluctantly.
"We can take turns." Vanitas ordered, clearly wanting his keyblade back out.
"Sure!" Roxas agreed quickly, also missing his.
Ven didn't say anything but he liked his dark side's suggestion as well. Xion sighed but didn't fight it.
Ven opened up a portal and Vanitas snatched Saix's organization cloak. Roxas yanked the oversized thing on quickly from a whole year of practice before Saix could even squeak.
"You can't take Sora's body! That's not right!" Riku yelled at them, even as part of him was drooling over the keyblade-spaceship-thing that the Kingdom Key had morphed into.
"My vessel!" Xehanort, the one in his own body, cried as the Sora-conglomerate hopped on the keyblade vehicle and went through the portal. "My plan is ruined!"
Axel took a look at his keyblade and sighed, "So, does anybody else know how to transform their keyblade?" No one volunteered so Axel shook his head, "Looks like it's portal of Darkness time. Anyone else need a lift?"
…
The first order of business was to get sea salt icecream. The discovered that Sora had plenty of munny in his pockets and immediately bought one off of Roxas and Xion's favorite vendor.
"Yum!" Xion smiled,
"Yeah." Roxas agreed.
"This one body thing is so weird." Vanitas commented. It wasn't quite a complaint but it was very close. Being part of the Sora-Conglomer- The Glom- was better than being checked into Sora's heart hotel but the sharing was really getting him down. Every little action was contested over and now they had six people sharing the same piece of icecream. It was weird to think about and weirder to live. "Can we get to taking over the worlds already?"
"Why do you want the world?" Xion asked,
"Because it'll be fun."
Ven made an odd, exasperated growl and asked, "Are we really going through with this crazy plan?"
"Why not?" Roxas brought up, "I'm fine with anything."
"I'm imprisoned with a bunch of icecream addicts!" Xehanort complained melodramatically,
Everyone else in The Glom ignored him.
"Ok gang, let's find that duck!" Vanitas cheered enthusiastically and charged forward.
…
Most of the cloaked figures left to their own respective times and places. There was no point for them to stay. Xehanort tried to remain confident but even he was starting to doubt that he was going to have Sora as a vessel. Maybe he'd have to move to his next plan- take Sora from a dimension where Xehanort's plan had succeeded but he hadn't accounted for alternate realities stealing his work. Yes! He could swing this, whatever happened. He was Xehanort!
"Mwahahaha!" He cackled eccentrically into the sky, "This is all going according to plan!"
His companions all looked at him skeptically. They made an odd bunch- An old, crazy looking bald man, a man with an eye-patch and an Organization cloak, a mouse, a silver-haired teenager, and another cloak-wearing guy with hair as red as a firetruck. They were all under an uneasy truce until they found Sora's body. Twilight Town wasn't quite sure what to make of them and the townsfolk seemed to disappear from sight. The laugh had taken care of any remaining brave souls.
Even Moogles flee from sheer insanity.
Xeha-braig-bar blew some hair out of his eye and chuckled a little despite himself. It was a sad, slightly hysterical chuckle. This was the man he was turning into. "You have a different definition of 'according to plan' than I do."
"Where is everybody?" Mickey asked, worried about the ghost town.
"On another world if they're smart." Axel muttered, nervously peeking around a corner. This world was very important to his Nobody self. He recognized all the shops, knew who ran them, and where they lived. It was weird that this was more of a home to him than his old world- Radiant Garden. Hollow Bastion, as it was more commonly called now, may be on the mend but it would never be what it used to be. It was missing the people, the people who doomed the world and their victims both. Axel didn't know what had happened to anyone except the few who joined the Organization like him. Even they were damaged.
Axel knew he had problems, major problems. He had spent a decade as a psychopath. With his original heart back he found that things didn't completely mesh together right. Lea was a rambunctious teenager with a knack for trouble and yet had never been troubled. Axel the Nobody was a smart and scheming anarchist desperately holding onto the friendships he had, always failing his grasp. Axel with Lea's heart and the parts of his Nobody's heart was an explosion waiting to happen. That was why he kept distracting himself: his keyblade, saving Sora, and now running after a mixture of Roxas and assorted chaos.
As long as he kept going he'd be fine.
Except, perhaps, this was too much distraction. Having to watch Xehanort spread his insanity to Twilight Town was disturbing. He didn't like it.
"We still haven't found Sora!" Riku grumbled, "Axel, are you sure you and Roxas always ate icecream on the clock-tower? We've checked it twice! There must be somewhere else."
"I am positive." Axel rolled his eyes, "We were just late to the party- Someone had to monologue." He glowered at the bald one. "They must be somewhere else now."
"Gosh, do you really think they were serious about trying to take over the worlds?" Mickey wondered aloud.
"What do you know about this Vanitas guy inside Sora's head? Would he do it?"
"Yes." Xeha-braig-bar answered immediately,
"Of course!" Xehanort smiled widely, "But only under my direction, I'm sure."
"I'm afraid he has the power to do so." Mickey said thoughtfully, "Vanitas can create these dreadful monsters called the Unversed. It took a lot of work to get rid of him last time."
"He can create his own monsters!?" Riku cringed. This was not going to be fun. All he wanted was to prove himself on this stupid Mark of Mastery test- that's it! He didn't want his best friend's body to become the big bad of the next world conquering! Why did these things happen to him? Sure, he had destroyed his own world a few years ago and given into the dark, but he had done a lot of good since then and had fought tooth and nail to redeem himself. Another apocalypse was ridiculous! The worlds couldn't be in this much jeopardy all of the time, could they? "We're doomed."
"But wait," Axel interrupted, "Why are you guy's so sure the others will even let get this Vanitas guy get very far. Last time I checked, Roxas had no interest in world domination, and the little I remember about Ven is that he was a nice kid."
"Vanitas can be very persuasive. He was my apprentice after all." Xehanort boasted.
Xeha-braig-bar raised an eyebrow, remembering the kid-creature as pretty blunt and Ventus's stubbornness as legendary. He figured that if Vanitas could convince Ven, he'd be set because Roxas really wasn't that hard to manipulate. Control, yes, but the Nobody wasn't really that complicated in his opinion. He couldn't remember Xion but she seemed... well, insane actually. Silly insane, but insane none the less. Xehanort served as proof that it was the crazy ones who did best at evil doing. And then Ansem the Wise, data version? He was a computer. Xeha-braig-bar truly doubted he would care about the state of the worlds that much.
"I still don't see Roxas turning evil." Axel maintained.
That's when they heard an informational yell that came from around the corner. Scrooge McDuck had been kidnapped.
"Aw, come on." Axel defended his friend, "Why would they take a duck?"
His icecream supplies had also been taken.
Axel looked up to the sky in defeat and scowled, "Roxas!"
…
The billionaire was trussed up like a turkey, making indignant squawks every so often. The Glom was going through the magnificent icecream-making items while arguing with each other.
"I don't like this! Vanitas, let Mr. Scrooge go free and give him back his stuff!" Ven ordered, "This is wrong."
"I'm evil." Vanitas smirked,
"I don't care! I'm not!"
"Well let's take a poll." Vanitas offered, "Xion? Roxas?"
"Icecream." Xion said in absolute awe,
"Um, well," Roxas stalled. Then he looked at the equipment, imagining all of the icecream they could make. "We aren't actually hurting him."
"YuuleahAWNK!" Scrooge disagreed.
Xehanort wasn't counted, but he held no reservations about the theft. In fact he suggested they just go ahead and turn the duck into a heartless. Scrooge didn't like that plan either.
Ansem stayed out of it. Wisely.
Or, because he wasn't programed to break up arguments among pseudo-teenagers.
Either explanation fit, but he absolutely refused to admit his truest motivation.
It was time for Ven to do some quick thinking. Obviously, icecream ranked higher than Light in the minds of Roxas and Xion so he had to find his own scheme to takeover the worlds with icecream that wasn't so dark.
Yeah. Take over the worlds Light-ly.
He didn't want to know what his friends would say.
Vanitas had officially driven him crazy.
"Why don't we buy the stuff from him?" Ven suggested, "Vanitas, I don't think that even you, Darkness Almighty, want to deal with keeping a prisoner on your mission. I am sure that Mr. Scrooge is a shrewd businessman and will sell to us if we let him go."
"But he is one of the few that is immune the Zipper Conspiracy!"
Ven's jaw dropped open. Well, actually the shared mouth of The Glom did but Ven preformed the action.
"WHY ARE YOU SO DARN FIXATED ON THAT STUPID THING!?"
"Wow, Ven." Vanitas blinked, actually phased for once, "Why are you so against it?"
Ven growled. It wasn't a very threatening sound but he tried.
"It's not real."
"Oh, just like the X Conspiracy wasn't real?" Vanitas asked,
"The 'key' Conspiracy? What's that?" Xion asked, never having heard this mentioned before. "Something keyblade related?"
Vanitas gave a tight smirk, "Not at all. It has to do with all the outfits that Ven's gang was wearing. You see, everyone wore an 'X' on them- like it was the style or something. Only, it wasn't. It was perhaps Xehanort's greatest trick. Brilliant."
"Thank you, Vanitas." Xehanort accepted.
Vanitas frowned, he hadn't meant to complement the creep to his face- heart- thing. But he continued, surprised that Ven hadn't interrupted, "Xehanort could keep track of them through that sign. They never stood a chance at hiding of catching him unaware."
"I did the same with Sora as well," Xehanort boasted.
"And what's the Zipper Conspiracy?" Roxas asked, now worried there was actually some real about it. He had assumed Vanitas had just made it up and it was completely ridiculous like Ven always claimed.
"Well," Vanitas paused dramatically, always loving an audience, "Have you ever noticed that many people have zippers on their clothing. I'm not just talking about normal, everyday zippers. I mean the huge ones that shine, or the random ones that have no conceivable purpose. The ones on hats, the sides of garments, fashion statement zippers. They're even on your Organization cloaks."
Roxas thought about it and realized that loads of people did wear zippers.
"You'll notice," Vanitas paused again, "That everyone who wears these insidious zippers has traveled to other worlds."
"Is Xehanort tracking zippers?!" Roxas gasped,
"No." Xehanort admitted, "The symbol of X is much more elegant."
"Then what do the zippers mean?" Roxas demanded,
"Nobody knows," Vanitas said as if telling a ghost story, "All I know is that these zippers have infected travelers of the worlds and this duck is the only one immune to it's curse."
The Glom's eyes traveled to the kidnapped billionaire. He made a small "meep" noise.
A\N: So... I'm still alive. Still writing this. Still... insane, I guess. I'm sorry this took so long. I could give you a long list of excuses but somehow I don't really think you're interested. I did finally get to the Zipper Conspiracy though! So yay! I hope it lives up to expectation and is a nice peace offering for taking so long to update.
As always, thanks for reading this! Your involvement is a great motivation!
Ok, onto reviews! CHARGE! (I think I'm going to time this actually, just for the heck of it. Starting my stopwatch... now!)
Rhyme13kh14Xion8- I'm glad you liked my April Fools Day madness! And the world(s) domination using icecream is commencing. I gave enough hints for some people to make some theories. I'm actually kind of wondering what everyone is thinking they're going to do. Anyways, thanks for reviewing!
pinkchocola- Yeah, I know what you mean about Kingdom Hearts being so crazy- that's actually one of the things I love about it actually, complicated plots are awesome in my opinion, and you don't get to much crazier than Kingdom Hearts! Anyways, I'd seen some theories about how everything is just a hallucination of Sora, and that's why the game got so weird after he got the Poupu (that's probably spelled wrong...:P) fruit. I just thought it was an interesting idea and wanted to write a fic with it eventually so it just kinda got tied in with Plans of course. Yep... Also, I hope you liked the Zipper Conspiracy. Thank you so much for your review!
ultima-owner- Yes! I am too! Now only if I could implement it in real life... No, just kidding. That's what cookies are for :D
Although, in all seriousness, I don't want to rule the world. There would be way to many problems for me to deal with. Thanks for reviewing! I appreciate it :)
BrOwNiEfOx- Well, there's always next year! I just decided to do it because I got inspired and I really wanted to do something for that fabulous holiday. Anyways, thank you so much for your review!
Riku Uzumaki- Actually, for that day, Sora was a mental patient. IT WAS ALL JUST A DREAM! :D He really was crazy... Now whether that's true for this fics main continuity or not I'll leave up to the readers. I thinks it's kinda creepy if you start reading this as just a hallucination... I'm personally moving it up a dimension and am going to focus on The Glom. I currently have no plans to revisit Sora any time soon. Although, you are completely right- This would make more sense if it was a hallucination. Poor Sora and ect. Living such craziness. Thanks a lot for your review!
Fostofina- Sorry! It was joke! Or, at least, can be taken as such I suppose. If someone decides it's their head cannon that this fic is a hallucination then all the more power to them. At least it looks like you enjoyed it! Thanks for the compliment! And the review!
Mira-san- Yep. Everyone's always fine. Always. Even when they shouldn't be. It's almost creepy... Well, thank you and thank you again, I love your review too!
Oh, and your second review- You betcha! There was also another anagram. I think I'll put it at the bottom of all these reviews so everyone else will read the explanation as well. Also, thanks again for reviewing!
kagemoto- Yay! I'm glad! I know I enjoyed writing it :)
Thank you for reviewing!
Xehanorto- Yep. And that wasn't the only anagram either. I'll give full explanation below all these reviews, before the next time. I also wouldn't mind reading a fic on the whole Crazy Sora thing but I'm not going to write it any time soon. I am chock full of stuff to work on at the moment. Maybe you can convince someone else to do it. If so, send me the link? Maybe? I dunno. Anyways, I thank you a lot for reviewing!
Rosialette001- You summed this whole fic up in one word. This is literally Crack! that developed a plot of some kind. It's so crazy it might have become nearly sentient, just to grow even more insane. Thanks for being my 60th review! I appreciate it a bunch! I hope you liked this (crazy) chapter!
(OK! 36 minutes and 8 seconds! Awesome!)
Also, I'm so happy we've made it up to 60 reviews! This is currently my third most reviewed story- My 1st ranking at 68 reviews for 20 chapters, and my 2nd highest with 64 reviews for 3 chapters (yeah, I'm not quite sure how that happened either- but I'm thankful!). So, if this chapter gets at least nine reviews it will my most reviewed story ever! 60 reviews for 9 chapters is just plain AWESOME! Thank you guys so much!
EVERYONE- For those who were wondering, "Dr. Han Exort" is a version of Xehanort and "Dr. Masen" is a version of Ansem (Terranort's Heartless). They look alike, sound alike... As in, if Sora is hallucinating then his doctors tend to translate into the big bad villains. Also, think about the whole 'evil researcher/wearing a labcoat' with the games themselves. Could that of really been reality leaking through?
...
Sorry
...
Anyways, I have a challenge for you. What is your favorite word or phrase for "insane"? I've been using insane and crazy way too much in this fic and was wondering if you had any good alternatives. The prize is having the word\phrase show up next chapter.
So see you guys next chapter!
Next- Ven tries to convince Vanitas you can't make a vaccine out of a duck, icecream appears an Aggrabah, and our group of truce tries to save the universe.