It had been clear already after only a day of Keith being awake that he had problems with eating. Hunk had wanted to build the armrests higher on the chairs on the second day but Keith found a way to wedge himself in the chair. It looked extremely uncomfortable for his spine, but it kept him upright without too much effort and it had made Keith happy to show that he didn't need a special chair, which was important too. Keith could seem emotionless at times but Shiro knew it was only an attempt to seem tough and keep himself safe mentally.
Sadly, Keith couldn't fix all of his problems alone. Such as his problems with the literal act of eating which inspired the others to give him a mirror in the middle of his second meal out of the cryo pod. Luckily, Keith did accept that help without too many unhappy looks and quickly did his best to seem unaffected when using it. Shiro wasn't personally affected by watching someone eat but he could imagine how weird it would be for Keith to watch himself eat, especially with how closely Keith had to so if he didn't want to reenact his first meal out of the pod with all the mess and worry.
Shiro could just not figure out why Keith was looking bored and even slightly disgruntled by the concept of eating. It was the same reaction no matter what he put into his mouth.
Hunk had been allowed to use the small stash of tasty ingredients they had on board in an attempt to restart Keith's appetite. At first it had seemed to work as Keith had looked at the food with something closer to excitement but he soon enough looked pained and like it was a chore to eat.
Coran gave Keith some food too, made to fatten him up, and Coran had apologized as he gave it to Keith and said he knew it didn't taste very good but Keith had eaten it with as much boredom and as forced as any other meal. Coran's food, which had been told to taste even worse than Coran's usual cooking, had been received as well or badly as Hunk's best since they left Earth. And it really had been Hunk's best cooking. Shiro cared a lot about staying in shape but he could have easily eaten himself a few pounds heavier if he had access to that food.
A whole week passed with all the paladins trying to keep themselves mentally together at the same time that they tried to think of anything that could fix Keith. Even if it were just one of his problems, it would have been heaven sent. A week that should have bulked Keith up but he instead looked thinner than ever which Shiro hadn't let himself think was possible. Keith hadn't been even close to fat before the… incident between him and Shiro but he hadn't looked painfully thin either which he had turned before even leaving the pod.
Shiro actually wished Keith looked like he did when he was in the cryo pod. At least he had had some fat and muscle on him when he was taken out of the pod but a week of barely eaten had taken the last bit of meat and left him looking like an Asian-like version of the starved, African children Shiro's television back on Earth had been filled with from time to time.
It didn't help that Keith was literally unable to move around the castle on his own two legs. He had tried to crawl but that was just painful to look at and even on all four, he hurt himself more than it was worth. He was told to stop and could from there fourth out not travel around the castle without an escort. It didn't take long for them to find out that it was far more effective to just carry him instead of only being his balance and having Keith watch each step with great care. Keith had complained loudly with resentful grunts and stares each time someone indicated they were going to carry him but the protests had slowly quieted down after a few days and Shiro didn't know if that was a good or bad thing. He hoped it meant Keith had accepted that he needed the help but it was nothing to be ashamed of but he feared it meant Keith had given up.
No, not Keith. Keith was far too strong to give up after only a week and the only reason he didn't remind the others he needed help moving to the dinner room was because he was tired. At least that was what Shiro chose to believe.
"Eat!" Allura commanded the evening of the 8th day as Keith had only succeeded in playing with his food. "Do you want to die? Because starving yourself is a sure way to do so!"
Seeing Allura invested in Keith's eating habits was a sight to be seen. It wasn't that she was unfeeling but ever since they had found out that Keith was part Galra, she had kept as big a distance between them as possible and only talked about him when asked permission to use their supply of spices to make Keith eat or modifying the chairs. Even though Shiro was hypocritical enough to be mad at her for avoiding Keith, at least he now knew that she still cared enough to be frustrated with him.
"Now you care if he dies?" Lance asked in response to Allura's roar.
"I never wanted him to die and neither do I want it now."
"Really? Because that was not the image I got from you trying to kill him when he was in a coma." Maybe the coma part wasn't true as it had been more about Keith's heart not beating than him unable to wake up but Shiro didn't want to correct Lance since coma sounded better in his ears than artificially kept alive. Shiro opened his eyes wide when he registered who was hearing this fight for the first time.
Keith looked at the table with wide eyes that would sometimes close for almost an entire second but otherwise was open as the discussion kept going on around them but the conversation never went anywhere. Keith would sometimes mouth some indistinct words but wouldn't voice anything. It was probably the same kind of shock that was keeping Keith silent that was doing the same thing to Shiro as they both heard about how Allura wanting to turn his pod off. He knew he should stop Lance and Allura. It wouldn't take more than reminding them of the company they were keeping, but Shiro found himself unable to do anything but watch Keith's subtle reactions.
In the end, Hunk saved the day. He had had to go to the bathroom right before the meal and was only standing in the room for 2 seconds before he looked at Keith's plummeted shoulders.
"What are you thinking!?" He scolded.
Both Allura and Lance turned their heads slowly and looked over at Hunk wide-eyed and slightly slack mouthed. Both was astonished that Hunk was yelling at them but Allura had a hint of resentment to her from having someone under her acting like he was above her rank.
"Haven't you discussed this enough already? I get it, Lance, I'm furious too but couldn't you two think of others for one second and not discuss it right in front of Keith?"
Both Allura and Lance's eyes widened even more. Shiro didn't think they could do that and he was absolutely positive that if they didn't stop soon, then their eyes would pop out.
"Keith, I hope you can forgive us for being so thoughtless," Allura said in a level voice without emphasizing any words. She sounded more mature and collected than she really was but it was clear to all of them that it was only to hide just how embarrassed she was about her thoughtlessness and possibly also how it would sound to someone else that she thought it was best to turn their life support off.
"Yeah, me too," Lance apologized with waves of embarrassment radiating from his whole being.
Keith looked conflicted for a moment and Shiro was worried that it meant he didn't know if he could forgive them. Shiro just hoped that Keith would forgive Lance who had started the fight between him and Allura but looked too devastated and embarrassed to awake anything other than protectiveness in Shiro.
Shiro quickly found himself being wrong when Keith nodded clumsily to show he forgave them. Keith hadn't been wondering how to express his anger, he had been wondering how to express his forgiveness. That was surprisingly calm of him.
"I know it may not sound that way to you, but I can assure you that it wasn't anything personal that lead me to wanting to-. " Allura looked away in the shame Shiro found she deserved. Both for having such thoughts in the first place but also for mentioning at a time like now.
"I," Keith said almost as clearly as he used to be able to talk but the other word was incomprehensible. Shiro wished he or anyone else in the room could have guessed the meaning because the frustration was falling off Keith in waves of shame and anger.
"Shh-o ha'," Keith had to take a little break after only those two words. "su-su'ned off."
The words weren't exactly easy to understand but Shiro realized the meaning with a start.
"You wanted us to have turned it off?" Pidge voiced Shiro's upsetting realization with almost as much outrage as Shiro felt.
Keith furrowed his eyebrows more than what could be natural and concentrated so much that he turned slightly cross-eyed. Shiro really did pity him and the shame for being the cause of this bobbled in his stomach and ate all his appetite.
In the end, Keith simply tilted his head from side to side. It wasn't exactly a clear sign to how he was feeling and without any nuances but it made Shiro believe that Keith didn't wish they had just killed him, but the fact that there had been talk about it didn't upset him either. Or something along those lines. Shiro would have asked but he both didn't feel entitled anymore and Keith looked so heartbroken and exhausted every time he failed communicating. Shiro didn't know how much heartbreak anyone could take without going completely mute, and he didn't want to find out. In addition, he didn't want Keith to try to use body language more than he already was as he almost threw himself out of the chair by just shaking his head firmly.
Shiro wanted to talk to Keith but at the same time didn't He wanted to forgive himself enough to try but at the same time what would it matter? He could talk to Keith but with Keith like he currently was it was more talking at him.
Keith wouldn't like that either. Probably.
Keith was brought back to his room after he had finished his food. Hunk had asked him as he did after every meal if Keith wanted to stay and talk, but once again, Keith had shaken his head and therefore chosen once again to be all alone in his room.
"So Keith obviously doesn't remember what happened, right?" Lance asked when he and Hunk returned to the dinner room after they had delivered Keith to his room.
"Yes, that's pretty clear, Lance," Pidge said absentminded as she tinkered with some kind of small plate.
"So, should we tell him or not? Is it necessary for him to remember on his own or have we just been keeping quiet for no reason since he has to know sometime?" Lance asked and even though no one was sending him any looks, Shiro felt out of place with his team.
"The quiznak if I know," Pidge answered as diplomatic as ever.
"Weren't you supposed to be smart?" Lance asked with a dead expression, clearly not amused about being snapped at for asking a valid question.
"Lance, I'm literally a 14-year-old with no real medical training who went straight from middle school to the Garrison. I don't even have a history of getting any concussions. Keith seems to have one every 3 minute so you would have better luck with him."
"Wow, really smart, Pidge. Ask the person it's about what he thinks. No, it doesn't matter that he can barely say a word and has never had any regards to his own health. Pidge, he would tell us to tell him even if he knew he would die from it."
"Guys?" Hunk asked and closed his mouth tightly at the sight of the glares even if they softened when they weren't looking at each other anymore.
"I think we should tell him. It's not fair if we don't and like Lance said he would have to know some time so I think we should just do it ourselves so we can do it delicately instead of him remembering when he's alone," Hunk continued and unintendedly reminded everyone how likely he was to remember it alone if he got his memory back.
Lance sent Pidge a smug look but there was no ill blood after that.
Shiro felt sick to his stomach. Hunk was right; Keith did have a right to know. However, Shiro liked that Keith wasn't mad at him or looked fearfully at him. Granted, Shiro hadn't been even in arm's reach of Keith since the one time to had to carry Keith and endure Keith's pained puffs of breath at being carried over Shiro's shoulder. Apparently, that wasn't a great way of transporting someone even if they weren't injured anymore.
Shiro tried to swallow the lump sitting in his throat but wasn't successful. "We should tell him."
The other paladins looked at him with neutral expressions but didn't argue. Shiro knew it was mostly because they had already decided on the matter and so Shiro's agreement with them could hardly be a reason for an argument but he was still relieved.
Allura's lips fell into a straight line. "I don't know how smart it is," she said with no indications about how much or how little she doubted. "What do you say, Coran?"
"I see no harm in it and," Coran said much more cheerful than the others but still far from his usual level.
"Let him have today and then we can tell him tomorrow faster than a Weblum can devour a planetoid," Coran advised so confidentially and twirled his ginger mustache as if he had been in the situation 1000 times before that even Allura didn't have any complains.
I've written about half the next chapter but I'm gonna have jaw surgery tomorrow, so I'm not sure when I'm well enough to finish the chapter.