Chapter 10

Two Residences and a Hobo

Three months after the incredible review-grasping storyline that captured that hearts and minds of every reader (yeah right), Sasuke woke up in an unusually groggy manner. He walked into his lavish living room and noticed that there were some new messages on his answering machine. Which, for the record, is UNBARRED. He pressed a dark gray button on the middle of it. There was a sharp beep and a computerized voice come on stating, "You have forty new messages. And clean me once in a while, you cheap basta-"

Sasuke sighed and listened to a few messages, annoyed about the caller, a girl he didn't even know:

"Hellooo, are you there?"

"Come on, pick up the phone!"

"Hey, uh, can I come over some time?"

"Yes, it's me again…"

Sasuke frowned and flipped through all messages with her phone number in their prologue until he found a different number. HE was temporarily content until he realized who the caller was, Orochimaru:

"Hellooo, are you there?"

"Come on, pick up the phone!"

"Hey, uh, can I come over?"

"Yes, it's me again…"

Sasuke muttered, "I'm getting a new –beep-ing phone number."

He filed through all of Michael Jacks-I mean OROCHIMARU'S-messages until he reached the final message, which was from a different caller. At first, he did not know who sent the message, but he soon figured it out: it was Gaara.

"Hello… fool. I'd strongly suggest that you attend a gathering I am hosting in my home. Fees will be $100."

Sasuke frowned. He was the only one who should have a party which contained more plot holes than Swiss cheese—er, Swiss plot cheese.

-THAT NIGHT…-

…

-WAIT, I MEAN LATER THAT DAY, SORRY…-

-ER, BY THAT I MEAN RIGHT BEFORE THAT NIGHT…-

Temari glared down on the guests congregating around Gaara's eight-story mansion's door, for the first time experiencing sibling rivalry that wasn't instantly turned to fear. She walked over to her telescope and turned it down the hill on which her house stood and got a good look at Gaara's group, noting that all of them were guys. She smirked, thinking up a plan, and thinking it up quick. She would call the others not at the party and have a better party than him! She walked over to the phone and started dialing phone numbers.

-FINALLY, AT THE PARTY…-

As Gaara finally emerged from his house, everyone sighed with relief and lined up in front of him. He stood in front of his now closed door and rubbed his fingers across his thumb, saying, "Okay, pay up, everyone."

All but Kankurou (still not included in the story) and Lee placed their large amounts of money in his hand (Naruto paying in pennies). Lee asked, "Dues? What are you talking about?"

"The fees I mentioned… fool."

"Oh, fees… Well why didn't you say 'fees' in the first place?"

"I did."

"No, you said dues!"

"It means about the same thing…"

"So? You should have said fees!"

"Shut up Lee. Just shut the –beep- up. I will stab you."

Lee finally forked over his dues-er, fees-and Gaara opened the door, ushering them in. What they saw astounded them. It was a utopia. Fountains, paintings, stairs-the whole deal. "How did you get this place?" asked Naruto, mesmerized.

"I won't get into the long, messy, bloody, buried-in-the-backyard details with the realtor," responded Gaara.

"Why am I not surprised?" asked Shikamaru.

"Because you are a dull, dull boy."

-MEANWHILE, AT T PARTY (PUNS, YAY!)…-

All of the guests had filed in and were now at a loss for what to do until finally Temari got an idea. She suddenly blurted, "Hey, let's combine groups with the others by tricking them. Then we'll watch a scary movie and play tricks on them while they're scared!"

"It sounds like an immature children's television show episode to me," Ino commented.

"Quiet. The plan shall be done."

"How?"

"Um…"

-AWKWARD PAUSE…-

-BACK WITH G GROUP…-

"Um…" mumbled Gaara, at a loss of ideas.

"Prank calls?" suggested Naruto.

"No, remember what happened last time?"

-FLASHBACK-

Naruto was laughing away after bothering some random dude… until the dude responded, "I have caller ID. You live across the street from me. I'm going to kill you now."

Naruto screamed in his highest possible voice as the light reflecting off of the moon gleamed on the whites of the man's eyes outside. Naruto kept screaming until the windows broke from the sound… or the hundreds of kunai knives busting through from the man's direction.

-PRESENT-

"Why don't we go to a forum online? I have about… eleven computers in the house," stated Gaara.

"Sounds good," agreed everyone.

So they each found a computer, some with much trouble, and went on a forum called "Ninjas Anonymous," a chat site. All registered and entered the "General" board, and Gaara started a new thread all about random chatting. The following are the messages:

SandMan says Talk about anything here.

Foxy says J00 an n00b

SandMan says Naruto? Why do you have such a stupid name?

Foxy says SU n00b

Antitachi Admin says Stop flaming, idiot, or you will be banned.

BlankEyes says Yes; stop flaming, Foxy, you are getting really annoying. I hope you get banned.

Foxy says SU n00b

Antitachi Admin says I know that is you, Naruto. BANNED.

FlowerGirl says like lolz yesterday Naruto bugged me and my friends

Cloud Gazing says Three words: SPELL. CHECK. SAKURA. Why are you even here?

FlowerGirl says im bored lolz like wy r you so maen

Cloud Gazing says I am not being mean. I am simply stating a fact: All people without a Y chromosome on this forum think they are above using proper grammar and also believe that they have to add "like" and "lol" or "lolz" to every post. IF you don't have anything constructive to say, don't say anything at all.

F0xy says PWNED!1!ONE!

Anititachi Admin says You think I don't know who you are, Naruto?

Suddenly Sasuke pressed a series of keys in a special order that only admins know. Naruto's computer exploded. Trust me, admins can do that.

AltAccount says Hey

SandMan says Who is this?

AltAccount says spam

Antitachi Admin says That's it!

Everyone's screen suddenly went white and an explosion was heard and then the screen went black. Yes, admins can actually blow up sites.

-LATER THAT NIGHT…-

All of Gaara's guests were sitting around bored when the phone rang. Gaara naturally picked it up himself. "What fool wants to waste my time?" asked Gaara.

"It's your sis!" announced Temari.

"I said not to say that! It's annoying! Plus, I'm positive the people at the NSA are laughing at me…"

"Well sor-ry! Jeesh!"

"What do you want?"

"I need you to work on something."

"What thing?"

"I need you to sand off some rust on some pipes," she lied perfectly.

"I'll do it later! And by later I mean never!"

One of the guests at Temari's yelled about how the pipe was corroding quite overdramatically, yet Gaara was not convinced, but when Temari mentioned that some sewage could get near or on his property, he was more than willing to oblige. The rest of the group followed.

-AT TEMARI'S…-

As soon as Gaara's group entered, the doors were locked and barred behind them. Naturally, Gaara's first reaction was, "What the –beep-!"

Thanks for visiting. Want to see a movie?" asked Temari.

"-Beep- no!" Gaara tried to teleport, but appeared a second later slamming into the upper wall and then falling down, KO'd. PLOT HOLE'D!

"You can't escape, Gaara… Hey, let's watch 'The Cutter!'"

"Wasn't that the movie that went straight to video, but was so crappy that its production was stopped?" asked Shikamaru.

"Yup," responded Temari.

-IN THE TV ROOM…-

Everyone sat comfortably in a bean bag chair or a couch as Temari inserted the video into the VCR. The opening scene was of the silhouette of a man in a trench coat with lightning simulated by blinking flashlights in the background and the dark beginning music to the Scooby-Doo theme song playing in a constant loop. Eventually the movie Began. Two people walked up to each other on the sidewalk.

"Hi Debbie!" said one.

"Hi Je-oof!" responded Debbie-well, she kinda responded. There isn't too much to do when you fall down from blood loss by being stabbed in the back by scissors.

Jeff (not Je-oof) then nonchalantly walked off, hands in pockets, until he got stabbed din the head with scissors. A shadowy figure then appeared with scissors saying, "I am The Cutter! I will cut you!"

The scene switched to him stabbing a lady, but due to a poor camera angle, you could see that he was just swinging the scissors up and down.

"This movie is gay," announced Naruto.

"Yeah, that dude, 'The Cutter,' is using safety scissors… and was that a producer walking in the background?" asked Shikamaru.

"No, it's a hobo. The producers couldn't afford a studio, so they filmed the movie in a train station," explained Temari.

"That was scaaaary!"

"Shut up Lee, and stop shivering."

"You're hurtful, Neji!"

Gaara, a man of action, sent a rain of sand on the VCR, crushing it. Temari, very irritated, yelled, "Now what the heck are we supposed to do?"

"…We could… uh…" started Gaara, mumbling.

"PILLOW FIGHT!"

"What the –beep- Lee! Just shut up!"

"You're hurtful, Neji…" Lee, in a little fit, threw a pillow at Neji. "Take that!"

After the pillow smacked Neji in the face, he silently threw it back at Lee's face, only to have Lee dodge it, causing the pillow to slam right into Naruto's face. Naruto then threw a pillow at Sasuke for the heck of it. He was knocked down, and the pillow ricocheted onto Ino's face. She squatted down and picked up the pillow throwing it at Sakura. She tried to throw it at someone else, but she missed, causing the pillow to slam into a window with a huge bang. She then commented, "Wow that is one heavy pillow!"

The beating on the window continued, and everyone ran into one room, scared silly, except for Gaara, Sasuke, and Neji, who were just, like, going with the flow. The door to the room locked behind them. Gaara, listening to System of a Down's B.Y.O.B. with a CD player he found in the room, yelled, "Where the –beep- are you!"

"So brave, challenging him!" said Sakura, again taking one of Gaara's self-centered actions as good.

"What are you talking about, woman!"

Suddenly, the door blasted open, and none other than a hobo entered. Before he could say, um, whatever hobos say, Shino screamed, "ARGH HOBO!" and killed him. There was a long silence, broken by Shino asking, "What?" And thus, the party crashed.

To be continued in Chapter 11,

"Dude, Where's My Bumper Car?"