Warning: Prolonged exposure may cause internal bleeding, temporary paralysis, and cardiac arrest. Copy our storyline or our jokes and you are going right in my death note, and you will suffer all of the above… anywho enjoy!

The Kingdom Hearts Diaries

Episode 4: Vacation time!

Chapter 1: If I See You, You Die!!!

"You heard me! If I see you at any time during the next two weeks, you will be coming home in a body bag!" Kairi said. Kairi, Sora, and Riku were having a very delightful dinner together at a fast food restaurant called McPizzaQueen on the night before they all went their separate ways. They had all come to the recent conclusion that they were so sick and tired of seeing each other that they had unanimously decided the night before to take a trip to separate locations.

"We get the point, the first hundred death threats were enough." Sora whispered quietly to himself.

"We're all going to different places anyway." Sora said reminding the extremely irate Kairi as he sat down across from Riku and next to Kairi who glared at him heatedly, making him fidget nervously, until he finally got up and made his way over to Riku's bench.

"Seriously this place should've been closed down years ago for all of the health code violations." Riku said as he peered inside the cup of golden brown fried grease that was the special for the day. "Special: super pizza/burger/grease shake fifty percent off read the sign." He almost though up as he flipped the cup upside down only to see that its contents were stuck to the inside of the cup.

"Well, that's McPizzaQueen for you, always be sure to bring a barf bag, then again they do have a box of them right next to the moldy ketchup dispenser. Of course half of them happen to have been already used." Sora said

"Not to mention that there's been so many roaches found in their food, that they finally made them official ingredients to avoid any more law suits." Kairi added.

"Which brings up the question, why the heck are we eating here?!" Sora said moodily as he poked the slowly moving blob of grease on his plate. To his dismay his meal had bitten off the end of his fork.

"Mostly because I spent most of your and Riku's munny on my boat tickets, and I refuse to spend any of my own on you two." remarked Kairi with a smile as she ate a piece of the crab dish she had bought next door.

"If anything, this meal reminded me of why we need to take these trips." Riku said. Some of his smoothie crawled out of its cup only to be devoured by one of Sora's fries as it approached the end of the table. Sora frowned and said "Aww our meals are making friends."

Two Days Into Vacation

Riku:

Riku was on the gummi ship on course for Puebla, Mexico to try to sample the dirty tap water. He was trying to pilot the ship for his first time, and for some reason he was over the Pacific Ocean. If you're wondering why he's using the gummi ship in stead of Sora or Kairi, he won the right to use it in a game of rock, paper, scissors the previous night. "Wow this is much easier than I thought it would be" Riku said as he sat at the hideously overcomplicated controls. He did a few aerial maneuvers and back flips while dodging incoming air craft, and flew through a category 5 hurricane with his eyes closed. "I think I'll put it in auto pilot and sleep for a while." he said as he pressed the auto pilot button about fifteen minutes after leaving the hurricane zone. Unfortunately he had not realized that the ship had been on auto pilot the entire time, explaining his ability to drive using his feet, blind folded without falling to earth in a horrible death spiral, and he had just switched it off before falling asleep. Don't worry the ship would be fine as long as it didn't malfunction or hit something, but what kind of plot line would that make? The ship collided with a 747 Boeing jet before falling out of the sky. "Huh. What's going on? Oh my God!! The ships about to crash!! Aaaaaaaaahhh!!!" Riku regained consciousness just before the gummi ship hit the water. (If you're wondering the 747 landed safely with nothing but huge amounts of gum sticking to the wings, which was quickly sold to the passengers to make a few extra bucks.)

Kairi:

Kairi was on a cruise ship on course for the Destiny Islands. It had launched from New York harbor a couple of days before. Strangely enough, everyone on the ship was in a panic because someone had assassinated six of the passengers. Not to mention three of the ship's crew members. On top of that the cruise wasn't even half over, so naturally, the crowd panicked even more. So far no one had seen any of the murders take place, and most of them, with the exception of one, had disappeared completely, leaving only a bloody stain behind. Kairi was at the moment getting a suntan on the deck. "We're all gonna die!" whimpered a panic stricken crew member to a kitchen-hand as a small group of them passed by. "I heard the captain got a note saying if the cruise stopped he would be next. If he hadn't received it we would have been off this crazy train by now." He continued to the kitchen aid, who apparently could care less about anything this crazy bastard had to say. "There's been three of us and six passengers who could be doing this?!" He yelled insanely just before the Kitchen aid out of earshot. Kairi, who was listening in on the whole thing smiled. "Wow, it just gives me this warm and fuzzy feeling inside to cause this much widespread fear and panic." she said to herself after they left. "They really should be doing a better job of keeping this a secret. The whole ship is buzzing about it." She sat up in her chair. She seemed slightly disturbed. "I only killed eight people. Who killed the ninth?" she thought to herself. "Oh well, I'll just have to make sure I get the other killer while I'm on board… or maybe I'll get the other killer to come to me." She happily resumed her suntanning, and anticipating a fun night.

Sora:

Sora, unlike Kairi or Riku, was taking a slightly less expensive or far traveling vacation. He had decided to try to live on the street as a hobo for the entire two weeks of his trip. He had been hitch-hiking around New York State for the past two days trying to find a good, homeless infested area for him to start his "on the street" experience, and here, in the ghettoest area of New York City, with nothing but two weeks supply of five star food, a suitcase full of designer clothes, and ten-thousand munny in cold, hard cash, on a ghetto populated street front at one o'clock pm., he began his trip. Only to be horribly mugged by the neighborhood kindergarteners and left for dead immediately after taking his first step on the street. "What…the heck…just happened?" rasped Sora as a squad of nearby police officers accidentally woke him up about six o'clock at night. They had apparently been digging through his already ransacked suitcase. "Oh um… you were mugged by some kindergarteners and you passed out." said the officer as he stuffed the ten thousand munny that he had found hidden in the suitcase into his pocket. Apparently Sora had an extra ten grand… and kindergarteners don't know how to properly ransack people's bags. "What?! How did that happen?!" Sora said as he sat up. "You shouldn't be surprised. You had quite a bit of cash on you." said another officer as he counted up the twenty percent he received for not stopping the elementary children. "Well… I guess this will make my homeless experience more realistic, but it's kind of distressing that I just lost almost all of the money I packed for the trip" remarked Sora, who was apparently trying very hard to be positive. "Wait…. You have more?" asked the first officer hopefully. "Of course, I have some in the extra space of my dorky clown shoes. Why do you ask?" Sora was knocked out, mugged, and left for dead…. again.