Merry Christmas everyone!
Chapter 10:
Previously on Danger in the date:
She hung up, too, and remained seated for a bit, stroking around the soreness on her neck. She never liked turtleneck shirts. This one felt suffocating, as though constantly pressuring her trachea. She couldn't breathe in this thing. After letting Angela know where she was going, Brennan went to her apartment first to change her shirt. Then, she made sure she had Booth's shoes with her and headed for the Hoover building.
As Booth left Cullen's office forty-one gruelling minutes later, he went to grab a cup of coffee before he returned to his office. Well, at least now I can understand why she likes to compartmentalize. It beats going over the same situation again and again. And again. Booth sighed deeply as he sat down behind his desk. Before he had time to shake off the emotions that came with rehashing last night, he heard a tentative knock and when he looked up, he could see his partner standing in the doorway, carrying a bag. His eyes wandered and lingered to her neck, which was bruised. When Booth realized he was staring, he sat up straight and spoke up. "Come on in, Bones."
She took a few steps forward and put the bag on his desk. "I brought you your shoes," Brennan stated the obvious as she gestured towards the bag, then curled her fingers around the wrist of her other hand and held them against her body.
"Yeah, thanks Bones." As another awkward silence filled his office, Booth cleared his throat. "Cullen is expecting you."
"Is he in his office?" She asked, now crossing her arms in front of her chest. Brennan felt uncomfortable going into that situation without Booth's reassurance. Perhaps she wasn't as independent as she thought, at least not in all aspects of her life...
"Yeah. You know where it is, right?" Booth couldn't remember if she had ever been there by herself. In the beginning of their partnership, they had been there once. But they had been there together. Maybe that's why she seems so hesitant and defensive. "Want me to walk you to his office?"
She tightened her grip around herself. Did she want that? But then she remembered: no more favours. "Don't let me keep you away from your work," Brennan smiled. "Directions will suffice."
"Nah, it's okay, Bones." Booth got up and walked to the door of his office. I won't be able to concentrate just yet anyway. "I'll show you, come on. Trust me, you don't want to keep Cullen waiting."
Brennan felt upset, but was unsure why. "All right. Thanks," she said and walked out of his office as he held the door open for her, her arms still around herself.
In silence, they walked from his office to the one he had just returned from. Booth noticed the fact that she kept her arms firmly around herself. When they stopped in front of his office, he decided to speak up. "You okay there, Bones?"
Paradoxically, it hurt that he was being kind to her. It was not what she deserved, not yet. Brennan wanted nothing more than to delete the events of the previous night and evening, but as long as she couldn't, she had to face the consequences of her actions. As a teenager, she'd had to punish herself because nobody else would, and she had to associate bad things she did with negative consequences. She believed that's what she was doing. "Yeah," Brennan thus answered him, "I'm fine. I'll make sure Cullen knows you fired your gun out of necessity," she assured him.
Booth bit back his next question, to make sure she was indeed fine. No, Seel. She made it obvious she needs to deal with this her own way. "Good. I - uhm, I'll be in my office." He turned around and walked back to his office. When he saw the shoes laying on his desk, he grabbed them and walked back out of his office, intent on doing with them what he had done with the rest of his outfit last night. Throw it in the goddamn trash can outside, 'cause I sure as hell am never wearing those again.
She watched his back as he retreated down the hall and sighed again as she cursed her stupidity. Slowly, she pushed open the door to Cullen's office. She'd never found the man intimidating, but she'd never met him under circumstances where she wasn't confident. Now, she knew she had done something to get herself, and the FBI as well, into trouble. A few synapses suddenly fired in her brain and the thought slithered in that maybe, she shouldn't have called Booth at all. No matter what the consequences might have been. Brennan shook the thought off of her. Her pride and confidence were hurt now, and she couldn't even imagine what rape would have done to her. Blocking all current thought processes, she knocked on the door and upon Cullen's curt reply, opened it.
After he had got rid of the shoes, Booth slowly walked back to his office, taking his time. I can't let this go on between us. We are acting nothing like ourselves. This is ridiculous. What's in the past, is in the past. It's too late to change that. But that doesn't mean I'm going to let this - this 'thing' ruin our partnership. Booth continued to walk up the stairs, as he had preferred them over the crowded elevator. All we need is a little normalcy. Maybe I should just ask her to go with me to the diner for an early lunch. Booth further contemplated this as he made his way to his office.
Brennan was walking quickly through the hallways, winding her way past FBI people, towards the stairwell which she knew was hardly used. Talking to Angela about last night had been downright easy compared to telling Cullen. Admitting her stupidity and irresponsibility to him had hurt her self-esteem. And then recalling Richard and what he'd done to her, what he'd been intending to do... Feeling that Booth and she were miles apart... She felt very upset and wanted to turn to her silent war victims, to do something right again, something that would maybe restore her confidence. Her hand subconsciously touched her throat again, and she felt her sore body ache as she hastily made her way down the stairs. She remembered angrily how Cullen had reprimanded her, but Booth as well, for using his service weapon for a personal occasion. Brennan of course had defended her partner as best as she could. Eventually, Cullen had offered her a deal. She was to let her injuries get photographed by a forensic FBI detective. She was to give her full participation. Then, he would see what he could do for Booth. It wouldn't be fair if Booth's reputation got stained because of her, so she had agreed to the deal. Lost in thoughts and overwhelmed by emotions, she bumped into someone.
Booth looked up as someone collided with him. He instantly realized who it was and that she wasn't fine. "Bones?"
Her head shot up and she met with the person's gaze. "I'm sorry," she mumbled. At the same time, the other person spoke. There was only one person who called her by that name. "Booth."
"Don't be sorry, I should've been paying attention to where I was walking. Are you okay?" Booth wanted to reach out to her, but since he didn't know how she was going to react to that, Booth stuffed his hands in his pockets, waiting for her answer.
She tried to swallow the lump of anxiety that had formed in her throat. "I'm fine," she replied. She hated herself for giving him an answer that was only half true, but she had decided not to bother him unnecessarily anymore. But then, did that mean she had to keep things from him? It was an impossible situation. "I'm - on my way to the Forensics Department," Brennan told him. At least that was a whole-truth.
"The forensics department?" Booth echoed incredulously. "What are you going to do in the forensics department?"
"I'm going to let someone take photographs of my injuries," she explained as rationally as I could. "What are you going to do?"
"I was on my way back to my office, but that is beside the point here, Bones. So..." He hesitated before he asked her, but since he knew she wouldn't answer any question she wasn't comfortable answering, he decided to ask her anyway, like he would've done before this big mess. "Are you going to let someone take them because you are planning to report this?"
"I've already reported it," Brennan admitted. "To Cullen. Because of something Richard said to me," she reminded him.
"Yeah, you told me earlier. What uhm, what did he say that made you change your mind?" Booth wondered what it could've been. He had wanted to try and convince her, but his efforts had got him nowhere and he was curious to find out what had changed her mind.
"He referred to previous victims. I believe he's a serial rapist, Booth. I told Cullen that, and asked him if he was willing to make a case against Richard and track down his victims. They deserve justice. The evidence on my body is the best we have at the moment, so I'm going to get it documented." She felt they were carefully, slowly reconnecting.
He nodded, not really knowing how to respond to that. "Maybe you could come up to my office when you are done. You don't have to, but I'm thinking about taking an early lunch break since I skipped breakfast. But - uhm, you don't have to, you know. If you'd rather go back to the Jeffersonian, that's okay, too. I'm just asking so I know whether or not I should wait for you." Booth ended his speech, which was quickly turning into a very embarrassing rambling session.
She regarded him, recognised the same conflicting emotions she was experiencing. "That would be nice." Brennan smiled slightly at him. "And Cullen will think about not getting you into trouble at all for shooting. I told him you did it to save a life."
Immediately Booth noticed how she said 'a' life as opposed to 'my' life. He took a step closer and gently brushed her hair back behind her ear. "Not just any life, Bones. Yours. And I'd do it again. In a heartbeat. You are more important than whatever trouble I may or may not get into. Okay? Don't worry about me." Booth was convinced that everything would go back to normal, if they both acted like themselves, and did their best to put this whole thing behind them. "Go on, Bones. I'll be in my office," Booth gently nudged her towards the Forensics Department as he continued walking up the stairs himself.
His gentle contact and kind, encouraging words put her at ease. Brennan smiled at him and continued in the direction of the Forensics Department. She didn't feel like she had to physically hold herself together so much anymore. The Forensics lab was situated in the basement, which was easier to secure and more difficult to invade. Brennan walked below the bleak lighting and searched for the room number Cullen had given her. Eventually, she found it at the end of the hall. Brennan knocked on the door and moments later met a man who looked like a scientist. In a way, he looked like her, and she felt at ease. They spoke the same language, and she felt confident that he would treat her body as a piece of evidence and not prod and pry in her emotions. He apologised beforehand in case the evidence collection wouldn't go perfectly smooth, because he wasn't used to dealing with people. Brennan told him there was no need to take the edge off pure professionalism and they tended to the task at hand.
Booth walked back up to his office, feeling as if the strain on their rela-partnership had lessened considerably. Determined to just let it go instead of keeping his mind focused on something that would only burn when left in the light too long, he sat back down behind his desk and dove headfirst in all of the uncompleted paperwork scattered across his desk.
The only evidence left on her body were the marks on her skin. Marcus, the FBI forensic scientist, held the black-and-white-striped ruler next to the bruises and photographed them. Brennan had to undress to her underwear, but Marcus' glasses formed a sort of barrier between his gaze and her body. Furthermore, he kept a professional distance and they exchanged phrases as though they were lab partners working on an experiment. When he was done, she put her clothes back on and they agreed that she would bring the clothes she'd worn during the attack back to him. There might be evidence linking Richard to the crime committed against her. Since she'd thoroughly washed her body the same night of the assault, there was no chance of recovering physical evidence from her. She was appreciative of Marcus' maintained professional yet friendly attitude during the collection and they shook hands at the door. It wasn't until she was walking through the narrow corridor, illuminated by the harsh, bleak lights, that the impact of her conversation with Cullen and the physical evidence collection began to settle in. Brennan suddenly felt like crying and crawling into bed. She'd had such a scare, and that combined with the sexual violence and the feeling of despair at her weakness due to the alcohol caused her to feel emotionally drained and tired. Perhaps she shouldn't go back to the Jeffersonian after all. Perhaps she should just go home and read a book, or the latest Forensic Anthropology Journal. Make herself a cup of tea with honey. She tiredly started climbing the stairs.
Booth wondered what was taking her so long. He knew that it would take some time, but then again, she had taken a shower, so a lot of the evidence was gone. He tried to stay busy and occupied, but his thoughts kept flowing back to his partner in the Forensics Department. I shouldn't have let her do this on her own. In annoyance he shook his head. "As if she would've let me go with her," Booth mumbled, simultaneously reminding himself that she wanted to deal with this on her own terms.
Upon reaching the floor of Booth's office, she began passing people, and before she realised what she was doing, fled into the ladies' room. Brennan sat down in a stall and let out some of the stress by allowing some tears to flow from her eyes. A tissue absorbed the salty liquid before it could blotch her cheeks. There. That was better. She took a few deep breaths and got rid of the tissue. Then she let cool water run over her wrists, which calmed her even more. Now she was ready. She left for Booth's office.
Booth looked up when someone knocked on the door of his office and when he did, a small smile formed around his lips. "You know, you don't have to knock, Bones. You never have to. Just - just come on in."
She smiled slightly back at him and entered. "How's the paper work?" she asked him.
"Never ending," Booth sighed as he gestured for her to sit down, hating the way she had become so hesitant around him, as if she was doing her very hardest to just not do anything wrong, but all the while expecting him to get angry at her. I don't like this one bit. "So, where do you want to go have lunch? Sid's? The diner? Or do you prefer something else?"
"You pick," Brennan told him. It felt nice to be in his presence. She guessed it was a bit of an after-effect of her life having been threatened, which made her feel a bit vulnerable. Though if that was the mere reason for her wanting to be close to him, that wasn't fair to him. She didn't want to take advantage of him again. He was a good man and deserved to be treated with genuine kindness, not out of need.
"How 'bout the diner?" It was weird that she told him to pick. Usually Booth would suggest something and she would decide where to go.
"You're feeling like apple pie, aren't you?" she smiled, then nodded. "Sure. Are you ready to go?"
"Yes, I am." Booth shut down his computer and got up, grabbing his coat and his wallet before he walked over to the door of his office where he patiently waited for her to join him. Another thing he wasn't used to. She is letting me take the lead. Why? Why would she do that? For someone who wants things to go back to normal, she isn't acting like it.
She caught up with him at the door and he closed it behind her. Even she noticed herself being rather timid. Brennan wanted to act normal, but she wasn't feeling normal. She hoped it would get better soon.
"So, any idea what you're going to get?" Booth didn't really know what they were supposed to be discussing, but he did know that their silences wouldn't be the normal, comfortable silences they were both used to. So, he wasn't going to create a silent moment between them, because he wasn't sure how he was supposed to get them out of it again. "You were right, you know, I am feeling like a slice of apple pie."
"I feel like a salad," she told him as they started walking. Brennan wanted to say something else, to keep the conversation going, but she still felt a little high on emotion and couldn't focus her mind.
Booth listened to her answer as he closed the door. "Oh, come on, Bones. That's not real food." He put his hands in his pockets as they walked side by side. "How 'bout a burger with fries?" He slightly bumped her arm with his elbow. "We both know you'll end up stealing mine, anyway."
"I never steal your fries!" Brennan protested. "You share them with me," she smiled teasingly. From the fact that he didn't put his hand on her lower back she deducted that he was still being careful with her. Both of them were trying to avoid topics and actions with the potential of getting them into another argument.
"Sure, Bones. The only reason I order fries is so I can share them with you." He glanced at her, but couldn't help the frown from appearing as he looked at her eyes. Her eyes are a little red. Has she - has she been crying? No, she would tell me if something was wrong, right? When he realized he was once again staring at her, Booth quickly turned his gaze away and pushed the button for the elevator.
He was looking a beat too long at her face, and she wondered if it was evident she'd let some tears out. She cleared her throat and he looked away. This was an awkward moment again. "Are you afraid there will be negative consequences to your shooting?" Brennan asked him. She hoped he wasn't too worried.
"Bones," Booth turned to her and as the elevator doors opened, he walked in and as she followed Booth pushed the right button before he turned to her. "I told you before, don't worry about me. I'll deal with the consequences. And as far as I'm concerned, there shouldn't be any, because I only did what I had to do."
"That's true. You did. But I don't want there to be any consequences for you other than admiration because what you did was brave. And admirable." She looked him in the eyes, then stared ahead.
"Stop it, Bones," he spoke quietly. "It wasn't brave or admirable. I just did what I had to do. That's all." He stared ahead as well, looking at his own reflection. "You would've done the same for me," Booth added as an afterthought.
Brennan sighed slightly, clenching her fists at her sides. "Well, you don't give yourself enough credit, Booth," was all she said. She wanted to do something for him that would make him feel good about himself, but what? She thought about it then and had been thinking about it for a while, actually. "And yes, I would have done the same for you. Of course I would have. But you're the one who ended up paying for my mistakes," Brennan murmured.
"I'm not paying for your mistakes, Bones. I was the one who fired my gun three times. The consequences I may or may not have to deal with are the consequences of my actions. Not your mistakes." Booth cleared his throat as he added, "Don't be so hard on yourself."
At those last words, a lump shot into her throat. She wasn't able to speak. The elevator arrived at the ground level and they got out.
As soon as the uncomfortable silence settled over them, Booth sighed deeply as they walked out of the elevator. They walked in silence to his SUV. After they had got in, he decided to speak up. "I'm sorry, Bones. But I can't do this." Sitting back, Booth leaned against the seat as he stared out of the window, realizing fully that he had opened Pandora's Box.
"Me, neither," she spoke quietly. Strangely, it was with that agreement that some of the awkwardness dissipated. At least they were on the same level.
"You can't do what, Temperance?" He turned to her, awaiting her answer patiently, calmly. At the very least, they were talking.
"The same thing you can't," she replied, not looking at him, blinking away the thin film of wetness covering her eyes.
"Maybe we should talk about this. But," Booth sighed as he ran his hand through his hair. "you said you needed time, so I suppose now is not the time to do that." Putting his hand over his neck, he tried to relieve the tension in his muscles. "Maybe I should just drive you home or back to the Jeffersonian, so you can order take-out and deal with this, however you chose. But this," he turned back to her, "I can accept that you want to deal with it like this, but I can't, Temperance. I tried, but I - I can't. I'm sorry."
She nodded. "Well this is not the right way for me, either," she told him. And then, suddenly, she knew how she should have thanked him. She should have allowed him to take care of her the way he wanted to. That would have put his mind at ease and helped him deal with the scare of that night. "Booth, we should start over. I mean, have an open mind towards each other. If you have any questions, I'll answer them," she offered, now able to look at him.
"Bones, you don't have to do that, okay? I know how you deal with these kinds of things. Don't - don't do this just because you think it's what I want, okay? 'Cause that'll backfire. Big time."
"No, I want to try this," Brennan insisted. "How, Booth? How would you deal?"
"I don't know, Bones. I don't know how I would deal with something like that. The only thing I know from past - well experiences, is that you can't keep it to yourself. And -" he turned to look at her, "that you have to acknowledge what happened to you. Somehow, you have to find a way to come to terms with what happened to you and the fact that it wasn't your fault. For me, usually, my grandfather is the one who helps me do that." Booth slowly shook his head. "But everyone is different, Bones. What works for me, doesn't necessarily work for you," he added softly. He wanted her to talk to him, but he didn't think he was ready yet to be rejected again, if she changed her mind halfway through their talk.
"Do you think I'm keeping it to myself?" she asked him.
"I hope not. But I don't know, Bones. Even though we talked, we didn't really talk about what happened. You know what I mean? Anyway, for as far as I know, you've only talked to me and Cullen about it. So I don't know," Booth answered honestly, knowing that honesty was what they needed.
"So... what more should I tell you?" Brennan was so glad that they were talking, that they were communicating again. She felt relieved, and maybe more appreciative of Booth than ever, precisely because they had been through this separation.
"Look, Bones I'm not going to push you into talking to me. If you want to share something with me, I'll listen. But I'm not going to push you." He had done that before, which had only brought on a huge fight, so he was not exactly eager to do it again.
Brennan was confused, unsure of what he wanted her to do. "Shall we go someplace first?" she suggested instead.
"Yeah. So what is it gonna be? The diner? Or take-out?"
Brennan preferred to talk in a more neutral environment. The fight had been at her apartment, so that wasn't a good place. At the diner, they would be inclined to at least keep their voices down and the conversation was unlikely to end in a full-out argument. "The diner," she decided.
"Okay." He started the car and manoeuvred it out of the parking space. Booth turned the radio on softly, not knowing whether or not she had something to say, or something she wanted to discuss, but he couldn't take another minute of the horribly awkward silence, and this way, at least something would fill the car. The empty space between them.
They drove to the diner in silence. It was a good thing Booth had turned on the radio, or the silence would be unbearable. Brennan hoped that they would resolve some things today, and she could go to sleep tonight knowing they were still friends.
So, Booth and Brennan at least are communicating with each other again. But how will their conversation go? Will important things be said? What SHOULD they say to each other?
Stay tuned ;).