Hey guys!

I'm sorry the last two/ three chapters were a bit rushed, I'm really sorry. I hope you enjoy this one.

The characters from this story also appear in His Path towards Freedom, so if you like a bit of a crossover between stories, check it out.

Enjoy!

Chapter 9

Her father's eyes shifted from sad to ice cold, Julie turned away from her father again and walked the last few steps to her bedroom. She entered and threw the door shut behind her, another few steps brought her back into bed.

She crawled beneath the blankets, curled up in a little ball and started throbbing. All that time her father had left her without any knowledge of what had happened to her mother. She knew she had died, she knew her remains were buried in a graveyard near the French coast, she knew all sorts of little things about her mother, things her father told them. But she didn't know how her mother had died. What could be that terrible?

Her body was shaking from the grief rushing through her, she didn't have many memories of her mother. To be fair, only one. Of her mother and her splashing each other in a children's pool. She smiled at the thought of that.

For little Jack it was even worse, he was only one year old when their mother, Lux, had died. He didn't know a thing, besides the stories their father had told.

Julie regained herself again after another few minutes of crying and took a deep breath. She unclenched her tense muscles and lay back in the bed. She closed her eyes and started listening to the air going in and out of her lungs.

She tried to let every worry in the world disappear, the nervousness for the next school year, her father's sadness, her unknowingness, the two boys torturing her.

She just let it all slide and fell into a deep sleep.

/

Julie woke up to the light sneaking through the little cracks from the curtains. She stretched her legs and stepped out of bed, she opened her window and stepped onto the branch of her tree beside her bedroom window. He hands were wrapped around the one above her before she let her whole weight upon the branch.

She sat down for another moment or so and took a deep breath, she climbed down further, ignoring the pain from climbing down on her bare feet and walked into the kitchen where she found her father reading the newspapers with a big cup of tea.

"Good morning," she mumbled.

"Good morning..." he father responded with a sigh," about last night..."

"Don't bother," Julie said, "it's all right."

"No," John put down his newspapers and gestured for Julie to sit down, "you were right. You were right all along, I just... wasn't ready yet. I'm still not ready to tell you, but I owe it to you."

"Thank you," Julie said, "I don't understand how your opinion has changed that much since last night, though. Not that I'm complaining."

"I suddenly realised what she would do," John said, "she would want me to tell you."

Julie nodded and crossed her legs, "Tell me then."

"All right," John took a deep breath and started talking, "when you were about five and Jack about one your mother and I were going through rough times. We constantly had arguments, about literally everything, from what day to pay the taxes to me working late all the time."

John took a sip from his tea and continued.

"One day I had had enough. She was accusing me of cheating, which I would never dream of, and I stormed out of our apartment and went to the pub. I was staying at a room in that pub for three days until she called me at work and asked me if we could talk," John explained, "so we had planned to meet that afternoon at 5 pm precisely. I was already sitting there, nervous as bloody hell, hoping she would forgive me and we could go back to normal. Eventually she arrived fifteen minutes late with Jack. You were at a play date.

She sat down and ordered a drink, we talked through some of the basic things that were bothering our relationship. Like me not doing enough in the household, me working late a lot, she never wanting to do things... I enjoyed... Anyways it went all right until she asked me if I really never cheated on her.

I said I didn't.

She didn't truly believe me, which turned me rabbit.

I and started shouting all sorts of insults at her and when I told her that she was supposed to be special, but was only sitting at home doing nothing, something snapped in her as well.

She stood up with tears in her eyes and walked out of the pub, "Goodbye, John," she had said.

I suddenly realised all eyes were fixated on me, and all of the eyes were afraid. I ran outside to apologize to her, but she was already crossing the road.

She was running to the opposite side of the big road when a car hit her. She was swung into the air meters high and crashed onto the brick road. I ran towards her, ignoring the drivers shouting and made my way to your mother laying on the road covered in blood, surrounded by people.

I told them I was her husband and that they needed to call an ambulance, but it was already too late.

She was dead."

Julie was staring her father in the eye with tears in her eyes and swallowed, "How could you?"

"I..."

"She is dead... because of you," Julie gasped, "you killed her."

"Please don't say that, Julie," John begged her, "Please. This is why I didn't want to tell you."

"Jack and me are motherless, because you had a fight," Julie scoffed while the tears were running down her eyes, "how ironic is that?"

"Julie..." her father cried out, "Julie please... Listen to me!"

Julie looked at her father with a trembling lip and kept quiet.

"Before she was completely gone, her blue eyes were focused on mine," John said with a lump in his throat, "she smiled, Julie. She smiled as she went. She was so strong, so much stronger than I will ever be and I see that in you. She forgave me... I didn't kill her, I didn't drive that car."

"You just pushed her into walking in front of it."

"I had just forgotten how fortunate I was," John said, "I should've told your mother over and over that I was faithful, that I loved her and only her and I should've been there to raise our children from the start, but I didn't. I can't turn back time, I was drunk night after night while your grandmother took care of you. I cried over her photograph every night and sang the song she always sang to you.

I stayed in France for a month to attend her funeral and after visited her grave every morning."

"I have only visited her twice," Julie said with a rasp in her voice, "twice I've been to the grave of my dead mother."

"I know, I'm sorry..."

"I remember when I asked you where mummy was," Julie mumbled, "I remember that you said that she was somewhere else now, that she was in a better place and that she couldn't be with us anymore. That she wanted to, but that she couldn't. I remember that I didn't accept it, that I went searching for her and that you begged me to stop. I remember how I went to all the places she used to go when you weren't looking and started shouting "Mummy?", because maybe, just maybe she'd hear me."

"I know."

"Maybe she did hear me, dad," Julie said with a sigh, "maybe she didn't. Either way she couldn't say anything back to me, she will never be able to say anything to me anymore. Who should I blame, dad? If I can't blame you?"

"I..."

"Should I blame God?" Julie scoffed, "Should I blame the driver, because he could've stopped?"

"No, but..."

"Then who? Myself? Jack?" Julie cried out, "You can't expect me not to blame you."

"And I don't," John confessed, "I don't expect you to, but I do hope that one day you'll be able to forgive me for the mistakes I have made."

"Everyone makes mistakes," Julie said with a cold voice, "but not everyone keeps such a thing from their children their entire life's."

"Can't you understand how hard it is for me to tell you this?" John asked her offended, "Can't you understand that even though I believe she has forgiven me, there is still a part that makes me think she hates me? Can't you understand how it is to live with the feeling that your wife, the love of your life, is dead because of you and that you have to tell your children, the people you love more than anything, how?"

"Of course I can understand."

"Well then... could you maybe, just maybe, forgive me?" John asked her with a knot in his throat, "I didn't only protect myself, Julie, I was also protecting you."

"I know, dad..."

"I'm sorry, Julie," John said before he took his daughter's hand in his, "is everything all right?"

"No, dad," Julie scoffed, "I'm not all right."

John nodded and let go of her hand, "I guess the ones that are, are the luckiest bastards alive."

"Or they are simply blind," Julie said with a sigh.