~Up front disclaimer: This chapter gets a little smutty near the ending, fair warning~

A/N; Now that that's out of the way, hello! I definitely meant to get this update up over the long weekend, but then I ended up spending the time being far, far too lazy instead. Then when I finally did get around to finishing up the second half of this chapter, it ended up getting really lengthy. Oh well, I suppose. Also, I apologize for my lack of expertise in the smut field~ I did my best.

As always, thank you thank you thank you, to all of you following/favorited/reviewing. You're all the best, and I appreciate you immensely.

Enjoy!

-Kay.

Chapter 10-

James didn't want to get out of the car. Better yet, he was terrified to get out of the car. He knew that doing what he had, taking off like he had, none of that came without repercussions. He may have been naïve, but he wasn't that naïve. There was no just brushing this one under the rug and moving on quickly. There were too many other people involved, too many other people he needed to work to fix things with, or at the very least apologize to. Legitimately fixing everything he had screwed up didn't seem entirely possible, but he knew he had to try.

Things with Logan might have been some semblance of fine for the moment, but they hadn't had the chance to talk out everything. True, at least Logan finally knew that he loved him, and that was the important part, but anything beyond that –what it meant for them, what they were going to do now- everything had been put on temporary hold. Logan had to get back to work and James had to handle backlash duty. They had agreed to meet at Logan's apartment later to tackle some of what was going on with them.

For now, though, James had other people to explain himself to. A phone call to Kendall had informed him that no one was at the church anymore, as well as been full of complaints about being yelled at by both of Grace's sisters. James had apologized and promised to make it up to him and Carlos later on before hurrying to the hotel the Carmichaels had been staying at, only to find out they had already checked out. He wished he could be surprised to find how easily they had access to airfare back home to New York once again, but it was to be expected, he supposed. Carmichaels had that capability.

It was outside of his mom's house he was sitting now, gripping tightly onto the steering wheel of the shut off car, lip caught between his teeth. Grace in particular, as well as the rest of her family, they would be tough to get through dealing with, but his mom? After the story she had shared with him just a couple hours before? After how incredibly proud she had been of him ever since telling her about the engagement? This one would most likely be the hardest.

Breathing out heavily, he finally got out of the car and made his way to the front door. His hand lingered on the gold doorknob before he slowly opened the door. He found he was holding his breath as he slowly clicked it shut behind him. It was like, just for a second, he was back in high school, trying to sneak into the house innocently after skipping his math class at the end of the day, as if his mother wouldn't get a phone call from the school and already know he had ditched.

The lights in the living room were on, even though there was still enough light coming in the windows from outside, the sky starting to tint orange as the sun was on its way down. James bit down on his lip as he neared where his mom was sitting on the couch, a small glass with amber colored liquid in it in her hand as she stared out into space thoughtfully. Her focus quickly snapped to him when he walked into the room, but instead of yelling at him or even saying anything at all, she just looked at him, staying silent. That was almost worse than any yelling, James thought, because at least if she were yelling at him then he would know a little about how she was feeling about the situation.

"Mom, I-" His voice was already small and quiet, like a child, but his mother cut him off with a raise of her hand.

He sucked in a breath, his jaw tightening. Brooke looked away from him, finishing off her drink before she stood slowly. James was almost a good half a foot taller than her, but under her serious gaze, under these circumstances, he felt much, much smaller.

"I asked you," she started, her voice low. "When you two were fighting, after I had heard from Joanna Mitchell, I asked you what was wrong, and you told me that everything was fine, James."

"I know… I know, and I-I'm sor-"

"And you still said nothing, gave absolutely no indication earlier today to me that anything was wrong. You acted like everything was alright."

"Mom, please let me-" His voice cracked as she shook her head slowly at him, speaking softly when he talked again. "Please let me explain."

Brooke set her glass down on the coffee table before straightening up and folding her arms across her chest, looking at him with a reprimanding expectancy.

He didn't know where to begin, really. There was so much his mom didn't know, so much he had either kept from her entirely or carefully filtered so that she didn't worry about him. The situation with him and Logan in particular, she knew nothing about, and that would have to change. The fact that he liked guys at all, let alone the fact that his best friend was the guy he happened to be in love with was going to be a feat to reveal, too. There was no avoiding it anymore, though, he knew that. He couldn't keep continuing on with all these secrets, it just ended with him hurting the people he cared about.

"I- This isn't.. easy to-" James ran a hand over his face, eyes stinging. "There's.. someone else, Mom."

Brooke's eyes narrowed confusedly.

"Okay, that- No, that was a bad place to start. I just-" He was talking quickly, nervous, and began wringing his hands together as he continued. "Mom, when I went to New York and met Grace at school, and then we got engaged, you were so- It was the proudest I had seen you be of me in such a long time. When you asked me if anything was wrong and I told you everything was fine, it's because I wanted it to be. God, all I wanted was for everything to be fine and perfect and go off without a hitch, because I knew how happy it made you. That was all I wanted." He shook his head slowly, swiping his hand across his cheek as a traitorous tear slipped down. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry I didn't tell you that I was unsure, or that there was someone else, I was just scared, okay? You were so proud of me, and I didn't want to somehow lose that."

Biting his lip, James shook his head and moved to tiredly fall back into the armchair. He hid his face in his hands, afraid that if he kept looking at his mother for much longer it would really sink in just how much he had disappointed her. He might not have always acted like it mattered, but making her proud was one of the only things he had decided he had to do for a long time.

Logan had a mom that was proud of him and all of his accomplishments. Kendall's mom was always proud and encouraging, even when Kendall was doing next to nothing. Carlos's mom looked at him like he was the creator of all things good and happy. Why couldn't he have that, too? Why was it so hard for him to just feel good enough?

"James." Despite the soft tone of Brooke's voice, James kept his face hidden as he sniffled quietly. "Sweetheart, please look at me." She gently touched the side of his face, having moved to stand in front of where he was seated.

Reluctantly, he let his hands fall away from his face, taking in an uneven breath as he tilted his head to look up at her. She smiled faintly down at him, but the expression was mostly sad.

"Honey, not a day has gone by where I haven't been proud of you. Not one." She shook her head, combing her fingers back through his hair for a second. "Every day, no matter how small, there's always been something you've said or done that brings a smile to my face. You have no idea how proud I am of you, no matter how big an accomplishment you're making. Don't ever think for a second you could lose something like that, do you understand me?"

Blinking back the threatening tears, James bit down hard on his lip and nodded. He leaned forward and wrapped his arms around his mother's middle, clinging to her for a moment much like he had as a child. On the days where he was scared, or the days when something had upset her and he thought he could make it better just by being there. He didn't cry, thankfully the moment passed after shutting his eyes and feeling the woman's arms wrap back around him. Brooke stroked the back of his hair and bent to kiss the top of his head before she was inching away to look down at him, now with a questioning expression.

"Who is it?" she asked softly.

She didn't have to elaborate in order for James to understand what she was asking. She wanted to know who the other person he had mentioned was. James chewed at his lip for a moment and looked down at his hands in his lap as he began twisting them together. He wasn't sure why it was such a difficult prospect to let people know about Logan and him. Kendall and Carlos had gotten the story and they didn't care. If his best friends could handle it, surely his mom, who had accepted everything else about him, who had just said that there wasn't a moment she wasn't proud of him, she could accept it, too, right?

"It's-" His brow furrowed as he let out a breath. "It's Logan…"

Brooke's brow furrowed for a moment, clearly having not expected that answer. She blinked a couple times, her hand falling away from the side of her son's face as she took a slow breath.

"So.. you're-"

James winced, halting her statement. "If we could not try to label me, that would be great."

She moved to sit on the arm of the couch nearest to where he was sitting, and his eyes followed her, taking in the way that she pursed her lips thoughtfully and stared passed him for a few seconds.

"How did I miss that?" she asked, her voice still quiet.

"You weren't the only one. I- I kind of worked really hard to keep it a secret. Logan knew, too, that I didn't really want anyone knowing we were together." He said.

Brooke's eyebrow's shot up. "Were you? Together, I mean?"

"Um…" James's face flushed and he fidgeted where he sat, looking down at the carpet.

It took her a moment, but finally Brooke's eyes widened in realization. "Oh."

James cleared his throat. "Yeah, let's just- We don't need to talk details, because.. just no. But it is Logan, and.. and I couldn't admit it before, but it was always gonna be Logan. He and I- You know how special he's always been to me, Mom. Before I left to New York, he told me that he loved me, and I practically booked it in the opposite direction. Which clearly turned out to be an idiot mistake, because look where I'm at now."

He breathed out heavily and kept his eyes on his mother. She had a look of deep concentration on her face, obviously trying to process everything that was being said. It felt like forever that the silence hung between them. James didn't really know what to expect, in terms of a reaction. It was a lot to take in, a lot to let out, too, if he were honest, but he couldn't imagine how difficult it had to be for his mother to process that he and Logan –two boys she had watched grow up together- were in love with each other.

"That's why the two of you never spoke after you left… I always wondered." She said finally, her voice sounding distant.

James nodded.

"I thought maybe it was just because Logan was busy for a while there, but then when he went to the city and-"

"Wait," James shifted, sitting up straighter as a confused expression crossed his features. "Logan was in New York? When?" Suddenly he felt a little sick.

"Last year, for your birthday. I remember thinking how good it would be for him to surprise you, but then he came back and.. never even mentioned seeing you to anyone." She shook her head slowly. "I should have known something was going on, I should have asked more questions, made sure you two were alright. I thought if I didn't push it, and if it were that big of a problem, you would talk to me about it, I didn't anticipate-"

"Mom, you couldn't have expected this one." James breathed out an almost dry laugh, rolling his eyes. "I cut him out the second I had the chance, and I'd kept everything a secret before that, there was no way of knowing what happened. That was how I wanted it. Logan knew that, too, which- which is why he wouldn't have said anything either…"

Brooke frowned slightly. "So then.. today, at the church, you said what you did because you want to be with Logan?"

Biting his lip and once again averting his eyes to the carpet, he nodded slowly.

"I thought- I mean, I knew I loved Grace. I didn't just ask her to marry me for the sake of covering something up or trying to please everyone else. She and I, different as we were, we cared about each other. I didn't think coming here to get married at home would change that, but- but then I saw him, Mom. Even just the first night I had come back, when you invited him over for dinner. He looked at me with this sad, accusatory expression and it hurt, it hurt worse than anything I'd ever felt, and I tried to ignore it. Then Carlos and Kendall's plan with the hockey rink just, when Logan and I had a moment alone, all he had to do was smile at me and I knew." He shook his head slowly, staring out into space as he took a deep breath. "God, and I hated that I knew, that I was so sure I loved him when I had Grace waiting for me here. So I tried to act like it meant nothing, but I can't do it anymore."

He finally looked up from the floor at her, noticing her expression had softened into something more like understanding suddenly.

"If I married her today, I would have lost him. I already did that once, I can't do it again. I just can't. You understand that, right?" he asked, voice wavering for just an instant.

It took a moment –though it felt like so much longer to James as he waited for any kind of response- but Brooke finally sighed heavily and gave a subtle nod.

"I think I understand, Jamie. I wish.. I wish you would have told me all of this sooner. A lot of things could have gone more smoothly…" she murmured.

James swallowed and frowned. "I know… I'm sorry, I am, so sorry."

"I don't think it's me you need to keep apologizing too, sweetheart, and I think you're also well aware of that." She said with a faint, sad smile.

"I know…" James groaned, letting his face fall into his hands. "She went back to New York with her parents…"

"So, what are you going to do, Jamie?"

Huffing out a sigh, he ran a hand down his face, keeping it over his mouth for a moment before he spoke again in a mumble.

"I can't just not go talk to her.. Not to mention she'll probably have my stuff out on a curb in trash bags in no time." He paused and ran a hand back through his hair. It occurred to him only then finally that he was still wearing his tux. "I'm supposed to talk to Logan, too, see what's even going on between us? Jeez, I- I managed to stack up a lot of problems to tackle all at once, didn't I?"

"You always did like to do things bigger and better." Brooke snickered lightly.

James snorted, "Bigger, yes. Better, in this instance? Not so much."

"Come here," His mother said, sighing and standing up.

Stiffly, he stood too, looking at her with a questioning expression until she tugged him into a hug. Somehow that was the one thing he really needed at the moment. No more awkward tension or averted glances. No more interrogation or surprise. Just his mom, hugging him in that way that she always did, just to tell him she was there and that she loved him. He breathed in deeply as his arms wound tightly around her, the smell of her perfume a tad overwhelming, but he got through it.

He had been so scared of losing her, not just losing the pride that she seemed to have in him for hitting such a milestone in his life, but the relationship between them entirely. He had been downright terrified that the knowledge of his sexuality, and then the situation with Logan tied to everything else would have caused her to look at him differently. It wasn't as if he hadn't heard enough horror stories about coming out or anything. However, in the circle of his mother's arms, everything he was dreading, everything he had ever panicked about, it all dissipated.

Brooke turned her face to press a kiss to his temple and he smiled faintly, shutting his eyes momentarily before pulling back and sighing. He muttered something about really needing to get out of the clothes he was in before he went upstairs to change. Even though he knew that there wasn't much difference made to the room since they had been there, the moment he opened the door to the guest bedroom, he could practically feel the absence of the blonde he had shared the room with for the past week. It made his chest feel tight. Knowing that he was going to be facing a whole different wave of questions and uncertainty shortly didn't help to comfort him any, either.

Once he was out of his tuxedo and into low hanging, faded jeans and a dark gray hoodie, he hurried down the stairs once again, rental car keys and cell phone in the pouch pocket of his sweatshirt. He told his mom that he would look into the soonest available flights back to the city the moment he had a chance after talking with Logan. She seemed hesitant, almost as if she were about to reprimand him for the first time in their conversing, but instead she ended up breathing out a sigh, telling him she loved him, and wishing him luck.

He figured he needed it.

Arriving at Logan's apartment and knocking on the door twice, James heard the soft call of 'it's open!' from beyond the door and slowly turned the doorknob, teeth digging into his lower lip anxiously. While he hadn't spent nearly twenty minutes sitting in his car lost in thought outside the apartment building the way that he had outside his mom's house, it didn't make him feel any less nervous to be in the current situation he was either. He shut and locked the front door again quietly before looking toward where Logan was sitting up on the high stool at his bar style kitchen counter. Logan folded up whatever paper he was reading in front of him and turned on the stool to face James as he moved over to him.

"I see we're no longer socializing in formalwear." Logan half smiled, motioning toward the taller boy's sweatshirt.

James breathed out a laugh and shook his head, looking down as he rested a hand gently on each of Logan's knees. The fact that being this close, being able to talk to him and touch him again, still felt as chillingly electrifying as it always had only continued to remind James that he had made the right choice. There was no way that he could have given this up again, not for anything.

Chewing at his lip, he hesitated before lifting his gaze to meet Logan's deep brown eyes. "Why didn't you tell me you came to the city last year?" he asked softly.

"I-" Logan frowned, the expression both confused and mildly surprised. "Your mom told you about that?"

"Well, it wasn't you who did." James pointed out.

The shorter boy sighed and lifted a hand from his lap to toy with one of the drawstrings on James's hoodie as he spoke with a distant look in his eyes. "I didn't think I was ever going to have to explain that, honestly. I just- I missed you, and it was your twenty-first birthday. Kendall and Carlos were all encouraging, naturally, and thought my surprising you would be a great idea. They were probably hoping it would fix whatever was wrong, but…" he shrugged. "They had given me the details of where your apartment was at and everything, and they had told me you were seeing someone, I just hadn't known that she was living with you until I got there."

James wasn't sure what he was hoping to get from finally getting this story, but the nerves going wild in his gut weren't exactly calming down at all as the explanation continued.

"I had checked into this hotel, and I thought about calling you, but I wasn't sure you would actually answer, so instead I just got a cab to your apartment. When I got there, you, um, you were on your way out, and you were with Grace. I remember seeing the way you both had your arms around each other, the biggest smiles on both of your faces." Logan paused, swallowing and taking in a shaky breath. "And I thought to myself, 'why are you doing this? Why are you here right now?' I couldn't make myself get out of the cab, because I felt like if I did, I would ruin something. It was like you leaving in the first place wasn't enough, the universe still was giving me any sign it could possibly give me to just let go of you."

"So you left." James said, voice barely above a whisper.

Biting his lip, Logan nodded. "When I came back three days earlier than I was supposed to, I think the guys knew that whatever they had been hoping for in terms of resolution hadn't happened. They didn't ask me a lot of questions about it. The first day or two I was pretty upset, but people knew I didn't want to talk about it, and I got over it eventually."

"You should have gotten out of the car." The brunette mumbled, giving Logan's knees a squeeze. "So many things could have been different if-"

"Like what?" Logan was meeting his eyes again now, eyebrows raised, with a look of mildly amused question on his face. "What would it really have accomplished, James? You'd already spent a year pretending I didn't exist. Springing up out of the blue would have only made things hard for you."

"But Grace and I weren't engaged then, not yet anyway. It could have put me off to the whole idea."

"So now I actually had to be there in front of you in order to be compelling enough to change your mind?"

"No. No, that's not what I-" James groaned, rolling his neck with his eyes closed in slight frustration before he huffed. "No. Because it wasn't that you were never on my mind, or that nothing ever reminded me of you or made me miss you, because I did. Every day. Seeing you, though? Knowing you had been there, that you had come to see me on your own accord, and that- that you didn't hate me the way that I thought you did…" He bit his lip and shook his head slowly. "It could have changed everything."

"Well, we're a little late on that 'what if' now, I'd say." Logan sighed, letting go of the string he had still been playing with.

James nodded subtly. Slowly, almost hesitantly –as if he wasn't quite sure that it was okay again just yet- he slid his hands from Logan's knees to his hips where he sat. He leaned forward to touch their foreheads together, his eyes falling closed as he breathed in deeply.

"I love you. Have I mentioned that?" He murmured.

Logan hummed quietly, and James could practically hear the smile that had to be on his face. The shorter boy nudged his nose against his gently, the simple motion suddenly making James's entire body feel warm, at ease.

"Say it again." Logan whispered.

The corner of James's lips quirked upward into a hint of a smirk and he opened his eyes, gazing at Logan through his long lashes.

"I love you." This time he deliberately said the words slowly, separately.

Logan smiled widely, the dimples in his cheeks standing out in that way that always seemed to take James's breath away. The brunette leaned in a little further, brushing their lips together just barely, but Logan inched away, taking a breath and sliding a hand along James's chest to press against it.

"Did you get to talk to Grace, too?" he asked.

James frowned with a sigh, inching away a little bit. "She's already gone. She and her family went back to New York."

"So you're going back out there to talk to her, right?"

"Yeah.. I have to, I know I do. It's what's right. I owe her an explanation, and an apology."

Logan nodded slowly.

"I don't suppose there's any way to get you to come with me?" James asked hopefully.

The other boy let out a breathy laugh and shook his head, lifting a hand to gently tap the side of his jaw. "This one's all you, Jamie, not me. You'll be alright."

James shifted on his feet, fingers tightening slightly for a moment where they rested still on Logan's hips, causing his breath to catch in his throat. The taller of the two pressed his lips together in thought.

"What about us, Logan? We're still- Are we…?" The broken questions only helped to convey his confusion on the matter.

Logan paused to bite down on his lip, and James didn't miss the way that his brown eyes flicked toward the folded up letter he had been reading when he'd gotten there on the counter. James's brow twitched into a furrow, suddenly beginning to feel a certain kind of anxiety creeping up on him once again. The other boy seemed to notice and breathed out a sigh.

"I know that I said I wanted to talk about that, us, and I do, but I also kind of just want to enjoy the night, you know? Just.. us being together at all again." He said quietly, hands moving to pull gently at the sides of the pocket on James's sweatshirt.

Some part of James was telling him that he shouldn't take that. There was too much uncertainty in the notion, especially given the not so subtle hesitation toward approaching the topic after Logan had been the one to suggest it in the first place. However there was a bigger part of him that felt too tired, too exhausted, really, to try to press for any more information. All the stresses of that day, from waking up thinking he was going to be married, to panicking after running away from the altar, to practically turning into a nervous wreck while thinking about explaining everything to his mother, it had all taken its toll on him. Avoiding one last emotional weight for the day couldn't be that terrible an idea, could it?

As if sensing the internal struggle to pursue or not pursue the issue, Logan moved his hands to cup his jaw, tilting his head down toward him.

"Okay?" he asked.

Hazel eyes locked with brown ones, both looking a combination of confused, anxious, and worn out. It was an odd combination, and if he could have given himself more of a push to think rationally, James might have realized that both of them looking and feeling so distressed couldn't possibly be a good thing, but as he kept gazing at his best friend, this person that he loved more than anything, he couldn't seem to force himself.

He nodded slowly and leaned forward to press his lips to Logan's, leaving a slow, lingering kiss there that this time Logan didn't pull away from. James gripped onto Logan's hips, dragging them an inch or two forward on his stool as their lips continued to work together. Logan's hands fisted at the plush fabric of the gray hoodie, tugging James as close as he could get him, and causing the taller boy to groan lowly into his mouth. Logan began pulling back and James whined softly, earning a quiet chuckle.

"C'mon.." Logan murmured.

He slid off of the stool and took hold of one of James's hands, dragging him along with him down the short hallway to his bedroom. The brunette could vaguely remember the room from the day before, in his post-hangover haze. He hadn't been paying too much attention to the finer details then, only recognizing that he had no idea where he was until he had rolled over and noticed the note on the pillow beside him, recognizing the handwriting almost immediately. For a moment, something felt wrong, something he couldn't quite place.

But then Logan's hand was sliding along the back of his neck and bringing him down to kiss him again, and any thoughts he had a moment before were shot to hell in an instant. James's fingers curled around the hem of the t-shirt Logan wore, pulling their lips apart again in a breathy hurry to tug the piece of clothing over his head and toss it aside. They went back to kissing each other again in a rush, however in between laughing softly as James worked to squirm out of his sweatshirt before finally getting it off and tossed to the side.

Logan eyed James's bare torso in momentary awe, and the look in itself reminded James just how long it had been since either one of them had seen each other like this. They were acting like this was normal, like they did this all the time. True, for a time that was how it had been, but that time wasn't now, and there was a little voice in James's head saying that treating this like old times was somehow wrong. However, the hormonally driven 22 year old male got the better of him once again as Logan began trailing his lips down his neck and over his shoulder. His fingers hooked in the belt loops of James's jeans and tugged him to turn him before carefully pushing him down onto his bed.

James stayed sitting up for a moment, tilting his head back to meet Logan's mouth searing against his own as his hand slid up the dark haired boy's back. Logan moaned softly into his mouth, pushing back against his shoulders to get him to lie down. Once he had, Logan easily hovered over his body, continuing to kiss him heatedly for a second before his mouth was once again moving downward. James groaned and let his eyes fall closed as he felt Logan's teeth graze against his collarbone. With each open mouthed kiss that Logan began trailing down his chest, over his abdomen, James could feel his pulse quicken, his breathing get heavier. Logan traced his tongue along the ridges of abdominal muscle, causing James to fist at the fabric of the comforter beneath him.

One of Logan's hands began working to expertly undo the button and zipper on James's jeans before both hands were moving to tug them down, James kicking them off as Logan's hands trailed back up the outside of his thighs. Every touch felt like it was going to give him a heart attack. His skin felt flushed, his chest already beginning to rise and fall quickly as Logan's hands ventured to the inside of his thighs, mouth moving in a line of sloppy kisses over the elastic waistband of James's boxer briefs. James opened his eyes again, staring wide-eyed up at the white ceiling as he attempted to control his breathing in the slightest.

It felt amazing, every tiny little thing was sending him reeling, but that wasn't all it was. It was so quick and hurried. And sure, yeah, it wasn't like he and Logan had never hastened out of their clothes and practically attacked each other, and it wasn't like the whole hungry and rushed thing wasn't totally a turn on, but something didn't settle about it right now. He wanted to be able to enjoy it, wanted to be able to feel phenomenal as Logan's tongue flicked against the skin of his hip bone and his fingers began to dip under the fabric of the briefs to pull them down. Sure, it felt good, and he'd be lying if he said that the idea of Logan's mouth wrapped around him right fucking then didn't sound like some kind of heaven on Earth, but his gut still wasn't settling. If it was bothering him this much, it couldn't be just him, right?

"Logan- Fuck." He groaned, biting down on his lip and mentally cursing himself when his hips jerked upward for a second. "Logan, wait."

Logan's dark eyes flicked up to him for a second, an almost taunting look on his face. He trailed a path of kisses back up James's torso until he reached his neck and paused to suck at his pulse point, palming James over the thin fabric of his boxer briefs as he did. James grunted and once again his body betrayed him, hips jerking upward and eyes rolling back for an instant.

"Hmm?"

By some miracle –or maybe Hell was actually freezing over, that could be likely, too- James growled quietly under his breath and mustered up enough self control to grip onto Logan's wrist to stop him. He moved his hand away and quickly turned the both of them over, straddling Logan's waist and grabbing hold of his hands to keep them pinned down on either side of the smaller boy's head. Logan smirked up at him, no doubt thinking the change of position had to do with James wanting to take control of the situation and avoid more teasing. Which, okay, yeah, the brunette had to give him that in any other instance that probably would have been the case, but for some reason now was different.

They were both breathing heavily, James simply looking down at Logan for several seconds, Logan licking his lips in a way that very well almost had James caving after all. Instead, however, once his breathing had slowed at least a little bit, he barely gave a shake of his head.

"We- We can't do this right now." He murmured.

Logan's smirk almost instantly turned to a look of confusion. "But.. I thought you wanted…"

"Oh trust me," James chuckled breathily, "I would love to. It's just-" He bit his lip, loosening the tight grip he had on Logan's wrists as his face softened.

Hurrying into the room, and both of them being so quick to be all over each other like nothing had even happened between them to change a thing, James hadn't even had a moment to think. Being in a position now where distraction was limited, where his sole focus was looking down at the person he had beneath him, something clicked. His initial, fleeting thought about how long it had been came back to him and he swallowed.

"Not including the other night when I came here drunk, this is the first night you and I have spent together in two years. It shouldn't just be about.. this." He explained softly.

There was a few second's paused, and then James noticed the way Logan's face fell just before he squeezed his eyes closed.

"I'm an idiot." He mumbled.

"No, actually, you're very far from an idiot."

"I- I didn't even think- You're right. I'm sorry."

"Shhhh," James let go of his wrists entirely to move his hands to either side of his face, thumbs brushing over his cheekbones. "Not exactly the first time we've both got caught up in the moment."

Logan's eyes opened finally, a faint grin becoming present on his face. "When did you become the rational one?"

"Oh, it's been a long day, my friend. I think I might have turned forty." James drawled with a roll of his eyes.

He rolled off of him, turning to lay on his side facing him. Logan hesitated a moment, sighing, before turning onto his side as well.

"Pretty good looking for a forty year old." he joked quietly.

"Always." James laughed lightly.

Logan smiled faintly and brushed his fingers gently along James's cheek, causing his hazel eyes to flutter close for a second. The simple familiarity of the sweet gesture felt somehow calming.

"I love you, you know that?" he whispered.

The brunette's eyes opened once again, meeting Logan's. "Yeah, I know." He stayed quiet an extra moment, letting out a breathy laugh as Logan chewed at his lip when he didn't say the words back right away. "And I love you, too."

Lips barely quirking up at the corners, Logan inched forward on the mattress, pressing in close against James's chest and breathing in deeply.

"Promise?" he asked.

James smiled gently and slid his arm around Logan's waist to hold him closer. It felt somehow childish, and maybe that was only because making each other promises was something that had been a lifelong thing between the two of them. Much like their spending the night together, however, it had been such a long time.

Maybe he'd never be able to make up for that, for those two years that he spent away and lost touch with the one person he knew best and loved the most. Maybe he'd be trying to get re-used to it again for a while. After all the events of the day, not to mention everything that was still up in the air –talking to Grace, actually figuring out the intricacies of what was going on between him and his best friend, thinking of what he was going to do now that his life wasn't actually in New York anymore- it felt like there was nothing resolved, so much still to fix. There were so many questions still, but despite all of that, and despite the fact that things were not one hundred percent perfect right then, James knew at least one thing, and that was that he loved Logan. No matter what had to be done to show him that, to make up for the lost time, he'd do it.

He bent his head down and pressed a kiss into Logan's mussed up dark hair and sighed tiredly.

"Promise."