DISCLAIMER: OK Kabuto, it's all yours! First, thank you to Mr. T. for the use of the Angels. Thanks to everyone else who is letting us use their creations. How was that, Yuri? Great! Oh yes it was, Kei! Well, we left you up in the air so let's get to Chapter 10 without further preamble:-
Chapter 10
'An Apple A Day' or 'The Spies Who Came In From the Cold'
Marlene Angel almost dumped java on the redhead she was laughing so hard at that one! She turned to Ekichii Orochimaru and Kabuto.
"The Boss 'is' our 'co', fellas! May I present Marshall Keirran Deirdre O'Shaughnessy O'Halloran, Commander of the 3WA/'UG' patrol starship the 'Lovely Angel 2'- Home Base:- 'Furool (Foo-Lon) City', 'Shimougou', 'Aquarian Galaxy', 'Alpha Quadrant'." said the blonde with a devilish grin and Kei lifted her mug of steaming java in response and sipped it. Then she frowned again.
"Enough with the intros already! Answer my questions, Orochimaru- now!" demanded Kei, green aizu flashing fire.
"You er already know our names, Madam so suffice it to say that we are both from the 'Land of waves' in Japan ont he Earth. And you should know that it is March 26th, 1547 without my having to tell you." replied the Ninja in a haughty tone of authority.
"Nai, it ain't. It's September 10th, AD 2251. (Mar whispered to her Boss) Oro? In that case teir asses stay right here! Put big mouth in with Doc 6 and stick shi aizus (four eyes) in with Ichigo, Rock, revy and Rukia. Any trouble outta them and they both go into the shimatta brig! You two yay-hoos got that?" growled Kei and the jonin duo nodded.
"Mar's gonna take ya to yer quarters. Stay there! Mar, do not add them to the duty rostewr just yet. I don't trust 'em!" snarled the Marshall. Mar motioned with her cannon and the two shinobis arose and left with the blonde bringing up the rear. Kei swallowed two 'Hydroxylein' (antacid) capsules and washed them down with a splash of 'Tullamore Dew' (Irish whiskey). Meanwhile Mar had left her charges with the 'Gallifreyan' time lord, the 'reapers' and the 'rowdies'. Then she returned to her bunk and slept fitfully until Mugghi aroused her at 0630 (6:30 AM) and she reported to the bridge to begin her pre-flight checks.
"Another two and a half hours to liftoff." the blonde thought ruefully. Mar was always uneasy just before a liftoff. Why? Because too many disasters had struck them before they could get away too many times for comfort in her opinion. The rest of her flight crew drifted in one at a time until the cadre was at last complete.
Kei (of course), Legato (pilot), Mar (co-pilot/navigator), Kome (communications), Revy (weapons), Mae and Rio (gunners), Rally (scanner) and Jon Harlock (security) were at their stations and the 'Angel' was all set to go. Jon's 'roving' guards this shift were Light Yagami and 'Ryuuk', his invisible (to everyone who wasn't initiated anyway) 'shinigami' death god companion.
"OK. We wanna be sure to make this a successful liftoff so--" began Mar.
"A short countdown!" crowed Kei and Kome.
"Right you are. Here we go. Go (5), shi (4), san (30, ni (2), ichi (1), rei (zero). Liftoff. Mugghi, engage main thrusters. We'll make our hyperspace jump in an hour. Legato, fire up both right nacelles and Mugghi, you fire up both of the left ones. Legato, our course is 375.8 NNE. Set 'George' now and the Comm's all yours, Marshall." said Mar.
"Fine. Great job, hazu. Blue, I leave my ship in your capable hands. Kome, send Solo to my ready room. Mar, trill me when we're ready to jump. Ja mata all." said the redhead who was leaving the bridge.
"Do ya have any apples, Reds?" asked a voice after Kei had seated herself at her desk.
"Oro the Fxxxing Hell!' yelled the Boss, yanking out her cannon and pointing it at-- nothiing!
"Gomen er sorry about that, Miss. You must not have touched the book therefore I am invisible to your aizu. I am 'Ryuuk'. Light Yagami has my 'death note' book and until it is all used up I am stranded wherever he happens to be." explained the 'shinigami' death god.
"I 'know' who the Hell ya are, tomo. You're supposed to be on guard mount patrol with Yagami so why aren't ya? Oro are ya doing in here?" asked Kei, tossing an apple in the voice's general direction. The apple suddenly remained suspended in midair and then slowly it began to disappear- core and all!
"Arigatou, Reds. We 'shinigami' are sort of addicted to these things (apples) like you Terrans are addicted to tobacco and alcohol. I'll just take a few more (half a dozen apples vanished from the bowl of fruit on the table as 'Ryuuk' filled his pockets) for later if you don't mind and I'll get back to work, ma'am. Sayonara." said the voice, sliding the doors open.
"I'm human, 'Ryuuk', but I sure ain't no Terran. I'm a 'Shimougan' now, however, I was born on 'Workoh' out in the 'Omega Quadrant' way out in the boondocks. OK. So all I gotta do to see you is to just touch this book of yours eh?" said the redhead.
"Uh huh." replied 'Ryuuk', his mouth full of apples.
"Then have Yagami report to me here when his shift is up. You come with him and bring the book. The next time ya want apples just have somebody rep ya up some. Don't you ever leave your post like that again. Now get yer ass outta here, tomo." chortled Kei mischievously.
"Boss?" trilled Mar.
"Yeah, Mar? Oro?" trilled Kei.
"Where in the Hell's this shimatta 'Warrior's Gate' place anyhow? It's not on any of my star charts nor is it listed in the 'Galactic Index' so how do we get there?" trilled the blonde.
"I dunno, kid. Doc 2 took me there the last time. Maybe Doc 6 knows. Hang on a sec. Hey Doc? Doctor? Ya there?" trilled Kei.
"Yes, I'm here, Marshall. What's the problem?" trilled the foppish 'Gallifreyan' time lord from the dining hall where he was breakfasting on scones.
"How do we get to this 'Gate' of yours?" trilled Kei.
"Just steer due East." he trilled back.
"On oro course dammit?" trilled an impatient Marlene Angel.
"Any bloody one you want, love. It doesn't really matter. You don't 'find' the 'Gate', it 'finds' you. Er Boss? Might I ask you for a favour? (Kei growled "Well?") Could you perhaps find something for Peri to do? Just something to keep her out of mischief, Marshall? She is really very efficient you know. Onegai?" trilled the time lord hopefully.
"Sure Doc. She can be 'yeoman' (clerk) for us. I'll even make the kid an acting 'suben' (a 'subensign') but she'll have to wear a tro-con uniform. OK? (The Doctor said "Of course whatever you say is fine with Peri.") She can start on those files down on Deck Seven. Just aft of the 'star room' (the 'observation deck' had been christened the 'star room' by 'Starfire' of the 'Teen Titans') Tell her I'm sending someone down to take her there and they'll bring her a uniform at the same time, Doc. Kei out." she trilled.
"Revy? It's Kei. Get hold of a female 3WA 'suben' er 'subensign' uniform and take it to our Miss Peri Winkle Brown down on Deck Three. She's gonna be our new 'yeoman' so onegai introduce her to the file room up on Deck Seven. After that get Rio and Edna to clean our 'God Gun' on Deck Six just in case we gotta use it again. Kei out." trilled the redhead.
"You got it, Boss Lady Kei." trilled Revy Roberts. The 'God Gun' (as most of us already know) is an immense weapon which literally 'is' Deck Six and runs the entire half kilo length of the 'Angel' itself! It fires an ionic charged bolt of energy which it generates from its own ionic generator located in the rear of the deck. It is also capable of launching objects through its colossal barrel. The charged bolt it fires is almost half a kilo in width and can do little things like vaporize moons, atomize asteroids of any size, rearrange worlds and minor crap like that!
Doctor 6 was busily tinkering with his TARDIS down in the rec room when his suite's door klaxon jangled so Peri (who had spilt grease all over her sweats and pants and had changed into a newly repped and quite lovely tan jumpsuit) answered the summons.
"OK kiddo, get outta that crap and get into these threads- stat! Boss Lady's orders, kid. You're gonna be our new 'yeoman' so as soon as ya get changed I'll take ya upstairs and show ya oro ya gotta do." said Revy Roberts, tossing Peri a female 3WA 'suben' uniform consisting of a wine coloured blazer, a long sleeved black turtleneck sweater, a wine coloured microminiskirt, white knee-highs, black ankle boots, a shoulder harness and holster rig with a Mark III miniblaster, white gloves and a black beret.
"Fine, Roberts. Please wait here." said Peri, picking up her stuff and going into her bedroom to change. Meanwhile on Deck Four in the hallway just outside of the laundry room--
Three 'totally' Valley babes were unceremoniously dumped on their keesters!
"Here we go again, guys!" moaned a tall blonde teenager to her two teen companions- a short brunette and a taller redhead.
"Yeah! That's for darn sure!" agreed the brunette, rubbing her derriere.
"Right but just where the Sam Hell are we this time? It seems a bit chilly but nowhere near cold enough for those 'Gysymeo' (See Xmas chappies) ice caverns and it's way too big for the 'Leo', 'Raph', 'Donnie' or 'Mikey' so I'd say its that bigger 'mother' ship- the 'Lovely Angel 2' only--" and the redhead trailed off.
"Only what, Sammy?" asked the puzzled brunette.
"Only I don't remember it getting this cold on the 'Angel', Alex." replied the redhead.
"Yeah. Me neither. Oh my Christ in Heaven! So that's why it feels like a bloody icebox in here! Look! (Clover- the blonde- pointed to their reflections in the shiny Kelvinite bulkhead wall) Dammit to Hell!" yelled Clover.
"Ssh! Quiet down, Clover! You wanna wake up the whole ship? I er WOW! I see where you're coming from now, girl! What the oni (devil) are we all doing in our swimsuits?" wondered Alex- the brunette.
"You dumbass! Look again! We're wearing our unmentionables, Alex and nothing else, man!" cried Clover.
"Shut the Hell up! Both of ya! Ya want for somebody here to find us- like this? Wait a sec! WOW! What a stroke of luck, girls. we're right outside of the ship's laundry room and the door's unlocked! Get in here- quick!" whispered Sammy, shoving Alex and Clover inside and then sealing the door behind them.
"So this is the infamous ship that I thought you three spies were hallucinating about! Oh my goodness, girls! I'll turn round while you find something to put on. That locker may have something in it, spies. By the way- where the Hell are we- locationwise I mean? Gladys, do you know?" asked a short dapper 'David Nivenish' chap with a pencil moustache and dark thinning hair tinged with grey when the girls shook their heads. His last question had been directed at a square metallic box of flashing lights hovering above his head and it seemed to be floating there.
"We are where the girls told us they'd been for the past several months (which you chose not to believe, sir) when they showed up at the Beverly Hills Mall last week, Jerry. This is the 'United Galactical Federation of Galaxies'/'World Welfare Works Association' patrol starship the 'Lovely Angel 2' and according to its central databanks it's cruising through deep space about 200 lightyears beyond Mars. However, for the moment, its destination must remain a mystery since the navigational course is encrypted. OK Jerry, you can turn back. The girls are decent." explained Gladys who was the 'WOOHP' ('World Organization Of Human Protection') version of 'CC' and his tomos.
"Yuck! These flightsuit thingys are 'not' very becoming! Tro-cons just have no sense of fashion! Phew! They stink to high Heaven too! They must not have been laundered yet!" complained Clover.
"Then take it off, bimbo." teased a giggling Alex.
"Thank you, no. I believe I'll keep it on for now, Alex." seethed Clover, biting her tongue.
"Jerry? Gladys? How the devil did you get here, sir? How did we manage to get stuck back here again?" wondered Sammy.
"Hey! This magenta (wine colour) totally does not not go very well with my hair! And even with socks on my feet are still cold, Sammy!" grumbled Clover.
"Buck up, girls! We'll get out of this mess- somehow! OK Sammy- since you have been here before suppose you lead the way. Let's go see the guy in charge, shall we?" said Jerry Lewis who was the spygirls' 'WOOHP' boss. All three of 'em snickered at Jerry's comment.
"I'm hungry darn it!" wailed Clover.
"Well, we sure as Hell can't do anything about that now. There aren't any replicators in here or didn't ya notice, Blondie?" pointed out a prudent Alex.
"What's so damned funny, spies?" demanded Jerry.
"You'll see soon, sir. Follow me. C'mon Gladys. If I remember right this is er Deck 5 or is it Deck 4 (It was Deck 4)? Anyway we gotta get up to the Command Deck on Level 9. That's where the bridge is and the Boss's ready room." said Sammy.
"Just how big is this bloody thing?" cried Jerry.
"Not too big, Jerry. It's totally only nine decks, sir." replied Alex.
"Don't forget the five that are underground, girl!" yelled Clover.
"What!" cried Jerry.
"She means the five subsurface levels er decks which are below the main deck, Jerry." said Sammy reassuringly. "Or is this maybe Deck 6?" she mused aloud.
"No! It totally cannot possibly be Deck 6, Sammy! Deck 6 is that big humongous gun thingy- remember?" corrected Alex.
"Oh yeah, man. How could I have totally forgotten about that damned thing?" replied Sammy.
"Let's go find the elevator (lift), guys! Then all we gotta do is tell good old 'CC' where we gonna go and he'll take us there, man!" squealed Clover excitedly.
"Look. There's the gantryway steps." suggested Alex and she pointed them out at the end of the hallway.
"Walk all the way up there? Are you crackers, girl? No darn way will I do that, Alex!" wailed Clover and for the very first time Jerry Lewis realized that he was not in Arnie Schwarzenegger's sunny State of California in the good old US of A anymore! He craned his neck back and stared upwards at the central atrium at the top of the starship. Then he leaned on the railing and gazed downwards at the base of the ship far below them.
Clover spotted something at the opposite end of the long corridor and crowed "There's the elevator! C'mon guys!" and jogged off down the hallway towards it. Jerry, Alex and Sammy had to double time after the blonde with Gladys jetting along behind them.
"Take us to the bridge- quick!" ordered Clover after they had all piled into the lift car. Gladys hovered in the air above them.
"You are not authorized to use this conveyance without proper clearance." said 'CC's voice in a monotone and Clover blew her stack!
"You pathetic piece of worthless crap! I just gave you a Kami shimatta order, dammit! I told you to take us up to the Boss's bridge- stat! Now do it you frigging junkyard- or else!" yelled the blonde bombshell, stamping her foot almost onto Alex's toe!
"Miss Clover? Welcome back! This must be old home week or something totally like that, surfer girl. Mikey and his family and friends are here too and er so's just abot everyone else as well, man! Hey, who's the old fuddy duddy, kiddies?" asked a curious 'CC'.
"Jerry Lewis. Their boss and that's Gladys- our own 'CC' from 'WOOHP'! So you just do what you're told and take us up to that bridge now, sir!" exploded an angry Jerry.
"OK Gramps! Keep your shorts on! Sheesh! Oro a sorehead!" sulked 'CC' and the lift shot upwards so fast that Jerry almost upchucked all over Sammy!
"Looky there, Love! Intruders- and they're trying to break into the bridge, Dom!" whispered Villa to his partner, Dominique the Cyclops. They were the gunner and the navigator respectively of the 'Outlaw Star' and they had drawn guard duty for this watch. The tall dark-maned woman with Villa had a black patch over her left aizu and she was drawing out her Mark XIII ion cannon while Villa yanked out his own disruptor pistol.
"OK, that's just about enough of that crap, gents! Get your hands up! Now!" ordered Villa.
"Who the dickens is he?" whispered Jerry, hastening to comply.
"How the Hell should I know?" seethed Sammy through gritted teeth.
"Not so fast, darlin'! He said 'hands up'!" said Dominique, grabbing Clover by her long blonde mop and slamming her against the bulkhead wall as the speedy 'WOOHP' spygirl sprinted past her. With Villa covering them, 'Deadaizu' patted down the newcomers for weapons.
"They're clean, Villa. Let's take 'em in!" she said, biting down on her cigarillo.
"Don't you girls have er diplomatic immunity or something? I thought you said that everyone aboard this tub knew the three of you?" whispered Jerry to Sammy.
"I never laid eyes on those two loonies before, Jerry and I doubt if Blondie or Reds did either! I sure hope 'somebody' remembers us besides 'CC' and his cohorts!" whispered Alex fearfully. A voice boomed out from behind Villa and Dominique.
"Well! Will ya look at oro the neko (cat) dragged in! Hey gang! Those 'Beverly Hills Bimbos' are back!" called the 'cowgirl' (Faye Valentine) over her shoulder. She was standing in the doorway of the ready room's portals.
END of Ch 10. Ch 11 coming soon. R/R/S away and Kami bless you all. SYS and SFN. Ja mata and have a super weekend. Oro do ya think of my honouring the great Haruka Takachiho by naming the Academy after him? Onegai r/r/s away and have a good read. More soon. The titles for 1-8 are posted at /forums/fanfics/Dirty Pair Fanfiction on my Profile page and here on my Profile page too. Toodles-K&K