Title: The Thin Line Between Love and Hate
Prompt: You're my brother's best friend, but you make my life miserable and I hate you. But not really.
Rating: T
This is my longest one-shot (or even chapter) ever. I hope you like it. For those of you that read Fake It Til You Make It, a new chapter should be up this week as well. As usual, I own nothing but the plot. Enjoy!
"Fuck you, Lightwood," Clary Fray snarled from across the room. Her twin brother, Jonathan, was holding her back from killing Jace Lightwood, his best friend, as she fought to escape his grasp. The cocky blond bastard was going to pay for his little stunt. She had a whole weekend to plot her revenge. It wasn't the first time Jace had tormented Clary, but it would be the last if Clary had anything to say about it.
"Clary, stop. What the hell happened today?" Jon asked, keeping his sister locked in his arms as he glanced between her and his friend. Jace was sitting on the Fray family's sofa; to most bystanders he'd look like the epitome of cool but Jon could see his tense back and stiff movements. Everyone knew that Clary had a temper as fiery as her hair and that, even though she was tiny, she packed a punch. Jace was lucky Jon had walked in before she has seriously hurt him. He'd be lucky to get away with just the couple of scratches on his arms he already had.
Clary huffed, glaring at Jace. "None of your business, Jon. This is between Jace and I. Stay out of it!" At that exact moment, Jocelyn Fray walked through the front door. Jon had never been so happy to see his mother. If anyone could control Clary, it was their mother. He could actually feel Clary deflate in his arms.
"What's going on here?" their mom asked, eyes shifting between the three teens. She raised one eyebrow and placed her hands on her hips, preparing to get into 'mom mode.' Clary knew when she'd been defeated.
"Nothing. I was just going to sleep at Izzy's. I'll call you tomorrow."
"Jace, why don't you drive Clary back to your house?" Jocelyn asked innocently.
"No!" all three teenagers shouted.
"It's just… Jace is staying here tonight, Mom. He already cleared it with Maryse. Plus, their house is only two blocks away," Jon explained.
"Okay, but go before it gets dark, Clary. And boys, it's date night for Luke and I tonight, so I'll put some money on the counter for pizza." With that, she left the room.
"This isn't over, Lightwood," Clary growled, releasing herself from her brother's arms to grab her backpack. She gave Jace a dirty look before leaving and slamming the door behind her.
Jon looked to his best friend. "You are so screwed, my friend," he said, before hurrying off to order pizza.
When Clary arrived at the Lightwood residence, she let herself in as always and stomped her way up to Izzy's bedroom. Opening the door, she screamed in frustration. "I fucking hate your brother. How are you two related?"
Izzy looked up from her magazine and rolled her eyes. It was a never-ending cycle of dislike between her brother and her best friend, so she was used to the ranting. "He's my half brother – I blame his mother's genes. What did he do now?" she asked. Clary knew that Jace was a product of Robert Lightwood's affair with an employee. He was only a few months older than Izzy and had shown up on the Lightwoods' porch when he was six months old – Izzy had only been four months old – with a letter from his biological mother giving up her parental rights. Despite the betrayal of her husband, Maryse Lightwood, amazing woman that she was, adopted her husband's illegitimate son and raised him alongside her three children. When Robert died, Alec was 14, Izzy and Jace were 12, and Max was only 6. But nothing had changed – Jace was just as much a Lightwood (and Maryse's child) as the other kids. Only Izzy brought up his status as a half-sibling, and even then it was only in a joking manner when Clary got pissed off at him.
Clary flopped down next to Izzy on the bed. "So, I'm packing up my stuff after school when who comes up to talk to me but Sebastian fucking Verlac, in all his glory. Needless to say, I'm soaking up the flirting time with his hot ass when Jace comes into the room, coming to get me since Jon wanted to leave and he was my ride since you ditched me for Simon. Then he says 'I'm happy the doctor let you come to school, Clare.' I was confused but he continued. 'Jon told me the clinic said it would be a few days until you weren't contagious anymore.' Then he up and walks away. Sebastian's face twisted with disgust before he mumbled out an excuse and left, along with all my hopes to finally get with him. So I stomp out to my brother's car and Jace is out there laughing like it's the funniest thing in the world. I held in my anger, but when we got to my house, I attacked. I only got in one good scratch though before Jon stopped me."
Izzy just sighed, playing with her inky black hair. "Of course he did that. He's an ass, Clare. You know that. And yet you keep feeding into it."
Clary ran her fingers through her curls. "I just… God, he's such an asshat to me. Worse than he is with other people. It's like his purpose in life is to make me miserable. And I can't just let it go."
"You know what? You remember when we were younger and our moms told us that boys were mean to us on the playground because they liked us? Well, I think Jace is a boy on the playground. He messes with you because he loves you."
Clary laughed. That was ridiculous. There was no way Jace even liked her, let alone loved her. "Yeah, cause Jace is so totally afraid of showing affection to girls. That's confirmed by me walking in on him with Aline, Kaelie, Camille…"
"He doesn't care about any of them," Izzy interrupted. "What I'm saying is that you're different. He actually cares about you. And that scares him, because you're Jon's sister and you've always acted like you hate him."
"Yeah, yeah. Whatever you say Iz. Anyhow, you gonna help me plan my revenge or not?" Izzy just nodded at her friend, used to taking her best friend's side against her brother. The two spent the next three hours planning Clary's revenge. It took a while, but Izzy came up with the perfect plan, although it took some convincing to get Clary to agree. And even then, she only agreed because it would be the perfect revenge. Izzy, though, had a different, more important plan. She was going to show her best friend that she was right about Jace.
That Monday, Izzy arrived at the Fray residence three hours early and a sleepy Clary opened the door. Izzy dragged all her makeup bags, dress bags, and tools up the stairs as quietly as possible, not wanting to wake up any of the other members of the Fray family. Clary was silent as she readied her things for her shower and continued her silence when she exited.
"Sooo, why so quiet Clary?" Izzy asked as she straightened Clary's red curls.
"One – it's five o'clock in the morning and I've had no coffee. So shut the fuck up. Two – I think this is a stupid plan. There's no way that I can convince Jace that I don't hate him or get him to fall for me. Izzy, it's never going to work."
"It will work, Clary. I know my brother," Izzy replied.
"Yeah, yeah, yeah… that's why I'm going along with this ridiculous plan. But if this blows up on me, I promise you that I will take you down with me," Clary assured her friend. Inside, she was nervous. How the hell was she supposed to lure Jace in, get him to fall for her? Even with Izzy's help, it was doubtful that this would work. Even if it did work, Clary wasn't sure if she wanted it to work. That would require getting uncomfortably close with the bane of her existence. Ughh, she would never know why she let Izzy talk her into this.
Three hours later, Izzy and Clary left the house. Clary glanced in the mirror on their way out of the house and had to stifle a gasp. She had to hand it to Izzy; the girl could work her magic. The redhead looking back at her in the mirror didn't even look like her. She was wearing high-waisted navy blue shorts, a lacy, low cut white tank, and a pink blazer with navy blue gladiator sandals and a large tote bag. Her hair had been straightened and re-curled so it flowed in soft curls instead of her usual tight spirals. Her makeup was the perfect combination of sultry and innocent. Even her nails were painted a deep red. Everything was perfect.
And yet, as she got out of Izzy's car at school, Clary couldn't help but notice the pit in the bottom of her stomach. And as they walked past Jace, Jon and their friends, her gut tightened with anticipation and nerves. She managed to ignore them, as Izzy told her to, but it was really hard. She never realized how much attention she actually paid to Jace until she was forced not to do so anymore.
When she arrived in third period, the first class of her day with Jace, she again felt the tightening in her gut. For the first time in the ten years she'd known his, she wanted him to notice her. And the change was off putting. Clary noticed the moment that Jace saw her. His eyes widened for a fraction of a minute as he walked past her on his way to his back row seat. She smirked slightly, crossing her legs. After class, she headed to lunch where she filled Izzy and Simon in on her progress. Then she faced another class with Jace. So far, day one of 'Project Revenge' was going well; Clary kept noticing Jace sneaking glances at her during biology, where they were lab partners. She couldn't help but lean forward over their worktable, peeking at him as his eyes darted to her chest and then back to their lab assignment. Maybe this will work, she thought. Plus, it helped that they got a take home assignment that they agreed to work on after school.
After a few more classes, Clary found Jon in the hallway by their lockers. "Hey sis," he said. When he turned to look at her, his eyes widened. "What are you wearing?"
"You're just now noticing? I decided to do something different. What? You don't like it?" she asked innocently.
"It's certainly… different," he said, shaking his head. "You need a ride today?"
Clary nodded. "Yeah, Simon and Izzy are going to study, which always turns into them playing footsie, which leads to tonsil hockey." She shivered at the thought of watching her two best friends suck each other's faces, even though she was so happy that they were finally together.
"Who gets to play tonsil hockey?" Jace asked from behind her, startling Clary. She jumped slightly, surprised to be so effected by his appearance.
"Izzy and Simon," Clary said casually, no hint of animosity in her voice.
"Eww. I do not need to hear about my little sister and that rat face." The trio started walking to Jon's car as Clary slapped Jace's arm.
"Don't insult my best friend like that… they're cute together. Besides, at least Simon can get a girl to stick with him for more than a day. That's more than you could get." After she said it, she realized that's probably not the best way to get him to like her. But she couldn't bring herself to take it back. Clary was surprised to see a flash of hurt in his eyes, but it was gone before she could even fully identify it.
As they arrived at Clary's house, Jon announced that he had a project to do with his new girlfriend, Lily. Clary complained halfheartedly about Jace being at the house without Jon but inside she was jumping for joy. This was her perfect opportunity; she'd be alone with Jace for a considerable period of time. She could work on her seduction tactics. As Clary and Jace sat at the dining room table, with their entire biology project in front of them, they both squirmed uneasily in their seats. It was rather unusual for them to be in the same room without insulting or criticizing each other. The silence was deafening as they unloaded their worksheets and books and started on the assignment.
"You're quiet today. What, no witty banter or physical assaults?" Jace asked without looking up from his work. Now was the perfect time to initiate the plan.
"Nah, I've decided to turn over a new leaf. I realized that I really didn't even know why I always hated you. So, I'm… working on it. My hatred of you, that is." At that, Jace did look up and met Clary's gaze. For the first time, Clary noticed that his amber eyes were rimmed with a darker brown and his hair curled at the edges. They were sitting so close, closer than they ever had before. He smelled like… mangos, surprisingly. Mangos and sunshine.
Jace cleared his throat and stood up. "That's… good. I guess we can call a truce then." He began fidgeting and went to get a soda out of the fridge. Clary was surprised when he put a can on the table in front of her. He had never been considerate of her before. She didn't know whether it was because he was an inconsiderate person or because she never let him.
They finished the assignment in record time before planting themselves in front of the TV and flicking channels for the next hour. Clary was self-conscious for the first time in her entire life. Still wearing her shorts and the low cut tank top, she shifted uncomfortably until Jace sighed. "What's wrong, Clary?" he asked.
"Nothing." Jace looked like he was going to say something, but Jon walked in.
"Wow," he said, looking around the room. "You're both alive and nothing is broken. I may die of shock."
Clary glared at her brother as he sat next to her on the sofa. "Hardy har har, Jon. I'll have you know that Jace and I have reached a truce." She put a hand on his bicep, and he immediately tensed. "Isn't that right, Jace?" He gulped before nodding. Good, Clary thought. I'm affecting him.
"Okay, whatever you say…" When Jon and Jace disappeared, Clary ran to her room to hide out and get her bearings. She texted Izzy. Progress tonight – we called a truce. And I caught him looking at my chest like 50 times today. Full update tomorrow on the way to school. Then she finished her homework and went to bed, without another thought to the blond boy.
The weeks passed and the two actually got along. Clary never realized how much they had in common – they both loved Marvel movies, punk rock, and animals. After a couple of weeks, Clary could genuinely say they were friends. Izzy, Simon, and her even started eating lunch with Jace, Jon and their friends.
"Okay, it's time. Phase one: peace has been completed. Next up is phase two: seduction. You ready?" Izzy asked as they walked to third period a couple of weeks later.
"I still don't understand why you're doing this, Clary. You don't even like him," Simon added.
"That's the point, Si. It's revenge. He'll fall for me and I'll break his heart. It's a long term plan. And don't worry Iz, I got this." With a smile, Clary was off to class with a spring in her step. After the change in the air over the last few weeks, she knew that she could do this. Jace would be putty in her hands. She adjusted her black leather jacket and ran her hands down her tight jeans (silently thanking the universe for jeans that make her ass look that good) before heading to class. She was immediately disappointed. There, at her lab table, was Jace with the blonde bimbo on his lap and her tongue down his throat. Kaelie, she thought bitterly. She fixed her hair (which was wavy today, again) and watched the two for a minute.
Jace and Kaelie had an on and off relationship, which apparently was at least temporarily on. And it didn't help that Kaelie absolutely hated Clary with every bone in her body for some unknown reason. Clary stalked to her table, clearing her throat at the couple sitting mere inches from her. At the sound, Jace opened his eyes and immediately stood up, running his fingers through his messy hair. Kaelie fell to the ground when he stood, to Clary's complete amusement. As the blond bimbo got up and stalked away, Clary put on her most innocent smile. Jace hadn't even bothered to help Kaelie up. Clearly he wasn't that into her.
"Hi Clary, sorry, I, uh, I didn't see you there," Jace said, his voice a bit higher than usual. His eyes skimmed Clary from head to toe, which she ignored as usual.
"No problem. I just didn't know you and Kaelie were back together…"
"We're not back together," he interrupted, sitting again. Clary giggled.
"Sure looked like you were together. You know, with all the face sucking and all." He had the humility to at least blush.
"She kind of assaulted me. But you know, a guy's got needs. Who am I to stop an attractive girl from kissing me?" he said with a smirk and a wink. Usually, this kind of behavior would drive Clary crazy and she'd verbally assault him, like the time he nicknamed himself Baron Hotshaft Von Hugenstein. But instead, she leaned closer to him, placing her hand on his thigh.
"So," she whispered into his ear. "Can any attractive girl satisfy these needs for you?" Clary saw Jace's adam's apple bob and his hands ball into fists. Her breath ghosted over his face. He barely moved; it was only a centimeter or two, but she noticed as his lips traveled towards hers. And, just as the tension between the two was getting unbearable, their biology teacher walked in announcing the beginning of class. She quickly scooted back into her chair and tried to breathe normally. Clary knew it was all part of the plan, but the heat between them had certainly been unexpected. After class, Jace left without another word to her. She didn't know if he was mad or frustrated or what was going on in his mind. And it bothered her. A lot.
She didn't see Jace again until the next day. And when she did, he arrived a minute before the bell rang and ran out of the room as soon as class ended. It continued like that for the rest of the week. After school on Friday, she found Jon waiting by her locker.
"Hey, Clare. Have you noticed anything weird with Jace?" he asked.
"You mean weirder than usual… not really. Why?"
"I invited him over to hang out tonight and he said he couldn't. He's literally never turned down an invite to our house. Apparently, Maryse has too many rules and our house is more 'chill.' Anyhow, I was wondering if you noticed. He's been kind of withdrawn all week; he even turned down a date with that hottie at the coffee shop yesterday." Clary raised her eyebrows (she was terribly bad at trying to raise one). That behavior was odd. She couldn't help but wonder if it had anything to do with what happened a few days before.
When she arrived at Izzy's house for their weekly sleepover, Jace was home. She saw him and Max playing video games in the den as she walked upstairs, but she didn't say hi. She didn't want to be awkward. So instead, she distracted herself with Izzy's Simon woes ("Why won't he have sex with me, Clary?" she'd asked. There were some things that could never be unheard.), their typical beauty regimen, and movies. At two AM, long after Iz fell asleep, Clary was still tossing and turning, so she decided to go downstairs to get milk.
When she turned on the kitchen light, she jumped. There was a shirtless Jace, sitting at the breakfast bar eating cereal. She really tried not to look, but it was impossible. His sculpted body was a work of art. She shook her head slightly, eager to refocus, and made her way to the refrigerator.
"Couldn't sleep either?" Jace asked quietly. She poured her milk and sat in the empty chair next to him.
"Nope." For a while, they sat in amicable silence. And then Clary had to go and ruin it.
"Sooooo, what's up with you? You've been acting so freaking weird. Even Jon has noticed." Way to be subtle, Clary, she thought.
"It's nothing."
"We're friends now, so you can talk to me. So, come on, talk." Surprisingly, Clary actually cared. She wanted to know what was causing the dark circles under his eyes and the messy (or messier than usual) hair he was currently sporting. Ignoring the twinge in her gut at that revelation, she waited for Jace to decide whether he was going to talk or not. She could actually see his wheels turning as he thought.
"I… I don't know, I'm just. I'm confused, I guess. It's a long story." He sighed, tugging at the ends of his hair.
"I've got time."
Jace spun until he was looking directly in Clary's eyes. "What do you want me to say, Clary? That your sudden change has me off kilter? That things have changed on my end too? What is it you want to know?" He was angry, Clary could tell. But at least she'd confirmed that this odd behavior was about her. Now was not the time or the place to celebrate her victory, but she was momentarily proud of herself. And then reality sunk in – she was making him unhappy; it was her fault. "So can you please leave me alone now?" he asked.
"This… this is my fault? I'm making you that miserable?" She couldn't help that it came out as a whisper. He sighed.
"I don't think you really want to have this conversation Clary."
"Please."
"Okay, you really want to know?" he shouted, pivoting until he was facing her completely. "That you not hating me has me suddenly twisted inside? That I can't stop thinking about you and what almost happened the other day? That I realized that I think I loved you all along?" Clary gasped, looking at her hands fidgeting in her lap.
This was what she wanted. He'd fallen for her. All she had to do was break his heart. She took a deep breath and looked up. The pain in his eyes nearly took her breath away. He looked tormented. But underneath that, she saw something else. Love. And that scared the crap out of her. She never thought this would happen. Lust, definitely. Friendship, yes. Caring, possibly. But never love.
"W-what? That's not possible. You… you've always hated me." She was pleading, begging for him to not topple her world with this information. This whole revenge plan had been a terrible mistake. She couldn't breathe; her heart was palpitating in her chest. It was so hot in the kitchen. She got up and began pacing. Jace just sat there, his eyes following her as she moved.
"It's true. I just didn't realize. You were Jon's twin sister. His annoying sister. And every time I even started to think you weren't bad, you did something to annoy me. Then I realized that I liked teasing you. I liked interacting with you. You were funny, smart, and beautiful. And when you started to actually treat me as a human being… it was so easy to fall for you," he said.
"Izzy was right…" Clary trailed off, biting her nails as she continued to walk around the kitchen.
"What?"
"I… It was a bet, Jace. Iz thought you had a thing for me and after what you pulled last month, I wanted revenge. I was going to win your heart and then break it. I… I didn't think it would bother me. But it does. It fucking hurts my heart and I just can't do it. We're friends now. So I'm sorry. We can go back to how it was, or you can never speak to me again. Either way, I understand." She felt tears begin sliding down her cheeks and wiped them away furiously.
Jace just looked at her, mouth open slightly. Then, he silently got up and left the room. Clary heard him stalk up the stairs and slam his bedroom door as she followed him. As she closed herself into Izzy's room across the hall from him, she finally let herself cry.
That's how Izzy found her the next morning, curled in a ball on the floor, hair wild and streaks down her face.
"What happened?" she asked, sitting next to her best friend on the floor.
"He told me he thought he loved me and I couldn't do it – my heart wouldn't let me break his. I spilled my guts. He stormed off. That's it."
"Why didn't you do it?"
"I don't know. It would have been so easy…" Again tears started falling. She was just so confused.
Pulling Clary into a hug, Izzy furrowed her brows. "Do you… do you love him?" Clary was silent for a minute. Did she love him?
"I don't know, Iz. I've always had him at arms length. I've hated him, tormented him even. Why would I do that if I loved him?"
"Maybe, maybe you were scared, Clary. Like he was."
"I just want to go home." Izzy snuck Clary out of the house and walked her home. After hugging her best friend goodbye, Clary crawled into her bed. She didn't emerge until Monday morning, when she had no choice but to face the day. All that time in bed led her to one conclusion: she was in love with Jace. She couldn't stop thinking about him. All she wanted was for him to look at her with that love and caring expression again. And she'd gone and ruined it. He'd never look at her like that again. Because of some stupid quest for revenge. Jon had tried to talk to her (clearly, someone had told him what happened), but she ignored him. Terrified to face Jace, she tried to convince Jocelyn she was sick, but her mom didn't fall for it.
That's how Clary found herself shaking as she walked to the first class she shared with Jace. He was there. And he looked terrible. To most, he wouldn't even seem different. But Clary knew better. Underneath his messy blond bags, his eyes were tired. There were dark circles beneath them. He looked pale. Granted, she didn't look much better with her hair in a messy ponytail and her worn sweats. As Clary sat, she noticed that he scooted his seat further from her.
It continued for a month. He ignored her. Whenever she tried to talk to him, he walked away. He even changed lab partners. He ensured that Izzy went to her house or Jon went to his house to avoid seeing her. It was a nightmare. Clary dreamed of him. She obsessed over every single moment they'd spent together over the years. Analyzed every interaction for signs of his feelings or hers.
Until one day she couldn't take it. Ignoring the nausea deep in her gut, she pulled out the note she'd painstakingly thought about and written in her previous class and slid it to Jace as she walked by. She watched as he stuffed it in his backpack without reading it. Probably going to throw it away, she thought. After school, she waited in the classroom. Ten minutes passed, then twenty. As she gathered her belongings, giving up all hope, Jace hastily entered the room, clearing his throat to get her attention. She froze.
"Clary," he greeted. She turned to face him. He had a slight frown on his face as he slid into a chair. "You summoned me?"
"You came!"
"Jon made me. He said he couldn't stand all the misery anymore. And I quote 'if my sister makes you happy, stop being a pussy and talk to her.' His words, not mine. If it were up to me, I wouldn't be here. What do you want, Clary?"
"I miss you. And I'm so sorry. And I love you." The word vomit came out before she could stop it. She immediately slammed her hand over her mouth, desperate to make herself shut up. She sat down across from him, willing him to say something, anything.
"You love me?" he asked in a whisper.
"Yeah. And I hope… I hope that someday you can forgive me. And I just wanted to tell you that." She got up, but before she could walk away, his hand wrapped around her wrist. He stood up and joined her.
"I love you, too." He pulled her close, his arms wrapped around her waist. Clary desperately tried to ignore the shiver as he did so, but of course Jace noticed.
"Can't resist my good looks, huh, Fray? I know I'm stunningly attractive, but really!" Jace smiled and leaned down until his lips brushed Clary's.
"Shut up, you asshat," she murmured.
"Ahh, some things never change." Clary tugged at his shirt, bringing his lips back to hers, mostly to shut him up.
Outside the classroom, Izzy jabbed Jon in the side with her elbow. "I told you it would work! And look how cute they are. Now, hand it over."
"Yeah, yeah, yeah. Here," Jon said, handing Izzy a twenty dollar bill. Simon handed her a ten, whining about how he never should have bet against Izzy. But he couldn't stop smiling as they walked away.