After school, I got a call from Father Dominic. We talked for a while. He said he was calling because he said I'd been seeming a little off color, nauseous and very distracted since the beginning of the term (hey, it was only yesterday, okay? It's only been one day for crying out loud!) and that he was very worried about me. So it took about 5 minutes to start off with for me to convince him that I was, in fact, fine, that he must have been imagining the whole 'very distracted, off color, nauseous' thing, and that I was staying home today for the mere fact that I was feeling a little under the weather and my mother wanted company since she wasn't working today (all true, I didn't even have to worry about if it's wrong to lie to a priest. Well, okay, so the reason she stayed home was because I was feeling a 'little under the weather' and that 'little under the weather' I was feeling included symptoms of distraction, off-color and nauseousness… but let's not be picky here!) But anyway, he said the reason he hadn't talked to me yesterday was because he had been busy with a little mediating problem… some guy who had cancer wanting a poem restored so he could give it to his children… and the people who owned the house where it was located were being rather, well, uncooperative. I'm thinking along the lines of Father D is going to have to do some breaking and entering… wonder how that's going to work out.

Anyhow, so after we were done talking and I assured him I'd get a lot of sleep and not do anything rough for a while, said our goobyes and hung up.

About an hour after that I decided to call Jesse.

The end

[Nah, just kidding. I was taking a leaf out of KN's book… that was so cruel when you did that!!!! But anyway, I'm still continuing since I PROMISED some Jesse in this one, but it's gonna start like the beginning of the next chapter since that's the only way I know how to write. Cheers!]

The reason I decided to was well… Just because. I didn't want to go through another 3 days of pulling my hair out and wondering, and maybe not even seeing him again ever, when I could just fix it now. Well… maybe not fix it exactly, but at least try to.

So I called him.

Yeah, inside my head and all. I was pretty sure it would work. But after about 20 minutes, he still wasn't there. So I just went, really hard, inside my head (didn't want to disturb everyone else in the house) JESSE!!!!!!!!!

And then, like the night before, I knew he was coming.

And then he was there. Looking studly, as always. A bit confused, and a bit hurt for a second, but he quickly shielded it.

"Yes?" He asked. Completely calm. Enquiringly. Damn, now it's going to be even harder, me blabbering on, him just standing there with one eyebrow raised, enquiringly. Insert grumbling noises here.

"Well. Jesse. I was… well… I was wond… well, not really wondering, more like, thinking…" Furrow eyebrows in semi-confusion. Get yourself together Suze! "Well, to tell you the truth, I'm wondering what you were trying to say last… last night before I so rudely… well… cut you off, which was really for no reason and completely unreasonable of me and well, I'm sorry for that, blame it on PMS or whatever… so could you just… er… repeat? it? Please."

He looked doubtful, but he repeated his words from last night. "I wanted to apologize for kissing you."

Okay Suze, try hard not to flinch. You knew that was coming. "That's what I thought. But now I would like to ask you… why?"

Jesse looked uncomfortable. You know, wringing around his hands, staring down at the ground, shuffling his feet. I heard him mumble "Well, I did do it without asking."

"You don't ask for things like that. Why would you?"

He looked up. Surprised I guess. But his eyes caught mine… Wow. I am beyond gone already, I know, but his eyes here people!!! How could I not be? I almost missed what he said "Well, you were obviously not expecting…" Okay, if we keep going on this way, by the time I get out of him what I want to get out of him, I'll be too old to understand it. So I cut things short.

"So are you saying you're sorry because you kissed me while I wasn't expecting it?" I didn't give him time to reply "So are you sorry for kissing me? Or sorry for doing it without asking?" His face remained blank "For what are you sorry Jesse?!" He opened his mouth, and I knew what was going to come out was going to be one of those vague answers again, so I said what was on my mind. "No, don' t bullshit me Jesse. I want the truth."

His eyes were bright. Afterward I realized it could have been because he was close to tears.

"I am sorry that I am dead." He said, a single tear sliding down his cheek from one of his gorgeous bright eyes, "And I am sorry that I kissed you, know that I can never be what you want or deserve. And I sorry that I enjoyed it. But most of all, I think, I am sorry that I love you." Oh My Freakin…. No wait. He's about to disappears, isn't he? I can feel it. I have to stop this…

"Jesse! No, don't go!" That stopped him. He's probably wondering how I figured out he was about to go. Hell, I'm still trying to figure that out myself… but I have more important matters to deal with at the moment.

Anyway, he was so shocked at that that he looked up, and our eyes met again. So I just held onto that contact, stepping forward a bit, and he didn't even notice.

Man, this was going to be hard. But what was that thing someone always said? Faint heart never won fair lady? Or love without risks is no love at all? Guess I'm gonna have to test it out.

"Jesse… I'm… not sorry. And" A brief pause while I choked on my own tears, that I hadn't even noticed were coming, "I love you too." Then I threw my arms around him, into the biggest hug I had ever given anyone. And we spent a long time, just crying into each other's hair, soaking shoulders in the process, angered at the unfairness of it all.

[Crud, okay, that was pretty bad. But you get the general picture, don't you? Anyway, this is going to be the last part of 'Confused Beginnings'. I've decided I'm going to split the story into a trilogy-sorta-thing, or even a du/bilogy (don't bother telling me there's no such thing, I really don't care, hehehe). Anyway!!! Thanks to ALL my lovely reviewers, as always, it nearly makes me cry when I think about it… you're all so sweet, THANK YOU!!!! *gives them all a big hug*]