oh wow, I never meant to go off on a soujiro-tsukushi tangent in this
sequel. Fuck, I think my fingers went off without me again. yeah, given the
lengths of these chapters, it's obvious they haven't accepting criticism
from my brain in a long, long time. good thing too, cause if they were,
these chapters would be about NF-kB or metaness, kinda like my dreams. Ugh.
Oh well, this is what I get for writing without a well defined plot
Life is a delicate balance between pain and laughter. Sometimes it's hard to know just what will tilt the scales one way or the other.
And sometimes, pain is about as subtle as a kick in the face.
Tsukushi was on her way home when she remembered she'd forgotten to ask Shigeru about something. She'd wanted to schedule dinner with the other girl, and maybe talk seriously about, well, guy problems, but in her distracted state at the end of the day, it had totally slipped her mind. Tsukushi shrugged, "Oh well", and took out her cell and punched in Shigeru's number. Several rings later, she got Shigeru's voicemail.
"Eh, she must not be paying attention." Tsukushi muttered to herself, "She never goes anywhere without her cell." She redialed, and waited impatiently for her friend to answer.
------
Amon was working the opening shift at the club, cleaning glasses and getting the bar all ready for the nightly rush of customers, when he felt an unfamiliar buzzing in the pocket of his apron. Curiously, he reached down and discovered the cell phone that girl had forgotten, what was her name? Ah, Shigeru. Idly, he wondered if he should answer the phone, if it was Shigeru calling looking for her lost property, or some equally ditzy friend of hers? But by the time he'd fished the offending item out, the ringing had stopped. Amon shrugged and set the phone down on the counter anyway, just in time for it to start ringing again.
Thus time, he could see the caller ID going into effect, and his eyes widened at the name that lit up the screen, Tsukushi? This could be interesting. Unhurriedly, he answered the phone.
"Hello?"
It was obvious the girl on the other end wasn't listening very closely at first, "Hey Shigeru, I forgot. . . Wait, hello, who Is this?" Her voice grew suddenly agitated, as she realized that a male voice had answered her.
"This is the Inferno nightclub and bar, lost and found." Amon smoothly bullshitted.
"Oh!" Tsukushi stammered, "Umm. I guess my friend must have left her phone there? Can I come pick it up?"
"Certainly. Do you know our address?" Amon gave no clue that he knew who was calling. He thought it would be. .. . amusing. .. to surprise the nervous girl when she showed up. And she probably wouldn't come, if she knew who she was talking to. Therefore, Amon maintained his professional pretense for a few moments more.
Tsukushi hastily grabbed a scrap of paper from her purse and scribbled down the dictated directions. "Thanks! I'll be right there!" Shaking her head at the careless way rich people could lose such a pricey toy, and not even notice a day later, Tsukushi headed for the nearest train station, not even stopping to think about what she was doing. On the train, however, she did a double-take; somehow that voice on the phone had sounded eerily familiar. Was it someone she knew? Maybe Shigeru was playing some kind of game? That would be very like the other girl, to tease her with a mystery. But for the life of her, Tsukushi couldn't place the voice. Finally, she decided that she must be imagining things, and spent the rest of the trip shaking her head over her own foolishness.
The club was still quiet as Tsukushi hesitantly entered. The lone bouncer looked at her curiously. It was far too early for most clubbers to be out.
"Umm. . . hi." Tsukushi looked brightly up at the man, "I'm here to collect my friend's cell phone, the man I talked to said it was here somewhere?"
"Yeah," the bouncer grunted, "You want to talk to Kunisawa. Through there, the bar on the right."
"Thanks!" Tsukushi smiled up at him and went in. Err.. Kunisawa? The thought percolated through her head too slowly, too late and she rounded the corner only to skid to a sudden halt. "A. . . Amon?" she managed as she took in the sight of the handsome man leaning on the bar lazily tossing a familiar cell phone in the air and catching it with one hand.
"Mmm . . . Tsukushi. It's been a while." Amon grinned at Tsukushi's sudden flustered nervousness.
"Yes well. . . I was busy, and umm then. . so you work here now? Was that you on the phone, before? Thanks for finding Shigeru's phone. Can I have it now?" Tsukushi broke into her usual nervous babble.
"Busy, eh?" Amon, made no move to approach Tsukushi. He just leaned back on the countertop and watched her display of flushed embarrassment, "I hear you dumped the brat? Finally took my advice?"
"Errr. . . what?! That's none of your business."
"Of course it is." Now Amon did slide closer, "You wouldn't leave the rich kid for me -- Who understands you better than he ever could.. . I want to know, what kind of man you did dump him for."
"Jerk." Tsukushi took a step back, "I didn't dump Doumyouji for anyone. . . but if you must know, I'm now seeing Nishikado Soujiro!"
"Another rich boy? . . " Amon sneered, "Wait. . . I know that name. . . Tall, short black hair, long bangs. Attractive, always has two or three bimbos hanging off of him?"
Tsukushi nodded slowly.
"That's your boyfriend?" Amon's disbelief was obvious
Again, Tsukushi nodded.
"That's a step down from the last one. That guy used to be in here all the time. Never left without a different girl too. Even I never thought you were stupid enough to be his type. Is he really as good a lay as all the chicks seem to think?"
"I wouldn't know." Tsukushi's cheeks flushed crimson.
"Still playing the innocent virgin?" Amon's tone was cuttingly sarcastic, yet somehow an edge of wistfulness still showed through.
Tsukushi's continued blush was all the answer Amon needed. He shook his head slowly, and stepped up to Tsukushi before she could react.
"You should have chosen me." Amon put one hand on Tsukushi shoulder, and tilted her chin up to face him with the other. Tsukushi tried to look away, but Amon's grip was firm, and his voice knowing, as he continued, "A guy like Nishikado. . . If you don't give him what he wants, he's just going to go find it somewhere else." He was, of course, referring to sex.
"Soujiro wouldn't do that. Not to me." Tsukushi murmured in denial. Not like she hadn't thought the same thing a hundred time already.
"Look at me," Amon commanded, "You know I'm telling the truth. Have I ever lied to you?" he laughed, "Well ok, except for that one thing.. . . A guy like that, a guy who's all flirt and physicality. . he can't understand you. Not really. And he'll just leave when he's taken all you can give him." Slowly, Amon was backing Tsukushi into a wall as he distracted her with his talk. "Really. .. you deserve better than that."
Tsukushi tried to wriggle free, as she realized she was trapped, "No!" she exclaimed, trying to free her mind from the mental trap he was weaving as well, "He's not like that at all! Let me go! What do you think you're doing?"
"But does he make you happy?" Amon was nothing if not persistent.
Tsukushi could only stare up at the tall man helplessly. She didn't know. Was she happy? If she was, was it because of Soujiro? She hadn't been happy much recently. For a while, she'd been less sad. . but happy? It wasn't something she let herself dwell on much.
Amon took advantage of her confusion to finally push the unresisting girl back against the wall, and seize her lips in a long slow kiss. Something he had wanted to do for a long, long time. Tsukushi tried to struggle, when she realized what was going on, but Amon was stronger, and she couldn't win. When he drew back at last, Tsukushi was furious. She slapped him across the face.
Amon let her blow land, then backed away, a satisfied smirk half hovering around his lips. "You haven't changed at all. I'm glad." He smiled more sincerely than before, "Don't ever change. No matter what they tell you." He tossed her Shigeru's phone, "And tell your friend, she should be more careful. There are dangerous men out there who might take advantage of a defenseless female. . ."
Tsukushi was still spluttering over his unwanted advances, and barely processed the meaning of his final words, though they remained imprinted upon her brain.
"I will never understand men." Tsukushi decided as she turned to flee the overbearing, confusing, but somehow compelling man with whom she'd once shared a strange sort of friendship. . But Amon's quietly spoken final words stopped her for a few seconds more.
"I was serious, Tsukushi. I know you don't like me now, if you ever did, but I promise you, I could make you happier than any of your little rich boyfriends could. If you're ever single again, you know where to find me -- I put my number in your friend's phone."
Tsukushi nodded slowly. Unwilling to accept his words, but forced to absorb them nonetheless. Then she hurried back the way she'd come.
"Got what you came for, miss?' the bouncer asked as she passed him.
"Yes, thanks." He noticed that the girl looked considerably more upset on her way out, than she had on her way in. but it was none of his concern. The bouncer shrugged, looking back out over the street, After all, Amon often had an upsetting effect on people. Like that pretty girl who'd been in here the other night. .
"Hey Amon!" he shouted into the back room, "What is it with you and girls these days? There was the one you were trading spit with last night, and now this one? Hell, man. I thought you gave up on women! Besides, the chick last night was way cuter, if you ask me."
Amon stalked out from behind the bar to glare dangerously at the bouncer, "Tsukushi is an old friend. It would behoove you not to insult her in front of me."
"Sure, whatever man." The bouncer felt no need to get into a fight with another employee. Still, he couldn't resist one final gibe, "But 'old friends' don't slap that hard last time I checked. You sure that wasn't an angry ex?"
"Nah." Amon shrugged, rubbing his sore cheek wistfully, "Makino was never mine.. . "
"Whatever." The bouncer turned away, bored with the conversation. He didn't understand Amon's mood. He'd never seen the cynically bitter man act all dewy eyed over a mere girl before, or, in fact over anything. In the nine months Amon had been working at the Inferno, the bouncer had seen the man often with a predatory gleam in his eye, as he seduced unwilling targets, and sometimes with a slightly sadistic glint as he toyed with eager groupies, only to drop them in an instant for one of their friends. Often, Amon was cruel, and played the game of romance more for the challenge of manipulating people into liking him, especially those whom at first were the most wary. However, to those that knew Amon, even these cruelties and predatory games seemed merely a hardened veneer for the bitter man beneath. And never had the bouncer seen Amon express any emotion as genuine as the one's he'd just expressed over this Makino chick.
------
Tsukushi fumed as she walked down the street. Where did Amon get off telling her how to live her life. And she hated it, absolutely Hated it, when guys kissed her without her permission. It was her body! They shouldn't take such liberties! And the way he'd pinned her there! She hated violent guys! Tsukushi couldn't remember why it was she'd ever thought she could try to date the man. In some ways, his own brand of arrogance was worse than Tsukasa's. Above all, she strove to reject everything he'd said as lies or perversions of the truth, lest she be forced to face the words that had echoed her own fears; that Soujiro would leave her if she didn't put out, or that she wasn't really happy, and couldn't ever find real happiness with the ex-playboy.
The seeds of doubt, already planted in Tsukushi's mind, had long since begun to germinate, and now watered by Amon's words, took deeper root in her subconscious. . . and like some insidious vine, began to squeeze out the comfortable stability that Tsukushi had so recently found in her relationship.
Another trip on the train, a long walk, and Tsukushi arrived at Shigeru's Tokyo residence. Hesitantly, she rang the buzzer for the Okawahara family's penthouse apartment, and waited for Shigeru to let her in.
Shigeru was not expecting to see her friend again this evening, but she was happy nonetheless, to be distracted from her own brooding.
"Come in! Come in! Couldn't get enough of my company this afternoon?" Shigeru teased, grinning.
"You got it." Tsukushi tried an answering grin, but failed to achieve adequate wattage to convince her energetic friend that she meant it.
"What's wrong?" Shigeru grew solicitous as she ushered Tsukushi into the elevator.
"Oh nothing. Really," Tsukushi sighed, "Oh! The reason I came by!" She tried to distract Shigeru by changing the subject hastily, "I tried calling your cell to ask you about dinner tomorrow. . but umm. well.. You lost your phone."
"I did?" Shigeru's eyes grew wide. "When? How? I don't remember that at all." She shrugged, "Guess I'll have to get a new one."
"Oh no!" Tsukushi protested, "When I called. umm. .. Someone. at the club you lost it at picked up, so I went and fetched it for you." She held out the phone.
Shigeru blinked. .. The club. . . where she'd lost her phone. .. the club where she'd tried to bribe the Doumyouji lookalike into a kiss. . . Oh dear.. . She started to blush as a sinking feeling grew in the pit of her stomach. "Did they say anything when they gave you the phone?" She stammered, hoping the answer was no, praying that Tsukushi hadn't spoken to Kunisawa -- that he hadn't told her what Shigeru had asked of him.
"Well. .. " It was now Tsukushi's turn to blush, "Actually, I ran into an old. . . friend. Kunisawa Amon -- remember him?"
Shigeru couldn't lie when faced with a direct question. "The. . . Tsukasa look-alike." She stammered, flushing faintly, with the remembrance of his face, of the knowing way his tongue had caressed her willing lips. ..
"Yeah." Luckily, Tsukushi was completely oblivious to her friend's agitation. "He's still scary." She gave a small shudder. . . "And, actually he had a message for you."
"R.. . Really?"
"Yup. You mean you didn't see him last night?" Tsukushi didn't wait for a answer but barreled on, "Umm.. he said 'Tell your friend to be more careful- - someone out there might take advantage of her.' Do you know what he meant? What were you doing in a club like that anyway?"
Shigeru deflected her friend's questions as best she could, feeling guilty and selfishly ashamed of herself, even as she did so. Soon, the two girls found themselves ensconced in Shigeru's cozy bedroom, while Shigeru tried out some new colors of nail polish on Tsukushi's toes.
"Shigeru?" Tsukushi broke a long silence hesitantly.
"Mmm?" Shigeru was afraid Tsukushi was going to press her further on what she'd been up to last night, but that was actually far from Tsukushi's mind right now.
"Ummm.. " Tsukushi paused again, blushing crimson, "Ah. . I need some advice."
"Sure." Shigeru smiled brightly, relieved that her friend's thoughts were not veering in a dangerous direction, "What is it?"
"Ah.. . . Do you think. .. DoyouthinkIshouldhavesexwithSoujiro?" Tsukushi finally forced it all out in a rush.
"Well, of course, he's your boyfriend.. What! You mean you guys haven't yet?" Shigeru incredulously interrupted herself. "But it's Nishikado Soujiro! The sex-fiend of Tokyo.. . I could have sworn you two would have. . . then what Have you been doing all those nights . . . I mean. Oh!"
"Shigeru!" Tsukushi was horrified and embarrassed by her friend's reaction, "Finish a sentence! Please!"
Shigeru was watching her friend with wide eyes. "Tsukushi! If I had a boyfriend like yours! One who even cared for me a tenth of what Soujiro does for you. . . " She let her sentence go unfinished, as Tsukushi hung her head.
"I'm sorry! I've been so selfish." Tsukushi began to apologize profusely. How could I not remember How Shigeru must be feeling right now? "My problems must seem so stupid compared to yours! I feel like such an idiot. . . "
"Let's just forget it." Shigeru gave a small sad half smile and ended the conversation.
Still, Tsukushi couldn't help but wonder, what it was she should really do? Were her friends all right? Was she ready to move on to the next level? Would she lose him if she didn't? Would she lose him if she did? But valid answers were no more forthcoming from her own mind now than they had been before.
Shigeru broke the ensuing silence with an unexpected question, one she had, unsuccessfully tried to prevent herself from asking.
"What's he really like? . . Kunisawa Amon, I mean?"
Tsukushi gave her blond friend a sharp look, as of to say, why would you want to know that? . . . But at the back of her mind, she already had a sneaking suspicion she knew why, and with an inward sigh, she began to answer, as best she could. . .
-------
Tsukasa had followed Tsukushi from the mmusement park. Somewhere in the back of his brain he might have had some half-formed notion of getting her alone and talking to her-- really talking to her, alone, A new start. But he never made up his mind to close the distance between them. He was somewhat confused when she made a call on her cell phone and changed directions abruptly, but he managed to duck down a sidestreet when she passed, and took up his pursuit after she was safely ahead of him once more. When she entered a flashy club, he was even more surprised; Tsukushi had always hated clubs, but he found the answer in the extra cell phone clutched .. . a little too tightly. in her hand when she reemerged. That however, did 't explain the storm clouds gathering behind her eyes, and Tsukasa wisely made the decision not to approach the fuming girl at this juncture. Briefly, he considered his other alternative -- an attempt to make peace with Shigeru. But he didn't think he could stomach the effort that would require at this juncture. He'd rather go back to being alone, because only alone could he truly allow a state of numbness to encompass his entire being. Well, he was alone now. He'd been alone even when in a room full of his old friends -- alone by virtue of shutting off all true lanes of communication with them. The only time he hadn't felt surrounded by his splendid isolation was that brief conversation he'd had with Soujiro this morning. Then, he'd almost begun to feel his defenses slipping -- almost begun to feel like his friends understood his pain, and might somehow sympathize. Almost. But Not quite. For he just could not forget that it was, in some sense, Soujiro's fault he felt this way at all.
Doumyouji shook his head. Round and Around in circles we think. This was getting him nowhere Fast. He decided to go into the club and get a quick drink, just to slake his thirst, before he went home to get some work done.
--------
Long after Tsukushi left, Amon was thinking about her. Actually, he was thinking about more than just her-- he had this odd premonition that he was about to be sucked into some strange dealings with her entire social circle soon. A premonition no doubt inspired by his meeting with that odd Shigeru chick last night. Amon rubbed his forehead wearily. He really didn't need that kind of complication in his life right now. And he definitely didn't want to deal with girls. He tried to think of the last girl he'd successfully dated. . . there had been that one chick a few months ago? But no, he gave himself a mental slap, he'd merely pursued that one to piss off one of her friends. It had been a while, then.
On the other hand, he'd recently found boys to be excellent sport. They didn't all primp and preen and Giggle like girls -- Amon hated giggling bimbos with a passion. And the chase-- the delicate game of flirtation, invitation, seduction, had a whole different dynamic when the prey was another man. Some might call Amon perverted, or indecisive. He preferred to think of himself as Flexible. It wasn't so much that he liked men or women better -- in fact, as people, very few of them actually interested him at all, and their bodies, their sexual skill was only a fringe benefit. No, Amon didn't really like people, couldn't really force himself to trust many people -- not after that abandonment by his parents so many years ago, and while he found he could understand people easily, he just couldn't relate to most. He used his understanding for his seductions, and for playing mindgames, and kept a callous emotional distance from everyone-- well everyone except Makino. But she was a special exception.
Amon polished the last of his stack of glasses, and set about mixing drinks. By now, the club was beginning to fill up, and the other bartender had quite enough to do without Amon slacking off daydreaming.
Tsukasa wound his way through the busy club, as f in a daze. All he wanted was a quiet spot to sit down, but obviously he'd picked the wrong club. Luckily for him, however, the other club-goers must have sensed the negative aura rolling off him; the attitude that said, "Bother me and you won't live long enough to regret it," and hastily cleared a space for him at the corner of the bar. Even women who normally would have tried to flirt with such a handsome and rich-looking guy, kept their distance, leaving Doumyouji alone with his thoughts.
"Hey Amon!" Amon's bartender friend called cheerfully to the waiter, "Don't you think that guy down there looks like you? You didn't tell me you had a brother?"
Amon turned to follow his friend's gaze, but he already knew what he'd find, "Hmm. . . Has this place suddenly become trendy or something?" He asked, a bit too casually.
"Eh, well, we did get written up in last week's "Stuff to Do" magazine. Why? Who is that?"
"That, my friend, is the heir to one of Japan's largest fortunes-- Doumyouji Tsukasa."
"Whoa. You're not serious? Dude, he looks exactly like you. But with weird hair." To himself, the bartender privately thought that Doumyouji and Amon shared more in common than just looks. They sort of both had the same empty eyes, and a face that gave nothing away; nothing but the feeling of infinite isolation.
Amon shrugged, "Trust me. We're not related. The kid's a brat."
"You sound like you know him? How on earth did you ever meet someone so rich?"
Again Amon shrugged, "Through his ex-girlfriend. Anyway, did you get his order yet?"
"No, no. Why don't you take care of him, since you're already friends."
"Hah, hardly that." Nevertheless, Amon went off to talk to Doumyouji. His premonition had been right. Here was the man, himself, the true source of Amon's discontent. Had it not been for him, he'd never have met Tsukushi; never been forced to admit she had something he wanted. .. Never realized what a waste his life had always been. But it was too late for regrets. He had his own amusements now, and there was no point in blaming Doumyouji or his bitch of a mother for it all.
"Well, well, if it isn't the prodigal?"
Tsukasa looked up as the soft voice mocked him from behind the bar. "Wha. . ?" Whatever he was going to say trailed off as his eyes locked with Amon's, the two matched sets staring back at each other.
It was the first time the two boys had ever looked this closely at one another, and Amon found himself being sucked in Tsukasa's steely gaze, as he read the younger boy like a book. The face that turned up towards him was eerily familiar, so much like his, yet subtly different. There was a sort of innocence in that face, the youthful inexperience of life that Doumyouji could not hide. For while the rich heir might be knowledgeable in the ways of business, and in how to manipulate the shallow and greedy minds that thrived in such society-- and how to terrorize the rest-- he had no real experience in understanding, or relating to the rest of the world; from the teeming middle class wage earners, to the poorest of the proletariat. He knew little or nothing of these worlds, knew nothing of what it was like to starve, to scrimp and save, just to get through each month. This man, whose words could determine the fate of a thousand such families, he knew nothing of what it was like to truly live -- to enjoy the simplest thing in live, to taste the small joys that one could have, without wanting -- without needing -- the biggest and brightest of everything that money could buy. All this ignorance showed clearly in his eyes.
But this was but one of the facets Amon read. Much more clear was the sense of emptiness the younger boy exuded. He knew his life was shallow, knew his actions were petty and meaningless on a human scale. Much like Faust, he despaired, and longed for the unattainable, without being able to enjoy the good things that were set before him.
And worse, Tsukasa showed signs of self-hatred. Lack of sleep, and unconcern for his own well being were easy signs to see, as well as the subtle glimmer in the eye, that to those who knew how to read it, said clearly, "It doesn't matter what I think or do or feel, for this life of mine isn't worth caring about in the least." Tsukasa had shut himself off from the world -- a self imposed isolation, even worse than the isolation he'd felt as a young boy, left alone in a large house with no one to love him but an old maid and a violent sister.
Looking down at the boy, Amon felt an unwanted sense of kinship. The boy reminded him of himself when he was younger, before he'd learned to cope with the world; before he'd learned enough to curb life's pain by hiding in cynicism, before he'd found distraction in toying with others. He could easily see Tsukasa growing more like him as he aged, except that Tsukasa's shield of cynicism would be that much greater for his greater responsibilities, and his thoughtless games with his subordinates would take on a cat-and-mouse quality, as Tsukasa's heartless, callous whims ruled the Doumyouji corporation, and terrorized its employees.
Or. . . Tsukasa could remain as he was, a broken shell. Working robotically, numbly, through his tasks, till he worked himself into an exhausted death at too early an age.
The sad man sitting here, staring bleakly up at him, seemed to offer no opportunities for hope, not that Amon was a great believer in hope, anyway. But still, there was something that dug at him, deep beneath his hardened bitterness, something that said, "This boy. . . This boy resembles you. Remember how you sat alone, ten years ago, in an empty apartment, abandoned by your family, abandoned by everyone you loved? Remember how your friends treated you differently, like you were a pariah? Like you were tainted by just being yourself? And the girls snubbed you, until you taught them who was boss? Until you grew strong enough to bend others to your will, and hurt those who wouldn't obey? This boy could be like you. Do you really want anyone else to feel the way you do now? The world doesn't need more of you."
Amon gave a mental shrug, and replied to himself, "So? Why is that my problem? What do I care what the world needs or wants? When has it ever cared for me?" As has been stated, the guy had a serious problem when it came to actually caring about others. Understanding them? Fine. Playing head games with them? Great. Wanting them to be happy-- to be better people? Not his department.
But the inner voice continued, poking Amon where his nerves were rawest, "If you could do something for this pathetic boy, don't you think Makino would want you to?"
"What an underhanded argument. Makino has nothing to do with this! And what exactly, is it that I'm supposed to be doing, anyway?"
"That's what you think. We can continue this argument later. And if you win. . . well, let's just say you'll have plenty of opportunity to play the game our usual way then . . Meanwhile, here's what you should do. . .."
"No fucking shit." Amon almost grinned at the action that sprang to mind. If nothing else, it was an experiment that could prove. . Interesting.
To call that an understatement, would in and of itself, have been an understatement.
-----
Amon's internal dialogue had taken all of a few hundred milliseconds, during which time his eye contact with Tsukasa hadn't wavered.
"I know why you're here." Amon spoke pleasantly enough, but with a mocking undertone that grated at Tsukasa.
"Yeah, so do I. For a drink." The discontented boy growled back.
"A drink won't cure what's wrong with you."
"Like you'd even know. What's with you, asshole?"
"Hmm. . . let me see. . . Well, first off, your lovely fiancée was in here last night. Very enjoyable young lady. Nice lips. But nothing compared to Tsukushi, wouldn't you say?" Amon lifted one sneering eyebrow, enjoying Tsukasa's sudden discomfort. "Yes. I thought that was the problem. Like I said. A drink won't cure that little fixation of yours . . ."
"And you have a better idea?" Even in the depths of his melancholy, Tsukasa could be relied on to snap back at just about any provocation.
"Of course." Amon gestured Tsukasa to lean closer across the bar, as he lowered his voice. "The solution.. . . Is Passion."
Doumyouji looked annoyed and confused at Amon's pseudo-dramatic pronouncement, but he had leaned forward to catch the last of Amon's words, anyway. Which is just what Amon had intended. He judged, correctly, that Tsukasa would be too stunned to fight what he did next, and with a predatory swiftness, Amon stretched out one strong arm to trap the younger boy's cheek, as he himself leaned forward to seize Tsukasa's lips in a mocking kiss.
Tsukasa was, indeed stunned into immobility. He couldn't even think, caught as he was, by the suddenness of Amon's totally unexpected action. No One touched Doumyouji Tsukasa without his permission. Not if they wanted to live. And here was someone. . .not just anyone, but a Man, violating him in a deeply personal way! Tsukasa could feel the rage boiling just beneath his skin, but he couldn't lift a muscle. Not even to pull away. Worse, his eyes were locked on Amon's, and he was drowning in the surreality of it all. The face that so resembled his own, eyes that looked into his soul-- it was almost as if he was being kissed by himself . .. and who, when they are feeling their lowest, hasn't wanted to give themselves comfort, and provide themselves with the pleasure that only you know how to give yourself? And more, Tsukasa had thought himself impervious to the pleasures of the flesh. The only one he'd ever wanted, ever burned for, had been Tsukushi. Even Shigeru's naked body hadn't been able to tempt him. But her hysterical flailings had been nothing like this. . . Nothing like this mockingly knowing kiss, that taunted his unresisting lips, hinting at delicious perversions yet to be discovered, promising delights that only one who truly understood his needs could provide. Tsukasa was not a willing participant; could hardly even be said to be a participant at all; merely a recipient of this kiss, but even he couldn't deny the achingly hot sensation growing deep in the pit of his belly, as Amon's tongue teased at him.
It should be noted that Amon was a champion kisser, when he wanted to be. He knew how to read his targets' moods, knew exactly what they needed to feel, and how to give it to them. His clever tongue was useful for far more than twisting words. But it could only do so much.
Doumyouji's motor control returned with a snap and he broke away violently, dark eyes flashing, and visage purpling in embarrassed fury.
"What the Hell!" he shouted, "You fucking pervert! No one touches me! I should kill you for that!" Inside, he was shaking with shame. Though he hadn't responded, still he'd just allowed himself to be kissed by someone he hated, and not only someone he'd hated, but a guy at that! He felt tainted, dirty. . as if Amon had deliberately set out to humiliate him. As if his day hadn't been bad enough already.
"I wouldn't make a scene if I were you," Amon straightened up, his cheeks still flushed and breathless from his tantalizing efforts. "I don't think you'd want to let everyone know just how much you . . enjoyed. . my little demonstration."
Doumyouji paled as his eyes followed Amon's lazily pointed finger down to the unmistakable bulge in his pants.
"See?" Amon laughed harshly, "I told you. Passion. You don't fucking need love to forget your misery. All you need is passion. From what I saw, your little fiancée is just full of that. I've been thinking of giving her lessons. If you want, I can help you too. From what I can tell, you certainly need it." his mocking tone gave no clue as to just how much he'd just enjoyed taking Tsukasa by surprise like that. He wasn't afraid of the younger boy's threats. If it came down to a fight, Amon bet he was just as strong as him, and probably knew a few more tricks too. . . No, in this battle, Amon held all the winning cards, and Tsukasa seemed to know it.
Mostly, however, Doumyouji was just confused. Angry, embarrassed, and confused. And just a little turned on; though, all physical evidence to the contrary, he wouldn't admit that to anyone, ever. And if any of his friends ever found out, he'd never be able to show his face among them again. He could just imagine Akira's look of slack-jawed astonishment, or Rui's disparaging stare, now He found himself at a loss for words, unable even to curse at that complacently grinning pervert behind the bar. He needed to get out of here. He needed to fight this sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach. He needed to clear his head, and above all else, he needed to figure out just what the hell was happening in his life right now. Was he led here deliberately? Had Tsukushi and Shigeru known he was following them? Had Tsukushi brought him here as part of some twisted game? How else would it be that Amon had spoken to Shigeru? Why else would he have kissed Tsukasa? Doumyouji couldn't quite force himself to believe that Tsukushi would let herself be a part of some game this twisted, but maybe she was an innocent pawn?
And still Amon was staring at him, a considering yet somehow sympathetic line etched in his brow. It made no sense. None at all. Stumbling slightly as he got to his feet, Tsukasa wordlessly pushed his way towards the door and out into the bracing chill of the night. A thousand thoughts were whirling in his brain. And not a one of them made any sense at all.. .
Back inside, Amon stood, shaking his head at the display of emotions that had writhed across Tsukasa's expressive face. It had been quite impressive to watch the mix of confusion, disgust, fear, confusion, worry, anger, desire, and more confusion flashing through those deep eyes. Well. That had most definitely been interesting. He had to congratulate his inner voice on coming up with such a deliciously silly plan. There was no doubt in his mind, that despite his disgust, Tsukasa would be back for more. He wouldn't be able to help himself. Not if he was anything like Amon was at that age. The only question now remaining in Amon's mind was, did he want to help put the boy's heart back together, or did he want to toy with him, and make him pay for being the asshole that had kept him from winning Makino?
As he went about his duties once more, Amon's reverie was one again interrupted by his bartender friend.
"Well, I didn't expect that, when I asked you to get his order. I thought you weren't friends."
"We're not." Amon absently replied
"Could have fooled me. I Thought he was more your type than that girl." He laughed, "But, dude. I don't think you're his. You're so totally going to get fired for pissing off someone like that. I hope you've got your resume all in order."
"Bastard." Amon snarled, but without menace, "He's not going to get me fired. Just you wait and see. . . "
Without a doubt, the fun was just getting started.
To be continued.
yeah yeah yeah. I finished my finals!! No more class ever again! no more finals! (err, that is "no more finals for 2-3 yrs until I go back to med school." Fuck) And of course, I still got quals in a month. Fuck fuck damn. Oh well. That, folks, was the plot twist I promised several weeks ago. Hah, I bet you all are going to hate me now for this bit of silliness, but see, I was travelling for spring break, and we were doing a lot of driving on shitty roads in the mountains, and I was fighting off carsickness with my head between my knees, when an idea hit. "Wouldn't it be amusing if I wrote a story that had a Shigeru/Tsukasa/Amon love triangle?" That was the only idea I had, so I started this thing. that was back in march. Anyway, while I was studying for my exam yesterday, I figured out where this story is going. Don't have an ending yet. But I'm sure I will. it's a long way off, though, so I'm not worried. Whee.. I've had waay too much sugar today. And not enough sleep.
Life is a delicate balance between pain and laughter. Sometimes it's hard to know just what will tilt the scales one way or the other.
And sometimes, pain is about as subtle as a kick in the face.
Tsukushi was on her way home when she remembered she'd forgotten to ask Shigeru about something. She'd wanted to schedule dinner with the other girl, and maybe talk seriously about, well, guy problems, but in her distracted state at the end of the day, it had totally slipped her mind. Tsukushi shrugged, "Oh well", and took out her cell and punched in Shigeru's number. Several rings later, she got Shigeru's voicemail.
"Eh, she must not be paying attention." Tsukushi muttered to herself, "She never goes anywhere without her cell." She redialed, and waited impatiently for her friend to answer.
------
Amon was working the opening shift at the club, cleaning glasses and getting the bar all ready for the nightly rush of customers, when he felt an unfamiliar buzzing in the pocket of his apron. Curiously, he reached down and discovered the cell phone that girl had forgotten, what was her name? Ah, Shigeru. Idly, he wondered if he should answer the phone, if it was Shigeru calling looking for her lost property, or some equally ditzy friend of hers? But by the time he'd fished the offending item out, the ringing had stopped. Amon shrugged and set the phone down on the counter anyway, just in time for it to start ringing again.
Thus time, he could see the caller ID going into effect, and his eyes widened at the name that lit up the screen, Tsukushi? This could be interesting. Unhurriedly, he answered the phone.
"Hello?"
It was obvious the girl on the other end wasn't listening very closely at first, "Hey Shigeru, I forgot. . . Wait, hello, who Is this?" Her voice grew suddenly agitated, as she realized that a male voice had answered her.
"This is the Inferno nightclub and bar, lost and found." Amon smoothly bullshitted.
"Oh!" Tsukushi stammered, "Umm. I guess my friend must have left her phone there? Can I come pick it up?"
"Certainly. Do you know our address?" Amon gave no clue that he knew who was calling. He thought it would be. .. . amusing. .. to surprise the nervous girl when she showed up. And she probably wouldn't come, if she knew who she was talking to. Therefore, Amon maintained his professional pretense for a few moments more.
Tsukushi hastily grabbed a scrap of paper from her purse and scribbled down the dictated directions. "Thanks! I'll be right there!" Shaking her head at the careless way rich people could lose such a pricey toy, and not even notice a day later, Tsukushi headed for the nearest train station, not even stopping to think about what she was doing. On the train, however, she did a double-take; somehow that voice on the phone had sounded eerily familiar. Was it someone she knew? Maybe Shigeru was playing some kind of game? That would be very like the other girl, to tease her with a mystery. But for the life of her, Tsukushi couldn't place the voice. Finally, she decided that she must be imagining things, and spent the rest of the trip shaking her head over her own foolishness.
The club was still quiet as Tsukushi hesitantly entered. The lone bouncer looked at her curiously. It was far too early for most clubbers to be out.
"Umm. . . hi." Tsukushi looked brightly up at the man, "I'm here to collect my friend's cell phone, the man I talked to said it was here somewhere?"
"Yeah," the bouncer grunted, "You want to talk to Kunisawa. Through there, the bar on the right."
"Thanks!" Tsukushi smiled up at him and went in. Err.. Kunisawa? The thought percolated through her head too slowly, too late and she rounded the corner only to skid to a sudden halt. "A. . . Amon?" she managed as she took in the sight of the handsome man leaning on the bar lazily tossing a familiar cell phone in the air and catching it with one hand.
"Mmm . . . Tsukushi. It's been a while." Amon grinned at Tsukushi's sudden flustered nervousness.
"Yes well. . . I was busy, and umm then. . so you work here now? Was that you on the phone, before? Thanks for finding Shigeru's phone. Can I have it now?" Tsukushi broke into her usual nervous babble.
"Busy, eh?" Amon, made no move to approach Tsukushi. He just leaned back on the countertop and watched her display of flushed embarrassment, "I hear you dumped the brat? Finally took my advice?"
"Errr. . . what?! That's none of your business."
"Of course it is." Now Amon did slide closer, "You wouldn't leave the rich kid for me -- Who understands you better than he ever could.. . I want to know, what kind of man you did dump him for."
"Jerk." Tsukushi took a step back, "I didn't dump Doumyouji for anyone. . . but if you must know, I'm now seeing Nishikado Soujiro!"
"Another rich boy? . . " Amon sneered, "Wait. . . I know that name. . . Tall, short black hair, long bangs. Attractive, always has two or three bimbos hanging off of him?"
Tsukushi nodded slowly.
"That's your boyfriend?" Amon's disbelief was obvious
Again, Tsukushi nodded.
"That's a step down from the last one. That guy used to be in here all the time. Never left without a different girl too. Even I never thought you were stupid enough to be his type. Is he really as good a lay as all the chicks seem to think?"
"I wouldn't know." Tsukushi's cheeks flushed crimson.
"Still playing the innocent virgin?" Amon's tone was cuttingly sarcastic, yet somehow an edge of wistfulness still showed through.
Tsukushi's continued blush was all the answer Amon needed. He shook his head slowly, and stepped up to Tsukushi before she could react.
"You should have chosen me." Amon put one hand on Tsukushi shoulder, and tilted her chin up to face him with the other. Tsukushi tried to look away, but Amon's grip was firm, and his voice knowing, as he continued, "A guy like Nishikado. . . If you don't give him what he wants, he's just going to go find it somewhere else." He was, of course, referring to sex.
"Soujiro wouldn't do that. Not to me." Tsukushi murmured in denial. Not like she hadn't thought the same thing a hundred time already.
"Look at me," Amon commanded, "You know I'm telling the truth. Have I ever lied to you?" he laughed, "Well ok, except for that one thing.. . . A guy like that, a guy who's all flirt and physicality. . he can't understand you. Not really. And he'll just leave when he's taken all you can give him." Slowly, Amon was backing Tsukushi into a wall as he distracted her with his talk. "Really. .. you deserve better than that."
Tsukushi tried to wriggle free, as she realized she was trapped, "No!" she exclaimed, trying to free her mind from the mental trap he was weaving as well, "He's not like that at all! Let me go! What do you think you're doing?"
"But does he make you happy?" Amon was nothing if not persistent.
Tsukushi could only stare up at the tall man helplessly. She didn't know. Was she happy? If she was, was it because of Soujiro? She hadn't been happy much recently. For a while, she'd been less sad. . but happy? It wasn't something she let herself dwell on much.
Amon took advantage of her confusion to finally push the unresisting girl back against the wall, and seize her lips in a long slow kiss. Something he had wanted to do for a long, long time. Tsukushi tried to struggle, when she realized what was going on, but Amon was stronger, and she couldn't win. When he drew back at last, Tsukushi was furious. She slapped him across the face.
Amon let her blow land, then backed away, a satisfied smirk half hovering around his lips. "You haven't changed at all. I'm glad." He smiled more sincerely than before, "Don't ever change. No matter what they tell you." He tossed her Shigeru's phone, "And tell your friend, she should be more careful. There are dangerous men out there who might take advantage of a defenseless female. . ."
Tsukushi was still spluttering over his unwanted advances, and barely processed the meaning of his final words, though they remained imprinted upon her brain.
"I will never understand men." Tsukushi decided as she turned to flee the overbearing, confusing, but somehow compelling man with whom she'd once shared a strange sort of friendship. . But Amon's quietly spoken final words stopped her for a few seconds more.
"I was serious, Tsukushi. I know you don't like me now, if you ever did, but I promise you, I could make you happier than any of your little rich boyfriends could. If you're ever single again, you know where to find me -- I put my number in your friend's phone."
Tsukushi nodded slowly. Unwilling to accept his words, but forced to absorb them nonetheless. Then she hurried back the way she'd come.
"Got what you came for, miss?' the bouncer asked as she passed him.
"Yes, thanks." He noticed that the girl looked considerably more upset on her way out, than she had on her way in. but it was none of his concern. The bouncer shrugged, looking back out over the street, After all, Amon often had an upsetting effect on people. Like that pretty girl who'd been in here the other night. .
"Hey Amon!" he shouted into the back room, "What is it with you and girls these days? There was the one you were trading spit with last night, and now this one? Hell, man. I thought you gave up on women! Besides, the chick last night was way cuter, if you ask me."
Amon stalked out from behind the bar to glare dangerously at the bouncer, "Tsukushi is an old friend. It would behoove you not to insult her in front of me."
"Sure, whatever man." The bouncer felt no need to get into a fight with another employee. Still, he couldn't resist one final gibe, "But 'old friends' don't slap that hard last time I checked. You sure that wasn't an angry ex?"
"Nah." Amon shrugged, rubbing his sore cheek wistfully, "Makino was never mine.. . "
"Whatever." The bouncer turned away, bored with the conversation. He didn't understand Amon's mood. He'd never seen the cynically bitter man act all dewy eyed over a mere girl before, or, in fact over anything. In the nine months Amon had been working at the Inferno, the bouncer had seen the man often with a predatory gleam in his eye, as he seduced unwilling targets, and sometimes with a slightly sadistic glint as he toyed with eager groupies, only to drop them in an instant for one of their friends. Often, Amon was cruel, and played the game of romance more for the challenge of manipulating people into liking him, especially those whom at first were the most wary. However, to those that knew Amon, even these cruelties and predatory games seemed merely a hardened veneer for the bitter man beneath. And never had the bouncer seen Amon express any emotion as genuine as the one's he'd just expressed over this Makino chick.
------
Tsukushi fumed as she walked down the street. Where did Amon get off telling her how to live her life. And she hated it, absolutely Hated it, when guys kissed her without her permission. It was her body! They shouldn't take such liberties! And the way he'd pinned her there! She hated violent guys! Tsukushi couldn't remember why it was she'd ever thought she could try to date the man. In some ways, his own brand of arrogance was worse than Tsukasa's. Above all, she strove to reject everything he'd said as lies or perversions of the truth, lest she be forced to face the words that had echoed her own fears; that Soujiro would leave her if she didn't put out, or that she wasn't really happy, and couldn't ever find real happiness with the ex-playboy.
The seeds of doubt, already planted in Tsukushi's mind, had long since begun to germinate, and now watered by Amon's words, took deeper root in her subconscious. . . and like some insidious vine, began to squeeze out the comfortable stability that Tsukushi had so recently found in her relationship.
Another trip on the train, a long walk, and Tsukushi arrived at Shigeru's Tokyo residence. Hesitantly, she rang the buzzer for the Okawahara family's penthouse apartment, and waited for Shigeru to let her in.
Shigeru was not expecting to see her friend again this evening, but she was happy nonetheless, to be distracted from her own brooding.
"Come in! Come in! Couldn't get enough of my company this afternoon?" Shigeru teased, grinning.
"You got it." Tsukushi tried an answering grin, but failed to achieve adequate wattage to convince her energetic friend that she meant it.
"What's wrong?" Shigeru grew solicitous as she ushered Tsukushi into the elevator.
"Oh nothing. Really," Tsukushi sighed, "Oh! The reason I came by!" She tried to distract Shigeru by changing the subject hastily, "I tried calling your cell to ask you about dinner tomorrow. . but umm. well.. You lost your phone."
"I did?" Shigeru's eyes grew wide. "When? How? I don't remember that at all." She shrugged, "Guess I'll have to get a new one."
"Oh no!" Tsukushi protested, "When I called. umm. .. Someone. at the club you lost it at picked up, so I went and fetched it for you." She held out the phone.
Shigeru blinked. .. The club. . . where she'd lost her phone. .. the club where she'd tried to bribe the Doumyouji lookalike into a kiss. . . Oh dear.. . She started to blush as a sinking feeling grew in the pit of her stomach. "Did they say anything when they gave you the phone?" She stammered, hoping the answer was no, praying that Tsukushi hadn't spoken to Kunisawa -- that he hadn't told her what Shigeru had asked of him.
"Well. .. " It was now Tsukushi's turn to blush, "Actually, I ran into an old. . . friend. Kunisawa Amon -- remember him?"
Shigeru couldn't lie when faced with a direct question. "The. . . Tsukasa look-alike." She stammered, flushing faintly, with the remembrance of his face, of the knowing way his tongue had caressed her willing lips. ..
"Yeah." Luckily, Tsukushi was completely oblivious to her friend's agitation. "He's still scary." She gave a small shudder. . . "And, actually he had a message for you."
"R.. . Really?"
"Yup. You mean you didn't see him last night?" Tsukushi didn't wait for a answer but barreled on, "Umm.. he said 'Tell your friend to be more careful- - someone out there might take advantage of her.' Do you know what he meant? What were you doing in a club like that anyway?"
Shigeru deflected her friend's questions as best she could, feeling guilty and selfishly ashamed of herself, even as she did so. Soon, the two girls found themselves ensconced in Shigeru's cozy bedroom, while Shigeru tried out some new colors of nail polish on Tsukushi's toes.
"Shigeru?" Tsukushi broke a long silence hesitantly.
"Mmm?" Shigeru was afraid Tsukushi was going to press her further on what she'd been up to last night, but that was actually far from Tsukushi's mind right now.
"Ummm.. " Tsukushi paused again, blushing crimson, "Ah. . I need some advice."
"Sure." Shigeru smiled brightly, relieved that her friend's thoughts were not veering in a dangerous direction, "What is it?"
"Ah.. . . Do you think. .. DoyouthinkIshouldhavesexwithSoujiro?" Tsukushi finally forced it all out in a rush.
"Well, of course, he's your boyfriend.. What! You mean you guys haven't yet?" Shigeru incredulously interrupted herself. "But it's Nishikado Soujiro! The sex-fiend of Tokyo.. . I could have sworn you two would have. . . then what Have you been doing all those nights . . . I mean. Oh!"
"Shigeru!" Tsukushi was horrified and embarrassed by her friend's reaction, "Finish a sentence! Please!"
Shigeru was watching her friend with wide eyes. "Tsukushi! If I had a boyfriend like yours! One who even cared for me a tenth of what Soujiro does for you. . . " She let her sentence go unfinished, as Tsukushi hung her head.
"I'm sorry! I've been so selfish." Tsukushi began to apologize profusely. How could I not remember How Shigeru must be feeling right now? "My problems must seem so stupid compared to yours! I feel like such an idiot. . . "
"Let's just forget it." Shigeru gave a small sad half smile and ended the conversation.
Still, Tsukushi couldn't help but wonder, what it was she should really do? Were her friends all right? Was she ready to move on to the next level? Would she lose him if she didn't? Would she lose him if she did? But valid answers were no more forthcoming from her own mind now than they had been before.
Shigeru broke the ensuing silence with an unexpected question, one she had, unsuccessfully tried to prevent herself from asking.
"What's he really like? . . Kunisawa Amon, I mean?"
Tsukushi gave her blond friend a sharp look, as of to say, why would you want to know that? . . . But at the back of her mind, she already had a sneaking suspicion she knew why, and with an inward sigh, she began to answer, as best she could. . .
-------
Tsukasa had followed Tsukushi from the mmusement park. Somewhere in the back of his brain he might have had some half-formed notion of getting her alone and talking to her-- really talking to her, alone, A new start. But he never made up his mind to close the distance between them. He was somewhat confused when she made a call on her cell phone and changed directions abruptly, but he managed to duck down a sidestreet when she passed, and took up his pursuit after she was safely ahead of him once more. When she entered a flashy club, he was even more surprised; Tsukushi had always hated clubs, but he found the answer in the extra cell phone clutched .. . a little too tightly. in her hand when she reemerged. That however, did 't explain the storm clouds gathering behind her eyes, and Tsukasa wisely made the decision not to approach the fuming girl at this juncture. Briefly, he considered his other alternative -- an attempt to make peace with Shigeru. But he didn't think he could stomach the effort that would require at this juncture. He'd rather go back to being alone, because only alone could he truly allow a state of numbness to encompass his entire being. Well, he was alone now. He'd been alone even when in a room full of his old friends -- alone by virtue of shutting off all true lanes of communication with them. The only time he hadn't felt surrounded by his splendid isolation was that brief conversation he'd had with Soujiro this morning. Then, he'd almost begun to feel his defenses slipping -- almost begun to feel like his friends understood his pain, and might somehow sympathize. Almost. But Not quite. For he just could not forget that it was, in some sense, Soujiro's fault he felt this way at all.
Doumyouji shook his head. Round and Around in circles we think. This was getting him nowhere Fast. He decided to go into the club and get a quick drink, just to slake his thirst, before he went home to get some work done.
--------
Long after Tsukushi left, Amon was thinking about her. Actually, he was thinking about more than just her-- he had this odd premonition that he was about to be sucked into some strange dealings with her entire social circle soon. A premonition no doubt inspired by his meeting with that odd Shigeru chick last night. Amon rubbed his forehead wearily. He really didn't need that kind of complication in his life right now. And he definitely didn't want to deal with girls. He tried to think of the last girl he'd successfully dated. . . there had been that one chick a few months ago? But no, he gave himself a mental slap, he'd merely pursued that one to piss off one of her friends. It had been a while, then.
On the other hand, he'd recently found boys to be excellent sport. They didn't all primp and preen and Giggle like girls -- Amon hated giggling bimbos with a passion. And the chase-- the delicate game of flirtation, invitation, seduction, had a whole different dynamic when the prey was another man. Some might call Amon perverted, or indecisive. He preferred to think of himself as Flexible. It wasn't so much that he liked men or women better -- in fact, as people, very few of them actually interested him at all, and their bodies, their sexual skill was only a fringe benefit. No, Amon didn't really like people, couldn't really force himself to trust many people -- not after that abandonment by his parents so many years ago, and while he found he could understand people easily, he just couldn't relate to most. He used his understanding for his seductions, and for playing mindgames, and kept a callous emotional distance from everyone-- well everyone except Makino. But she was a special exception.
Amon polished the last of his stack of glasses, and set about mixing drinks. By now, the club was beginning to fill up, and the other bartender had quite enough to do without Amon slacking off daydreaming.
Tsukasa wound his way through the busy club, as f in a daze. All he wanted was a quiet spot to sit down, but obviously he'd picked the wrong club. Luckily for him, however, the other club-goers must have sensed the negative aura rolling off him; the attitude that said, "Bother me and you won't live long enough to regret it," and hastily cleared a space for him at the corner of the bar. Even women who normally would have tried to flirt with such a handsome and rich-looking guy, kept their distance, leaving Doumyouji alone with his thoughts.
"Hey Amon!" Amon's bartender friend called cheerfully to the waiter, "Don't you think that guy down there looks like you? You didn't tell me you had a brother?"
Amon turned to follow his friend's gaze, but he already knew what he'd find, "Hmm. . . Has this place suddenly become trendy or something?" He asked, a bit too casually.
"Eh, well, we did get written up in last week's "Stuff to Do" magazine. Why? Who is that?"
"That, my friend, is the heir to one of Japan's largest fortunes-- Doumyouji Tsukasa."
"Whoa. You're not serious? Dude, he looks exactly like you. But with weird hair." To himself, the bartender privately thought that Doumyouji and Amon shared more in common than just looks. They sort of both had the same empty eyes, and a face that gave nothing away; nothing but the feeling of infinite isolation.
Amon shrugged, "Trust me. We're not related. The kid's a brat."
"You sound like you know him? How on earth did you ever meet someone so rich?"
Again Amon shrugged, "Through his ex-girlfriend. Anyway, did you get his order yet?"
"No, no. Why don't you take care of him, since you're already friends."
"Hah, hardly that." Nevertheless, Amon went off to talk to Doumyouji. His premonition had been right. Here was the man, himself, the true source of Amon's discontent. Had it not been for him, he'd never have met Tsukushi; never been forced to admit she had something he wanted. .. Never realized what a waste his life had always been. But it was too late for regrets. He had his own amusements now, and there was no point in blaming Doumyouji or his bitch of a mother for it all.
"Well, well, if it isn't the prodigal?"
Tsukasa looked up as the soft voice mocked him from behind the bar. "Wha. . ?" Whatever he was going to say trailed off as his eyes locked with Amon's, the two matched sets staring back at each other.
It was the first time the two boys had ever looked this closely at one another, and Amon found himself being sucked in Tsukasa's steely gaze, as he read the younger boy like a book. The face that turned up towards him was eerily familiar, so much like his, yet subtly different. There was a sort of innocence in that face, the youthful inexperience of life that Doumyouji could not hide. For while the rich heir might be knowledgeable in the ways of business, and in how to manipulate the shallow and greedy minds that thrived in such society-- and how to terrorize the rest-- he had no real experience in understanding, or relating to the rest of the world; from the teeming middle class wage earners, to the poorest of the proletariat. He knew little or nothing of these worlds, knew nothing of what it was like to starve, to scrimp and save, just to get through each month. This man, whose words could determine the fate of a thousand such families, he knew nothing of what it was like to truly live -- to enjoy the simplest thing in live, to taste the small joys that one could have, without wanting -- without needing -- the biggest and brightest of everything that money could buy. All this ignorance showed clearly in his eyes.
But this was but one of the facets Amon read. Much more clear was the sense of emptiness the younger boy exuded. He knew his life was shallow, knew his actions were petty and meaningless on a human scale. Much like Faust, he despaired, and longed for the unattainable, without being able to enjoy the good things that were set before him.
And worse, Tsukasa showed signs of self-hatred. Lack of sleep, and unconcern for his own well being were easy signs to see, as well as the subtle glimmer in the eye, that to those who knew how to read it, said clearly, "It doesn't matter what I think or do or feel, for this life of mine isn't worth caring about in the least." Tsukasa had shut himself off from the world -- a self imposed isolation, even worse than the isolation he'd felt as a young boy, left alone in a large house with no one to love him but an old maid and a violent sister.
Looking down at the boy, Amon felt an unwanted sense of kinship. The boy reminded him of himself when he was younger, before he'd learned to cope with the world; before he'd learned enough to curb life's pain by hiding in cynicism, before he'd found distraction in toying with others. He could easily see Tsukasa growing more like him as he aged, except that Tsukasa's shield of cynicism would be that much greater for his greater responsibilities, and his thoughtless games with his subordinates would take on a cat-and-mouse quality, as Tsukasa's heartless, callous whims ruled the Doumyouji corporation, and terrorized its employees.
Or. . . Tsukasa could remain as he was, a broken shell. Working robotically, numbly, through his tasks, till he worked himself into an exhausted death at too early an age.
The sad man sitting here, staring bleakly up at him, seemed to offer no opportunities for hope, not that Amon was a great believer in hope, anyway. But still, there was something that dug at him, deep beneath his hardened bitterness, something that said, "This boy. . . This boy resembles you. Remember how you sat alone, ten years ago, in an empty apartment, abandoned by your family, abandoned by everyone you loved? Remember how your friends treated you differently, like you were a pariah? Like you were tainted by just being yourself? And the girls snubbed you, until you taught them who was boss? Until you grew strong enough to bend others to your will, and hurt those who wouldn't obey? This boy could be like you. Do you really want anyone else to feel the way you do now? The world doesn't need more of you."
Amon gave a mental shrug, and replied to himself, "So? Why is that my problem? What do I care what the world needs or wants? When has it ever cared for me?" As has been stated, the guy had a serious problem when it came to actually caring about others. Understanding them? Fine. Playing head games with them? Great. Wanting them to be happy-- to be better people? Not his department.
But the inner voice continued, poking Amon where his nerves were rawest, "If you could do something for this pathetic boy, don't you think Makino would want you to?"
"What an underhanded argument. Makino has nothing to do with this! And what exactly, is it that I'm supposed to be doing, anyway?"
"That's what you think. We can continue this argument later. And if you win. . . well, let's just say you'll have plenty of opportunity to play the game our usual way then . . Meanwhile, here's what you should do. . .."
"No fucking shit." Amon almost grinned at the action that sprang to mind. If nothing else, it was an experiment that could prove. . Interesting.
To call that an understatement, would in and of itself, have been an understatement.
-----
Amon's internal dialogue had taken all of a few hundred milliseconds, during which time his eye contact with Tsukasa hadn't wavered.
"I know why you're here." Amon spoke pleasantly enough, but with a mocking undertone that grated at Tsukasa.
"Yeah, so do I. For a drink." The discontented boy growled back.
"A drink won't cure what's wrong with you."
"Like you'd even know. What's with you, asshole?"
"Hmm. . . let me see. . . Well, first off, your lovely fiancée was in here last night. Very enjoyable young lady. Nice lips. But nothing compared to Tsukushi, wouldn't you say?" Amon lifted one sneering eyebrow, enjoying Tsukasa's sudden discomfort. "Yes. I thought that was the problem. Like I said. A drink won't cure that little fixation of yours . . ."
"And you have a better idea?" Even in the depths of his melancholy, Tsukasa could be relied on to snap back at just about any provocation.
"Of course." Amon gestured Tsukasa to lean closer across the bar, as he lowered his voice. "The solution.. . . Is Passion."
Doumyouji looked annoyed and confused at Amon's pseudo-dramatic pronouncement, but he had leaned forward to catch the last of Amon's words, anyway. Which is just what Amon had intended. He judged, correctly, that Tsukasa would be too stunned to fight what he did next, and with a predatory swiftness, Amon stretched out one strong arm to trap the younger boy's cheek, as he himself leaned forward to seize Tsukasa's lips in a mocking kiss.
Tsukasa was, indeed stunned into immobility. He couldn't even think, caught as he was, by the suddenness of Amon's totally unexpected action. No One touched Doumyouji Tsukasa without his permission. Not if they wanted to live. And here was someone. . .not just anyone, but a Man, violating him in a deeply personal way! Tsukasa could feel the rage boiling just beneath his skin, but he couldn't lift a muscle. Not even to pull away. Worse, his eyes were locked on Amon's, and he was drowning in the surreality of it all. The face that so resembled his own, eyes that looked into his soul-- it was almost as if he was being kissed by himself . .. and who, when they are feeling their lowest, hasn't wanted to give themselves comfort, and provide themselves with the pleasure that only you know how to give yourself? And more, Tsukasa had thought himself impervious to the pleasures of the flesh. The only one he'd ever wanted, ever burned for, had been Tsukushi. Even Shigeru's naked body hadn't been able to tempt him. But her hysterical flailings had been nothing like this. . . Nothing like this mockingly knowing kiss, that taunted his unresisting lips, hinting at delicious perversions yet to be discovered, promising delights that only one who truly understood his needs could provide. Tsukasa was not a willing participant; could hardly even be said to be a participant at all; merely a recipient of this kiss, but even he couldn't deny the achingly hot sensation growing deep in the pit of his belly, as Amon's tongue teased at him.
It should be noted that Amon was a champion kisser, when he wanted to be. He knew how to read his targets' moods, knew exactly what they needed to feel, and how to give it to them. His clever tongue was useful for far more than twisting words. But it could only do so much.
Doumyouji's motor control returned with a snap and he broke away violently, dark eyes flashing, and visage purpling in embarrassed fury.
"What the Hell!" he shouted, "You fucking pervert! No one touches me! I should kill you for that!" Inside, he was shaking with shame. Though he hadn't responded, still he'd just allowed himself to be kissed by someone he hated, and not only someone he'd hated, but a guy at that! He felt tainted, dirty. . as if Amon had deliberately set out to humiliate him. As if his day hadn't been bad enough already.
"I wouldn't make a scene if I were you," Amon straightened up, his cheeks still flushed and breathless from his tantalizing efforts. "I don't think you'd want to let everyone know just how much you . . enjoyed. . my little demonstration."
Doumyouji paled as his eyes followed Amon's lazily pointed finger down to the unmistakable bulge in his pants.
"See?" Amon laughed harshly, "I told you. Passion. You don't fucking need love to forget your misery. All you need is passion. From what I saw, your little fiancée is just full of that. I've been thinking of giving her lessons. If you want, I can help you too. From what I can tell, you certainly need it." his mocking tone gave no clue as to just how much he'd just enjoyed taking Tsukasa by surprise like that. He wasn't afraid of the younger boy's threats. If it came down to a fight, Amon bet he was just as strong as him, and probably knew a few more tricks too. . . No, in this battle, Amon held all the winning cards, and Tsukasa seemed to know it.
Mostly, however, Doumyouji was just confused. Angry, embarrassed, and confused. And just a little turned on; though, all physical evidence to the contrary, he wouldn't admit that to anyone, ever. And if any of his friends ever found out, he'd never be able to show his face among them again. He could just imagine Akira's look of slack-jawed astonishment, or Rui's disparaging stare, now He found himself at a loss for words, unable even to curse at that complacently grinning pervert behind the bar. He needed to get out of here. He needed to fight this sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach. He needed to clear his head, and above all else, he needed to figure out just what the hell was happening in his life right now. Was he led here deliberately? Had Tsukushi and Shigeru known he was following them? Had Tsukushi brought him here as part of some twisted game? How else would it be that Amon had spoken to Shigeru? Why else would he have kissed Tsukasa? Doumyouji couldn't quite force himself to believe that Tsukushi would let herself be a part of some game this twisted, but maybe she was an innocent pawn?
And still Amon was staring at him, a considering yet somehow sympathetic line etched in his brow. It made no sense. None at all. Stumbling slightly as he got to his feet, Tsukasa wordlessly pushed his way towards the door and out into the bracing chill of the night. A thousand thoughts were whirling in his brain. And not a one of them made any sense at all.. .
Back inside, Amon stood, shaking his head at the display of emotions that had writhed across Tsukasa's expressive face. It had been quite impressive to watch the mix of confusion, disgust, fear, confusion, worry, anger, desire, and more confusion flashing through those deep eyes. Well. That had most definitely been interesting. He had to congratulate his inner voice on coming up with such a deliciously silly plan. There was no doubt in his mind, that despite his disgust, Tsukasa would be back for more. He wouldn't be able to help himself. Not if he was anything like Amon was at that age. The only question now remaining in Amon's mind was, did he want to help put the boy's heart back together, or did he want to toy with him, and make him pay for being the asshole that had kept him from winning Makino?
As he went about his duties once more, Amon's reverie was one again interrupted by his bartender friend.
"Well, I didn't expect that, when I asked you to get his order. I thought you weren't friends."
"We're not." Amon absently replied
"Could have fooled me. I Thought he was more your type than that girl." He laughed, "But, dude. I don't think you're his. You're so totally going to get fired for pissing off someone like that. I hope you've got your resume all in order."
"Bastard." Amon snarled, but without menace, "He's not going to get me fired. Just you wait and see. . . "
Without a doubt, the fun was just getting started.
To be continued.
yeah yeah yeah. I finished my finals!! No more class ever again! no more finals! (err, that is "no more finals for 2-3 yrs until I go back to med school." Fuck) And of course, I still got quals in a month. Fuck fuck damn. Oh well. That, folks, was the plot twist I promised several weeks ago. Hah, I bet you all are going to hate me now for this bit of silliness, but see, I was travelling for spring break, and we were doing a lot of driving on shitty roads in the mountains, and I was fighting off carsickness with my head between my knees, when an idea hit. "Wouldn't it be amusing if I wrote a story that had a Shigeru/Tsukasa/Amon love triangle?" That was the only idea I had, so I started this thing. that was back in march. Anyway, while I was studying for my exam yesterday, I figured out where this story is going. Don't have an ending yet. But I'm sure I will. it's a long way off, though, so I'm not worried. Whee.. I've had waay too much sugar today. And not enough sleep.