Chapter 10: Murrue and Auel: Never Get Into A Car When Auel Is Driving And Never Question The Almighty Murrue!
Disclaimer: I don't own the show just the plot for this fic.
Congrats again to Jinxie-The-Thief as well as ZNO for guessing correctly! The smartest reviewer is Hades.Throne.Heiress for correctly recognizing the amount of alliteration I used! Yay! Now on to the fic:
"HAHAHA! MURRUE COME HERE YOU HAVE TO HERE THIS GUY!" Auel Neider yelled to his Supermodel girlfriend, Murrue Ramius.
"Must you yell when I'm standing right behind you?" she asked while rubbing her ears. "Oh, sorry hun, I didn't know you were there. Man, for being old you're still as silent as a cat!" he replied with a grin.
"I'm not that old you hooligan!" she answered with a glare.
"Ooo, someone's had a bad day." He said and grinned again.
She sighed and closed her eyes before reopening them and listening to Dearka sing badly for the 3rd time that day.
"Auel dear, I was there at the studio when this deranged man started singing to annoy his coworker, now can you please shut this off so I can get some rest? I've had a long week." She asked of him.
"This was at your studio? I picked up some blonde chick a while ago; she made me crash my cab." Auel replied and pouted.
"Oh my Archangel! Is she okay!?" Murrue asked.
"I don't care! She crashed my car and didn't even pay me! Stupid blonde bombshell…" he grumbled.
She put her hands on her hips and then rolled her eyes. "Forget it. I'm calling Talia." She said and went into the kitchen. Oh aren't I good?
Riiiing…riiiing…riiiing… "I'm sorry, but I'm not available at the moment, although if you're hot and horny I can be! Just leave your name and number and I'll get on ya!" Dearka's voice told anyone who was trying to call him.
"Huh, they must be having sex, ugh!" she exclaimed and wondered what to do next…
After a few minutes of pondering…
"Hey honey?" Auel's voice drifted in from the computer room.
"What?" Murrue asked.
"I think I broke the computer…again." He said uneasily.
"WHAT!? WELL CONGRATU-FREAKING-LATIONS THAT'S THE 100TH TIME YOU'VE BROKEN THE COMPUTER!" she yelled and stormed into the room where he sat sheepishly.
The screen was showing black and white fuzzy lines like on the TV and it was making the dial-up noise while sparking with electricity from a broken wire.
"I don't even want to know." she said. "Okay good because you would probably kill me anyway." He replied and grinned widely.
She glared at him and he pouted so she gave up and hugged him. "Yay! You're the nicest, prettiest old supermodel ever!" Auel said like a little kid who just got a really nice present.
"I AM NOT OLD!" she cried and started chasing him around the house.
In the middle of shoving his decapitated cock down his throat on the Dining Room Table the doorbell rang.
"Now who could that be?" she asked. "Iunno." He replied with half a rooster head in his mouth.
She got off of him and went to answer the door while he spit the rooster out.
"Oh, hi Sting and Sai." She said while blushing and giggling like a schoolgirl.
"Sting! Thanks for coming; you just saved my life man! This chick's crazy!" Auel exclaimed as he ran up and glomped his "brother" or whatever they were.
"Really? I kinda like crazy chicks." Sting replied in a smoky voice and gave Murrue a sly grin. If I get the rocker and the extended mixed up just tell me (Love ya Sting!).
"Yes well you like me better." Sai replied possessively.
"Uh, right." Sting answered.
They all stood at the doorway for a few minutes in silence for lack of anything better to do until…
"DEARKA ELSMAN GET OUT OF THAT BED WITH MY WIFE! I KNEW YOU TWO WERE HAVING AN AFFAIR AND NOW I'VE CAUGHT YOU IN THE ACT! WAHAHA MY EVIL PLAN IS ALMOST COMPLETE! Now where did I put that Lucky Thirteen Sniper Rifle I 'borrowed' from Yzak?" they heard Gilbert Durandal yell from next door.
"Well, wanna come inside? I can make you guys some dinner." Murrue said. The two men shrugged and followed her and Auel inside as Dearka and Talia's screams were heard throughout the neighborhoods.
"SHE MADE ME! I COULDN'T STOP HER! SHE'S A BEAST I TELL YOU! PLEASE DON'T HURT ME!" Dearka yelled as he ran around inside the house.
"DEARKA! YOU LIEING, SNIVELING LITTLE PIECE OF –CRAP-! GIMME THAT GUN GILBERT I'LL KILL HIM MYSELF!!!" Talia shrieked crazily as she grabbed the gun from Gil.
"Awww, but I wanted to kill him!" Gil pouted and sat on the front steps while Talia was chasing Dearka.
"Dude, you have awesome neighbors." Sting said after listening.
"I think we should call the cops, someone could get hurt!" Sai said worriedly.
"Oh shut up you wuss! You're worse than Kira!" Auel complained.
"GRRR! STOP SAYING THINGS LIKE THAT! DIE FOR BASHING KIRA!!!!" I yell and drop a couple of anvils on Auel, then blast him to bits with my bazooka (MINE!).
He lays there twitching with his tongue hanging out and yada, yada, you know the rest!
"Sting I think we should leave, this is getting violent." Sai said and clung to his lover's arm.
"NO ONE'S LEAVING UNTIL THEY EAT MY SPECIAL DINNER!" Murrue yelled insanely.
"Dude! All the chicks are going crazy!" Sting exclaimed.
"THERE YOU ARE! WHERE'D YOU PUT MY LUCKY THIRTEEN SNIPER RIFLE YOU CRAZY SON OF A GUN!?" Yzak bellowed when he found Gilbert Durandal.
All the Former Chairman did was point in the direction where Talia had Dearka cornered against Murrue and Auel's house.
"GIMME BACK MY LUCKY THRITEEN SNIPER RIFLE WOMAN!" he bellowed again and ran towards them.
"NEVER! NOT UNTIL THIS BAKA IS DEAD AND EVERYONE WORSHIPS ME!" Talia screamed wildly. Everyone stopped and raised their eyebrows at this and she sighed. "Okay forget the worshipping part, BUT I STILL WANT HIM DEAD!"
BAM!
The bullet blasted through the side of the house, leaving a big gaping hole…
…Right in front of where Murrue was standing raising her insanely ginormous kitchen knife with her "Kiss the Cook" apron on and tall, white Chef's hat.
Thud!
And then she fainted.
…………a few moments of still and quiet until...
"YES!" Auel shouted and dragged Murrue into the bedroom. Sting and Sai glanced at each other and shrugged before Sai also fainted and Sting grinned.
"DARN IT I MISSED!"
"I love this place…"
-Author's Note: WAHAHA! Press the shiny purple button and leave a review or the evil little haros will come and attack you! (Hey that rhymed!) Peace out-