Chapter 10: Fallen Storm
Reid POV….
I rushed to my window and saw he was struggling while walking down the parking to get to his car. He was slow, drenching in rain. His cane splashing in the puddles as he got to this car slowly opened the door and one last time looked at my window. I quickly moved back sitting down on the floor underneath it.
He left me all alone to deal with the mess I was in. I was hurt beyond repair feeling so foolish now thinking back how I acted in front of her. Never in my worst nightmare had I thought he will break my trust like this. I felt so broken and heavy on heart.
Morgan was never trustworthy.
I looked up to see who just whispered this to me. No one was here in my sight. I closed my eyes and the voice got clearer.
You are nothing but a kid to them, something that can be played with anytime they're bored.
"That's not true. Morgan said he did this only because he thought I would never do it myself"
He thinks you are weak and loser. They act as if they own you and today he just claimed that he even owns your feelings too!
I opened my eyes trying to ignore what my other part of mind was whispering. I was tired beyond words with that voice. I wanted to tell Morgan today that I was suffering but it wasn't worth it anymore. He would go tell someone this too. I got up to the kitchen making myself another cup of coffee. Nothing seemed to go down my throat but this.
Emily must have laughed at you so much.
I poured the hot coffee down in my cup. I pour loads of sugar down thinking how it relieved the voices for a while.
She must be disgusted knowing you liked her, a crazy socio-awkward kid!
I walked over to my bed taking out the sleeping pills. The only way to shut down completely was if I sleep. I took a sip of coffee and swallowed the pills down with it. I took the blanket off the floor and wrapped it around me as I sat to watch rain droplets running down my window.
These pills won't keep me away. I am here to stay forever. Stop fighting Spencer.
"NO!" I yelled throwing aside the coffee spilling it all over the floor.
Accept it!
I started to cry feeling so helpless. I wasn't ready to accept it. I had hope this will all go away when I'm not as stressed as much.
Now I own you too.
I rubbed the bandage over my temples waiting for the pills to work faster. All I could hear were laughs, everywhere, laughs, evil laughs making me wish for no hearing. I got up and searched for my iPod in my bag. I turned it on to its max volume and stuffed my ears with earphones. The sound so loud it hurt my ear canal. I tried concentrating on the lyrics.
Accept it, there's no point fighting.
I pressed the volume key to make it louder. My ears joined my eyes in crying. I fell on the bed as my head started to pond. The injured head demanded attention as waves of pain filled my head. I felt like exploding.
Fighting will only make you weaker.
"Anything is possible with willpower" I screamed it out loud.
Some things are beyond control Spencer.
"Anything is possible with willpower"
"Anything is possible with willpower"
"ANYTHING IS POSS-SIBLE WITH WILLPOWER!" I screamed to top of my lungs.
The music blasting in my ears didn't allow me to hear my own voice repeating what once Gideon told me but the pain in my throat told me I was loud enough. I lied in my bed waiting for sleep to rescue me from the dwelling hell. I started to cry like a mad man.
Accept me; I will rescue you from your loneliness.
I knew what was happening to me, I knew exactly where this was leading, my world was coming to an end, I know it wasn't far when I will forget everything, my contact with reality, my conscious, my memories, my knowledge. Fear raised another level within me adding onto the already overflowing misery.
I wish there was something to help save me from myself. I never wanted to fall in that deep ditch. I closed my eyes as my body finally started to relax. I took the music out of my ear and heard the thunder fall hard outside. I shifted to see lightning was continuously flashing. The storm reached its peak and I slowly went into sleep, deeper and deeper…..
Emily POV….
The storm was loud and the light kept flashing the whole hospital room. The sound of falling rain on my window made constant noise. I was never a big fan of storms and on top waiting for Reid and Morgan to arrive was making the experience worse. The dark clouds hovered all over the city blocking all the light and my room felt a new shade of grey. My mom just left couple of hours before for a meeting and since then the wait never ended.
I didn't knew what was happening to me, why was I so impatience to see Reid. I never felt like this before. The thunder struck even louder this time scaring me. I tried to close my eyes to imagine his smile again. I knew it would help.
"I would still do the same no matter who was in her place. She's a human first and then my love"
Reid's word echoed in my mind. Why was I so pleased to hear that?
"and then my love"
"my love"
I kept thinking of that moment, how he sounded like that time, his face expression, the purity in his words. I kept thinking how innocent he looked saying this to William. I kept thinking how it felt to hear that, again and again.
Another thunder struck and I pulled out realizing what I was doing. I made no sense. Why was I so drawn to those words that smile, those eyes that voice…?
The door squeaked as it opened and Morgan stepped in all wet from head to toe. My eyes ached as he closed the door behind leaving me baffled. Was he here alone? In the dark he looked lost. He moved his hand to switch the lights on.
"It's crazy out there" He said pulling his wet sleeves up.
"Reid didn't come" I said and then felt so silly asking such a question. I didn't have control of what I said anymore. He looked up, his eyes all red.
"He-he was not feeling well" He slowly said before placing the chair near me and I pulled myself into a sitting position.
"Oh! What happened?" I heard myself asking in such a concerning tone.
"Nothing much, he still has his headaches from that injury" Morgan explained. I sighed again thinking how much I was missing him. We sat there quietly listening to the falling thunder and rain.
"At least you get to see him" I said fixing my gaze straight ahead.
"You will too once you get discharge. You really need to meet him" Morgan words made no sense to me. Do Reid needed to see me or do I need to see him for myself? Which person was he referring to? Had Morgan some clue to my internal state of mind or maybe the desperation was too evident in my voice and face?
"I hope he feels better soon; I saw how bad William hit his head, that must've hurt a lot!" I told Morgan.
"Poor him" Morgan said still very lost in his thoughts.
"Is he alone at his place in that state?" I asked. He sadly nodded and his eyes were damp. I tensed.
"Morgan, is everything okay, please tell me Reid isn't that bad" I demanded. Thunder struck and Morgan looked away for a while.
"Tell me the truth" I asked looking at a troubled friend staring at the falling rain.
"He is not feeling okay at all, in fact he's sick and needs help. I offered him my support and he declined. He was all so mad so I just left" Morgan stumbled on his words.
"You left him in that condition!" I detected shock in my voice.
"He needs someone to take care of him not cause he is weak or anything but because he is a human that when get sick needs attention and proper medical care. He seems to connect everything to feeling like a kid or a baby if presented with help." Morgan stood up while talking. I could just imagine him whining being treated like a baby. He failed to understand our love and deep care.
"We can't leave him like that" I suggested Morgan. He nodded in agreement and took his phone out to make a call.
"Hi JJ, I have something for you to do. Can you please visit Reid with Hotch or something, he's really in need of care and he kept denying me. I want you to make sure he gets his help…..no, I know I was there but he didn't approve…he has his headache and he's alone now….Yes please….thanks JJ" He turned off and seated beside me again.
"JJ thought I was staying over his place" Morgan explained.
"Doctors saying I can discharge tomorrow. This way I can attend Rossi's reunion party too" I said.
"Yes, we really need this party already" Morgan said.
"Just one more night to pull off here, can't wait" I got excited at the thought I will leave this hell finally.
The storm seemed to subdue by now and a nurse dropped in to check upon me. After few vital checks Morgan asked how I was doing.
"She can be discharged tomorrow but still needs a week of rest at home. The doctors have prescribed some medicine for her internal wounds and dehydration. Other than that she is doing very well." Nurse told us both and continued her work.