After sleeping dreamlessly for fourteen hours, Hawkeye finally awoke. Upon registering where he was, he quickly hurried to Steve's room to check on him, only to find the bed empty and unmade, highly unlike the meticulously neat Captain. Thor was no longer asleep on the couch, so Hawkeye hurried to the ladder that led up to what Tony loving referred to as the "Hawk's Nest." When he'd rebuilt the tower, Stark had also added a plexi-glass encased observation tower high over the rest of the building, specifically for Hawkeye to look over the city with a completely unimpeded view. It could only be reached by climbing a ladder surrounded by plexi-glass.
Hawkeye paused at the bottom of the ladder, hesitating for an instant. His arm was cradled in a sling, for when he'd ripped his wrist free, he'd also torn a ligament. Banner had told him it would heal with time and eventually he'd be able to fire his bow again, but the idea of climbing a seventy-five foot ladder one handed seemed rather daunting. Then he gazed upward and saw the Captain's form staring morosely out over the city and knew he'd do it anyway.
Slowly and painfully, Hawkeye climbed the ladder and pushed open the glass trapdoor that led into the tower. Steve was huddled into a corner of the tower, staring sightlessly over the city of New York. "Leave me alone, Clint," he murmured without even turning to see who had come up.
"Nope, sorry, no can do," Clint replied, easing himself down on one of the cushions with a soft sigh of relief. Even though he'd only taken one blow from the whip, his chest was still painful and tight.
"I'm a failure, Clint! How can you possibly want to be around a man who failed so desperately?" Steve bellowed, his anger lashing out at his best friend.
"`scuse me, Cap, but the man I see in front of me is not a failure, but a hero in every since of the word," Hawkeye said bluntly.
"A hero! How can you possibly call me a hero, Clint? I failed Bucky - again!"
"A failure doesn't put a loaded gun to his own head to save his friend and a man whose mind had been warped into a murderer!" Hawkeye was as mad as the Captain for the simple reason that the other man couldn't see the good in himself, and he wasn't about to pull any punches until Steve got the idea.
"Yeah? And a hero doesn't let a man die!"
"A hero does the best he can with what he's got! Did you make Red Skull pull that trigger? Steve, you gotta see that you did absolutely everything in your power to stop Red Skull. You brought Bucky back!"
"Only to watch him die in front of me for the second time, an' this time for good!" Steve answered bitterly.
Hawkeye controlled his rage with a mighty effort. "Listen, Cap! Bucky told me something right before you came to. He told me that he was thankful to you. He said that Red Skull had warped his mind and that you brought him back. Then he told me that a caterpillar has to die to become a butterfly. He told me that Red Skull had made him an ugly, useless caterpillar, but you gave him the chance to morph into a butterfly an' fly free. Steve, if that doesn't make you see how much of a hero you are, then nothing ever will. He died with a smile on his face because you set him free, Steve! Please try to understand," Hawkeye pleaded, his voice low and soft.
Steve finally turned to look Clint in the eyes. He stared at him for a long minute before asking softly, "You...you mean that?"
"Every word," Hawkeye replied gently.
"I don't know how to go on," Steve admitted, his voice cracking. He'd already mourned Bucky's death years ago. It had been difficult but he'd finally been able to move on with the help of Peggy and the rest of his friends. The idea of doing it again, however, was extremely daunting.
"By putting one foot in front of the other. It's not gonna be easy, but it does get a little better each day. You were there for me when Phil died, now let me be there for you...please," Hawkeye whispered.
Hesitantly, Steve stretched out on the cushion, his head an inch from Hawkeye's hip, as a tear made its way unbidden down his face and trickled across his nose to fall to the cushion below. Although he was the first to give support to someone who needed it, he'd received it so rarely in his own life that he didn't know how to accept it for himself. Instantly, Hawkeye's good hand feathered through his hair. Steve tensed at first, then relaxed as the soothing gesture began to calm his shattered nerves. Bending forward, Hawkeye murmured softly in Steve's ear, "Some toxins will not drain except by tears." With a shuddering sigh, Steve's last barrier crumbled and he began to weep unashamedly, his trust in Hawkeye allowing him to show his complete emotions in front of the other man.
They remained that way for almost an hour as Steve cried brokenly. When the tears finally stopped, he realized he did feel marginally better and he began to talk, reminiscing about Bucky. Hawkeye listened, hand resting lightly on Steve's shoulder, until the Captain finally dozed off. With a small smile, knowing the other would heal in time, Hawkeye leaned his head back against the wall and let his eyes slip closed, one hand still resting protectively on the Captain's shoulder. They would face some struggles in the days to come, and perhaps even fights, but Steve would eventually come through a stronger man. Hawkeye knew, for he'd done it himself with the help of the Captain and his team. With a faint smile, he slipped into a comfortable doze.
And overhead, a butterfly hovered unnoticed for a brief moment before silently flying away.