Eric sat on the edge of his hotel bed, staring at the impersonal walls around him. He had said his apologies to the majority of the people who deserved them. Most accepted him, but the one that mattered most in his life had lost her trust in him. He bit his bottom lip and buried his face in his hands. How could he let it get this out of hand? What was he going to do to convince her that he was back?
He grabbed his cell phone off of the nightstand and dialed Buddy's number. He was one person that he hadn't apologized to.
The other end rang a few times and Buddy's voice came over the line. "Hello?"
"Hey Buddy, its Eric. Are you busy?" He stood up and paced in front of the bathroom door. It was so awkward to talk to him after the altercation at Tim's house. He still couldn't believe the man had thrown him in the pool.
"No, I'm not. What do you need?"
It was so odd to hear him be so abrupt and to the point. He obviously was still pissed off. "Can you come pick me up? I need to tell you something, and personally, I don't wanna do it over the phone." He made a mental note to call and check on is Explorer. It had been in the shop for several days now and he was getting tired of relying on others for transportation.
"I suppose. I'll be there in a few." Buddy hung up and Eric glanced down at the face of his phone before closing it and throwing it back on the table. Buddy could be obnoxious and overbearing at times but Eric considered him a friend. He was a man you needed on your side.
He rested his head on a pillow and watched his reflection in the TV. Glaring at himself, he turned away. He couldn't even stand to see who he had become and couldn't blame Tami for not being forgiving. He'd need more proof if it this whole situation were reversed. A tap on the door pulled him from his thoughts and he kicked his legs over the side of the bed, unlatching the chain to reveal Buddy on the other side.
"Come on in." He pulled the door open and offered him a seat at the small table near the front window. Eric took his hat off and tossed it on the bed, ruffling his fingers to try and fix the dishevelment. He rubbed his brow, stalling for as long as he could. It really amazed him that Buddy hadn't said two words when he normally couldn't get the man to shut up. "Thanks for stopping by."
Buddy nodded and clasped his hands together. "What did you need to talk about?"
Eric licked his lips, leaning back in his chair. "I wanted to say sorry for the past few weeks. I know that I let things get out of hand and pushed away the people in my life that cared the most for me. I really appreciate the rides you've been giving me, too. I know it's inconvenient to haul me all over Dillon." He grabbed his wallet out of his pocket, sliding a fifty-dollar bill across the tabletop.
"What's this?" Buddy didn't reach for the money.
"It's for all of the gas you spent. I'd give you more, but it's all I've got right now. Renting a hotel room isn't cheap. I'll give you more."
Buddy put his hand up and stopped Eric from saying anything else. "No. I can't accept that. It was no problem." He paused and leaned forward. "It really hurt me to see you that way. Throwing away a damn good marriage. I screwed up mine, I didn't want to see you do the same thing."
Eric's eyes stung and got watery, but he blinked back any chance of a tear falling. "I know. I just lost control. I'm so sorry, Buddy."
Buddy stuck his hand out and Eric shook it. "Good to have you back, Coach. I can definitely say you look a lot better than the last time I saw you."
Eric let out a low laugh. It was the first time he had truly smiled since he could remember. "Can I ask you one more favor?"
Buddy nodded. "Sure."
"Can you give me a ride to my house?"
"How about this, Eric? I'll let you borrow a car off of the lot as long as you promise not to run away with it." He reached across the table and slapped Eric's shoulder. "I get to see my kids tonight. And that way you won't have to keep waiting on me to pick you up. How's that sound?"
"Sounds good to me." Eric wasn't going to argue. It would give him more freedom to take as long as he needed on the errands he had to run.
Buddy had loaned him a used Chevrolet Silverado from the back of the lot. Despite the fact that it was used, it smelled new and he took in a deep breath, enjoying it. It had been so long since he had experienced that scent. He sat for a moment, adjusting the mirrors and seat before turning the key in the ignition. The V8 engine cranked on and the radio blasted from the speakers. An old, sappy country song poured into his eardrums. He normally loved that genre of music, but not right now. The songs hit home for him and reminded him of his problems so he reached for the volume knob, muting it.
It was a little after six PM so the traffic wasn't too bad as he pulled out onto the main highway that ran through town. He wanted to hold Gracie and feel her soft baby skin up against his face. He wanted to sit on Julie's bed and chat with her about her most recent school project or her weekend out with her friends. Just to be in their presence would be enough for him.
He turned down his road, slowing his speed when he pulled up to his house. Tami's car was in the driveway. The shades were open in the front window and he could see the TV screen cascading the evening news. He felt hesitant now. What was he, a peeping tom? It made him feel so dirty to sit on the side of the curb and stare into his own home. Again, he wondered, how did it come to this?
He put the truck in park and strode up the sidewalk, trying not to talk himself out of this. He grimaced when he rang his own doorbell.
"I'll get it mom!" Julie's voice beamed from the other side and her footsteps got closer. The hinges creaked as the door opened and her smile grew much bigger when she realized it was her dad on the doorstep. "Hey Dad!" Her eyes brightened. "Are you back?"
Her question was like a sock in the stomach. He said nothing and pulled her in for a tight hug, running his hands down her silky hair. "Is your mom around?" He didn't let her go and let her decide when to end the embrace. She pulled away and looked back into the house.
"Mom! Dad is here!" She opened the door wider but he didn't enter. He wanted Tami's permission first.
Tami made her presence, her welcome not near as warm as Julie's. Her eyebrow arched and she motioned for Julie to go back into the house. She shut the door behind her and stepped out on the porch with him. "Eric, what are you doing here?"
"What do you mean? This is my home." It probably wasn't the appropriate thing to say, but it fell out of his mouth before he had a chance to think about it. He stepped out onto the grass, kicking some auburn colored leaves that had recently fallen from the season change. "Tami, please, I want to come back."
Tami folded her arms across her chest. "I told you earlier, I've got to think about it."
He looked down the street and back at her, not feeling comfortable discussing this outside. There was no telling who could hear them. "Can we go in? This is a little public, don't you think?"
Tami motioned for him to follow her. They walked down the hallway and back to their bedroom. She slammed the door and remained standing. He sat on the bed that he missed so much. He longed for the random snuggling on Sunday mornings before church, the lovemaking, and the playful pillow fights. Everything.
"Tami, I've got to tell you something. Can you please sit down? You are making me nervous."
She sat down beside him, but there was so much distance between them that he couldn't even reach out and touch her. He stared up at the ceiling and back at his hands, searching for the right words. It was time to tell her about Angela before she heard it from someone else, when the rumor mill would drastically change what truly happened that night.
He pursed his lips. "I realized something the other night when I was out. Angela Collette came onto me when she gave me a ride back to the hotel." He watched Tami's facial expression transform from being blank to complete anger. "It was raining and she offered. She tried to kiss me but I turned away and got out of the truck."
A tear formed on her eyelid and trickled down her cheek, leaving a trail of mascara behind it. She remained silent aside from a whimper that escaped from her throat.
"I'm telling you this because it made me realize how blessed I am. I'd never step out on our marriage. Never. I'll never drink that way again. I've got a good thing going here. I just got overwhelmed. I didn't handle it appropriately. I want to be completely honest with you." He held his hand out but she didn't grab it. "I wanted you to know about Angela," he whispered.
She pinched the bridge of her nose and pulled her hair back off of her neck. The silence was killing him and her body language was impossible to read. "Angela Collette?" She cleared her throat. "One of the biggest loud mouths in town."
Eric nodded. "That's why I wanted to tell you before you heard a lie. Please believe me." His voice was shaky and he tried everything to control it.
"I believe you about Angela. What I'm having a hard time with is your instant change." She stood up. "I still need some time to think and sort this out. If you really mean the things you are saying you will leave and give me a chance to."
He followed her to the entryway. He just wanted to go back to the hotel, pack up what few belongings he had and come back. But she was right. He cared for her and if all he could do for her was honor her wishes, he was going to do it. Leaning in, his lips brushed up against hers but she quickly pulled away. "Leave. I'll see you at work tomorrow."
She shut the door in his face and he hung his head in shame as the tears he had been fighting off all evening finally flooded his vision.
He didn't want to go back to the Best Western but he had nowhere else to go. The streets were empty and businesses were closing down for the evening, giving Dillon a ghost town vibe. He splashed through a large puddle as he pulled into the parking lot, a hollow feeling settling within him as he walked up his stairs and back to his own personal hell.
He inserted the key, watching the security light turn from red to green. Grabbing the TV remote, he scanned through the few channel selections offered for the room package he had bought. Whatever happened to the free HBO that was advertised high on the billboards along the freeway?
He watched an infomercial that showed a new cleaner that claimed to get out anything from any type of material. He really didn't comprehend what the lady was spouting off. His mind was on Tami and what else it would take to convince her that he would never do this to her again.
Striding to the small cooler in the kitchenette, he glanced inside to find a bottle of Coors Light on the bottom. He gripped the long neck and felt the cool glass under his fingertips. Water trickled down the side and dripped down between his palm. He set the alcohol down on the table and stared at it, gritting his teeth like the inanimate object could feel his anger.
Eric watched the drops slide down the smooth surface, forming a ring at the bottom of the bottle. He relished the flavor of beer flowing over his tongue and down his throat but grimaced at the thought of how much pain and suffering it had caused his family. He grabbed the beverage and stood over the bathroom sink. Hesitating at first, he tilted the drink and watched the amber liquid circle down the drain, the last remnants of the poison being sucked up and out of sight. The poison that had taken so much away in so little time.
He leaned back against the wall, feeling a rush of satisfaction settle within him. He hadn't felt that good in a very long time.