10: Retaliation Part 2
It took a while to move my mother from her bedroom upstairs all the way down to the Cage. First, I put down pillows on the floor and rolled her off the bed so she fell onto the padding. Then I tried to drag her by her arm. I wasn't strong enough, and the force on her arm must have been painful, because she stirred a little bit. I tried dragging her by both legs next and managed to get her into the hallway. However, her head was bumping against the floor in a way that would surely wake her up if I wasn't careful.
Finally, I figured out I could put my arms under hers and lift the upper half of her body. I was able to successfully move her this way without having her wake up. Going down the stairs was rough, and I sweated hard, unused to carrying such weight. A few times, I thought for sure she would stir. At last, however, I got her into the Cage. I pushed her in and closed the door.
Next was my father. He much heavier, but I only had to move him from the living room to the dining room where the Cage was situated. I struggled to get him to fit into the cage without putting him on top of my mother. I had to go into the Cage myself and arrange their bodies. I smirked, thinking it would be my last time in the Cage. I took the key from my father's pocket, crawled out of the cage, shut the door, and locked the heavy padlock over it.
Just as my mother had done for me, I left each of my parents a glass of water and a bowl to pee into. They had never given me any cushioning in the Cage, and I remembered the pain and soreness caused by the cold steel. So I put in a pillow and light blanket for my parents to share. I wouldn't be quite as cruel as them, after all.
I felt ecstatic. Suddenly, I the whole world was mine. I decided to have a day of freedom. There was a total of 3500 yen in cash around the house and in my parents' wallets. I took it, along with all their debit and cards. Then I made sure to take both of my parents' cell phones and put the Cage key in my purse. I was ready to set off.
That Monday evening was a lot of fun. I bought candy and ice-cream at the convenience store and ate them happily. Then I set off for Yuki's house. I hid on the hill next to the house where I could see into his bedroom with binoculars. He wasn't there. In fact, none of the family seemed to be around. Perhaps they had gone on a trip since everyone was out of school that day.
Using the ladder trick again, I climbed into Yuki's room through the window. As far as he knew, he had no reason to lock it. People generally didn't lock second story windows in Sakurami suburbs. Sometimes even first-story windows were left open. I left a pile of candy in Yuki's room, all of them fruit-flavored, which I knew was his favorite. I looked around his room for a while and finally left, carrying one of the dirty undershirts he had left on the floor. It was my keepsake. It smelled like Yuki. I rolled into a tight roll and stuffed into my purse. Then I put the ladder in its proper place and left the house.
I ate a low-cost but delicious evening meal at the small diner fifteen minutes' walk from my house. I had always wanted to go there. My parents said it was a cheap, dirty diner for lower class people, but everyone at school said it was a fun place and the New York style pizza was to die for. I tried it myself and thought I would pass out from euphoria. I washed it down with an iced cola.
When I returned to the house, my parents were still out cold. I put away all the food, tidied up the kitchen, and cleaned up my torn textbooks and notebooks. Bringing them upstairs to my room, I tried to repair them with tape and glue. When the job was done, I decided to go to bed a bit early. Sleeping in my own futon with an extra pillow felt like heaven. I slept well for the first time in weeks.
The next day, I was less sore and sickly, and my head felt much clearer. I remembered that I had locked up my parents and a part of me was frightened at the realization. No part of me was "sorry," though. I dismissed the nagging fear and packed my bag for school. Then I ate a big breakfast in the kitchen. As I finished my meal and started washing the dishes, my parents began to wake.
My father woke first, and it was an understatement to say that he "freaked out." He metaphorically exploded with rage. I had never seen my father so angry. He kept yelling terrible things at me and threatening to hurt me if I did not let him out. Perhaps if he had been cleverly manipulative like my mother, that would have worked. But the only thing his anger accomplished was making me too afraid to even approach the Cage.
I ignored my raging father and unconscious mother and went on to school. First, though, I made sure all the windows were shut and all the fans in the house were on. I left the TV on high volume too. All of this would make it difficult for any nosy neighbors to hear my shouting father. I had to use this technique because I could not gag them the way they did to me. If I opened the cage, they would overpower me. All I could do was hope that my parents' voices would fail to reach anyone.
It was a normal day at school. It was a little better than normal, actually. I had been replaced as class representative due to falling grades, and my teachers were concerned that I would start to fail tests. However, my mind was surprisingly clear after just a good night's sleep, a real bath, and three regular meals. I understood nearly everything we covered in class. I answered questions and performed even better than the new class representative. In no time, I would be making straight As again.
After school, I spent the day following Yuki around and putting entries in my Yukiteru Diary every ten minutes. When I returned home, my mother was awake. Now both my parents were freaking out. They were rattling the bars, shouting, and saying terrible things. I tried to explain that I was just showing them how things were for me and I would let them out in a few days. My mother called me a monster and said she regretted ever adopting me. That stung. I went to my room to eat so I wouldn't have to hear anymore. I gave them each a glass of water but didn't leave them any food.
The next few days went on much the same way. I attended school, stalked Yuki, studied at home, and ignored my parents. They kept saying terrible things that made tears come to my eyes, so I ignored them. I forgot to keep giving them water. I answered their cell phones for them and told everyone who called that there was a family emergency and my parents would be unavailable for a few days. One neighbor came to ask about the shouting, but he thought the shouts were from my parents fighting, and he asked me to tell them to stop fighting so much. Nobody suspected they had been calling for help.
By day four, my parents were too weak to shout, and something was going on with my mother. She was probably having hallucinations from acute withdrawal from clonazepam, but I didn't know that. She became very ill and her words stopped making any sense. My father was frightened out of his mind that she might die. He begged me to let them out. I told them with a smile that they only had two days left.
The next morning, I exchanged my last words with my parents.
"Yuno," my father said in a broken, rasping voice. "Let us out."
Ignored him, busy making breakfast.
"Yuno," he said again. This time he sounded "off," as if delirious. "I love you, Yuno."
"Oto-sama?" I asked in surprise, coming closer. When had he ever said that to me?
"Don't," he said, smiling, his eyes glazed and his hands trembling. "Don't call me that. Call me papa. You used to call me papa when you were five, before we decided to make you use formal speech. It was so nice… to hear you say papa."
I looked at my half-conscious mother. "Okaa-sama, is that true? I used to be allowed to say papa? And did I call you mama?"
"Monster," my mother murmured feverishly. "Never should have… raised you… never should have… named you… should have… left you to the streets."
My guard had been lowered by my father's apparent kindness, but it came right back up when I heard my mother say those words. Tears came to my eyes. I backed away from the Cage, where I had been kneeling beside it, and stood up.
"Hang in there, papa and mama," I said with an almost robotic smile. "Tomorrow afternoon I'll let you out, as long as you don't talk back to me."
I didn't say "I love you, too," to my father. I wish I had, because it might be true, deep down. Loving my mother was impossible. Still, I didn't mean to kill her. I didn't mean to kill either of them. But I figured that they could go one more day without water; I had been through worse. I didn't check on them at all again that day. They were quiet, presumably unconscious, when I returned from stalking Yuki. They were still quiet when I left for school on the sixth day. I stayed out late that day, despite what I had said. Surely there could be no harm in one more afternoon.
I returned at night. My parents were both asleep. At least, I thought they were asleep. I filled two glasses with water and made two cups of ramen. Then I unlocked the cage, opened the door, and called to my parents,
"You can come out now. I'm done with the plan now. Since you know how terrible the Cage is now, you'll never lock me up again. Right?"
Neither of my parents answered. They didn't move. I shook them, and they still didn't move. I splashed cold water on their faces. Again, there was no response. A terrible sense of doom and dread came over me all of a sudden. Had I let them go too long without water? When was the last time I gave them water? Had I even done it at all after the second day? As it possible that they were… could they be…
I reached into the Cage and grabbed my father's hand. I checked near his wrist for signs of a pulse, but I could not detect any. When I looked closely, neither my father nor my mother appeared to be breathing. Their bodies were strangely cool. They also smelled like excrement. They must have died only a few hours ago. In just a short time, they would become stiff as boards and cold as steel.
My heart sped up. It beat harder and harder until it made me dizzy. So that's what people meant when they said their hearts were thundering. There was a terrible feeling in my stomach that I couldn't name. My hands began to shake. My vision clouded over with tears.
"Papa!" I shouted, my voice breaking. "Wake up! Hey, wake up! Papa!"
I sobbed like a small child when he didn't respond. I felt nauseous. This couldn't be real. It couldn't be happening.
"I'm sorry!" I cried, taking both my parents' hands as they started to grow cold. "This wasn't supposed to happen! I didn't mean to! I didn't mean to! Mama! Who's going to worry about me when I'm out late past curfew? Who's going to buy me nice clothes? Who should I try to make happy if you're not around?" I hugged her body to mine.
Then I turned back to my father. "Papa, I never said that I love you, too. I do! I love you. Please come back. Who's going to provide for me? Who's going to bring home tacky gifts from work? Whose dress shirts and pants will I wash, dry, and fold? Papa!"
I kneeled there on my knees in the cage, crying over the two fresh corpses that used to be my parents. If will alone could bring life, I would have had enough to bring my parents back ten times over. This was a nightmare. As my mind tried to accept that I really had killed my parents, wild urges came to mind. Drinking all dad's beer with a bottle of aspirin. Stabbing myself with a kitchen knife. Running out in front of the train on the subway. Joining my parents in death. It would only be fitting, I thought.
The only thing that stopped me from killing myself was the sudden memory of Yuki's face. From now on, that and that alone would be my only anchor to a semblance of sanity. I was broken, and I could never be made right again. But all the scattered pieces of me were shakily drawn back and clumsily glued together by the memory of Yuki. The only person left in the whole that I loved: Yuki. My only hope for the future: Yuki. My only hope for forgiveness and redemption lay in Yuki.