Well I better put an Angst warning on this chapter. As usual reviews are welcome :)
Over the next few months, Talissa and Alistair tried their best to keep their professional and private lives separate, although they didn't always succeed. The rest of the castle seemed to have accepted their relationship and within a short time no-one responded to see them together. One morning, when she'd arrived at his study, Alistair was looking out of the window and didn't seem to hear her come in.
'Morning.' Talissa said, before realising he was not his usual self. He'd been fine when she'd left him in bed that morning. Then she noticed a cream envelope on his desk, with her name written in sharp calligraphy. She turned the envelope over to open it and noticed the seal. The Royal seal. She gulped.
'What's this about Alistair? I don't understand...' her voice trailed off.
'Read it.' Alistair said dispassionately, barely turning to see her.
Sitting down, she picked up the letter opener and slit the envelope. Inside was an invitation for her to have an audience with the Queen about a 'personal matter' on the day they were going to Denerim for a meeting with Empress Celene's envoy. On Alistair's side of the desk, a similar envelope with his name on it had already been opened.
'I take it this never happened to Alex.' She said flatly.
He leant his hands against the wall and put his head forward between his arms.
'Aides never have meetings with the queen directly.' Alistair said between clenched teeth 'Someone has said something about us being together.'
'Who would do such a thing?' Talissa put her head in her hands. 'We should never have let our emotions get in the way of our duty as Grey Wardens, Alistair.' She whispered.
'NO!' his voice cracked. 'Never say that. This was meant to happen.'
She began to cry, racking sobs and he came and put his arms round her, held her until the crying subsided. Talissa couldn't believe her happiness seemed to have shattered like glass.
'We'll get through this, I promise.' Alistair kissed her on the forehead. 'Come on, let's get out of here. I don't think either of us can concentrate much at the moment.' Alistair led Talissa out of her chair and to the door.
They walked round the gardens, feeling the sun's warmth radiating from Highever windows. Alistair led Talissa to a secluded gazebo and once they'd sat down, he said, 'I haven't been totally truthful with you about why Anora and I hate each other.' Alistair put his hands together and stared at them, avoiding her gaze.
'Oh, I knew about Mireli suggesting you marry her. So what is it that you've not told me? You were Anora's lover in another life?' Talissa smiled warily, hoping he wouldn't take it the wrong way.
'Oh Makers breath, I hope not.' He chuckled.
'Everything changed at the Landsmeet, the one that Arl Eamon called to announce they'd found a hidden bastard son of Maric's. I'm surprised there weren't other bastards they found.' He tried to smile but it felt false. 'I told you that her father Loghain Mac Tir was Anora's regent at the time of the Landsmeet. She told Mireli that she thought her father was starting to lose the plot. Mireli always did see the good in others, which is why we ended up with such an eclectic band of individuals. She was usually right about people. Anyway, Anora got Mireli on her side to support her as queen. Mireli knew I didn't want to rule, even if it meant having her as my queen. So I was pleased when she told me about the plan.'
'Then came the Landsmeet, and Loghain was there. I hated that man with a passion. He killed many who were at the Battle of Ostagar, including a Grey Warden called Duncan who I almost considered to be my father. Mireli and I were supposed to be lighting a beacon for Loghain's troops to attack and we nearly died at that forsaken tower. Loghain pulled his troops out, which left everyone on the field with no back up. He killed King Cailan my half-brother and Duncan as surely as if he'd stabbed them himself, among hundreds of others. I could not forgive him and when he challenged Mireli to a fight at the Landsmeet, I told her I would take her place. She knew how much I wanted him dead but knew I had to finish this to close the chapter. Loghain and I fought and as a younger man, I beat him. When it came time for his surrender, Anora suggested a compromise. She suggested he become a Grey Warden, possibly dying at the Joining but it would give him a chance at life. Mireli thought it was a good plan but I was furious. I took her to another room and we argued, the first time we'd really argued about anything serious. She knew she might lose me so she eventually backed down. I went back into that Landsmeet and gave him one chance to say his goodbyes to Anora and-' Alistair stopped, he felt sick at the thought of what he had to say.
'I slit his throat. That's mainly why Anora hates me and I can't say I blame her.' He pictured Loghain's blood running across the floor, dark red and Mireli bending down next to him, closing his eyes as a mark of respect for a fellow warrior. He at least deserved that, she'd said later.
Talissa held his hand in hers and leant against him. She'd never seem him so disconcerted.
'If this had been the Alistair of now, I would have given the man a chance, let him take the Joining. But I was a young man, sickened by war and Blight and bitter that Duncan never had a chance to go to Orzammar as he wanted to.'
'When you meet Queen Anora she is a skilled politician, a beautiful yet bitter and lonely woman. She will never marry again unless it is a politically viable marriage. On our first meeting alone after making me Warden Commander at Arl Eamon's behest, she bluntly told me she wished that Mireli had lived and it had been me who had died killing the Archdemon. I told her I also wished for the same thing. I was heartsick at the time. Anora never mentioned it again.' Alistair looked at Talissa, looking concerned for him.
'So now you know, Tal.' Alistair sighed.
'I know you're not proud of what happened with Loghain but you have to stop being ashamed about this. You're not the same person you were then.' Talissa said.
'Of all the people we killed, his was the only death I wish I could have undone. The others were for a reason.' Alistair put his arm round Talissa.
'I wish I could take this from you, sweetheart.' She whispered reaching up to kiss him. He responded and they began to kiss long and hard, each desperate for the other. No words were spoken as Alistair took her hand and led her back to his room.
On the ride down to Denerim, both of them were quiet, lost in their own thoughts. They had agreed to tell the truth about their relationship because Queen Anora would likely know the truth or a variation of it. As they went through the gates of the Royal Palace, Alistair squeezed Talissa's hand and told her not to worry. He felt guilty for her involvement but he knew he wanted to be with Talissa as much as she wanted to be with him.
When they arrived at the steps of the Royal Palace, she smoothed down the velvet of her long green dress as she got out of the carriage. Talissa was due to see the Queen before Alistair.
'Remember its 'Your Majesty' and she likes the women to curtsey on the way in and out of the Reception rooms. You'll be fine, I know.' Alistair whispered to her as they walked up the marble stairs to the double doors.
'Yes, Warden Commander.' Protocol at all times. It felt like a farce, like they were acting in a play. Now was the time to face her audience.
Alistair turned to his left and walked to the anterooms Talissa usually shared with her fellow aides, while she took the long walk to the queen's reception rooms.
'This way, miss.' The butler said after looking at the card, as he motioned towards the white and gold doors. He opened the doors and told her to wait as he walked in.
'Your Majesty, we have Talissa the Grey Warden to see you.' she heard him say.
'Send her in, Edwards.' Anora's voice sounded prickly.
'You may go in now, Miss.'
Talissa took a deep breath and began the walk down the white carpet leading across the room. She saw a beautiful golden-haired woman, whose hair shone in the afternoon light. Although young, Queen Anora began to look as if her life experiences had started to age her.
'Talissa.' Queen Anora said, pronouncing it as if it were a hiss.
Talissa curtseyed, and said 'Your Majesty.'
The queen turned to her aides and ladies in waiting and dismissed them, asking for tea from the closest lady.
'Talissa, come and talk to me. It has been an age since I spoke to a Grey Warden who was not Alistair.' Anora pointed at a seat close to her as she smiled and Talissa sat down. She felt very vulnerable in her company, like a mouse being watched by a semi-alert cat.
'So tell me Talissa, how does an elf from the Alienage come to be Joined as a Grey Warden?' Queen Anora looked her directly in the eyes as if trying to weigh her up. Talissa was taken aback by her candour.
'My family moved to Redcliffe some years ago and it was there I was found by Teryn Cousland about eighteen months ago.' Talissa replied, as the tea was brought in. Anora poured a cup for each of them and handed one to Talissa. For politeness' sake she pretended to sip the tea.
'Ah Fergus, yes. And this was only eighteen months ago you say? Truly, you must have some skill in your chosen area to have moved up the ranks the way you have.' Anora looked at Talissa in an unblinking stare, as if challenging her to a duel.
'I am not sure what Your Majesty is trying to imply.' Talissa stammered. She felt her heart hammering in her chest.
'Come now. As women let us be honest with each other, shall we? We both know that King Maric's sons are at their best when they have a woman to dote upon. I have heard about your relationship with Alistair. Neither of you have exactly been discreet, have you?' Anora put her tea cup down on the table. 'We also know that this sort of dalliance is not good for the Warden Commander's career or for the country. I would think on this before you bed him next.' Anora muttered the last sentence so the guards couldn't hear, although muttering the steel in her voice noticeable by Talissa.
'I think we have talked enough. Thank you for this pleasant talk. It has been most enlightening.'
'Yes, Your Majesty.' Talissa said, as she stood to take her leave.
'Oh and send Alistair in if you should see him. Which I'm sure you will.' Anora said, as Talissa reached the door.
Talissa had to ignore the urge to turn tail and run.
Alistair saw Talissa walking towards him down the corridor. He grasped that the meeting had not gone well. Talissa's eyes were luminous with unshed tears. He looked at her and touched her arm with the back of his hand as she walked past. He really wanted to stop and comfort her but that would be frowned upon in the hierarchy of court life. He hated all this fakery.
As he reached the door, Edwards the butler asked him to wait there.
'The Warden Commander to see you, Your Majesty.'
'Very well Edwards.'
'You may go in Warden Commander, ser.'
'Thank you Edwards.' replied Alistair as he strode through the door.
'Ah Alistair, how lovely of you to come and see me.' Queen Anora said, her voice dripping sarcasm.
'Queen Anora. I was surprised to receive a personal summons to court for both myself and my aide, when I was already coming to discuss strategy plans with Empress Celene's ambassador.' Alistair could feel himself getting angry with her.
'Really Alistair, how crass of you. No 'And how are you on this glorious afternoon, Your Majesty?' I was just coming to my reasons for bringing you here.' Anora seemed to get pleasure from baiting him. 'Very well, seeing as you are determined to bring this up immediately, I understand your relationship with Talissa is more than that of just an aide.' Alistair refused the seat that was offered to him, and stood close by instead.
'Seeing as you obviously know so much, I'm not going to deny the truth.' Alistair replied in a flat tone.
'I was sent a letter by someone at Highever, informing me of your relationship. I believe that your superiors at Weisshaupt would also be most interested in this little arrangement of yours.' Anora put her hands in her lap and watched the man in front of her begin pacing the floor like a caged animal.
'Someone from Highever told you?' Alistair asked in a surprised tone, trying to ignore her supposedly empty jibe about the Warden headquarters. 'And may I ask who sent the letter?'
'You may ask but I am not willing to tell you. That is for you to find out , to have control over your Wardens.' Anora sighed. 'Let us get to business. Your relationship with Talissa, both of us know it is not good for you to have this elf as your mistress.'
Alistair clenched his fists, digging his nails into his palms. 'She is not my mistress. And if someone has an issue with her being an elf that is their problem, not ours.'
'Alistair, you just do not seem to understand. I personally do not care who you take to your bed but the Orlesians do have concerns with the elves. They treat them much more like slaves than we Fereldens do.' Anora shook her head. 'If they were to find out that the Commander of the Grey Wardens of all Ferelden was bedding an elf...' Anora left the line trailing.
'You are saying that by sleeping with Talissa, I could be putting our negotiations with Orlais at risk?' Alistair was incredulous.
'Finally you understand, yes.' Anora looked at him sadly. 'I am sorry to have to ask you this but you have a week to decide what is more important: Your job as Warden Commander or this relationship with Talissa. Choose wisely and don't let your heart rule your head, I would be sorry to lose you as Warden Commander.'
'Very well Your Majesty. You'll excuse me from this afternoons meeting with the ambassador, I am sure.' Alistair felt sick to his stomach. Of all the outcomes he was expecting, this was not it.
'You're excused.'
Later on in the inn, Alistair and Talissa were talking about the day's events. Both of them had been shocked by the Queen's words.
'Alistair.' Talissa said quietly as she sat next to him on the sofa in their room.
'Yes?' Alistair said, his arms wrapped around Talissa.
'You know what you have to do.' Talissa said trying not to cry. 'I can't have you giving up everything for me. It wouldn't be right.'
'No! I told you, I'm not giving you up. 'Alistair said fiercely. 'At the end of the day, it's a job and a fancy title. You are worth so much more to me than that.'
Talissa began to cry. Alistair lifted her chin and began to kiss the tears on her face.
The carriage pulled up at Highever Castle and Alistair and Talissa alighted. They went their separate ways, Talissa to her bedroom and Alistair to his study. They both needed to think about their situation. Alistair thought he was going mad. He wanted to be with Talissa but he felt he was letting everyone else down if he gave up his job.
In the evening, Talissa came to see Alistair. He was sat on his chair staring into the fire and didn't even notice Talissa come in.
'Hey.' Talissa said, standing by his chair.
'Oh I didn't see you standing there.' Alistair said, looking up at her. 'Fancy sitting on my knee?'
She sat across his lap and put her arm round his shoulders.
'Remember whatever happens this week, I love you.' She whispered, kissing his forehead.
'I love you too.' Alistair looked perplexed. 'What's brought this on, Talissa?'
She smiled 'Oh I don't know, I've spent too long thinking today, that's all.'
'Enough thinking. We need to do something else with our evening.'
Next morning, Alistair woke up and stretched his arm across the bed. Instead of finding a warm woman next to him, the bed was cold. He sat up and looked around. None of her clothes were there. Then he saw it. The piece of parchment on her pillow. He read the note and felt sick. He jumped out of bed, dressed and he ran as fast as he could do to her bedroom and banged on the door. There was no-one there so he walked in. Everything that belonged to her was gone. He put his head in his hands and knelt on the ground next to her bed. Maker, what had he brought on them both?
NB: I am not sure how much control the Queen would honestly have over the Warden Commander of Ferelden but I think she is a bit of a control freak. She may even be jealous, strange lady that she is. :)